MJi)A 


i6H5 


€MI9IiaiZfl€ 


.\x\.^^^y 


exes' 


i    !, 


db 


,./  \, 


) 


;^-(5^<2%3!j 


HQ    734.W48 
Wedlock; 


3    T153    DDS517m    1 


4^ 


■!>- 
OJ 


aai 


/4#^-^.^-":'- 


4?- 


0, 


WEDLOCK; 


OR,   THB 


RIGHT  RELATIONS  OF  THE  SEXES 


DiscLOsma 


l^t  tatos  0f  i0n]ttgal  ^^lertion, 


AND  8H0WINQ 


WHO  MAY,  AND  WHO  MAY  NOT  MARRY. 


By    S.    E.    wells, 

lUTUOll  OP  "NEW  physiognomy"  "  HOW  TO  KKAL»  CUARACTER,"  AND  EDITOR  OS 
THE  PHRENOLOGICAL  JOURNAL, 


NEW  YORK: 
FOWLER    &    WELLS    CO..    PUBLISHERS. 

775  Broadway. 
1888. 


Entered,  accordiug  to  Act  of  Congress,  in  :h,  year  1860, 

By    S.    R.    wells. 

in  Uie  Cert'i  Office  of  the  District  Court  of  the  United  States  for  the  Snuinwi 
District  of  New  York- 


PREFACE. 


'  f  A.N  a  bap])y  union  of  two  ripe,  nch,  congenial,  and  loving 
miman  hearts,  satisfied  and  cemented  in  a  thorough  under- 
standing of  eacli  other,  and  a  perfect  adaptation  to  each 
other,  in  the  well-adjusted  bands  of  holy  wedlocli,  what  can 
be  more  pleasing  to  contemplate?  Science  and  revelation, 
God  and  nature,  approve  the  match,  and  endless  blessings  crown  the 
nuptials.  The  noble  and  loving  Iiusband  with  his  beautiful  and  loving 
wife  now  enter  together  upon  the  new  duties  and  the  pleasant  responsi- 
bilities of  domestic  life.  By  such  a  union  a  new  family  is  established, 
and  a  heaven  on  earth  begins.  What  other  interest,  what  other  relation 
or  condition,  is  comparable  in  importance  with  this? 

If  tlie  motive  for  marriage  be  high  and  holy ;  if  the  parties  be  of 
proper  age,  of  sound  body  and  mind ;  and  if  there  be  an  irresistible 
atfinity  for  each  otlier,  sucli  as  will  not  only  truly  unite  their  souls  but 
hold  them  firmly  together  through  all  trials  and  to  all  time,  then  it  is 
both  their  privilege  and  then-  duty  to  unite  in  the  holy  bonds  of  matri- 
mony. Of  such  relations  are  born  children — offspring  of  love  and 
design  rather  than  of  lust  and  of  chance — more  favorably  organized, 
harmonious,  self-regulating,  law-abiding,  well-disposed. 

Now  reverse  the  picture.  Consider  the  many  incongruous  matches, 
or  mis-matches,  made  among  all  classes.  How  little  thought  is  given 
to  steps  of  such  momentous  import!  how  selfish  the  motives  of  many, 
and  how  fatal  to  happiness  the  results!  First,  there  are  the  ignorant 
and  thoughtless;  second,  the  selfish  and  sordid;  third,  the  vam  and 
ambitious;  fourth,  the  lustful  and  dishonest.  The  first  of  t])es(.'  imirry 
in  haste  and  repent — too  late — at  their  leisure,  regretting  all  their  lives 
Ihe  iut-onsitlei-ate  step.  Children  born  to  them  are  often  unwelcome,  a 
burden,  and  "  in  the  way."  They  grow  up  in  poverty  and  Ignorance, 
filling  our  poor-houses.  The  second  class  seldom  realize  anything  more 
iiian  the  deep  disappointment  which,  by  their  cupidity,  they  deserve. 
J  t'Ae  laws  of  hereditary  desf  cut  are  applicable  to  the  human  as  to  th^ 
anim-al  creation,  the  children  of  such  an  alliance  will  be  low,  if  not  pro- 


IV  PREFACE. 

disposed  to  become  criminal.  The  third  class  may  shine  for  a  time  in 
the  world  of  foolish  fashion, be  courted  by  empty-headed  nobodies;  but 
very  soon  "  vain  pride  will  have  a  fall,"  and  nothing  be  left  but  bubbles 
and  froth.  The  fourth  class  people  our  hospitals,  our  asylums,  and  oui 
prisons.  The  voluptuary  lives  in  Ms  propensities,  and  perpetuates  the 
passions  in  an  inordinate  degree,  subordinating  the  higher  intellectual 
and  spiritual  to  the  lower  propensities.  Such  become  idolaters,  and 
worship  at  the  shrine  of  lasciviousness,  in  whose  train  come  insanity, 
imbecilit}^  and  idiocy.  Dissipation  and  consanguineous  marriages  lead, 
to  similar  results. 

Seeing  these  things,  and  believing  it  was  the  intention  of  an  all-wise 
Creator  that  marriage,  though  consummated  on  earth,  should  be  such  as 
would  be  approved  in  heaven ;  and  believing,  furthermore,  that  Science 
may  and  should  be  applied  in  the  work  of  conjugal  selection,  to  enable 
us  to  know,  in  advance,  what  to  expect  from  each  other,  and  how  to 
obtain  the  most  perfect  adaptation  and  felicity  ;  and  also  how  the  better 
to  adapt  ourselves  to  each  other  where  differences  exist,  this  volume 
has  been  prepared  with  a  sincere  aim  to  impart  such  scientific  antl 
ethical  information,  which  our  experience  warrants  us  in  believing  is 
calculated  to  aid  those  who  would  enter  upon  the  married  relation  in 
the  proper  spirit,  who  earnestly  seek  by  so  domg  to  further  their  besi 
interests  as  members  of  human  societ3\  If  without  science  such  sad 
mistakes  be  made,  and  such  unfortunate  results  occur,  why  not  invoke 
Phrenology,  Physiology,  Physiognomy,  and  Psychology  to  throw  all 
their  bright  light  on  the  subject  ?  We  do  not  let  go,  or  propose  to  let 
go,  the  teachings  of  past  history,  sacred  or  profane ;  but  simply  to  add 
the  knowledge  gained  through  human  science,  to  mitigate  existing 
evils,  and  to  prevent  their  occurrence  in  future. 

Mankind  is  composed  of  many  different  races  and  temperaments. 
Our  characters  and  dispositions  are  as  diverse  as  are  our  physical  or- 
ganization or  our  looks.  "  Variety  gives  the  spice  of  life ; "  but  while 
difference  is  desirable,  incongruity  must  be  avoided.  In  the  following 
pages  we  have  endeavored  to  point  out  who  may  and  who  may  not 
unite  in  marriage,  with  the  prospect  of  assimilating  and  becoming  one 
in  purpose,  one  in  sentiment,  one  in  soul. 

God's  laws  are  open  to  us ;  let  us  read  them  and  obey  them.  If  He 
gave  man  "  dominion  over  nature,"  He  certainly  intended  that  man 
should  elevate  and  not  degrade  his  own  race.  If  by  judicious  grafting 
or  breeding  and  selection  we  can  improve  flowers,  fruits,  horses,  cattle, 
and  poultry,  is  it  not  a  higher  and  a  more  sacred  duty  to  do  the  same 
for  the  race  of  man  ?  If  happiness  be  the  end  of  our  existence,  why 
not  so  act  as  to  secure  tlie  greatest  measure  of  it  ?  Happiness  comes 
of  right  relations,  health,  development,  and  a  careful  observance  of 
God's  laws.  To  aid  in  more  complete  realization  of  these  great  bless- 
ings thrcugh  holy  wedlock  is  the  object  of  this  work. 


CONTENTS. 


-♦♦♦- 


I. 
Makriage  a  Divine  Institution 7 

II. 
Qualifications  for  Matrlmony 13 

III. 
The  Right  Age  to  Marry 23 

IV. 
Motives  for  IVIarrying 27 

V. 
Marria(}es  of  Consanguinity 34 

VI. 
Conjugal  Selection 41 

VII. 
Courtship 61 

VIII. 
The  Dtmr  of  Parents C7 

IX. 
Marriage  Customs  ant)  Ceremonies 79 

X. 
Ethics  of  Marriage 90 

XL 
Second  Makriages .,., ,. 104 


VI  CONTENTS. 

xn. 

JEAI.OUSY— Its  Cause  and  Cuiie 110 

XIll. 

BErARATION   AXD   DiVORCE 114 

XIV. 

Celibacy,  Ancient  and  ]\Iodern 126 

XV. 

POLYe  AMY  AND  PaNTAGAM  V 138 

XVI. 
Lo^-E  Signs 143 

XVII 
Love  Letters 148 

XVIII. 
The  Poet's  Wife 158 

XIX. 
Tnr  Model  Husband 166 

XX. 
The  Model  Wife 171 

XXL 

MiSCELLANEOlTS   MaTRIMONL\L   MATTERS .    180 

XXIL 
Poetry  of  Love  and  Makriage ?lv 


Indsx ...         2&- 


WEDLOCK. 


Inttin^t  a  S^^"^^  MnBiitntion. 


From  the  beginning  God  made  them  male  and  female.  For  this  cause  si  all  a  rata 
leave  father  and  mother,  and  shall  cleave  to  his  wife,  and  they  twain  shall  be  on« 
flesh. — Bible. 

The  Bible  on  Marriage 

OTHING  can  be  more  evident,  from  the  whole 
tenor  of  the  Holy  Scriptures,  than  that  marriage  is 
an  ordination  of  God,  instituted  for  the  promotion 
of  human  happiness  and  improvement,  as  well  as  for 
the  peipetuation  of  the  race.  Even  in  Paradise  it  was  "not 
good  for  man  to  be  alone,"  and  God  made  "a  help  meet  for 
him ; "  and  among  the  blessings  promised  to  those  who  fear 
the  Lord  and  walk  in  his  ways,  the  psalmist  mentions  the  fol- 
lowing: "Thy  wife  shall  be  as  a  fruitful  vine  by  the  sides  of 
thine  house ;  thy  children  like  olive  plants  around  thy  table." 

Our  Saviour  expressed  himself,  on  several  occasions,  in  the 
strongest  terms,  in  favor  of  the  sacredness  and  binding  nature 
of  the  marriage  relation.  "  Ye  have  heard,"  he  says,  in  tlie 
Gospel  according  to  St.  Matthew,  "  that  it  was  said  by  them 
of  old  time,  '  Thou  shalt  not  commit  adultery  ; '  but  I  say  unto 
you.  That  whosoever  looketh  on  a  woman  to  lust  after  her, 
hath  committed  adultery  with  her  already  in  his  heart.  It 
has  been  said,  '  Whosoever  shall  put  away  his  wife,  let  him 
give  her  a  writing  of  divorcement ;'  but  I  say  unto  you.  That 
whosoever  shall  put  away  his  wife,  save  for  the  cause  of 


^  WEDLOCK. 

fornication,  causeth  Iier  to  commit  adultery;  and  whosoevei 
shall  marry  her  that  is  divorced  committeth  adultery." 

Paul,  writing  to  the  Ephesians,  says :  "  Wives,  submit  your- 
selves to  your  own  husbands,  as  to  the  Lord  ;  for  the  husband 
is  the  head  of  the  wife,  even  as  Christ  is  the  head  of  the 
C'liurch;  and  he  is  the  Saviour  of  the  body :  therefore,  as  the 
Church  is  subject  to  Christ,  so  let  the  wives  be  subject  to  their 
own  husbands  in  everything.  So  ought  men  to  love  their 
wives  as  their  own  bodies.  He  that  loveth  his  wife,  loveth 
himself." 

What  the  Axcients  Thought  of  It. 

The  laws  and  customs  pertaining  to  marriage  diifered  widely 
in  different  countries  and  among  the  different  nations  of  anti- 
quity, but  the  importance  of  the  institution  was  fully  recog- 
nized by  all.  It  was  seen  to  be  the  basis  of  the  political  as 
well  as  the  social  structure,  and  its  perpetuation  and  univers- 
ality provided  for  accordingly.  Wise  lawgivers  took  pains 
to  encourage  marriage,  and,  in  some  cases,  even  compelled 
j»ersons  to  enter  the  state  of  matrimonial  usefulness.  In 
Sparta,  penalties  were  inflicted  upon  those  who  remained  un- 
married after  a  certain  age;  and  at  Athens  only  married  men 
could  become  commanders  or  public  orators.  It  was  held  to 
be  the  duty  of  every  Roman  to  marry,  and  those  who  neglected 
to  do  their  duty  in  that  respect  were  compelled  to  ])ay  a  fine. 
Fruitfulness  in  the  marriage  relation  was  also  encoui-aged  by 
law;  for  we  are  told  that  "  whoever,  in  the  city  of  Ttome,  had 
three  children — in  other  parts  of  Italy,  four,  or  in  the  ])rovinces, 
five — was  entitled  to  certain  privileges,  while  certain  disabili- 
ties were  imposed  on  those  who  lived  in  celibacy. 

The  Laws  of  Nature. 

i\len  may  deny  the  authority  of  antiquity  and  differ  in  their 
interpretation  of  the  Scriptures,  but  the  laws  of  nature,  as 
truly  God-given  as  those  recorded  in  the  Bible,  are  too  clearly 
impressed  upon  the  human  constitution  to  be  ignored  or  mis- 
taken  by  any  but  the  most  ignorant. 

Man  and  w^oman  are  seen  to  be  exactly  adapted  to  ea«h 


MARRIAGE  A  DIVINE  INSTITITTION.  9 

other,  pliysically,  intellectually,  and  socially.  They  arc  com- 
plements of  each  other.  Neither  is  complete  alone.  The  one 
makes  good  the  deficiencies  of  the  other.  Phjsically,  maii  ia 
characterized  by  compact  muscular  development,  indicative 
of  power;  woman,  by  bending  and  varied  lines,  gracefully 
louuded  limbs,  and  smooth  surfaces,  indicative  of  delicacy  and 
grace.  He  has  more  of  the  motive  temperament ;  she,  more 
of  the  vital.  Mentally,  he  excels  in  the  intellectual  powers; 
she,  in  the  social  aflfections.     He  is  logical,  she  is  intuitive. 

"  For  contemplation,  he,  and  valor  formed ; 
For  softness,  she,  and  sweet,  attractive  grace." 

All  discussion  in  reference  to  equality,  superiority,  or  in- 
feriority, in  connection  with  the  sexes,  is  decidedly  out  of  or- 
der. Man  is  superior  in  his  distinguishing  qualities— in  those 
special  endowments  which  constitute  him  a  man  ;  and  woman 
is  superior  in  her  special  line  of  development— in  those  gifts 
which  constitute  her  a  woman.  We  may  properly  compare 
two  men  with  each  other,  with  reference  to  their  natural  ca- 
pacities and  powers,  or  two  women,  and  pronounce  one  the 
superior  of  the  other;  but  not  a  man  and  a  woman.  She  is 
best  and  highest  in  her  place— he  in  his.  Each  attains  the  full 
measure  of  power  and  efficiency  only  in  union  with  the  other. 

That  the  difference  between  the  sexes  is  not  a  mere  matter 
of  bodily  form  is  shown  by  the  shape  of  the  cranium  in  each 
The  male  head  rises  high  from  the  opening  of  the  ear  to 
Firmness.  In  the  social  region,  Amativeness  is  the  dominant 
oro;an.  Pride,  energy,  self-reliance,  and  intellectual  capacity 
are  indicated.  A  well-balanced  female  skull  is  fine,  smooth, 
and  even.  The  social  group  of  organs,  as  a  whole,  is  more 
fully  developed  than  in  the  male,  but  Amativeness  is  less 
prominent.  At  Benevolence  and  Veneration  the  female  is 
relatively  more  developed,  but  less  so  at  Firmness  and  Self 

Esteem. 

The  Social  Affections. 

Marriage  naturally  grows  out  of  the  requirements  of  man's 

•pocial  nature,  represented  by  what  we  are  accustomed  to  call 

the  Domestic  Propensities.     These  are  grouped  together  in 

1* 


10  WEDLOCK. 

the  posterior  region  of  the  brain,  and  comprise  the  following 
organs : 

AsiATivEXESs ;  Parental  Love  ; 

Friendsuip;  Inhabitivexess  ;  and 

Conjugality,  or  Union  for  Life. 

A  brief  exposition  of  the  functions  of  these  organs  will  serve 
to  show  how  essential  marriage  is  to  their  full  and  harmonious 
action,  and  how  certainly  any  other  relation  of  the  sexes  must 
lead  to  their  abuse  and  perversion. 

1.  Adhesiveness. — First  in  the  order  of  development  is  Ad- 
hesiveness, or  Friendship,  giving  a  desire  for  com])anionship 
and  affection — for  soraetliing  to  cling  to — and  the  impulse  to 
embrace  and  fondle.  This  feeling  manifests  itself  even  in  in- 
fancy. The  child  appreciates  the  mother's  caresses  at  a  very 
early  stage  of  its  existence,  and  shows  itself  pleased  and  dis- 
posed to  return  them.  At  a  later  day,  brothers,  sisters,  play- 
mates, dolls,  and  pets  of  various  kinds  help  to  call  it  out  still 
further  and  widen  its  sphere. 

Adhesiveness  gives  the  sentiment  of  general  friendship, 
without  distinction  of  sex.  It  may,  and  often  does,  exist  be- 
tween a  man  and  a  woman,  but  it  does  not  take  sex  into  ac- 
count. Girls  manifest  more  of  this  feeling  than  boys,  and  show 
it  in  their  actions — their  clasping  of  the  hands,  their  entwining 
arms,  and  their  frequent  embraces.  The  poet  happily  describes 
the  action  of  this  organ  when  he  says : 

"  The  heart,  like  a  tendril  accustomed  to  cling, 

Let  it  grow  where  it  will,  can  not  flourish  alone; 
But  will  lean  to  the  nearest  and  loveliest  thing 
It  can  twme  with  itself  and  make  closely  its  own." 

But  while  Adhesiveness  of  itself  has  no  relation  to  sex,  and 
gimj'ly  seeks  to  give  and  receive  affection,  it  co-operates  har- 
moniously with  Amativeness  and  Connubial  Love,  strengthen- 
ing and  elevating  the  affection  existing  between  husband  and 
wife.  It  may  exist  between  a  man  and  a  woman  who  ex- 
perience no  stronger  feeling  toward  each  otiier;  but  where 
both  this  feeling  and  those  of  love  and  connubiality  are  in 
exercise  toward  the  same  person,  each  gives  strength  and 


MARRIAGE  A  DIVINE  INSTITUTION.  H 

intensitj    to  the  other.     Love  does  not  necessarily  involve 
Friendship,  but  it  by  no  means  exchides  it. 

2.  Aniativeness. — The  function  of  this  organ  is  to  manifest 
sexual  feeling — to  give  the  desire  to  love  and  be  loved,  and  to 
find  love's  fruition  in  the  most  intimate  union.  Its  jiriniaiy 
end  is  the  perpetuation  of  the  species.  It  res[)ond»  to  the 
Divine  command  to  "increase,  multiply,  and  replenish  the 
earth;"  but  it  has,  incidentally,  a  most  powerful  refining  and 
elevating  influence  upon  both  sexes — making  man  courtpous, 
polite,  attentive,  charitable,  and  forbearing;  and  woman  kind, 
tender,  winning,  gentle,  and  confiding.  Combined  with  the 
higher  sentiments,  and  properly  controlled  by  them,  its  action 
leads  to  the  most  beneficial  results,  physical,  social,  intel- 
lectual, and  moral.  It  is  only  in  its  perversion  that  it  becomes 
gross  and  indelicate,  or  leads  to  degradation  and  crime. 

It  is  this  fiiculty  that  inclines  mothers  to  love  their  sons 
more  than  their  daughters,  and  fathers  to  become  more  at- 
tached to  their  daugliters  than  to  their  sons ;  and  in  propor- 
tion as  a  young  man  is  dutiful  and  affectionate  to  his  mother, 
will  he  be  fond  of  his  wife  and  faithful  in  his  love ;  and  the 
young  girl  who  manifests  true  devotion  to  her  father  and  her 
brothers  may  safely  be  trusted  as  a  wife. 

3.  Conjugality. — Conjugality,  or  Union  for  Life,  represents 
the  mating  propensity  or  instinct  of  permanent  union.  It  is 
closely  related  to  Amativeness,  and  works  in  conjunction  with 
that  faculty,  but  is  distinct  in  function  and  independent  in 
action.  It  often  comes  into  exercise  before  Amativeness,  and 
leads  to  the  choosing  of  mates  before  the  promptings  of  sex- 
ual love  are  felt.  Boys  and  girls  sometimes  become  attacl;ed 
to  each  other,  even  in  childhood,  tacitly  plight  themselves, 
and  afterward  marry  and  remain  faitliful  through  life. 

4.  Parental  Love. — Parental  Love,  orPhiloprogeniiivencss, 
as  its  name  implies,  is  the  peculiar  feeling  which  watches  over 
and  provides  for  offspring.  Its  primary  function  is  to  impart 
love  for  the  young,  and  especially  for  one's  own  children  ;  but 
it  also  leads,  as  an  incidental  manifestation,  to  a  general  fond- 
ness for  pets. 

Parental  love  in  man  implies  marriage — a  permanent  unior 


12  WEDLOCK. 

of  the  father  and  mother ;  for  in  no  other  way  can  the  propei 
care  be  given  and  the  necessary  provision  be  made  foi  ofi' 
spring.  The  child  needs  the  protection  of  the  father,  the 
tender  offices  of  maternal  love  during  its  earliest  years,  and, 
later,  the  teachings  and  guidance  of  both,  in  a  well-ordered 
uiid  happy  home. 

5.  Inhahitiveness. — The  Love  of  Home  is  one  of  the  ele- 
ments of  domestic  happiness,  and  it  is  the  function  of  Inhahit- 
iveness to  impart  it  and  to  create  a  desire  to  have  a  permanent 
place  of  abode — a  "homestead"  of  one's  own — to  adorn, 
beautify,  and  make  attractive.  Where  this  organ  is  large, 
there  is  a  strong  love  of  place,  domicile,  and  country,  and  gi-eat 
aversion  to  a  change  of  residence,  with  a  liability  to  home- 
sickness when  absent  from  the  beloved  familiar  scene. 

AYe  have  thus  completed  the  circle  of  the  domestic  pro- 
pensities— the  faculties  which  make  man  a  social  being  and 
demand  that  relation  of  the  sexes  called  marriage.  If  there 
be  any  truth  in  physiology  and  phrenology,  then,  as  it  seems 
fo  us,  is  the  permanent  union  of  one  man  with  one  woman  in 
iw-cordance  with  the  divinely  instituted  order  of  nature. 


n. 

dgp 

Mens  sana  in  corpore  sauo--A  soimd  mind  in  a  sound  body. 

The  social  enjoyments  of  the  marriage  relation  depend  upon  the  capacity  for  then 
ifhich  exists  in  the  mental  organization.— J.wore. 

Physical  and  Mental  Soundness. 

F  it  be  in  accordance  with  the  laws  of  nature  that 
men  and  women  should  marry,  it  must  also  be  in- 
tended that  they  shall  be  physically  and  mentally 
sound,  and  fitted  to  fulfill  every  requirement  of  the 
matrimonial  relation.  Marriage  was  instituted,  primarily,  for 
the  perpetuation  of  the  race.  It  implies,  therefore,  the  neces- 
sary physical  completeness  and  bodily  health  in  both  the  man 
and  the  woman  to  become  the  parents  of  sound,  well-organ- 
ized, healthy  children.  This  is  the  law.  This  is  according  to 
the  intentions  of  nature.  We  may  consider  in  another  place 
what  exceptions,  if  any,  may  be  made — what  indulgence  per- 
mitted, in  view  of  the  present  state  of  ignorance,  weakness, 
and  undevelopment  in  which  the  race  is  sunk. 

In  connection  with  a  body  fully  developed  in  all  its  organs 
and  parts,  and  with  every  function  in  healthy  activity,  there 
must  be  a  sane  mind — a  reasoning  intelligeiice,  capable  of 
forethought  and  of  adapting  means  to  ends.  We  have  no 
right  to  propagate  disease,  idiocy,  or  mental  obliquity.  Per- 
sons afflicted  with  incurable  diseases,  or  whose  minds  are 
deranged  or  hopelessly  imbecile,  are  utterly  unfitted  thereby 
for  marriage,  or,  at  least,  for  becoming  parents.  Such  persons 
not  only  bring  misery  upon  themselves  by  their  disregard  of 
the  prohibition  of  nature,  but  they  transmit  the  terrible  legacy 
to  their  children.  Society  abounds  in  heart-rending  illustra- 
tions  of  this  solemn    but  little  regarded    truth.     Continual 


14:  WEDLOCK. 

suiTering  and  premature  death  are  the  only  hirth-nght  ot 
thousands  of  unfortunate  little  ones  around  us — the  offspring 
of  sin — the  sin  of  ignorance,  perhaps,  but  sin  nevertheless. 
Heware  of  adding  to  their  number  I 

There  are  thousands,  then,  Avho,  on  the  score  of  health  alone, 
should  never  marry.  Their  case  is  a  sad  one,  but  they  only 
make  it  still  sadder,  and  add  sin  to  suffering,  by  refusing  to 
submit  to  the  requirements  of  the  natural  laws. 

It  is  our  business  to  give  what  we  believe  to  be  the  rule 
in  the  matter  of  bodily  and  mental  health,  in  their  bearings 
upon  marriage.  There  may  be  exceptions  here,  as  in  the  cases 
of  other  general  rules,  but  it  is  not  easy  to  clearly  designate 
the  grounds  on  which  they  may  be  founded. 

We  do  not  insist  here  upon  perfect  health  as  essential.  Such 
a  rule  would  exclude  a  majority  of  our  population — at  least 
of  the  female  portion  of  it;  and  there  are  numerous  cases  in 
which  marriage  affords  the  surest  means  for  the  restoration  of 
health ;  but  we  insist  that  there  should  be  no  transmission  of 
incurable  or  dangerous  disease  of  body  or  mind. 

If  two  persons,  of  opposite  sexes,  who  know  themselves  un- 
fitted for  becoming  parents,  but  who  love  each  other,  and  be- 
lieve that  the  happiness  and  welfare  of  both  will  be  promoted 
by  a  union,  choose  to  marry  for  the  sake  of  the  companionship 
thej'  desire,  we  leave  it  with  them  to  decide  whether  such  a 
union  is  safe  and  permissible.  It  must  be  with  them  a  matter 
of  conscience. 

Social  Endowments. 

Wo  have  shown  that  marriage  has  its  foundation  deeply  and 
securely  laid  in  the  social  nature  of  man.  Unfortunately,  there 
are  cases  in  which  this  social  nature,  represented  by  what  are 
called  the  domestic  propensities,  is  so  imperfectly  developed 
as  to  furnish  no  sure  basis  for  matrimonial  happiness.  There 
are  individuals  in  whom  Adhesiveness  is  so  deficient,  that  they 
are  alike  incapal)le  of  manifesting  friendship  and  of  winning 
the  afR-'ction  of  those  around  them ;  or  who,  through  small  or 
dormant  Amativeness  and  Conjugality,  instead  of  being  at 
tracttd  toward  the  other  sex,  become  man-haters  or  woman 


QUALIFICATIONS  FOR  MATRIMONY.  15 

waters,  as  the  case  may  be.  Some  have  no  love  fa**  children, 
by  whom  they  are  instinctively  shunned,  as  if  they  were  dan- 
gerous or  repulsive  animals.  Others  have  no  home-feeling, 
and  are  never  so  well  pleased  as  when  they  are  wandeiing 
about  the  world,  with  no  permanent  abiding  place. 

Where  all  or  several  of  these  deficiencies  exist  in  a  marked 
degree,  there  is  an  evident  unfitness  for  the  marriage  relation^ 
the  very  foundations  of  the  social  structure  being  absent.  Ht 
who  can  not  love  wife,  children,  and  home  has  no  right  to 
possess  them ;  and  above  all  should  the  woman  who  is  so  un- 
fortunately constituted  as  to  be  incapable  of  conjugal  and 
maternal  aff*ection  avoid  marriage,  as  not  only  an  evil  to  her- 
self and  the  luckless  man  who  might  be  mated  with  her,  but 
as  a  crime  against  the  unborn. 

We  set  down,  therefore,  as  an  essential  matrimonial  quali- 
fication, a  fiiir  development  of  the  social  or  domestic  organs 
of  the  brain. 

Education. 

By  education  we  here  mean  something  more  than  the  mere 
acquisition  of  the  various  branches  of  knowledge  usually 
taught  in  schools.  Each  pursuit  in  life  requires  its  special 
training.  No  sensible  parent  would  think  of  making  his  son 
a  doctor  or  a  lawyer  without  giving  him  the  customary  pro- 
fessional education.  He  who  would  be  a  carpenter  or  a  brick- 
layer must  learn  the  trade.  Do  the  duties  of  domestic  life 
require  no  special  educational  qualifications?  Are  housekeep- 
ing, the  management  of  a  family,  and  the  training  of  children 
matters  of  too  little  importance  to  demand  educated  intel- 
ligence to  be  brought  to  bear  upon  them?  No  greater  mis- 
take can  be  made  than  to  assume  such  a  ground  as  this.  On 
the  contrary,  it  is  here,  more  than  anywhere  else,  that  know! 
edge  and  skill  are  required. 

1.  Every  young  man  and  young  woman  contemplating  the 
conjugal  union  should  have  some  knowledge  o-f  physiology, 
phrenology,  and  physiognomy,  to  enable  him  or  her  advant- 
ageously to  study  the  human  constitution,  especially  in  ita 
bearings  upon  the  relaticns  of  the  sexes.     No  one  is  qualified 


It>  WEDLOCK. 

to  cl-jose  a  corapauion  till  he  has  become  fam.liar  with  th« 
pliysical  and  mental  peculiarities  of  his  own  organization, 
learned  the  combinations  to  be  desired  in  a  matrimonial  con- 
nection, and  fitted  himself  to  distinguish  the  necessary  qual 
ities  in  the  opposite  sex,  by  means  of  their  external  Mgns 
He  must  be  able  to  judge  in  regard  to  temperament,  qualil ) 
of  fiber,  activity,  health,  disposition,  and  the  capacities  and 
tendencies  of  the  mind.  A  lack  of  this  knowledge  is  the  cause 
of  frequent  and  irremediable  mistakes  and  of  untold  misery. 

2.  Sexual  physiology  and,  on  the  part  of  the  woman  at 
least,  the  laws  of  maternity  should  receive  especial  atten- 
tion. This  subject  is  often  treated  in  a  gross  and  indelicate 
manner  by  ignorant  charlatans  and  unprincipled  quacks;  but 
there  is  nothing  necessarily  indelicate  or  impure  about  it,  and 
it  should  be  studied  in  the  same  spirit  as  any  other  part  of 
physiology — as  digestion  or  circulation,  for  instance,  are  stud- 
ied. It  is  quite  as  important  as  either,  and  just  as  proper  for 
every  young  man  and  young  woman  to  learn. 

8.  A  practical  knowledge  of  housekeeping  in  all  its  branches 
should  be  considered  essential  in  every  marriageable  young 
woman,  no  matter  what  her  rank  or  wealth.  She  may  have 
servants,  and  even  employ  a  professional  housekeeper ;  but  no 
one  can  relieve  her  from  the  responsibility  which  must  rest 
upon  the  mistress  of  a  family.  It  is  her  duty  to  know  how 
cveiything  ought  to  be  done,  so  that  she  can  gi-s'e  the  proper 
directions,  if  necessary,  even  in  the  details  of  cooking,  washing, 
or  house-cleaning.  She  should  be  as  familiar  with  domestic 
economy  as  with  music  or  the  French  language,  and  should 
count  cookery  as  one  of  the  elegant  arts — an  accompliih'ment 
not  to  be  dispensed  with  or  ashamed  of 

To  the  poor  and  those  in  moderate  circumstances,  a  pi-actical 
familiarity  with  all  the  duties  of  the  household  is  of  course  an 
immediate  and  pressing  necessity  on  the  part  of  the  young 
wife,  and  sad  indeed  are  the  results  where  she  shows  herself 
unequal  to  'he  situation.  Music,  French,  and  drawing  may 
be  dispensed  with,  but  ]iot  the  arts  of  the  kitchen  and  the 
laundry.  Even  the  most  devoted  of  young  husbands  will 
hardly  be  content  to  live  tvholly  on  smiles  and  kisses,  how 


QUALIFICATIONS  FOR  MATRIMONV".  17 

ever  sweet.  He  will  be  likely  to  prefer  a  nicely  cooked  beef- 
fiteak  now  and  th^n,  by  way  of  change. 

The  young  husband,  too,  has  his  duties  and  responsibilitiea 
in  the  matter  of  housekeeping.  He  is  the  head  of  the  family. 
He  must  be  qualified  to  manage  its  affairs  and  provide  judi- 
ciously for  its  needs.  He  must  divide  with  his  partner  tlie 
burdens  of  the  household,  lightening  her  labors  as  she  does  his; 
but  neitlier  can  wholly  relieve  the  other  from  his  or  her  re- 
sponsibilities, for  each  holds  a  position  involving  certain  spe- 
cific individual  duties  which  can  be  delegated  to  no  one  else. 

4.  Marriage  implies,  or  should  imply,  the  expectation  of  pa- 
rentage, and  how  to  rear  and  educate  children  should  be  among 
the  branches  of  education  required  of  all  candidates  for  the 
joys  and  honors  of  matrimony.  The  bodily  development 
and  health,  the  mental  culture,  and  the  moral  training  of  a 
family  of  children  depend  mainly  upon  their  parents ;  and  a 
proper  performance  of  their  duties  to  their  offspring  requires 
not  merely  parental  affection,  which  is  seldom  Jacking,  but 
knowledge,  sound  judgment,  skill,  patience,  self-control,  and 
a  conscientious  God-loving  and  God-fearing  spirit.  Especially 
is  this  true  in  regard  to  the  mother.  Each  mother  is  a  histo- 
rian. She  writes  not  the  history  of  empires  or  of  nations  on 
paper,  but  she  writes  her  own  history  on  the  imperishable  mind 
of  her  child.  That  tablet  and  that  history  will  remain  in- 
delible throughout  all  eternity.  That  history  each  mother 
shall  meet  again,  and  read  with  eternal  joy  or  unutterable 
grief  in  the  coming  ages. 

Industry  and  Economy. 

The  great  majority  of  our  people  are  obliged  to  earn  a  liveli- 
hood by  means  of  some  form  of  useful  activity — ^by  work  of 
hand  or  brain,  or  both  together  ;  and  habits  of  industry  and 
economy  are  not  merely  desirable  but  absolutely  essential 
qualifications  for  marriage.  He  who  can  not  provide  for  a  fam- 
ily has  no  right  to  take  upon  himself  the  responsibilities  of 
one.  The  idle  and  the  extravagant  are  pests  and  clogs  to  so- 
ciety. By  marriage,  they  but  multiply  the  evils  which  they 
inflict  upon  themselves  and  others. 


18  WEDLOCK 

The  young  man  whom  laziness  or  faise  pride  pn.'vcnts  from 
engaging  in  some  useful  trade,  profession,  or  business,  and 
■who  prefers  a  life  of  dependence  and  idleness,  or  seeks  by  dis- 
reputable pursuits  to  acquire  the  means  of  subsistence,  should 
be  shunned  by  every  virtuous  young  woman  as  an  unworthy 
and  dangerous  companion.  To  become  linked  to  such  a  one 
can  be  nothing  but  a  terrible  misfortune. 

Young  women  with  no  domestic  tastes,  no  knowled^re  of 
household  duties,  and  no  habits  of  industry,  but  with  the  ex- 
travagant notions  so  prevalent  at  the  present  day  in  matters 
of  fashion  and  dress — with  no  desire  or  ability  to  earn  or  to 
save,  but  with  unlimited  artificial  wants  and  great  talents  for 
"shopping,"  are  utterly  unfitted  for  becoming  the  wives  of 
men  of  small  income — for  becoming-wives  at  all,  we  may  say, 
for  their  ideas  are  not  consistent  with  domestic  life  and  happi- 
ness in  any  sphere. 

Even  where  there  is  abundant  means,  we  would  still  insist 
upon  industry  and  economy  as  necessary  qualifications  for 
marriage.  Wealth  is  often  spoken  of  as  taking  to  itself  wings. 
This  is  hardly  a  figure  of  speech.  It  is  almost  a  literal  fact ; 
and  it  is  so  often  illustrated  in  real  life  as  to  need  few  words 
here  to  enforce  the  truth. 

Suppose  a  young,  lately  married  pair,  who  have  commenced 
life  in  affluence,  to  awake  some  fine  morning  to  find  themselves 
beggars.  Industry  and  economy  are  words  of  which  they 
have  never  learned  the  meaning.  What  are  they  to  do  ?  The 
lessons  they  will  be  compelled  to  learn  will  be  hard  ones  in- 
deed, and  sadly  will  they  repent  their  neglect  to  fit  themselves 
in  time  to  meet  such  changes  of  fortune  as  all  are  liable  to 
experience,  sooner  or  later. 

But  aside  from  the  danger  of  losing  one's  wealth  and  need 
ing  the  ])ecuniary  benefits  of  industry  and  economy,  we  should 
consider  active  usefulness  as  a  moral  duty.  If  we  do  not  need 
to  earn  and  save  for  our  own  use,  we  should  do  it  for  the 
benefit  of  the  less  fortunate  of  our  fellow-men.  We  have  no 
right  to  stand  idly  looking  on  in  a  world  where  there  is  so 
much  work  to  be  done,  and  no  right  to  waste  where  there  is 
%o  much  poverty  and  want. 


QUALIFICATIONfe  FOK  MATRBIONY.  19 

Good  Habits. 

Habits  ruinous  to  health  or  morals,  in  either  sex,  Fliouhl  bo  a 
bar  to  marriage.  Intemperance,  gambling,  general  licentious- 
ness, and  self-abuse  involve  consequences  too  terrible  to  be 
exteii'led  beyond  the  individual  who  has  subjecterl  himself 
to  these  vices.  It  is  hardly  necessary  to  warn  tlie  riglit-minded 
virtuous  young  woman  against  the  actual  sot  or  the  notoiious 
blackleg.  They  are  too  repulsive  to  be  dangerous  to  the 
pure  and  refined;, but  tiiere  are  those  who  have  entered  the 
downward  path  which  leads  to  degradation,  if  not  to  crime, 
but  who  have  not  yet  lost  the  power  to  make  themselves 
agreeable,  and  who  have  the  manners  and  bearing  of  gentle- 
men. They  are  fond  of  billiards  and  cards,  too  fond  of  the 
social  glass,  are  not  always  judicious  in  the  choice  of  their 
companions,  and  sometimes  betray  their  disreputable  associa- 
tions by  the  use  of  profanity  or  slang.  These  are  the  danger- 
ous men.  Depend  upon  it,  their  path  is  downward,  and  they 
would  drag  yon  with  them.  Allow  uo  such  person  to  approach 
you  with  professions  of  love  till  they  have  retraced  their 
steps,  purged  and  purified  their  souls  and  bodies,  and  made 
themselves  worthy  of  that  greatest  of  all  earthly  boons,  a  pure 
woman's  love.  You  need  not  look  far  among  your  acquaint- 
ances for  examples  of  the  opposite  course  and  its  consequences. 
Ask  the  worse  than  widowed  mother  of  those  ragged,  half- 
starved  children  what  has  brought  ruin  and  misery  upon  her 
once  comfortable  home.  She  is  the  wife  of  a  drunkard ;  but 
she  did  not  marry  a  drunkard.  She  would  not  have  listened 
for  a  moment  to  such  a  one.  William  was  a  gay,  genial, 
jovial,  warm-hearted  yoang  man,  smoked,  drank,  and  played, 
but  kei)t  himself  well  dressed,  outwardly  clean  and  respect- 
able, and  was  very  agreeable  in  his  manners.  She  was  young 
and  thoughtless.  A  few  years  have  passed,  and  you  see  where 
she  is.  This  result  was  foreshadowed  in  the  beginning  of  her 
intercourse  with  the  young  man.  A  better  knowledge  of  hu- 
man nature  would  have  shown  her  what  must  be  the  tend- 
ency of  those  convivial  and  ruinous  habits,  which  then  ga^d 
her  no  alarm.    "A  word  to  the  wise"  should  be  enough  here. 

The  fairer  sex,  we  are  sorry  to  be  obliged  to  say,  are  not 


20  WEDLOCK. 

free  from  habits  tending  to  unfit  them  for  marriage — habits 
injurious  to  health  and  destructive  to  the  morals.  Tight  lac- 
ing and  other  fashionable  follies,  late  hours,  social  dissipa- 
tion, and  other  abuses  of  the  constitution  are  undermining  the 
health,  destroying  the  beauty,  and  incapacitating  for  the  en- 
j)jments  as  well  as  the  duties  of  married  life  many  of  oui 
young  women.  We  should  fail  in  our  duty  if  we  were  to  re 
main  silent  in  regard  to  the  ruinous  consequences  of  marrying 
s^uch  poor  unfortunate  victims  of  folly  and  fashion.  Better 
remain  single  for  life  than  to  become  yoked  in  the  holy  bonds 
of  matrimony  with  one  who  is  incapable  alike  of  being  a  help- 
meet, in  the  true  sense  of  the  word,  or  the  mother  of  a  family. 
Beware  of  painted  faces  and  "made  up"  figures,  as  well  as  ol 
idle  habits,  frivolity,  extravagance,  and  inanity. 

^lORAL   PeIIs^CIPLES. 

In  addition  to  a  good  physical  organization'J^a  well-devel- 
oped social  nature,  and  sufiicient  intellectual  capacity  to  fit 
one  for  the  ordinary  business  of  life,  we  must  insist  upon  the 
necessity  of  correct  moral  principles  as  essential  to  useful- 
ness and  happiness  in  the  marriage  relation.  The  domestic 
propensities  are  blind  instincts  intended  for  our  good,  and  to 
insure  the  perpetuation  of  the  race  and  the  establishment  and 
preservation  of  social  order,  but  they  need  the  guidance  of 
reason  and  the  controlling  and  restraining  influences  of  the 
moral  or  spiritual  sentiments.  If  these  be  lacking  or  weak, 
the  social  organs  may  become  perverted,  and  lead  to  the 
most  lamentable  abuses.  Even  the  intellect  may  be  made  tlie 
instrument  of  evil  as  well  as  of  good ;  in  fact,  mere  intellectual 
ability,  unsanctified  by  religion  and  uncontrolled  by  moral 
principle,  very  often  proves  a  curse  to  its  possessor  and  to 
the  world. 

Allow,  then,  no  personal  advantages,  no  evidences  of  a 
social  disposition,  no  degree  of  intellectual  ability,  to  blind 
you  to  the  lack  of  moral  principle.  Better  attempt  to  cross 
the  ocean  without  a  compass,  than  to  embark  on  the  sea  of 
matrimony  in  a  bark  without  the  helm  of  conscientiousness, 
and  with  a  pilot  who  has  no  better  guiding  star  than  poor  un- 


QUALIFICATIOXS  FOR  MATRIMONY.  21 

panctific'd  human  reason.  "Youth,  beauty,  health,  strength, 
good  manners,  reputable  connections,  good  sense,  and  amia- 
bility, with  other  natural  or  acquired  endowments,  may  be 
sought  in  marriage ;  but  the  most  indispensable  qualification 
in  a  husband  or  aAvife,  and  one  which  is  most  frequently  made 
of  little  importance,  is  a  good  moral  and  religious  character. 
With  this,  many  other  deficiencies  may  be  easily  borne ;  but 
without  it,  the  most  splendid  natural  and  acquired  gifts  will 
&il  to  meet  the  wants  of  the  truly  pious  man  or  w^oman." 

"  How  swift  the  heavenly  course  they  run 
Whose  hearts,  whose  faith,  whose  hopes  are  one!** 


m. 

Although  my  heart  in  earlier  y  mth 

Might  kindle  with  more  wild  desire, 
Believe  me,  it  has  gained  in  truth 

Much  more  than  it  has  lo&t  in  &Te.— Moore. 

Physiological  CoNsiDEEATioNb. — Man's  Dominion. 

N"  the  case  of  the  lower  animals,  nature  has  deter- 
mined the  mating  season,  making  it  coincident  with 
the  desire  for  union  and  the  ability  of  each  sex  to 
perform  its  distinctive  functions.  It  might  seem, 
at  the  first  glance,  that  the  same  rule  ought  to  apply  to  the 
human  race ;  but  we  must  look  at  man,  not  merely  in  the  light 
of  nature,  but  in  relation  to  the  artificial  conditions  by  which 
he  has  surrounded  himself.  lie  differs  from  the  lower  ani- 
mals in  his  ada])tation  to  artificial  conditions.  Art,  to  speak 
somewhat  paradoxically,  is  a  part  of  his  nature.  His  inferiors 
of  the  animal  kingdom  are  brought  into  subjection  to  art 
through  his  power  over  them,  but  he  assumes  similar  condi- 
tions freely  and  as  a  matter  of  choice;  and  is  improved  and 
elevated  by  them,  provided  they  are  in  harmony  with  natural 
laws.  When  they  violate  these  laws,  when  art  and  nature 
are  thrown  into  positions  of  antagonism,  as  they  often  are 
under  the  present  order  of  things,  deterioration  and  decadence 
are  the  results.     Man  has  dominion  over  nature. 

The  unphysiological  habits  and  pernicious  systems  of  edu- 
cation so  prevalent  at  the  present  day,  especially  in  cities, 
tend  to  produce  precocity  and  a  depreciation  of  vital  staminji. 
The  natural  order  of  development  is  often  subverted,  and  the 
desires,  and  passions  which  should  come  only  with  the  full 
development  of  the  physical  system,  are  prematurely  and  al> 


THE  RIGHT  AGE  TO  MARRY.  23 

normally  manifested.     It  will  not  do  to  make  these  premature 
manifestations  the  criterions  of  fitness  for  the  conjugal  union. 

In  utter  disregard  of  these  considerations,  some  have  recom- 
mended that  marriage  should  take  place  as  soon  as  the  desire 
for  union  shall  manifest  itself,  which  may  be  at  the  age  of  from 
twelve  to  fourteen  in  the  young  woman,  and  from  fourteen  to 
sixteen  in  the  young  man,  or  in  some  cases  even  earlier.* 
Others  contend  that  they  should  not  marry  before  they  havt 
reached  maturity  of  body,  if  not  of  mind.  Dr.  Johnson,  an 
eminent  English  writer,  says  that  from  twenty-eight  to 
thirty  in  the  male,  and  from  twenty-three  to  twenty-five  in 
the  female,  may  be  considered  as  the  average  periods  of  bod- 
ily maturity,  and  that  the  female  should  be  at  least  tweiity- 
one  years  of  age,  and  the  male  at  least  twenty-eight,  before 
ihey  become  united  in  marriage.  This  opinion  is  founded  on 
observations  made  in  Europe.  Physical  maturity  ari'ives  a 
little  earlier  in  the  United  States. 

It  is  difficult  to  lay  down  any  exact  rule  in  regard  to  the 
right  age  to  marry,  except  the  general  one,  that  there  should 
be  such  a  degree  of  bodily  and  mental  development  as  shall 
fit  the  parties  for  the  proper  performance  of  all  the  duties  in- 
volved in  the  conjugal  relation.  With  this  limitation,  we  are 
decidedly  in  favor  of  early  marriages.  In  the  northern  por- 
tions of  the  United  States,  a  good  average  age  for  the  male  is 
from  twenty-two  to  thirty,  and  for  the  female  from  eighteen 
t  J  twenty-six.  In  the  South,  both  sexes  reach  maturity  sooner, 
and  may  marry  somewhat  earlier,  say  from  one  to  tw^o  years. 

Early  Marriages. 
By  early  marriages,  we  do  not  mean  the  union  of  mere  boys 


♦  Practical  Illustrations  of  this  doctrine  are  not  lacking,  but  they  occur  mainly 
among  savage  or  barbarous  tribes,  whose  habits  are  less  artificial  than  those  of  the 
highly  ci\ilizod  nations  of  Europe  and  America.  In  India,  if  a  person  sees  girls  of 
more  than  twelve  years  of  age  unmarried  in  a  family,  he  says :  ''  How  is  it  that  a  Brahmin 
can  sit  at  home  and  eat  his  food  with  comfort  when  his  daughters  at  such  an  age  re- 
main unmarried?"  In  China,  the  matrimonial  age  varies  from  twelve  to  fourteen 
In  females,  and  from  sixteen  to  twenty  in  males.  Mongolian  women,  in  a  climate 
ae  cold  as  Sweden,  or  even  farther  north,  are  married  between  eleven  and  twelve. 
On  the  other  hand,  the  ancient  Gauls  thought  it  a  disgrace  to  marry  early.  Aristotle 
Taught  that  the  proper  age  for  men  was  thirty-seven,  SLnd  for  women  eighteen;  and 
Plato  recommended  thirty  for  males  and  twenty  for  females 


24  WEDLOCK. 

anc  girls,  but  of  youug,  tliougli  measui-ably  nifliiire,  men  aivl 
women,  as  insisted  upon  in  the  preceding  section.  There  are 
many  reasons,  both  physical  and  moral,  why  marriage  should 
not  b\^  unnecessarily  delayed  beyond  the  period  of  I'ull  bodily 
development. 

Celibacy  is  in  direct  opposition  to  a  law  of  our  nature. 
With  the  exceptions  noted  in  a  previous  chapter,  it  is  the 
duty  as  well  as  the  privilege  of  men  and  women  to  marry,  and 
a  failjire  to  do  so  is  an  act  of  disobedience  which  can  not  gn 
unpunished.  "But  suppose  circumstances  beyond  one's  con 
trol  absolutely  pi-event  any  matrimonial  union?  Take  the* 
case  of  the  maiden,  for  instance,  whom  "  nobody  comes  to 
woo  ?  "  This  may  change  the  moral  aspects  of  the  case,  but 
in  relation  to  the  natural  laws  it  remains  the  same.  Fire  will 
burn  you  all  the  same,  no  matter  how  innocently  you  fall 
into  it. 

The  health  almost  invariably  suffers  from  the  repression  of 
the  natural  activity  of  any  of  the  bodily  functions;  and  long- 
continued  restraint  in  the  direction  of  legitimate  exercise  is 
very  liable  to  result  in  hurtful,  if  not  sinful,  abuses  of  the  re- 
})ressed  functions. 

Young  men  who  remain  unmarried,  especially  in  cities,  are 
exposed  to  many  temptations  which  they  have  not  always  the 
moral  strength  to  i-esist,  and  from  which  a  loving  wife  and  a 
happy  home  would  save  them.  Marriage  is  the  best  safe- 
guard of  virtue  in  such  cases,  and  should  not  be  unnecessarily 
delayed.  The  plea  of  want  of  pecuniary  means  is  not  always 
a  good  one.  The  young  man  who  is  able  to  indulge  in  the 
expensive  habits  from  which  few  single  men  are  free^  can  gen- 
erally provide  in  an  economical  but  comfortable  way  for  a 
family.  It  often  costs  less  to  support  two  than  to  pander  to 
the  artificial  wants  of  one. 

Another  important  reason  for  early  marriage  is  the  fact, 
that  in  youth  the  parties  more  readily  assimilate  to  each 
other,  and  harmonious  relations  are  more  likely  to  be  main- 
tained. Later  in  life,  the  character  of  each  becomes  fixed, 
and  habits  formed  that  are  difficult  to  change,  and  may  lead 
to  unpleasant  differences,  if  not  to  permanent  estrangement. 


THE   RIGHT  AGE  TO  MARRY.  25 

It  should  be  considered,  too,  that,  where  marriage  takes 
place  early  in  life,  the  chances  that  the  parents  will  live  to 
see  their  children  grown  up  and  settled  in  life  are  much 
greater  than  when  it  is  delayed.  In  the  latter  case,  they  are 
ofttpn  deprived  of  the  guardianship  and  protection  of  those 
wh  3ni  nature  has  assigned  to  them  as  teachers,  guides,  and 
rouuselors  at  a  time  when  their  kind  offices  are  most  needed. 
They  may  fall  into  good  hands  or  into  bad,  but  in  no  case  can 
tlie  place  of  a  parent  be  truly  filled  by  any  other  person.  In 
short,  every  argument  that  can  be  consistently  urged  in  favor 
of  marrying  at  all,  may  be  used  to  enforce  early  marriages, 
as  we  have  defined  and  limited  the  term. 

Difference  in  Age. 

Nature  has  indicated  with  sufficient  clearness  that  there 
should  be  a  slight  difference  in  age  between  the  male  and  the 
female  on  assuming  the  marriage  relation.  As  the  girl  ar- 
rives at  womanhood  two  or  three  years  earlier  than  the  boy 
reaches  manhood,  we  may  infer  that  the  husband  should  be  at 
least  as  many  years  older  than  the  wife.  Any  rule,  however, 
that  we  might  lay  down,  in  regard  to  difl'erence  in  age,  must 
be  subject  to  many  exceptions,  mainly  on  account  of  individ- 
ual differences  in  the  time  of  reaching  maturity.  One  person 
may  be  really  older,  so  far  as  growth,  development,  and  ma- 
turity of  body  and  mind  are  concerned,  at  eighteen  years  of 
age  than  another  at  twenty-five.  We  consider  from  four  to 
six  years  a  very  good  average  difference,  wliere  the  parties  are 
young;  but  if  both  be  somewhat  advanced  in  years,  a  greater 
difference  may  be  allowable — say,  from  ten  to  fifteen  years; 
but  not  fifty ! 

Each  age  has  its  peculiar  tastes,  pursuits,  aspirations,  and 
attractions,  its  own  modes  of  thinking  and  acting,  and  its 
own  hopes  and  pleasures,  with  which  those  widely  separated 
from  it  can  not  fully  sympathize,  and  serious  disagreements 
are  apt  to  result  in  married  life  from  this  cause. 

Some  one  has  said,  "  that  when  two  young  persons  get  mar- 
ried to  each  other,  it  is  God's  work;  when  an  old  man  marries 
a  young  woman,  't  is  man's  work;  but  when  a  young  man 

9 


26  WEDLOCK 

luaiTies  an  old  woman,  it  is  the  devil's  work."  It  is  true  that 
instances  may  be  quoted  in  which  a  great  difference  of  age  has 
proved  no  bar  to  matrimonial  happiness,  but,  on  the  other 
hand,  has  seemed  to  furnish  one  of  the  principal  elements  of 
Bympathy,  union,  and  felicity.  We  must  consider  these,  how- 
ever, as  exceptional  cases  and  unsafe  examples  to  follow. 

"  Few  indeed  have  been  our  years, 

Yet  enough  our  hearts  to  bind,  love, 
And  to  show  how  many  tears 

In  life's  brightest  cup  we  find,  love ; 
Since,  in  our  united  youth, 

We  twain  sported  on  the  heather, 
Dearest,  it  is  meet,  in  truth, 

That  we  sliould  grow  old  together." 


lY. 
gotib^s  for  garrging. 

"Ktrriage  ir  a  union  of  love  between  one  man  and  one  woman,  devoting  them*«lTefl 
U>  strictest  intimacy  and  with  exclusive  fidelity  to  perpetual  mutual  improvement. 
....  Tiie  union  ehould  be  formed  witli  a  view  to  tlie  whole  life  of  man,  both  that 
which  now  is  and  that  which  is  to  come.  Love  is  an  ciernal  principle;  hence  all 
merely  temporary  motives  are  wrong.— i^'o^^^n. 

Why  they  Married, 

OME  close  observer  of  our  social  relations,  having 
looked  about  among  his  married  female  acquaint 
ances,  ventures  to  give  the  following  list,  with  an 
attempt  to  indicate  the  real  reasons  which  in- 
fluence too  many  to  marry.  We  hope  and  believe  that  hr 
is  not  correct  in  the  proportion  he  assigns  to  the  right  motive 
for  marrying,  but  we  are  sure  that  all  the  other  motives  he 
mentions  are  more  or  less  influential.     lie  says: 

1.  Marrying  for  a  Home. — Number  One  has  married  for  a 
home.  She  got  tired  of  working  in  a  factory,  or  teaching 
school,  or  making  dresses,  and  she  thought  married  life  was 
nothing  on  earth  but  moonlight  walks,  buggy-rides,  new  bon- 
nets, and  nothing  to  do!  Well,  she  has  got  her  home; 
whether  or  no  she  is  tired  of  the  accompanying  incumbrances 
this  deponent  saith  not,  inasmuch  as  this  deponent  doth  not 
positively  know. 

2.  Consulting  Family  Interests. — Number  Two  married 
because  she  had  seven  younger  sisters,  and  a  papa  with  a  nar- 
row income.  She  "consulted  the  interests  of  her  family." 
Perhaps  she  would  better  have  consulted  her  own  interest  by 
taking  in  light  Avashing,  or  going  out  by  the  day  to  work. 

3.  She  Liked  the  Sound  of  3Irs. — Number  Three  married 


-^S  WEDLOCK. 

because  Mrs.  sounded  so  much  better  than  Miss.  She  was 
twenty-nine  years  and  eleven  months  old,  and  another  month 
would  have  transmuted  her  into  a  regular  old  maid.  Think 
how  awful  that  would  have  been ! 

4.  Waiited  Somebody  to  Pay  her  Bills. — Number  Four 
married  because  she  wanted  somebody  to  pay  her  bills.  13 er 
liusband  married  for  precisely  the  same  reason,  so  they  are 
botli  of  them  repenting  at  leisure. 

5.  N'ot  Going  to  he  Left  Behind. — Number  Five  married 
because  Fanny  White  had  a  nice  new  husband,  and  5^6  wasn't 
going  to  be  left  behind  !  Pity  if  she  could'nt  get  married  as 
well  as  other  folks  ! 

6.  Marrying  for  Money. — Number  Six  married  because  she 
was  poor,  and  wanted  riches.  Poor  child  !  she  never  counted 
on  all  the  other  things  that  were  inseparable  from  those  cov- 
eted riches. 

7.  She  Liked  to  Travel. — Number  Seven  married  because 
she  thought  she  should  like  to  travel!  But  Mr.  Number 
Seven  changed  his  mind  afterward,  and  all  the  traveling  she 
has  done  has  been  between  the  well  and  the  back-kitchen 
door. 

8.  Marrying  out  of  Spite. — Number  Eight  married  out  oi 
spite,  because  her  first  love  had  taken  unto  himself  a  second 
love !  This  little  piece  of  retaliation  might  have  done  her 
good  at  the  time,  but,  in  the  long  run.  Number  Eight  found 
it  did  not  pa}^ 

9.  Wanted  Sympathy. — Number  Nine  married  because  she 
had  read  novels  and  "  wanted  sympathy,"  Sympathy  is  a  fine 
thing,  but  it  cools  down  at  a  rapid  rate  if  the  domestic  kettle 
is  not  kept  boiling,  and  the  domestic  tui-key  is  underdone. 
Novels  and  housekeeping  don't  run  well  together  in  harness, 
to  use  a  sporting  phrase,  and  Number  Nine's  supply  of  sym- 
pathy didn't  hold  out  very  long ! 

10.  Marrying  for  Love. — Number  Ten  married  because  slie 
loved  her  husband  with  all  her  heart  and  with  all  her  soul ! 
And  she  loves  him  still,  and  will  probably  always  continue  to 
love  him,  and  is  the  happiest  wife  in  the  world — so  she  says  ! 

Here  we  have  the  i-ight  motive  at  last — a  motive  which, 


MOTIVES    FOR    MARRYING.  20 

when  sanctified  by  a  desire  and  a  resolution  to  improve  and 
elevate  each  other,  and.to  live  true  and  holy  lives  before  God, 
can  not  fail  to  call  down  the  blessings  of  Pleaven.  But  sad  i? 
the  fate  of  those  who  marry  from  wrong  motives — to  escape 
their  share  of  life's  work,  or  to  get  something  for  which  tiK.'y 
Un\e  nothing  to  give  in  return. 

Marrying  for  Money. 

Prominent  among  the  wrong  motives  for  marrying  is  the 
desire  fur  wealth,  or  for  the  luxuries,  the  privileges,  and  the 
ease  wliicli  wealth  is  supposed  to  insure.  Wealth  is  a  good 
thing  in  itself,  and,  when  rightly  used,  may  be  made  a  source 
of  happiness  to  its  possessor,  and  of  great  benefit  to  the  world 
at  large ;  but  as  the  leading  motive  for  forming  a  matrimonial 
alliance,  it  almost  always  proves  a  snare  and  a  curse;  and 
those  who  succeed  in  making  a  pecuniarily  "  good  match," 
generally  get  misery  as  well  as  money — more  of  the  t'ormer 
than  of  the  latter — and  learn,  too  late,  that  cupidity  is  a  more 
dangerous  foe  to  peace  of  mind  than  even  Cupid  himself. 

Solon  abolished  the  giving  of  portions  with  young  women 
in  marriage,  unless  they  were  only  daughters,  for  he  would 
not  have  matrimony  become  a  trafiic ;  and  when  one  asked 
Themistocles  what  he  thought  about  marrying  a  person  with- 
out a  fortune,  he  replied  that  he  would  rather  marry  his  daugh- 
ter to  a  man  without  an  estate  than  to  an  estate  without  a 
man.  Must  we  not  admit  that  these  pagans  of  ancient  Gi'eece 
were  wiser  than  many  a  so-called  Christian  parent  who  is 
ready  to  sacrifice  his  daughter  on  the  altar  of  Mammon,  and 
who  gives  little  thought  to  the  man,  provided  the  estate  be 
secured  ? 

It  has  been  satirically  said  that — 

"  Maidens,  like  moths,  are  ever  caught  with  glare, 
And  Mammon  wins  his  way  where  seraphs  might  despair." 
IJut  though  -VNuinan,  under  the  present  system  of  unjust  dis- 
crimination between  her  and  man  in  the  distribution  of  the 
rewards  of  industry,  is  more  frequently  necessitous,  as  well  as 
less  qualified  to  struggle  wnth  adversity,  and  more  confiding  in 
her  nature,  and,  therefore,  under  stronger  temptations  to  accept 


30  WEDLOCK. 

money  in  place  of  a  heart,  yet  the  stronger  sex  is  scarcely 
less  addicted  to  mercenary  designs  in  marriage.  Fortune  hunt- 
ing is  not  confined  to  one  sex,  but  is  pursued  with  equal  zest 
by  both,  each  eager  for  a  "good  match" — in  other  words,  a 
good  bargain.  But  is  it  a  good  bargain  after  all  ?  You  may 
have  obtained  a  large  pile  of  gold,  but  is  it  an  adequate  price 
cr  a  free-born  spirit — for  a  life  of  love  and  happiness  resigned 
and  made  forever  impossible  ?     Mrs.  Child  says : 

"  I  never  knew  a  marriage  expressly  for  money  that  did 
not  end  unhappily.  Yet  managing  mothers  and  heartless 
daughters  are  constantly  playing  the  same  unlucky  game.  ] 
believe  that  men  more  frequently  marry  for  love  than  women, 
because  women  think  they  shall  never  have  a  better  chance, 
and  dread  to  be  dependent.  If  I  may  judge  by  my  own  ob 
servation,  marrying  for  a  home  is  a  most  tiresome  way  of  get 
ting  a  living." 

Prudence  will  dictate  that  marriage  should  not  take  place 
till  thei-e  shall  be  a  reasonable  prospect  of  a  comfortable  sup 
port ;  but  this  is  not  so  difficult  to  attain  as  many  suppose,  and, 
as  a  rule,  need  not  long  delay  the  happy  consummation,  where 
industry  and  economy  are  incited  to  activity  by  true  love  and 
sustained  by  the  hope  of  a  future  happy  home. 

Other  Matrimonial  Bargains. 
There  are  thousands  of  matrimonial  alliances  in  which  therf 
is  not  sufficient  money  on  either  side  to  serve  as  a  tempta- 
tion, but  which  are,  nevertheless,  mere  contracts  of  self-inter- 
est with  which  love  has  nothing  to  do.  A  bachelor,  for  in- 
stance, gets  tired  of  his  lonely,  dusty  apartments  and  hia 
dull,  unsatisfactory  life,  and  thinks  it  would  be  a  fine  thing  to- 
have  some  one  to  keep  tilings  tidy,  to  mend  his  stockings,  to 
sew  buttons  on  his  shirt,  and  to  have  an  eye  on  his  domestic 
affairs  generally ;  and  he  looks  about  for  a  suitable  })artner 
with  just  as  sharp  an  eye  to  business  as  if  he  were  selecting  a 
bookkeeper  or  a  salesman  for  his  shop.  Or  a  widower,  with 
a  family  of  young  children  on  liis  hands,  makes  up  his  mind 
that  a  wife  would  be  less  expensive  than  a  hired  housekeepe?*, 
sjid  sets  himself  at  work  to  secure  one.     There  is  no  great 


MOTIVES   FOR    MARRYING.  31 

difficulty  in  finding  a  maiden,  young  or  old,  or  a  widow  who 
will  be  glad  to  exchange  the  life  of  ill-paid  drudgery  to  which 
poor  unmarried  women  are  subjected,  for  almost  any  position 
which  promises  to  secure  her  a  home  and  the  certainty  of  a 
provision  for  her  necessities.  So  the  bargain  is  closed,  and  the 
vacant  place,  uninviting  as  it  is,  is  filled — the  one  party  agreeing 
to  furnish  bed  and  board,  clothes  and  "  pin  mo»iey,"  and  tho 
otiier  promising  to  take  care  of  the  children  and  attend  to  the 
dusting  and  the  dinners.  Nothing  is  said  about  a  heart.  If 
either  party  has  one,  he  or  she  is  left  in  undisputed  possession 
of  it.  Such  a  bargain  may  sometimes  prove  a  good  one  for 
both  parties  in  a  merely  commercial  point  of  view  ;  but  oftener 
\-  fails,  even  in  that  respect,  to  give  satisfaction  to  either.  In 
any  case,  it  is  not  marriage  in  the  highest  and  best  sense  of 
the  term,  and  brings  with  it  none  of  the  blessings  which  wed- 
ded love  insures. 

This  is  one  out  of  the  many  forms  which  matrimonial  traffic 
assumes,  but  the  same  false  principle  underlies  them  all.  In 
each  it  is  a  business  transaction,  and  not  a  union  of  hearts — 
the  play  of  Hamlet,  with  Hamlet  left  out. 

Marryixg  for  Beauty. 

The  poet  says — 

"  A  thing  of  beauty  is  a  joy  forever." 
If  this  be  true,  as  it  may  be  in  a  certain  poetic  sense,  then  a 
thing  of  beauty  is  a  very  desirable  object  to  have  in  one's 
house ;  but  a  pretty  fiice,  liowever  pleasant  to  look  upon,  is 
not  always,  we  are  sorry  to  say,  to  be  relied  upon  as  a  peren- 
nial spring  of  happiness.  Beauty,  or  what  generally  passes 
for  beauty,  in  the  female  face,  is  often  but  a  fieeting  charm. 

Sir  Walter  Raleigh,  in  a  letter  to  his  son,  very  truly  says: 
"Remember,  that  if  thou  marry  for  beauty,  tliou  bindest  thy- 
self for  life  for  that  which  will  perhaps  neither  last  nor  please 
thee  one  year ;  and  when  thou  hast  it,  it  will  be  to  tl  ee  of 
no  price  at  all." 

The  worshipers  of  pretty  faces  are  mainly  of  the  masculine 
gender,  though  women  sometimes  allow  themselves  to  be 
led  astray  by  a  doll  in  pantaloons,  with  curling  locks  and  a 


32  WEDLOCK 

"  love  of  a  mustaclie ; "  but  the  effects  of  the  high  vahie  of 
beauty  in  the  matrimonial  market  is  to  lead  the  fair  sex  to 
make  use  of  expensive  and  often  dangerous  means  to  secure, 
or  at  least  to  seem  to  possess,  the  j^ersonal  attractions  ^vhic]) 
they  have  learned  are  so  pleasing  to  the  gentlemen  ;  "  spending 
their  time,"  in  the  quaint  language  of  Dean  Swift,  "in  making 
nets  instead  of  cages" — striving  to  gain  admiration  rather 
than  to  secui-e  and  retain  affection. 

We  do  not  underrate  beautj^,  nor  discourage  the  love  of  it ; 
but  even  in  its  highest  forms,  as  manifested  in  the  outward 
signs  of  health,  physical  completeness,  and  mental  symmetry, 
it  must  not  be  made  the  dominant  motive  for  marriage.  It 
will  not  supply  the  place  of  love ;  and  love  is  the  true  bond 
of  union. 

The  Right  Motive. 

The  true  motive  for  entering  into  the  holy  state  of  wedlock 
has  been  more  than  hinted  at  in  the  preceding  pages ;  and 
may  be  inferred  from  the  considerations,  urged  in  our  first 
chapter,  where  it  is  shown  that  Marriage  is  an  ordinance  of 
God,  instituted  for  the  promotion  of  human  happiness,  the 
mutual  improvement  of  the  parties  united,  and  the  perpetua- 
tion of  its  numerous  blessings  through  offspring  to  the  latest 
generations. 

Love  is  made  the  foundation  of  marriage  and  the  moving 
spring  of  obedience  to  the  divine  command.  When  one  mar- 
ries under  the  influence  of  lower  motives,  he  sins  against  God 
and  his  own  God-given  nature. 

A  late  writer  sets  this  subject  in  the  strong  light  of  trutli 
before  certain  fair  ones,  to  whom  he  is  speaking;  and  our 
readers  of  the  rougher  sex  may  take  the  greater  portion  of  liis 
remarks  home  to  their  own  consciences,  as  equally  applicable 
to  their  case : 

"'  Straight  is  the  gate  and  narrow  is  the  way'  that  leads 
to  a  true  marriage.  Selfish  motives,  that  so  easily  obtain  *u- 
pieme  control  in  the  heart,  lead  to  ill-assorted,  wi etched  mar 
riages.  To  man-y  foi-  money,  to  marry  for  position,  to  marry 
that  you  may  not   'turn  brown   nnd  be  an  old  maid,' is  to 


MOTIVES   FOR   MARRYING.  33 

marry  in  the  spirit  of  selfishness,  ruinous  selfishness,  and  not 
for  love's  sake. 

" '  Hasn't  every  woman  a  right  to  look  out  for  herself? '  in- 
dignantly asks  one  of  the  fair.  Yes ;  but  when  you  begin  to 
talk  about  looking  out  for  yourself,  you  venture  on  dangerous 
ground.  You  should  remember  that  your  married  life  may 
call  you  to  self-sacrifice,  not  to  self-indulgence.  The  constantly 
turning  wheel  of  fortune  may  bring  poverty  and  sickness,  and 
if  you  have  not  love  enough  for  a  man  to  go  through  fire  and 
flood  for  his  sake,  you  had  better  never  marry  him.  If  you 
marry  for  anything  but  love,  you  marry  for  what  may  pei'ish 
in  a  night.  Now,  do  not  talk  selfishly  or  frivolously  about 
that  union  which,  if  it  be  a  real  union  of  hearts,  is  of  God,  for 
*love  is  of  God,'  and  destined,  for  aught  you  know,  to  run 
parallel  with  eternity.  There  are  two  lines,  often  sung,  and 
said  to  be  sacred,  but  we  think  they  are  not : 

'  There  is  no  union  here  of  hearts 
That  finds  not  here  an  end.' 

"Xo,  a  true  union  of  hearts  not  even  death  can  end,  and 
may  your  marriage,  my  fair  friend,  be  a  true  union  of  liearts, 
a  true  man-iage,  such  as  will  be  yours  not  only  through  life 
here,  but  in  tlie  life  beyond,  where  souls  rejoice  forever  in  a 
perfect  union." 

2* 


Variety's  the  very  spice  of  life 
That  gives  it  all  its  &aYor.—Cowper. 

None  ( f  you  shall  approach  [in  Marriage]  to  any  that  is  of  kin  to  him.^Levitlcut. 

May  Cousins  Makey? 

HE  laws  of  the  most  civilized  of  modern  nations  do 
not  forbid  it.  Legally,  you  may  marry  your  cousin. 
Are  such  marriages  admissible  in  a  physiological 
point  of  view  ?  European  physiologists  are  divided 
on  this  question.  In  this  country  there  are  hardly  two 
oi^inions.  The  evil  effects  of  consanguineous  marriages  seem 
to  be  more  strikingly  manifested  here  than  in  Europe,  prob- 
ably because  we,  as  a  people,  are  less  evenly  balanced  in  or- 
ganization and  character  than  our  European  congeners,  and 
therefore  more  liable  than  they  to  transmit  excesses  or  de- 
ficiencies disastrous  in  their  results  upon  the  bodies  and  the 
minds  of  offspring.  Be  the  cause  what  it  may,  our  statistics 
show,  beyond  all  possibility  of  doubt,  that  the  mariiage  of 
cousins  is  not  here,  as  a  rule,  permissible  on  physiological 
grounds. 

The  Reasons  Why. 

In  all  families  the  likeness  which  marks  them  is  the  ground 
on  which  we  found  our  chief  objection  to  the  marriage  of  near 
relations.  It  is  the  similarity  which  in  its  development  throws 
the  organization  more  and  more  out  Df  balance.  Nature  finds 
compensating  influences  in  mixed  marriages,  and  thus  modi- 
fies and  improves  the  progeny.  Persons  too  much  alike,  even 
if  not  related,  should  not  marry,  for  the  reason  that  their 


MARRIAGES  OF   CONSANGUINITY.  35 

children  are  likely  to  inherit  the  similar  characteristics  of  their 
parents  in  an  intensified  degree,  and  be  all  the  more  inhar. 
moniously  constituted.  The  children  born  of  such  alliances 
usually  inherit  all  the  phj^sical  weaknesses  or  "  taints "  of 
Mieir  parents. 

Experience,  taken  from  the  lessons  imparted  by  nature,  has 
(Mughi  us  the  value  of  blood  and  the  importance  of  change 
in  regard  to  marriage,  and  we  can  not  understand  why  these 
principles  are  not  in  practice  applied  to  the  human  race.  In 
agricultural  operations,  every  experienced  farmer  knows  that 
corn  or  wheat,  if  grown  for  successive  seasons  on  the  same 
ground,  Avill  deteriorate  in  quality ;  and  therefore  he  not  only 
changes  the  ground  occasionally,  but  also  the  seed,  so  as  to 
determine  and  keep  up  the  standard  quality  of  his  grain. 

Opinions  of  the  Physiologists. 

Dr.  Carpenter,  of  the  University  of  London,  in  his  "  Prin- 
siples  of  Human  Physiology,"  uses  the  following  strong  lan- 
guage :  "The  intensification  which  almost  any  kind  of  perver- 
sion of  nutrition  derives  from  being  common  to  hoth  parents, 
is  most  remarkably  evinced  by  the  lamentable  results  which 
lOO  frequently  accrue  from  the  marriage  of  individuals  nearly 
related  to  each  other  and  partaking  of  the  same  'taint.'  Out 
of  359  idiots,  the  condition  of  whose  progenitors  could  be 
ascertained,  17  were  hnown  to  have  been  the  children  of  pa- 
rents nearly  related  by  blood,  and  this  relationship  was  sus- 
pected to  have  existed  in  several  other  cases,  in  which  posi- 
tive information  could  not  be  obtained.  On  examining  into 
tlie  history  of  the  17  families,  to  which  these  individuals  be- 
longed, it  was  found  that  they  had  consisted  in  all  of  S5 
children  ;  that  of  these,  no  fewer  than  44  were  idiotic,  12  others 
\^'ore  scrofulous  and  puny,  1  was  deaf,  and  1  was  a  dwaif. 
In  some  of  these  families  all  the  children  were  either  idiotic 
or  very  scrofulous  and  puny;  in  one  family  of  8  children.  6 
were  idiotic." 

George  Combe,  the  author  of  "  Constitution  of  Man,"  has 
given  his  decided  opposition  to  such  marriages.  He  says: 
"  Marriages  between  blood-relations  tend  most  decidedly  to  tb© 


S6  WEDLOCK. 

deterioration  of  the  physical  and  mental  qualities  of  the  off 
spring.  In  Spain,  kings  marry  their  nieces;  and  in  England, 
first  and  second  cousins  marry  without  scruple,  although  every 
philosophical  physiologist  will  declare  that  it  is  in  direct  op- 
position to  the  institutions  of  nature.* 

'•  If  the  first  individuals  connected  in  near  i  elation  ship,  who 
unite  in  marriage,  are  uncommonly  robust,  and  possess  vcrv 
favorably  developed  brains,  their  offspring  may  not  be  S'* 
much  deteriorated  below  the  common  standard  of  the  country 
as  to  attract  particular  attention,  and  the  law  of  nature  is,  in 
this  instance,  supposed  not  to  hold ;  but  it  does  hold,  for  to  a 
law  of  nature  there  never  is  an  exception.  The  offspniig  are 
uniformly  inferior  to  what  X\\qj  would  have  bee) i  if  the  parents 
had  united  with  strangers  in  blood  of  equal  vigor  and  cerebral 
development.  Wherever  there  is  any  rer)iarkahle  deficierhyy 
in  parents  who  are  related  in  bloody  these  appear  in  the  most 
marl'ed  and  aggravated  forms  in  the  offspring.  The  fact  is 
so  well  known  that  I  forbear  to  enlarge  upon  it." 

Facts  adduced  by  cattle-growers  in  reference  to  the  bene- 
fits of  in-and-in  breeding  are  sometimes  quoted  in  opposition 
to  these  views.     The  Durham  ox  and  Ditchley  sheep  of  Eng- 


*  The  Archives  de  la  Medecine  Naval  of  France  contain  a  scrap  of  curious  informa- 
tion respecting  marriages  of  consanguinity  in  the  black  race.  We  translate  from  the 
Journal  de  Medecine  Mental,  in  which  we  find  it  copied: 

In  1&49  there  died  at  Widah,  in  the  kingdom  of  Dahomey,  a  Portuguese  trader 
named  Da  Souza,  well  known  to  all  navigators  who  have  visited  the  western  coast  of 
Africa.  He  was  an  important  personage  in  the  country,  which  he  had  inhabited  many 
years,  and  had  made  an  immense  fortune  by  trading  with  the  negroes.  On  his  death 
he  left  behind  him  a  number  of  children,  the  issue  of  fixe  four  hundred  women  kept 
in  his  harem.  The  political  policy  of  the  kings  of  Dahomey  being  hostile  to  the 
establishment  of  a  mixed  race,  the  numerous  progeny  of  Da  Souza  were  shut  up  in  an 
inclosure  (enceinte  particuliere)  by  themselves,  under  the  government  of  one  of  tlie 
eons.  Here,  subjected  to  the  surveillance  of  the  agents  of  the  king— the  most  despot  ic 
of  ail  the  mnuarchs  of  the  earth— these  metis  (people  of  mixed  blood)  could  unite  iu 
marriage  on.j  among  themselves — in  other  words,  they  lived  in  the  most  shameless 
promiscuity. 

In  1863  they  counted  children  of  the  third  generation.  The  color  of  their  skin  was 
returning  rapidly  to  deep  black,  though  all  of  them  preserved  some  of  the  traits  of 
their  European  ancestor.  Among  all  these  descendants  of  Da  Souza— we  are  able  to 
state  this  from  personal  observation— forming  among  themselves  imions  at  once  the 
closest  in  relationship  and  the  most  monstrous,  thero  are  neither  deaf  mutes  nor  blind, 
nor  cretins  (idiots),  nor  feeble  or  deformed  from  birth  Nature  seems  to  revenge  hef 
»elf  here  in  ancther  way.  Thii  human  herd  is  decreastKg,  and  is  menaced  with  earijf 
ixtinction. 


MARRIAGES  OF  CONSANGUINITY.  37 

land  are  the  product  of  breeding  in-and-in.  The  Arabs  can 
trace  the  pedigree  of  their  most  vahiable  horses  to  the  time  of 
Mohammed,  while  they  avoid  all  crossing  as  detrimental. 
These  facts,  while  they  admit  of  but  exceptional  denial,  can 
hardly  be  received  as  analogous  to  the  results  of  marriages  of 
kin  amono:  men,  owing:  to  the  differences  of  structure  and  ner- 
vous  constitution  between  man  and  the  lower  animals.  Im 
provements  in  the  English  cattle  are  altogether  physical,  and 
produced  by  the  association  of  selected  individuals  of  the 
stock  most  approved. 

Speaking  of  breeding  in-and-in  generally,  Sir  John  Sebright, 
a  noted  English  authority,  says:  "I  have  no  doubt  that  by 
this  practice  being  continued,  animals  would,  in  course  of 
time,  degenerate  to  such  a  degree  as  to  become  incapable  of 
breeding  at  all.  I  have  tried  many  experiments  by  breeding 
in-and-in  upon  dogs,  fowls,  and  pigeons;  the  dogs  become, 
from  strong  spaniels,  weak  and  diminutive  lapdogs ;  the  fowls 
become  long  in  the  legs,  small  in  the  body,  and  poor  breeders. 
Barrenness  is  the  result." 

Mr.  Berry,  another  eminent  authority,  says:  "Although 
clo«;e  breeding  may  confirm  valuable  properties,  it  will  also 
increase  and  confirm  defects.  *  *  *  It  impairs  the  constitu- 
tion and  affects  the  procreative  powers." 

Alexander  Walker,  the  author  of  "Intermarriage;  or 
Beauty,  Health,  and  Intellect,"  devotes  a  large  portion  of  his 
work  to  the  consideration  of  stock-raising  in  England,  citing 
the  best  authorities  on  cross-breeding  and  in-and-in  breeding. 
He  does  not  indorse  in  all  respects  the  views  generally  enter- 
tained concerning  the  superior  quality  of  Durham  cattle, 
Ditchley  sheep,  and  Arabian  horses,  but  adduces  evidence 
showing  that  the  gain  resulting  from  such  interbreeding  is 
olTsct  by  a  loss  in  other  respects. 

Pertinent  Facts. 

The  Report  of  the  Commissioners  of  the  Kenturky  Institu- 
tion for  the  Education  and  Training  of  Imbeciles  or  Feeble- 
minded Children,  in  a  passage  urging  the  prohibition  of  first- 
cousin  marriages  by  legal  statute,  uses  the  following  language. 


38  WEDLOCK. 

"  We  deem  it  our  duly  to  the  interests  of  humanity,  as  well  ai 
to  the  pe(?uniary  interest  of  the  State,  to  bear  our  testimony 
in  addition  to  the  abundant  statistics  heretofore  collected  and 
published  by  physicians  and  philanthropists,  and  to  the  ob- 
servation of  every  close  observer,  as  well  as  to  general  consid- 
erations of  propriety,  that  a  large  percentage  of  deaf  mutes 
and  of  the  blind,  a  limited  percentage  of  lunatics,  and,  no 
doubt,  a  much  larger  one  than  either  of  feeble-minded  or 
idiotic  children,  are  the  offspring  of  the  marriage  oi  first  cou- 
sins. Our  charitable  institutions  are  filled  with  children  whose 
parents  are  so  related — sometimes  as  many  as  four  from  one 
family ;  and  we  have  known,  in  the  case  of  idiots,  of  a  still 
larger  number  in  a  family.  It  is  a  fearful  penalty  to  which 
])ersons  so  related  render  themselves  liable  by  forming  the 
matrimonial  relation,  and  which  they,  in  nearly  every  instance, 
incur,  not  indeed  in  all,  but  in  one  or  more  of  their  ofi*spring. 
Instances,  we  do  not  deny,  may  be  shown  where  a  portion  of 
the  children — one  or  more — may  inlierit  from  both  parents, 
where  they  possess  high  mental  and  bodily  endowments  of  a 
common  origin,  enhanced  and  remarkable  qualities  of  body 
and  mind ;  but  it  is  generally  at  the  expense  of  unfortunate 
and  deeply  afflicted  brothers  and  sisters.  We  believe  few  in- 
stances can  be  given  where  such  enhanced  endowments  are 
common  to  all  the  oifspring;  while  instances  are  not  unfre- 
quent  where  nearly  all,  and,  in  a  few,  perhaps,  every  child,  is 
afflicted  either  in  body  or  mind,  and  sometimes  in  both." 

A  report  read  before  the  National  Medical  Association  at 
Washington,  by  Dr.  S.  M.  Bemiss,  in  1858,  shows  that  over 
ten  per  cerit.  of  the  blind,  and  nearly  fifteen  per  cent,  of  the 
idiotic,  in  the  different  State  institutions,  were  the  offspring  of 
kindred  parents. 

According  to  "  Chambers'  Encyclopedia,"  the  result  of  an 
examination  into  the  congenital  influences  affecting  deaf  and 
dumb  children  in  Scotland,  was  that  of  235  whose  parentage 
could  be  traced,  TO,  or  nearly  30  per  cent.,  were  the  offspring 
of  the  intermarriage  of  blood-relations.  The  physical  de- 
formity and  mental  debasement  of  theCagots  of  the  Pyrenees, 
of  the  ^Marrons  of  Auvergnt^,  of  the  Sarrasins  of  Dauphine,  of 


MARRIAGES  OF  CONSANGUINITY.  39 

the  Cretins  of  the  Alps,  and  the  gradual  deterioration  of  the 
slave  population  of  America,  have  been  attributed  to  the  con- 
sanguineous alliances  which  are  unavoidable  among  these  un- 
fortunate people.* 

These  are  appalling  statements,  but  they  fail  to  disclose  the 
whole  truth,  for  in  many  homes  the  unhappy  fruits  of  a  mar- 
riage between  blood-relations  are  secluded  from  observation, 
and  their  existence  is  not  suspected  by  even  intimate  ac- 
paintances. 

Hereditary  Taints. 

It  is  well  known  that  a  person  often  carries  in  himself  or 
tierself  inherited  physiological  peculiarities  which  are  latent, 
tut  crop  out  after  a  generation  or  two.  A  man  whose  father 
had  blue  eyes  and  flaxen  hair  often  derives  from  his  mother 
black  or  dark  hair  and  eyes  and  a  dark  complexion ;  he  mar- 
ries a  woman  similar,  temperamentally,  to  himself,  and  lo !  his 
daughter  has  a  light  complexion,  flaxen  hair,  and  blue  eyes. 
Her  voice,  her  walk,  and  general  habitude  are  like  her  light- 
complexioned  grandfather,  and  acquaintances  of  the  family 
who  meet  her  as  a  stranger  know  her  by  the  resemblance  to 
that  grandfather.  So  cousins,  who  appear  to  resemble  the  un- 
related parents,  may  carry  enough  of  their  related  parents' 
blood  idiosyncrasies  to  render  their  marriage  improper. 

The  Warning. 

'No  reasonable  man,  even  when  entertaining  a  strong  at- 
tachment for  a  blood-relation,  could  indifferently  glance  at  the 
array  of  testimony  we  have  here  presented.  The  terrible 
looking  for  of  a  judgment,  as  it  were,  in  the  form  of  abnormal, 
dwarfed,  mal-organized  children  as  the  product  of  his  marriage 
with  that  relative,  would  deter  him  from  such  a  consummation. 
For  her  sake,  on  whom  would  devolve  the  agonizing  charge 


*  For  more  extended  statistical  evidence,  we  would  refer  the  reader  to  the  "Annual 
Rep'irts  of  the  New  York  State  Asylum  for  Idiots ;  "  "  The  American  Journal  of  Med- 
ical Science  for  1849;"  "Steiraij's  Essay  on  Hereditary  Diseases  and  Intermar- 
riage; '  "Deray  on  the  Danger  of  Consanguineous  Mai-riages;"  "Boudin,  Danqert 
i4»  Uutor)S  Qynmnguins,^^  and  to  medical  works  in  general. 


40  WEDLOCK. 

of  such  oftspring,  he  would  pause.  The  spirit  which  should 
actuate  every  person,  man  or  woman,  contemplating  marriage, 
should  be  that  of  positive  good  to  themselves  and  the  improve- 
ment of  their  race.  They  should  seek  to  more  than  duplicate 
themselves  in  their  children ;  and  a  well-ordered  marriage, 
wherein  the  husband  and  wife  complement  each  other  tem- 
peramentally and  physically,  and  who  conduct  their  household 
on  the  sure  principles  of  religion,  temperance,  and  mutual 
concession,  will  be  confirmed  in  its  happiness  by  the  olive 
branches  which  may  spring  up  in  their  midst 

When  Permissible. 

Undoubtedly  thei'e  are  circumstances  under  which  cousins 
might  marry  without  apparent  injurious  results,  but  such  cir- 
cumstances are  exceedingly  rare.  We  might  suppose  those 
circumstances  to  exist  in  the  following  hypothesis:  Two 
brothers,  in  whose  veins  is  the  blood  of  half  a  dozen  nations, 
and  who  can  not  recall  a  single  instance  of  intermarriage  in 
the  family  in  generations  past,  settle  for  life  in  this  country  a 
thousand  miles  apart,  and  marry  wives  who  are  total  strangers 
and  as  dissimilar  as  two  white  women  can  be ;  their  habits 
are  excellent,  their  morals  pure,  and  their  health  vigorous. 
Were  the  son  of  one  brother  to  marry  the  daughter  of  the 
other,  we  could  hardly  apprehend  a  serious  marring  of  their 
offspring,  especially  if  such  son  and  daughter  respectively  re- 
sembled their  mothers,  thus  being  withdrawn  as  it  were  frora 
the  temperamental  constitution  of  their  flithers,  or  the  con- 
sanguineous side.  This  may  be  considered  an  extreme  and 
improbable  case,  but  it  is  only  such  a  one  that  we  would 
venture  to  permit  as  conferring  no  injury  on  the  offspring. 

Again  :  if  the  suitors — cousins — be  past  forty  years  of  age, 
and  seek  to  marry  simply  and  only  for  personal  companion' 
ahip^  that  is  another  thing,  and  may  be  admissible.  The 
danger  of  inflicting  imbeciles  on  society  would  be  materially 
lessened.  If,  therefore,  cousins  will  marry,  let  them  put  it  oflf 
till  past  forty  years  of  age. 


/0nfttgctl  mUdxon. 


m 

Love  is  a  celestial  harmony, 

Of  likely  hearts  compos'd  of  star's  consen''., 

Whicn  join  together  in  sweet  sympathy, 

To  work  each  others  joy  and  true  content.—  SpenMT. 

TJXHAPPY    MaEKIAGES. 

\KRIAGE  is  intended  to  promote,  and  not  to  de^ 
stroy,  happiness.  It  is  normally  a  perennial  spring  of 
joy,  and  not  a  perpetually  flowing  fountain  of  bitter- 
ness. When  it  becomes  a  source  of  bickerings, 
contention,  and  domestic  misery,  we  may  conclude  that  the 
conditions  under  which  it  has  been  contracted  are  not  favor- 
able— not  such  as  nature  has  indicated  to  be  essential  to  its 
harmonious  operations. 

When  we  see  an  unhappy  married  couple,  we  are  apt  hastily 
to  infer  that  one  of  the  parties,  at  least,  is  greatly  in  fault, 
and  that  perhaps  both  are  of  an  unamiable  disposition  ;  but 
this  is  often  far  from  being  the  case.  In  many  instances  both 
parties  are  naturally  amiable,  kind-hearted,  and  affectionate. 
Each  is  capable  of  loving  and  of  making  another  being  happy 
in  the  marriage  relation,  but  that  other  does  not  happen  to 
be  the  one  to  whom  he  or  she  is  bound.  They  are  mismated. 
They  do  not  harmonize — the  bond  of  sympathy  or  under- 
standing of  each  other  is  lacking.  The  parties  have  made  a 
mistake.  The  world  is  full  of  these  mismated  couples — full  of 
the  unhappiness,  the  deep  misery  which  inevitably  grows  out 
of  incompatibility  in  the  marriage  relation.  Can  anything 
be  done  to  prevent  the  so  frequent  occurrence  of  these  errors  ? 
or  18  marriage  a  mere  game  of  chance — a  lottery — as  some 

3* 


4:2  WEDLOCK. 

have  called  it?  We  believe  that  something  can  be  done. 
Ignorance  is  the  main  cause  of  these  unhappy  alliances,  and 
the  diffusion  of  the  needed  knowledge  will,  in  a  great  measure, 
prevent  them.  It  is  our  purpose  in  this  chapter  to  impart  at 
least  some  hints  toward  this  knowledge,  so  as  to  enable  our 
readers  to  avoid  the  terrible  dangers  which  beset  the  path  of 
those  who  are  ignorant  of  nature's  laws  in  respect  to  tlie 
union  of  the  sexes  in  marriage.  He  who,  in  the  full  light  of 
day  and  with  his  eyes  wide  open,  persists  in  running  into  the 
iaws  of  a  calamity  worse  than  death,  must  accept  the  inevi- 
table consequences. 

About  Temperament. 

Prominent  among  the  conditions  affecting  the  happiness  of 
married  couples  is  temperament;  and  this  is  one  of  the  first 
things  to  be  considered  by  those  contemplating  matrimony. 
To  enable  the  reader  to  fully  understand  our  teachings  on  this 
point,  we  here  give  a  brief  description  of  the  three  primary 
temperaments. 

Temperament  is  a  particular  state  of  the  constitution,  de- 
pending upon  the  relative  proportion  of  its  different  masses  or 
systems  of  organs.  We  are  accustomed  to  consider  these  con- 
stitutional conditions  as  primarily  three  in  number,  called,  re- 
Bpectively, 

The  Motive  Temperament;  The  Vital  Temperament; 
AND  The  Mental  Temperament. 

The  first  is  marked  by  a  superior  development  of  the  os- 
seous and  muscular  systems,  forming  the  locomotive  appa- 
ratus; in  the  second,  the  vital  organs,  the  principal  seat  of 
which  is  in  the  trunk,  give  the  tone  to  the  organization ;  whikj 
in  the  third,  the  brain  and  nervous  system  exert  the  control- 
ling power. 

1.  TTie  Motive  Temperament. — In  this  temperament  the 
bones  are  comparatively  large  and  broad  rather  than  long, 
and  the  muscles  only  moderately  full,  but  dense,  firm,  and 
tough.  The  figure  is  generally  tall,  the  face  long,  the  <rheek- 
bones  rather  high,  the  neck  long,  the  shoulders  broad,  and 
the  chest  moderately  tUIl.     The  complexion  and  eyes  are  gen 


CONJUGAL  SELECTION.  4-3 

erally,  but  not  always  dark,  and  the  hair  dark,  strong,  and 
rather  abundant.  The  features  are  strongly  marked,  and  the 
expression  striking  and  sometimes  harsh  or  rigid.  The  whole 
system  is  characterized  by  strength  and  capacity  for  endur- 
ance as  well  as  for  active  labor.  Persons  in  whom  it  predom- 
inates possess  great  energy  and  perseverance,  and,  in  other 
,  respects,  strongly  marked  characters.  They  are  observeiT 
rather  than  thinkers,  and  are  better  suited  to  the  fiplc^  tliar  t* 
the  council  chamber.  They  are  firm,  self-reliant,  constant  in 
love  and  in  friendship,  fond  of  power,  ambitious,  and  some- 
times stern  and  severe.  This  temperament  in  its  typical  form 
is  not  common  among  women,  in  whom  it  is  modified  by  a 
larger  proportion  of  the  vital  eiement  of  int  eunstiLuLiurs 

2.  The  Vital  Temperament. — The  vital  temperament  l^ 
marked  by  breadth  and  thickness  of  body  rather  than  by 
length.  Its  prevailing  characteristic  is  rotundity.  The  chest 
is  full,  the  abdamen  well  developed,  the  limbs  plump  and  gen- 
erally tapering,  and  the  hands  and  feet  relatively  small.  The 
neck  is  short  and  thick,  the  shoTilders  broad,  the  chest  full, 
and  the  head  and  face  inclining  to  roundness.  The  complexion 
is  g«  nerally  florid,  the  eyes  and  hair  light,  and  the  expression 
of  the  countenance  pleasing  and  often  mirthful. 

Persons  in  whom  this  temi^erament  predominates  are  both 
physically  and  mentally  active,  and  love  fresh  air  and  exer- 
cise as  well  as  lively  conversation  and  exciting  debate,  but 
are,  in  general,  less  inclined  to  close  study  or  hard  work  than 
those  in  whom  the  motive  temperament  takes  the  lead.  They 
are  ardent,  impulsive,  versatile,  and  sometimes  fickle  ;  and  pos- 
sess  more  diligence  than  persistence,  and  more  brilliancy  than 
depth.  They  are  frequently  passionate  and  violent,  but  are 
as  easily  calmed  as  excited,  and  are  cheerful,  amiable,  and 
genial  in  their  general  disposition.  The  vital  temperament 
is  noted  for  large  animal  propensities  generally,  and  especially 
Amativeness,  Alimpntiveness,  and  Acquisitiveness.  Benevo- 
lence, Hope,  and  Mirthfulness  are  also  generally  well  devel- 
oped. 

3.  The  Mental  Temperament. — This  temperament  is  char- 
RCterized  by  a  rather  slight  frame;  a  head  relatively  large: 


44  WEDLOCK, 

an  oval  or  pyriform  face ;  high,  pale  forehead ;  delicate  and 

finely  cut  features;  bright  and  expressive  eyes;  slender 
neck;  and  only  a  moderate  development  of  chest.  The  hair 
is  generally  soft  and  fine,  and  neither  abundant  nor  very  dark, 
the  skin  soft  and  fine,  and  the  expression  of  the  face  varied 
\u(\  animated. 

Sensitiveness,  refinement,  taste,  love  of  the  beautiful  in  na-, 
ture  and  art,  vividness  of  conception,  and  intensity  of  emotion 
mark  this   temperament  in  its  mental  manifestations.     The 
thoughts  are  quick,  the  senses  acute,  the  imagination  lively, 
and  the  moral  sentiments  generally  active  and  influential. 

JBalance  of  Temperaments. — Where  either  of  the  tempera- 
ments exists  in  excess,  the  result  is  necessarily  a  departure  from 
riyrametry  and  harmony,  both  of  body  and  mind,  the  one  always 
»iffecting  the  character  and  action  of  the  other.  Perfection  of 
w'onstitution  consists  in  a  proper  balance  of  temperaments.* 

The  Law  of  Conjugal  Selectiox. 
With  regard  to  tlie  proper  combinations  of  temperament  in 
the  marriage  relation,  physiologists  have  differed,  one  con- 
tending that  the  constitutions  of  the  parties  should  be  similar, 
while  others,  on  the  contrary,  have  taught  that  contrast  sliould 
be  sought.  It  seems  to  us  that  neither  of  these  statements 
expresses  fully  the  true  law  of  selection.  The  end  to  be  aimed 
at  is  harmony.  There  can  be  no  harmony  Avithout  a  differ- 
once,  but  there  may  be  difference  without  harmony.  It  is  not 
because  a  woman  is  like  a  man  that  he  loves  her,  but  because 
she  is  unlike.  The  qualities  which  he  lacks  are  the  ones  in 
lur  which  attract  him — the  personal  traits  and  mental  pe- 
curuirities  which  combine  to  make  her  womanly  ;  and  in  pro- 
portion as  she  lacks  these,  or  possesses  masculine  character- 
istics, will  a  woman  repel  the  opposite  sex.  So  a  woman  ad- 
mires in  man  true  manliness^  and  is  repelled  by  weakness  and 
effeminacy.  A  womanish  man  awakens  either  the  pity  or  the 
contempt  of  the  fair  sex.f 

•  See  "New  Physio^omy'"  for  a  more  complete  description  of  all  tbe  pbasei 
and  shades  of  human  temperament,  with  numerous  illustrations. 

+  On«!  of  the  most  withering' or  cuttin;,' epithets  one  male  Indian  can  use  toward 
mother  is  to  call  him  a  squaw. 


CONJUGAL  SELECTION.  45 

This  law,  we  believe,  admits  of  the  widest  application.  The 
dark-haired,  svvarthy  man  is  apt  to  take  for  his  mate  some 
azure-eyed  blonde ;  the  lean  and  spare  choose  the  stout  and 
plum)-;  the  tall  and  the  short  often  unite;  and  plain  men 
generally  win  the  fairest  of  the  fair. 

In  temperament,  as  in  everything  else,  what  we  should  seek 
is  not  likeness,  but  a  harmonious  difference.  The  husband 
and  wife  are  not  counterparts  of  each  other,  but  complements — 
halves  which  joined  together  form  a  rounded  symmetrical 
whole.  In  music,  contiguous  notes  are  discordant,  but  when 
we  sound  together  a  first  and  a  third,  or  a  third  and  a  fifth,  we 
produce  a  chord.  The  same  principle  pervades  all  nature. 
Two  persons  may  be  too  much  alike  to  agree.  They  crowd 
each  other,  for  two  objects  can  not  occupy  the  same  space  at 
the  same  time.  While,  therefore,  we  do  not  wholly  agree 
with  those  -who  insist  upon  the  union  of  opposites  in  the  mat- 
ter of  temperament,  we  believe  that  a  close  resemblance  in 
the  constitution  of  the  body  between  the  parties  should  be 
avoided,  as  not  only  inimical  to  their  harmony  and  happiness, 
but  detrimental  to  their  offspring.  If  the  mental  tempera- 
ment, for  instance,  be  strongly  indicated  in  both,  their  union, 
instead  of  having  a  sedative  and  healthful  influence,  will  tend 
to  intensify  the  already  too  great  mental  activity  of  each,  and 
perhaps  in  the  end  produce  nervous  prostration ;  and  their 
children,  if,  unfortunately,  any  should  result  from  the  union, 
will  be  likely  to  inherit  in  still  greater  excess  tte  constitutional 
tendencies  of  the  parents.  A  preponderance  of  the  vital  ele- 
ment in  one  of  the  parties  would  tend  not  only  to  a  gi-eater 
degree  of  harmony  and  a  more  healthful  influence,  but  to 
a  more  desirable  and  symmetrical  development  and  com- 
plete blending  of  desirable  qualities  in  their  oflTsp^-ing. 

A  predominance  of  the  vital  or  of  the  motive  temperamenl 
in  both  parties,  though  perhaps  less  disastrous  in  Us  results, 
favors,  in  the  same  way,  connubial  discord  and  a  lack  of  bal- 
ance in  offspring. 

Where  the  temperaments  are  well  balanced  in  both,  the 
similarity  is  less  objectionable,  and  the  union,  in  such  case, 
may  result  favorably,  both  as  respects  parents  and  children ; 


^6  WEDLOCK, 

but  perfect  balance  in  all  the  elements  of  temperament  is  very 
rare ;  and  wherever  there  is  a  deficiency  in  one  party,  it  should, 
if  possible,  be  balanced  by  an  ample  development  in  the  same 
direction  in  the  otlier,  and  vice  versa. 

INTERN  ATI  ox  AL   MaRRIAGES. 

The  modern  nations  of  Europe  and  America  are  all  more 
or  less  mixed,  and  this  is  especially  true  of  the  English,  and 
the  Americans  of  the  United  States.  The  results  of  the  cross- 
es, in  these  cases,  seem  to  be  favorable.  The  good  qualities 
of  several  races  appear  to  have  combined,  to  a  certain  extent, 
to  form  a  new  race,  superior  to  either  of  its  elements.  It  does 
not  follow,  however,  that  any  and  every  racial  mixture  is  de- 
sirable or  allowable.  In  this  case,  as  in  the  matter  of  tem- 
perament, there  are  incompatible  as  well  as  compatible  com- 
binations. An  American  may  marry  an  English,  German, 
French,  or  Irish  lady,  provided  the  differences  between  the 
parties  in  character,  habits,  and  religion  be  such  as  can  be 
made  to  harmonize,  and  the  results  may  be  favorable  to  all 
concerned.  A  union,  however,  of  a  Caucasian  with  an  Amer- 
ican Indian,  a  Mongolian,  or  a  Negro  can  result  neither  in 
conjugal  harmony  nor  in  well-constituted  offspring.  But  the 
God-given  instincts  of  every  well-constituted  white  man  and 
woman  furnish  a  sufficient  refutation  of  the  theory  of  misce- 
genation (mixture  of  races),  so  far,  at  least,  as  it  relates  to 
races  so  widely  separated  as  the  Caucasian  and  the  Negro, 
the  Mongolian,  or  the  American  Indian. 

Wliether  a  mixture  of  blood  shall  result  in  a  compound  su- 
perior to  either  of  the  ingredients  or  inferior,  depends  upon 
the  adaptation  of  the  one  to  the  other.  Some  mixed  races  are 
more  powerful  than  their  progenitors  on  either  side ;  but  this  is 
not  the  case  with  the  offspring  of  a  union  between  the  white 
and  the  black,  red,  or  yellow  races.  The  Mulatto,  though 
superior  to  the  Negro  in  intellect,  is  inferior  to  both  the  black 
and  the  white  man  in  physical  strength  and  endurance ;  and 
the  mixed  race  always  either  becomes  absorbed  in  one  or  the 
other  of  the  pure  races,  or  else  speedily  dies  out.  It  should 
be  observed,  too,  that  the  fairer  the  Caucasian,  the  more  in 


CONJUGAL  SELECTION.  47 

compatible  the  union  with  the  dark  races ;  the  Teutonic  and 
Anglo-Saxon  branches  forming  the  worst  possible  combination 
with  the  Negro  or  the  Indian,  while  the  Celtic  French,  and 
especially  the  Celt-Iberian  Spaniard,  forms  a  less  objection- 
able mixture  with  these  races.  The  intermarriage,  however^ 
is  not  admissible,  we  believe,  on  physiological  grounds,  even 
in  their  case. 

Mental  Coxgexialitt. 

If  the  law  of  harmony  already  stated  be  correct,  it  follows 
that  mental  congeniality  or  affinity,  like  physical  adapta- 
tion, must  grow  out  of  mental  differences,  and  not  out  of  sim- 
ilarity. In  fact,  the  temperamental  differences  we  have  in- 
dicated as  desirable,  involve  corresponding  mental  differences. 
Each  temperament  has  its  leading  traits  of  character,  and 
those  properly  belonging  to  one  are  never  collectively  and  in 
a  similar  degree  found  associated  with  either  of  the  others. 

But  w^hile  we  believe  a  degree  of  dissimilarity  in  character 
is  desirable  and  promotive  of  harmony,  we  are  far  from  wish- 
ing^ to  encourasje  those  whose  mental  org^anizations  are  radi- 
cally  and  necessarily  antagonistic  to  unite  in  marriage.  A 
pers'tnwith  a  highly  developed  moral  nature,  for  instance, 
would  be  rendered  miserable  by  a  union  with  a  partner  in 
whom  the  animal  propensities  predominate  in  development 
and  activity  and  give  their  tone  to  the  character  and  the  life. 
So  delicacy,  refinement,  and  love  of  the  beautiful  can  not  as- 
sociate happily  with  coarseness,  vulgarity,  and  a  hard,  re- 
pulsive insensibility  to  the  finer  feelings  of  the  soul ;  but  it 
does  not  follow  that  a  husband's  large  Benevolence,  for  in- 
stance, should  be  matched  by  an  equal  development  in  the 
wife;  or  that  her  predominant  Veneration  and  Spirituality 
must  be  met  by  the  same  degree  of  manifestation  in  the  hus- 
band. On  the  contrary,  it  is  better  that  there  be  a  balance, 
as  it  were,  between  them,  so  that  the  one  may  hold  the  other 
a  little  in  check,  if  necessary ;  but  the  difference  must  not  be 
too  great,  as  it  might,  in  that  case,  lead  to  angry  contention 
and  permanent  estrangement. 

If  we  admit  the  doctrine,  that  the  greatest  possible  simi- 
larity is  to  be  sought  in  a  matrimonial  alliance,  we  should  b€ 


48  WEDLOCK. 

compelled  to  advise  the  artist  to  marry  an  artist,  the  literary 
man  a  writer,  the  musician  a  singer,  and  so  on  ;  but  experience 
has  proved  tliat  such  connections  are  seldom  desirable,  and 
sometimes  result  in  separation  or  perpetual  domestic  discord. 
Exceptions  can  be  quoted,  it  is  true,  but  this  is  the  rule.  The 
artist  should  marry  one  who  is  able  to  appreciate  his  art,  but 
art  should  not  be  the  ruling  passion  in  both ;  and  the  same 
rule  applies  to  literature,  music,  or  any  other  pursuit  involving 
strong  special  developments.  There  should  be  sympathy  in 
each  with  the  leading  tastes  and  aspirations  of  the  other,  but 
not  necessarily  the  same  talents  or  capacities. 

The  question  to  be  settled  in  regard  to  any  two  persons  of 
opposite  sexes  contemplating  matrimony  is,  "  will  their  char- 
acters harmonize  ?  "  We  have  stated  the  general  law  of  har- 
mony in  the  preceding  section.  We  can  not  lay  down  an 
exact  formula  for  its  practical  application  to  the  relations  of 
men  and  women,  because  the  gamut  of  the  mental  faculties 
has  not,  like  that  of  music,  been  fully  determined  ;  but  we 
can  contidently  assert  that  affinity  between  the  sexes  depends 
upon  certain  measured  differences,  and  that  any  one  who  will 
take  the  trouble  to  become  thoroughly  acquainted  first  with 
himself  or  herself,  and  then  with  the  person  of  the  other  sex 
with  whom  a  union  may  be  contemplated,  there  will  generally 
be  little  difficulty  in  deciding  the  question  of  compatibility  or 
adaptation. 

Educational  Coxsideratioxs. 

As  a  rule,  the  parties  proposing  a  matrimonial  alliance 
should  possess  the  advantages  of  education  in  a  similar  degree, 
but  modified  in  kind  of  course  by  sex.  One's  tastes  and  habits 
are  greatly  influenced  by  culture,  and  a  very  great  disparity 
here  must  result  in  a  lack  of  complete  sympathy,  if  in  nothing 
worse.  Where  the  husband,  for  instance,  is  well  educated, 
fond  of  books,  and  the  society  of  cultivated  people,  and  in- 
clined to  intellectual  pursuits  and  enjoyments,  and  the  wife 
has  neither  the  ability  to  appreciate  his  tastes  nor  the  desire 
to  cultivate  similar  habits,  there  must  be  a  painful  sacrifice  on 
his  part  or  a  humblino-  sense  of  inferiority  on  hers,  tending  to 


CONJUGAL   SELECTION.  49 

anything  but  conjugal  harmony.  Where  the  lack  of  culture 
is  on  the  part  of  the  husband,  the  results  are  sometimes  even 
more  painful. 

There  are  exceptional  cases.  Some  men  and  women  lack 
culture  simply  through  the  want  of  educational  privileges, 
and  manifest  the  strongest  desire  to  make  good  all  their  de- 
iiciencies.  In  such  cases,  however  much  the  lack  may  be  re- 
gretted, we  would  not  make  it  a  bar  to  marriage  with  a  person 
of  superior  culture.  When  one  has  arrived  at  a  marriageable 
age,  it  is  a  late  day  on  which  to  commence  an  education  ;  but 
better  late  than  never.  Many  a  person  has  begun  the  work  of 
mental  culture  at  thirty,  or  even  forty  years  of  age,  and  yet 
become  distinguished  for  learning  and  its  practical  applica- 
tion ;  so  there  is  no  cause  for  despair.  To  the  loving  husband 
or  wife,  the  office  of  teacher  may  be  made  a  delightful  one,  and 
the  progress  of  the  beloved  pupil  rapid  and  satisfactory ;  but 
marriage  brings  with  it  other  duties  and  responsibilities, 
which  are  likely  to  interfere  sadly  with  the  home  school ;  bo 
we  must  not  hope  too  much  from  it. 

Social  Position. 

Man  and  woman  should  meet,  as  nearly  as  possible,  on  the 
same  plane  of  social  position  and  mental  status.  Kings  and 
milkmaids  form  blissful  alliances  only  in  the  musical  measures 
of  old-time  ballads,  and  it  is  in  the  same  records  alone  that 
beggars  many  princesses,  and  fair  faces  atone  for  the  absence 
of  brain,  position,  and  common  sense  !  Yery  few  people  are 
happy  who  marry  either  much  above  or  much  below  their 
station  in  life.  If  one  of  the.  life  partners  must  be  superior,  it 
Ijad  better  be  the  husband.  A  woman  easily  learns  to  look 
up,  and  it  is  natural  for  the  man  to  assume  a  protecting  su- 
]ieriority,  even  when  there  is  no  real  ground  for  it;  but  woe 
betide  the  couple  where  the  woman  looks  down  on  hipi  whom 
she  has  solemnly  promised  to  love  and  honor. 

Nor  should  there  be  any  insuperable  difference  in  the  mental 
capacity,  for,  even  supposing  them  to  be  well  mated  at  first, 
a  man  generally  grows  in  mind  and  brain  as  he  progresses 
•^ward  with  a  progressive  world,  and  his  wife  must  either 

a 


50  WEDLOCK. 

grow  with  liim,  a  companion  in  every  sense  of  the  word,  or  be 
left  behind,  a  mere  doll  to  be  hung  with  silks  and  jewels,  or 
a  drudge  to  cook  his  dinners  and  take  care  of  his  childrei 
Remember  this,  girls,  when  you  are  inclined  to  lag  behind  in 
the  widening  path  of  ever-new  discoveries  and  developments, 
and  don't  follow  the  example  of  Lot's  wife  ! 

Religious  Coxsiderations. 

Rev.  Henry  Ward  Beecher,  in  one  of  his  discourses,  in 
commenting  on  the  twenty-eighth  chapter  of  Genesis,  said : 

"Jacob's  father  forbade  him  to  take  a  wife  from  the  daugh- 
ters of  Canaan.  Why  ?  Because  he  knew  that  with  the  wife 
he  would  take  the  religion  ;  that  had  he  brought  into  his 
house  the  fairest  and  discreetest  of  wives,  he  would  have 
brought  in  the  cause  of  a  long  train  of  miseries  with  her.  It 
is  an  old  proverb,  that  a  man  is  what  his  wife  will  let  him  be ; 
and  old  Isaac  was  a  wise  man  when  he  said,  '  Don't  go  among 
the  Canaanites  to  get  a  wife.'  Canaan  nowadays  is  every- 
where. It  is  every  house  where  there  has  been  no  family 
prayer,  where  mammon  is  God ;  wherever  there  is  a  godless 
household,  there  is  the  land  of  Canaan.  A  man  that  marries 
a  good  wife  has  very  little  more  to  ask  of  the  Lord  till  he  dies. 
A  good  wife  is  a  blessing  from  the  Lord,  and  there  are  very  few 
blessings  that  he  gives  now  or  hereafter  that  are  comparable 
to  it.  And  marriage  is  a  thing  not  heedlessly  to  be  rushed 
into,  but  slowly,  discreetly.  It  is  anything  but  a  fancy  or  a 
calculation.  It  is  a  matter  of  moral  judgment  and  duty  aa 
high  as  any  duty  that  lifts  itself  between  you  and  the  face  of 

God It  is  not  wise  to  mix  religions.    A  man  who  mar 

ries  a  wife  of  a  different  religion  from  his  own,  thinking  after- 
ward to  bend  her  to  his  views,  has  very  little  idea  of  timbei  " 


I  love  thee,  and  1  leel 
That  on  the  fountain  of  my  heart  a  seal 
Is  set  to  keep  its  waters  pui-e  and  bright 
For  thee.— Shelley. 

And  had  he  not  long  read 
The  heart's  hushed  secret  in  the  soft  dark  «ye, 
Lighted  at  his  approach,  and  on  the  cheek 
Coloring  all  crimson  at  his  lightest  look  ?— 2i.  E.  L. 

Falling  in  Love. 

UR  devotioii  to  science,  and  our  faith  in  tbe  law  c 
conjugal  selection,  as  set  forth  in  the  preceding 
chaj^iter,  do  not  prevent  us  from  believing  in  love. 
In  all  ages,  from  the  days  of  Adam  and  Eve  to  th< 
j)resent  time,  men  have  been  accustomed  to  "  fall  in  love ' 
with  women,  and  women  with  men  ;  and  so  they  will  continue 
1o  do,  we  have  no  doubt,  so  long  as  men  and  women  are  con- 
stituted as  at  present. 

We  do  not  leave  love  out  of  the  account  by  any  means,  but 
we  desire  to  impress  upon  the  minds  of  our  readers  the  fact, 
that  it  should  be  subjected  to  the  guidance  of  reason  and  the 
restraining  influence  of  the  moral  sentiments.  Love  is  a  strong 
l)assion.  When  once  firmly  seated  on  the  throne  of  the  human 
heart,  it  can  not  easily  be  deposed.  We  must  guard  well  all 
the  approaches  to  the  stronghold  of  the  affections.  We  must 
not  permit  the  little  god  to  come  in  till  judgment  shall  have 
approved  and  conscience  crowned  him. 

In  plain  words,  there  should  be  7io  ^^ falling  in  love^''  except 
with  suitable  persons.  The  rules  we  have  laid  down,  in  con- 
oection  with  such  a  knowledge  of  physiology,  phrenology,  and 


52  WEDLOCK. 

physiognomy  as  every  person  old  enough  to  marry  ought  to 
possess,  will  enable  any  sensible  young  man  or  young  woman 
to  judge  who  are  and  who  are  not  adapted  to  them. 

How  TO  Do  It. 

"  Marriage  is  a  lottery,"  they  say.  Too  often,  we  fear,  it 
is  something  like  this ;  but  it  need  not  be  so,  as  we  have  already 
shown.  A  young  man  M'ith  a  thorough  knowledge  of  phys- 
iology, phrenology,  and  pliysiognomy,  and  who  had  properly 
studied  his  own  organization,  would  never  "  fall  in  love  "  with 
a  girl  mentally  and  temperamentally  unsuited  to  himself. 
His  standard  of  excellence  and  of  beauty  would  be  founded, 
first,  on  a  knowledge  of  what  is  intrinsically  good  in  mental 
and  physical  organization,  and  second,  on  what  is  adapted  to 
harmonize  with  his  own  constitution  and  disposition  ;  and 
none  but  those  possessing  those  qualities  would  seem  lovable 
to  him.  Wanting  a  companion  and  a  helpmeet,  he  would 
never  wish  to  marry  a  doll  for  the  sake  of  her  "  pretty  "  face. 
No  face  would  be  beautiful  to  him  which  has  not  soul  in  it ; 
and  knowing  the  "  signs  of  character,"  he  could  not  be  de- 
ceived. So  the  trifler,  the  profligate,  or  the  heartless  fortune- 
hunter  would  pay  his  court  in  vain  to  the  physiologically, 
phrenologically,  and  physiognomically  educated  young  wo- 
man. His  blandishments,  his  soft  words,  and  flattering  com- 
pliments would  avail  him  nothing.  She  would  be  disgusted 
and  repelled  by  such  persons,  because,  to  her,  the  cloak  which 
they  think  to  make  of  their  artful  manners  and  language  would 
be  perfectly  transparent.  She  would  read  not  only  their 
characters,  but  the  history  of  their  dissipated  and  dishonorable 
ives  on  their  faces. 

LoYE  AXD  Fate. 

There  is  a  theory,  too  generally  accepted,  that  love  can  not 
»c  evaded — that  there  is  destiny  in  it — in  a  word,  that  you 
'  an  not  help  yourself  A  late  writer  disposes  of  this  assump- 
tion as  follows  :  "  It  is  the  greatest  mistake  in  the  world  to 
.Hupi)Ose  that  love  is  not  subject  to  control.  Why  do  we  not 
fall  in  love  with  our  sisters  ?     Simply  because  we  know  that 


COURTSHIP.  53 

we  must  not,  and  ought  not.  Perhaps  you  may  be  inclined  to 
give  me  a  diiferent  answer,  saying,  because  they  are  our  sisters. 
But  this  answer,  in  reality,  means  the  same  as  the  other, 
although  people  seem  to  imagine  that  it  means  something 
different.  They  seem  to  imply  that  there  is  the  same  impos- 
sibility of  foiling  in  love  with  a  sister  as  there  is  to  become 
enamored  of  a  female  belonging  to  a  diiferent  species.  There 
is  no  such  impossibility.  Men  have  frequently  become  en- 
amored of  women  of  whose  consanguinity  they  were  ignorant. 
The  reason  you  do  not  entertain  a  passion  for  your  sisters  is, 
not  because  they  are  your  sisters,  but  because  you  know  that 
they  are — because  they  and  you  from  hifancy  have  been  trained 
never  to  think  of  each  other  in  the  light  of  lovers — because,  if 
ever  you  are  struck  with  your  sister's  beauty,  it  never  occui-s 
to  you  that  you  can  call  this  beauty  yours — because,  in  short, 
you  know  from  the  moment  you  can  entertain  a  thought  of  love, 
that  the  passion,  as  regards  your  sister,  is  hopeless,  useless, 
vain,  wicked — that  it  can  and  must  be  controlled.  Or  take 
another  case.  How  is  it  that  we  do  not  fall  in  love  with 
women  who  are  out  of  our  own  sphere  of  life  ?  A  man  sees  a 
princess  whom,  if  she  were  of  his  own  rank,  he  might  covet  for 
his  bride.  He  can  not  help  admiring  her,  but  does  he  think 
of  her  with  love  ?  and  if  he  does  not  think  of  her  with  love, 
why  not  but  for  this  cause,  that  the  knowledge  of  her  rank 
exerts  over  his  emotion  an  unconscious  control  ?  So  that  it 
is  nearly  as  impossible  for  '  an  ordinary  mortal '  to  i'all  in 
love  with  a  princess  as  to  fall  in  love  with  his  own  sister. 
The  conclusion  to  be  drawn  from  which  is,  that  since  the  pas- 
sion of  love  is  thus  shown  to  be  capable  of  control  in  certain 
cases,  there  can  be  no  reason  to  suppose  that  it  is  not  controllable 
in  all.  To  teach  otherwise,  is  only  to  propagate  a  mischievouB 
fallacy.  It  may  not  always  be  controllable  if  we  allow  it  to 
take  possession  of  our  minds  ;  but  it  is  always  so  if  we  choose 
to  be  on  our  guard  against  its  approaches." 

Another  says  :  "  Choosing  a  wife  is  no  such  puzzling  enigma 
as  it  used  to  be,  before  the  lights  of  modern  science  shone 
across  this  nineteenth  century  of  ours.  If  you  mai-ry  an  angel, 
and  discover  afterward  that  she  is  something  very  far  removed 


54  WEDLOCK. 

from  the  supernal,  you  have  only  yourself -to  thank  for  it. 
You  might  have  read  the  dormant  existence  of  those  very  re- 
pellant  traits  of  character  that  broke  upon  you  like  thunder- 
bolts in  the  conformation  of  the  pretty  head,  the  shape  of  the 
polished  forehead,  the  curve  of  the  stately  neck.  You  might 
have  seen  the  flash  of  temper  in  her  eyes,  the  acei'bity  of  her 
close  lips,  the  iron  will  of  the  square  chin.  Kature  inscribes 
her  character  plainly  enough  in  face  and  brain ;  and  if  you 
did  not  take  the  trouble  to  read  the  signs  and  tokens,  why, 
you  have  only  to  make  the  best  of  the  bargain." 

How  TO  Win  Love. 

There  is  an  "  Art  of  Love  " — a  secret  to  how  many  ! — and 
v:^e  purpose  to  reveal  it  to  all  who  will  give  us  their  attention. 
It.  consists  in  the  use  of  a  subtile  charm — a  potent  spell,  a  magic 
influence  which  no  susceptible  heart  can  well  withstand.  The 
noble,  the  rich,  the  learned,  the  gifted,  the  beautiful,  as  well  as 
the  humble,  the  poor,  the  ignorant,  and  the  homely,  are  forced 
to  yield  to  its  witchery.  What  a  gift,  what  an  endowment  this 
power  must  be  !  Yes ;  but  every  man  who  is  worthy  to  win 
the  affections  of  a  true  woman,  and  every  woman  who  is  tit 
to  become  a  wife,  may  possess  and  exercise  it.  It  is  nothing 
more  or  less  than — "  love  ! " 

"  Love  begets  love  !  "  If,  having  chosen  wisely,  you  love 
purely,  truly,  deeply — with  the  whole  heart — you  have  the 
"  charm."  Love  will  find  expression  in  every  Avord  and  in 
every  act,  when  hi  the  presence  of  the  beloved  object,  and  it 
will  make  itself  felt.  If  she  be  truly  a  fitting  mate  for  you, 
and  her  affections  be  not  already  engaged,  it  is  natural  that 
she  should  be  moved  by  similar  feelings.  The  awakening  of 
her  slumbering  love  may  be  gradual,  or  it  may  be  sudden — 
that  is  a  matter  of  temperament  mainly — but  it  is  inevitable. 

Would  you  call  out  the  love  of  a  lady,  you  must  first  love 
the  lady.  It  is  not  a  lily-white  hand,  a  dimpled  cheek  or  chin, 
large  languishing  eyes,  or  a  pretty  face  that  begets  in  women 
an  absorbing  love;  but  it  is  manliness,  gentleness-,  dignity 
(not  pride  and  vanity).  It  is  strength,  not  weakness ;  power, 
not  impotence*   bravery,  not   timidity;   self-reliance,   not  a 


COURTSHIP.  55 

sliirking  of  responsibilities;  devotion,  trust,  hope,  kindness, 
and  steadfastness  that  woman  admires  in  man.  And  man  ad- 
mires most  in  woman  tlie  real  Avomanly  qualities,  such  as 
modesty,  virtue,  frankness,  affection,  trustfulness.  This  is  the 
teaching  of  science,  and  no  mere  indefinite  sentimentalisni. 
Be  manly  if  you  are  or  claim  to  be  a  man ;  and  if  you  are  a 
woman,  be  womanly,  and  remember  that  love  begets  love. 
If  the  delicate  attentions  which  your  feelings  prompt  you 
to  pay  to  a  lady  are  coldly  received;  if  she  be  manifestly  in- 
different toward  you,  or  if  she  be  studiously  and  ceremoniously 
])olite  rather  than  frank  and  ingenuous,  the  inference  is  plain 
*^hat  you  have  made  a  mistake,  and  that,  with  a  woman's  clearer 
.nsight,  she  sees,  or  rather  feels,  that  you  are  not  adapted  to 
ber — that  your  constitution  and  character  are  not  accordant 
■yf ith  hers. 

Particular  Attentions. 

Having  satisfied  yourself  that  you  really  love  a  woman  with 
the  approval  of  your  judgment  and  the  sanction  of  your  moral 
sentiments — be  careful,  as  you  value  your  future  happiness  and 
hers,  not  to  make  a  mistake  in  this  matter — you  will  find  oc- 
casion to  manifest  in  a  thousand  ways  your  preference,  by 
means  of  those  tender  but  delicate  and  deferential  attentions 
which  love  always  prompts.  "  Let  the  heart  speak,"  and  the 
heart  you  address  will  understand  its  language.  Be  earnest, 
sincere,  selfloyal,  and  manly  in  this  matter  above  all  others. 
Let  there  be  no  nauseous  flattery  and  no  sickly  sentimentalisni. 
Leave  the  former  to  fops  and  the  latter  to  undeveloped,  beard- 
less pchool-boys. 

Avoid  even  the  appearance  of  trifling  with  the  feelings  of  a 
woman.  Let  there  be  a  clearly  perceived  if  not  readily  de- 
fined distinction  between  the  attentions  of  common  courtesy  or 
of  friendship  and  those  of  love.  All  chance  for  misunderstand- 
ing on  that  point  can  and  must  be  avoided  ;  but  the  particular 
attentions  you  pay  to  the  object  of  your  devotion  should  not 
make  you  rude  or  uncivil  to  other  women.  Every  woman  is 
her  sister,  and  demands  respect  and  becoming  attention.  Be 
devoted  and  loving,  but  reverential  and  considerate,  so  as  not 


56  WEDLOCK. 

to  subject  yourself  or  the  lady  of  your  love  to  ridicule.    Mak€ 
no  unnecessary  public  exhibition  of  your  affection.* 

**  Learu  to  win  a  lady's  faith 
Nobly,  as  the  thing  is  high ; 
Bravelj",  as  for  life  and  death, 
With  a  loyal  gravity." 

Mat  "Women  Make  Love? 

Certainly  they  may — hi  a  loomanly  way.  The  divine  at- 
traction is  mutual,  and  should  have  proper  expression  on  both 
sides.  Swedenborg  and  others  have  taught  that  love  always 
begins  from  the  icoman — that  is,  love  as  an  influence — a  con- 
fessed power  in  the  intercourse  of  a  human  couple;  in  other 
words,  it  is  the  woman  throwing  the  lasso  of  love  round  the 
neck  of  the  man. 

Swedenborg's  account  of  his  vision  is  very  droll :  "  The  fact 
i^,  nothing  of  love  originates  in  man.  That  it  proceeds 
from  woman  was  clearly  shown  me  in  the  spiritual  world.  I  was 
once  conversing  there  on  the  subject,  when  the  men  under  the 
secret  influence  of  the  women  stoutly  aflirmed  that  they  loved, 
and  that  the  w^omen  were  simply  moved  by  their  passion.  In 
order  to  settle  the  dispute,  all  the  females,  married  and  un- 
married, were  completely  removed,  ^vhereon  the  men  were 
reduced  to  a  very  unusual  condition,  such  as  they  had  never 
befove  experienced,  and  of  which  they  greatly  complained. 
AVhile  they  w^ere  in  this  state  the  women  were  brought  back. 
They  addressed  the  men  in  the  most  tender  and  fascinating 
manner;  but  the  men  were  indifferent,  turning  away  and  say- 
ing, '  What  is  all  this  fuss  ?  What  are  these  women  after  ? ' 
Some  replied,  'We  are  your  wives;'  to  which  they  rejoined, 
What  is  a  wife?  We  do  not  know  you!'  Whereat  the 
women  wept.  At  this  crisis  of  the  experiment,  the  feminine 
influence  broke  through  the  impervious  crust  which  had  been 
permitted  to  inclose  the  men,  w^hen  instantly  their  behavior 
changed,  and  they  heartily  acknowledged  the  Avomen.  Thus 
the  men  were  convinced  that  nothing  of  love  resides  with 

*  See  "  How  to  Beliave,"  a  new  Pocket  Manual  of  Republican  Etiquette,  etc.,  etc 
New  York  :  S.  R.  Wells.    Price ,  75  cents. 


COURTSHIP.  57 

ihem,  but  only  witli  women.  Xevertheless,  the  women  sub- 
Bequently  converted  them  to  their  former  opinion,  admitting 
tliat  possibly  some  small  spark  of  love  might  pass  from  the 
men  into  their  breasts." 

It  is  not  necessary  that  the  reader  should  receive  this  as  a 
revelation  from  heaven,  nor  even  that  the  truth  of  the  doctrine 
be  admitted  at  all.  It  is  enough  that  woman  loves,  and  may, 
jaii,  and  must  make  her  love  manifest  in  some  form.  If  you 
are  attracted  toward  a  man  who  seems  to  j'ou  an  embodi- 
ment of  all  that  is  noble  and  manly,  you  do  injustice  both  to 
•him  and  yourself  if  you  do  not  in  some  way  entirely  con- 
sistent with  maiden  modesty  allow  him  to  see  and  feel  that 
he  pleases  you.  This  does  not  involve  anything  like  flirting 
or  forwardness — none  of  that  obtrusive  manifestation  of  pref- 
erence which  is  sure  to  repel  a  man  of  sense  and  refinement. 

Admiration  is  xot  Love. 

Here  is  some  well-expressed  practical  advice  which  may 
be  of  use  to  our  fair  readers  as  an  illustration  of  what  w< 
have  said  in  the  preceding  sections.  It  sometimes  puzzles  in 
experienced  girls  to  understand  the  difterence  between  merel} 
polite  attentions  and  the  tender  manifestations  of  love ;  and 
young  men  are  not  always  careful  enough  to  make  this  dia 
tinction  obvious. 

"  Admiring  a  beautiful  girl,  and  wishing  to  make  a  wife  of 
her,  are  not  always  the  same  thing;  therefore  it  is  necessary 
tliat  the  damsel  should  be  on  the  alert  to  discover  to  which 
class  the  attentions  paid  her  by  handsome  and  fashionable 
young  gentlemen  belong.  First,  then,  if  a  young  man  greet 
you  in  a  loud,  free,  and  hearty  tone ;  if  he  know  precisely 
where  to  put  his  hand  on  his  hat ;  if  he  stare  you  right  in  the 
eye,  with  his  own  wide  open  ;  if  he  turn  his  back  to  you  to 
speak  to  another ;  if  he  tell  you  who  made  his  coat ;  if  he 
squeeze  your  hand  ;  if  he  eat  heartily  in  your  presence ;  if, 
in  short,  he  si  eeze  when  you  are  singing,  criticise  your  curls, 
or  fail  to  be  foolish  in  fifty  ways  every  hour,  then  don't  fall  in 
love  with  him  for  the  world  !  He  only  admires  you,  let  him 
do  or  say  what  he  will 

3* 


58  WEDLOCK. 

"  On  the  other  haiKl,  if  he  be  merry  with  every  one  else,  but 
quiet  with  you  ;  if  he  be  anxious  to  see  that  your  tea  is  suffi- 
ciently sweetened  and  your  dear  person  well  wrapped  up  when 
you  go  out  into  the  cold;  if  he  talk  very  low;  if  his  cheeks 
are  red,  and  his  nose  only  blushes,  it  is  enough.  If  he  romp 
with  your  sister,  sigh  like  a  pair  of  old  bellows,  look  solemn 
when  you  are  addressed  by  an ot^  in*  gentleman,  and,  in  fact,  if  he 
be  the  most  still,  awkward,  stupid,  yet  anxious  of  all  your  male 
friends,  you  may  '  go  ahead,'  and  make  the  poor  fellow  happy. 

"  Young  ladies  !  keep  your  hearts  in  a  case  of  good  leather, 
or  some  other  substance,  until  the '  right  one'  is  found  beyond 
doubt,  after  which  you  can  go  on,  and  love,  and  court,  and  be 
married  and  happy,  without  the  least  bit  of  trouble  !" 

CouETiifG  Visits. 

It  is  not  our  purpose  to  lay  down  rules  for  the  regulation 
of  those  never-to-be-neglected  visits  which  are  among  the 
sweetest  incidents  in  the  lives  of  a  loving  couple.  They  should 
be  as  profitable  as  they  are  pleasant,  and  to  be  so  they  must 
be  informal,  unrestrained,  and  free  from  all  pretense,  flattery, 
and  dissimulation.  It  is  to  be  expected  that  lovers  will  talk 
of  love,  and  it  is  proper  that  they  should.  If  they  say  much 
that  to  an  indifferent  listener  would  seem  "  nonsense,"  we  are 
far  from  j^ronouncing  them  "  silly ;"  but  there  should  be  much 
serious  and  earnest  talk — a  careful  comparing  of  opinions,  a 
thoughtful  discussion  of  the  questions  which  the  prospective 
relations  of  the  parties  suggest.  The  great  work  of  assimila- 
tion should  be  commenced  even  before  marriage,  and  courtship 
should  be  made  a  means  of  at  least  showing  the  parties 
each  other's  true  disposition  and  tone  of  character  and  of  feel- 
ing.    Make  each  other  a  study. 

Don't  be  Ashamed  of  Love. 

Some  one  has  prettily  said:  "  It  is  just  as  right  and  natural 
for  young  folks  to  think  and  talk  about  being  married  as  it  is 
for  birds  to  sing  and  flowers  to  blossom.  It  has  been  *  the 
fashion'  ever  since  pretty  Rebekah  astonished  old  Bethuel  by 
her  brief  wooing  and  winning,  in  the  dim  twilight  of  the  far- 


COURTSHIP.  59 

off  Scriptural  days,  and  KachePs  love-story  glimmered  like  a 
pearl  of  romance  through  the  dark  thread  of  Hebrew  history. 
Don't  be  ashamed  of  it,  girls  !  If  you  have  won  the  heart  of 
a  strong,  steadfast  man,  you  should  rather  glory  in  your  prize. 
We  have  no  patience  with  the  sickly  sentimentalism  of  mod- 
em days  that  considers  courtship  as  something  to  be  prose- 
cuted in  a  stealthy,  underhand  sort  of  way,  and  an  engagement 
of  marriage  as  a  secret  that  should  be  wrapped  in  impenetrable 
mystery.  'She  is  engaged  to  be  married,  but  she  won't  own 
it ! '  How  often  we  hear  that  inscrutable  sentence  whispered 
from  ear  to  ear!  Well,  why  should  not  she  own  it  ?  If  she 
love  a  man  well  enough  to  trust  her  whole  future  in  his  hands, 
she  surely  ought  not  to  shrink  from  candidly  confessing  it. 
Rebekah,  the  jewel  of  the  Orient,  had  no  such  scruples  on  the 
subject.  And,  moreover,  were  we  the  '  happy  man,'  we 
should  not  regard  our  tnie  love's  reticence  on  the  subject  as 
particularly  complimentary.'* 

PoPPINvi   THE    QuESTIOIf. 

Making  a  declaration  of  love  is,  undoubtedly,  one  of  the 
most  trying  ordeals  to  which  a  man  is  likely  to  be  subjected 
in  the  course  of  his  whole  life.  We  should  be  glad  to  help 
the  bashful  lover  in  the  hour  of  trial,  but  we  can  neither  pop 
the  question  for  him  nor  give  him  an  exact  formula  by  which 
to  do  it.  Each  must  do  it  in  his  own  Avay  ;  but  let  it  he  clearly 
understood  and  admit  of  no  evasioii.  A  single  Avord — yes, 
less  than  that  on  the  lady's  part — will  suffice  to  answer  it.  If 
the  carefully  studied  phrases  which  you  have  repeated  so 
many  times  and  so  fluently  to  yourself  will  persist  in  sticking 
m  your  throat  and  choking  you,  put  them  down  correctly 
and  neatly  on  a  sheet  of  fine  white  note-paper,  inclose  it  in  3 
plain  white  envelope,  and  find  some  way  to  convey  it  to  the 
lady's  hand.* 

If  the  beloved  one's  heart  say  "  Yes,"  her  lips  or  her  pen 
should  say  so  too — modestly,  but  frankly  and  unequivocally  ; 
and  if  she  find  it  necessary  to  say  "  No,"  she  should  do  it  in  the 

♦  See  "  How  to  Write,"  a  new  Pocket  Manual  of  Composition  and  Letter  Writing 
New  York :  S.  R.  Wells.    Price,  75  cents.. 


60  WEDLOCK. 

kii)dest  and  most  considerate  manner  possible,  so  as  not  to 
inflict  unnecessary  pain,  but  her  answer  should  be  definite 
and  decisive,  and  the  gentleman  should  at  once  withdraw 
his  suit.  If  girls  will  say  "  No  "  when  they  mean  "  Yes,"  to  a 
sincere  and  earnest  suitor,  they  must  suffer  the  consequences. 
Such  men  seldom  ask  twice. 

1'hough  we  can  lay  down  no  rules  for  popping  the  question, 
some  further  hints  and  a  few  examples  of  how  the  thing  has 
been  done  may  be  of  service. 

"  Sometimes,"  a  writer  says,  "  a  man's  happiness  has  de- 
pended on  his  manner  of  'popping  the  question.'  Many  a 
time  the  girl  has  said  '  No,'  because  the  question  was  so 
worded  that  the  affirmative  did  not  come  from  the  mouth 
naturally ;  and  two  lives  that  gravitated  toward  each  otlier 
with  all  their  inward  force  have  been  thrown  suddenly  apart, 
because  the  electric  keys  were  not  carefully  touched." 

A  Scriptural  Declaration^'. 

"  *A  young  gentleman,  familiar  with  the  Scriptures,  happen- 
ing to  sit  in  a  pew  adjoining  a  young  lady  for  whom  he  con- 
ceived a  violent  attachment,  made  his  proposal  in  this  Avay. 
He  politely  handed  his  neighbor  a  Bible  open,  with  a  pin 
stuck  in  the  following  text :  Second  Epistle  of  John,  verse  5  : 

"  '  And  I  beseech  thee,  lady,  not  as  though  I  Avrote  a  new 
cotnmandment  unto  thee,  but  that  we  had  from  the  beginning, 
that  we  love  one  another.'  She  returned  it,  pointing  to  the 
second  chapter  of  Ruth,  verse  10:  'Then  she  fell  on  her  face, 
and  bowed  herself  to  the  ground,  and  said  unto  him.  Why 
have  I  found  grace  in  thine  eyes,  that  tliou  shouldest  take 
knowledge  of  me,  seeing  I  am  a  stranger?'  He  returned 
the  book,  pointing  to  the  13th  verse  of  the  Third  Epistle  of 
John :  '  Having  many  things  to  write  unto  you,  I  would  not 
write  to  you  with  paper  and  ink,  but  I  trust  to  come  unto  you 
and  speak  face  to  face,  that  our  joy  may  be  full.'  From  the 
above  interview  a  marriage  took  place  the  ensuing  month  in 
the  same  church." 

We  are  not  inclined  to  fiivor  courting  in  church,  but  give 
these  quotations  as  ingenious  and  apt. 


COURTSHIP.  61 

How  Jenny  was  Won. 

Here  is  a  little  poem  which  furnishes  a  hint  worthy  the 
attention  of  rural  lovers  : 

On  a  sunny  summer  morning, 

Earl}'  as  the  dew  was  dry, 
Up  the  hill  I  went  a  berrying ; 

Need  I  tell  you— tell  you  why  ? 
Farmer  Davis  had  a  daughter, 

And  it  happened  that  I  knew. 
On  each  sunny  morning,  Jenny 

Up  the  hill  went  berrying  too. 

Lonely  work  is  picking  berries, 

So  I  joined  her  on  the  hill : 
"  Jenny,  dear,"  said. I,  "  your  basket's 

Quite  too  large  for  one  to  fill." 
So  we  stayed — we  two — to  fill  it, 

Jenny  talking — I  was  still — 
Leading  where  the  hill  was  steepest, 

Picking  berries  up  the  hill. 

"  This  is  up-hill  work,"  said  Jenny ; 

"  So  is  life,"  said  I ;  "  shall  we 
Climb  it  each  alone,  or,  Jenny, 

Will  you  come  and  climb  with  me?" 
Redder  than  the  blushing  berries, 

Jenny's  cheek  a  moment  grew, 
While  without  delay  she  answered, 

"  I  will  come  and  climb  with  you." 

That  was  a  sensible  lover,  and  Jenny  did  right  to  give  him 
her  hand  for  life's  up-hill  journey. 

When  to  Do  It. 

Tlie  occasion  for  making  a  declaration  should  be  well  chosen, 
[n  the  country  under  the  light  of  the  stars  is  poetical  at  least. 
Airs.  Browning  says : 

Lead  her  from  the  festive  boards. 
Point  her  to  the  starry  skies ; 

and  another  writes : 

.Oh  !  don't  you  rememl)er  the  time,^sweet  ^rl, 
When  I  first  told  mv  storv  of  love — 


62  WEDLOCK. 

As  we  wandered  along,  'neath  the  pale  moon's  light 

!Mong  the  trees  of  the  maple  grove  ? 
'Twas  near  the  banks  of  the  straggling  brook, 

Where  the  spicy  perfumes  blew, 
On  a  knoll  where  the  woodbines  love  to  creep, 

And  delicate  violets  grew. 

Romantic  Declarations. 

In  Peru  they  have  a  very  romantic  way  of  popping  the  que* 
t.on.  "  The  suitor  appears  on  the  appointed  evening,  with  a 
gaily  dressed  troubadour,  under  the  balcony  of  his  beloved. 
The  singer  steps  before  her  flower-bedecked  window,  and  sings 
her  beauties  in  the  name  of  her  lover.  He  compares  lier  size 
to  that  of  a  palm  tree,  her  lips  to  two  blushing  rose-buds,  and 
her  womanly  form  to  that  of  a  dove.  With  assumed  harsh- 
ness the  lady  asks  her  lover :  *  Who  are  you,  and  what  do 
you  want  ? '  He  answers  with  ardent  confidence :  '  The 
love  I  do  adore !  The  stars  live  in  the  harmony  of  love,  and 
why  should  not  we,  too,  love  each  other  ?  '  Then  the  proud 
beauty  gives  herself  away:  she  takes  her  flower- wreath  from 
her  hair  and  throws  it  down  to  her  lover,  promising  to  be  his 
for  ever." 

A  sentimental  lover  once  tried  a  similar  mode  of  address 
minus  the  music,  with  a  Yankee  girl  of  a  practical  turn  of  mind 
with  whom  he  was  enamored,  but  with  diflerent  results.  He 
began : 

"  My  dear  Ellen,  I  have  long  wished  for  this  sweet  oppor- 
tunity, but  I  hardly  dare  trust  myself  now  to  speak  the  deep 
emotion  of  my  palpitating  heart ;  but  I  declare  to  you,  my 
dear  Ellen,  that  I  love  you  most  tenderly  ;  your  smiles  would 
shed — would  shed — "  "  Xever  mind  the  woodshed,"  said 
Ellen,  "  go  on  with  that  pretty  talk." 

The  Ludiceous  Side  of  It. 
Serious  as  the  matter  is  to  the  sincere,  earnest,  and  devoted 
lover,  many  very  ludicrous  incidents  connected  with  declara- 
tions of  love  might  be  quoted.  It  will  not  harm  the  most 
Berious  of  our  matrimonially  inclined  readers  to  laugh  over  the 
fbllowino:: 


COURTSHIP  63 

A  very  diminutive  specimen  of  a  man  lately  solicited  the 
Iiand  of  a  fine  buxom  girl.  "  Oh  no,"  said  the  fair  but  insult- 
ing lady,  "I  can't  think  of  it  for  a  moment.  The  fact  is, 
John,  you  are  a  little  too  big  for  a  cradle,  and  a  little  too 
emaU  to  go  to  church  with." 

"  Will  you  marry  me,  miss  ?  "  asked  Mr.  A.  "  Sir,  you  know 
I  have  often  declared  I  would  never  marry."  "  Oh,  yes;  if  I 
hadn't  known  it,  1  shouldn't  have  asked  you." 

A  young  man  was  refused  by  a  lady  of  high  spirit  and 
quick  wit  who  detested  him,  though  his  vanity  and  stupidity 
prevented  him  from  perceiving  it,  and  he  got  angry  at  her 
very  decided  "  No."  Springing  to  his  feet,  he  told  her  in  no 
very  choice  terms  that  there  were  "as  good  fish  in  the  sea  as 
ever  were  caught."  "Yes,"  she  said,  with  intense  disgust, 
"  but  they  don't  bite  at  toads  ! " 

Another  got  his  "  mitten,"  with  a  fair  hand  in  it,  as  related 
in  the  following  stanzas : 

I  pressed  my  beating  lieart, 

I  smoothed  my  ruffled  hair, 
I  stepped  into  the  room, 
I  found  Lorinda  there. 

I  seized  her  lily  hand, 

I  squeezed  it  o'er  and  o'er, 
I  bent  my  well-turned  legs, 

I  knelt  upon  the  floor. 

I  told  my  tale  of  woe, 

I  whispered  all  my  fears. 
Then  what  d'ye  think  she  did? 

Why,  coolly  boxed  my  ears  1 

Kate's  Peoposal — Leap  Year  ox  the  Ice. 
A  young  man  met  a  young  lady,  with  whom  he  was  acquaint- 
ed, at  a  skating  rink,  and  asked  her  to  allow  him  to  skate  with 
her.      It  was  leap  year,  and  she  replied  (we  have  it  on  tlie 
authority  of  the  "  victim  ") : 

"  The  only  man  who  skates  with  me 

TTds  year,"  said  saucy  Kate, 
"Must  bind  the  bargam  with  a  ring — 
Speak  quick,  or  you're  too  late  I " 


64r  WEDLOCK. 

The  first  proposal  e'er  I  had  I 

It  took  my  breath  away ; 
Confused  and  blushing,  I  said  "  Yes," 

And  named  an  early  day. 

Engagements. 

There  must,  of  course,  be  an  interval  between  the  "  engage* 
ment "  and  marriage.  How  long  this  interval  should  be  will 
depend  upon  circumstances.  As  a  rule,  we  are  not  in  favor  of 
long  engagements.  The  old  adage  about  "  marrying  in  haste 
to  repent  at  leisure  "  is  rather  a  warning  against  hasty  en- 
gagements, for  engaged  lovers  are  supposed  to  have  made  up 
their  minds  to  marry.  Why  then  defer  the  consummation  be- 
yond the  time  required  for  the  necessary  "  getting  ready  ?  " 
How"  long  ?  We  would  not  lay  down  a  definite  rule,  but  say 
from  three  months  to  a  year. 

A  cynical  writer  has  remarked  that  "  a  man  can  not  know 
too  much  about  his  wife  before  marriage,  or  too  little  after  it." 
Without  accepting  the  second  disagreeable  observation,  we 
may  still  allow  that  there  is  a  certain  amount  of  perfectly  in- 
offensive wisdom  in  the  first.  But  it  tells  against  hasty  en- 
gagements rather  than  in  favor  of  long  ones ;  and  w^ere  the 
former  instead  of  the  latter  our  present  inquiry,  we  think  we 
could  show  grave  cause  against  a  habit  which  is  becoming 
exceedingly  common.  But  it  is  not ;  and  we  have  alluded  to 
it  only  because  we  are  inclined  to  think  that  a  bnef  engage- 
ment finds  its  full  justification  only  when  it  has  not  been  a 
rash  one. 

But  w^hether  rash  or  the  result  of  due  reflection,  when  once 
entered  upon,  the  sooner  it  is  closed  the  better.  When  so 
very  fine  a  boundary  separates  an  ardent  couph  from  their 
mutually  desired  destiny,  they  might  as  w^ell  "jump  the  life 
to  come,"  as  Macbeth  has  it,  with  happy  dispatch  ;  and  where 
matters  are  arranged  with  sagacity,  any  delay  that  may 
take  place  is  commonly  due  to  artificial  rather  than  to  natural 
obstructions.  Some  such  trivial  postponement  is,  of  course, 
inevitable,  and  is  alw^ays  accepted  by  sensible  lovers  with 
a  good  grace. 


COLiRTSHIP.  6£ 

The  Evils  of  Loxg  Engagements. 

An  English  writer  says:  "The  man  who  is  the  victim  ®f  a 
cng  engagement  must  be  made  either  exceedingly  irritable  by, 
or  exceedingly  resigned  to,  the  situation.  On  the  first  sup- 
position he  can  not  well  be  a  very  happy,  nor,  on  the  second, 
a  very  fascinating,  lover.  He  becomes  either  a  burden  to 
himself  or  to  other  people;  either  as  nervously  anxious  as  a 
man  who  has  not  yet  been  accepted,  or  as  offensively  at  home 
and  satisfied  about  the  matter  as  if  he  were  already  a  hus- 
band. But  it  is  the  girl  who  really  deserves  all  our  commis- 
eration. She  is  bound  hand  and  foot,  and  tied  to  a  man  who 
is  neither  alive  nor  dead ;  neither  a  lover  who  draws  her,  nor 
a  husband  whom  she  draws.  She  can  think  of  nobody  and 
nothing  else,  and  yet  she  thinks  in  vain.  She  is  ruined  as  a 
daughter  and  sister,  and  utterly  spoiled  as  a  member  of  gen- 
eral society;  aiid  yet  she  is  not  a  wife  or  mistress  of  a  house- 
hold. Even  a  short  engagement  is  not  the  pleasantest  position 
of  a  woman's  life ;  but  a  long  one  must  be  well-nigh  insuffer- 
able. When  married  life  does  come, — if  it  ever  does, — its 
more  novel  and  delicate  pleasures  have  been  discounted,  and 
at  what  a  ]iriee !  " 

If  you  are  honestly  and  earnestly  in  love,  you  should  put 
the  sign  and  seal  of  parson  and  wedding-ring  on  it  as  soon  as 
possible.  Life  is  not  long  enough  to  spend  in  fruitless  de- 
liberation. If  you  are  poor  and  friendless,  can  not  two  fight 
the  battle,  hand  in  hand,  with  a  far  better  chance  of  victory  ? 
If  you  are  weak-hearted,  borrow  sti'ength  from  God's  benef- 
icenc'^  But,  unless  you  ai'e  pre-determined  to  be  miseral)le, 
don't  let  the  spring-time  of  your  life  go  by  while  you  are 
vainly  waiting  for  an  "  Oj)portunity."  3fake  the  opportunity 
for  yourself,  or  take  it,  and  stand  your  chance  bravely  like 
the  rest  of  the  world. 

The  Etiquette  of  Engagement. 
The  author  of  "  How  to  Behave  "  says  :  "  The  engaged  need 
not  take  particular  pains  to  proclaim  the  nature  of  the  rela- 
tion in  whic'h   they  stand   to  each  other,  nor  should  they  at- 
tempt or  desire  to  conceal  it.     Their  intercourse  with  each 


ae 


WEDLOCK. 


other  should  be  Irank  and  confiding,  but  prudent,  and  their 
conduct  in  reference  to  other  persons  of  the  opposite  sex  such 
as  will  give  no  occasion  for  a  single  pang  of  jealousy." 

Engagements  made  in  accordance  with  the  principles  set 
forth  in  this  work  will  seldom,  if  ever,  be  broken  off;  but  if 
such  a  painful  necessity  should  occur,  let  it  be  met  with  firm- 
ness, but  with  delicacy.  If  a  mistake  has  been  made,  it  is  in- 
finitely better  to  correct  it  at  the  last  moment  than  not  at  all. 
A  marriage  is  not  so  easily  broken  off. 

On  breaking  off  an  engagement,  all  letters,  presents,  etc., 
should  be  returned,  and  both  parties  should  consider  them- 
selves pledged  to  the  most  honorable  and  delicate  conduct  in 
reference  to  the  whole  matter 


VIII. 

Parents  their  rights  o'erstep 
When  -with  too  tight  a  rein  they  do  hold  in 
Their  child's  affections ;  for  they  should  know 
That  true  love  crossed,  brings  misery  and  woe.-  Tat/lor. 

Fathers  their  children  and  themselves  abuse, 

That  wealth,  a  husband  for  their  daughters  choose.-  Shirlsi^ 

A  Momentous  Questiox.' 

/I  1-^,  LL  good  parents  desire  the  happiness  iind  welfare 
•hy^'  of  their  children.  They  watch  over,  nurse,  and 
educate  them  with  tender  solicitude;  and  strive, 
according  to  the  light  they  themselves  possess,  to 
guide  them  aright.  The  children  grow  up,  and  the  father  and 
mother  are  proud  of  theii-  talents,  their  beauty,  or  their  moral 
worth,  and  anticipate  for  them  a  career  of  honor,  usefulness, 
prosperity,  and  happiness.  By-and-by,  as  they  associate  with 
the  young  people  of  their  neighborhood,  or  go  abroad  among 
strangers,  there  comes  a  "falling  in  love,"  and  a  desire  to 
marry.  Pei'haps  the  chosen  one  is  such  a  person  as  the  pa- 
rents can  most  fully  approve,  and  in  every  way  adapted  to 
the  beloved  son  or  daughter  w^ho  desires  to  marry.  In  this 
case  there  is  nothino;  to  do  but  to  give  their  cordial  consent. 
But,  on  the  other  hand,  it  sometimes  happens  that  the  person 
who  seeks  an  alliance  with  a  daughter,  or  is  sought  by  a  son, 
is  one  whom  they  believe  to  be  unsuitable,  and  a  marriage 
with  whom  would,  in  their  opinion,  prove  fatal  to  their  hopes 
and  to  the  happiness  of  their  child.  What  shall  they  do? 
Consent, or  refuse?  Either  course  is  painful  and  fraught  with 
possible  dangei".  If  they  refuse,  there  may  be  an  elopement^ 
or  a  clandestine  marriage,  or  the  life  of  the  son  or  the  daughtei 


68  WEDLOCK, 

may  be  blighted  by  the  disappointment.  If  tliey  give  their 
consent,  against  the  dictates  of  their  judgments,  rather  than 
inflict  so  much  present  pain  by  a  refusal,  they  may  thus  con- 
sign their  child  to  a  life  of  misery  and  misfortune.  No  won- 
der the  question — "Is  it  right  and  judicious  for  parents  to 
interfere  in  the  love  afiairs  of  their  children?"  is  iterated  and 
re-iterated. 

If  all  young  folks  and  their  parents  were  properly  educated 
— if  they  had  studied  and  mastered  the  science  of  man,  in  its 
various  departments — ^knew  how  to  read  character  by  means 
of  its  external  symbols — such  cases  as  we  have  supposed  could 
not  occur.  No  father  would  have  occasion  to  refuse  the  hand 
of  his  lovely  and  beloved  daughter  to  a  blackguard  or  a  lib- 
ertine, because  such  a  one  Avould  never  be  able  to  beguile 
her  into  love;  but  when  a  lover  should  be  accepted  by  her, 
her  parents,  if  blessed  with  good  sense  and  the  same  kind  oi 
an  education  that  we  have  been  supposing  her  to  possess, 
would  see  at  once  the  fitness  of  the  choice,  and  their  consent 
would  be  ready  and  cordial.  They  would  never  allow  family 
prejudice  or  a  mere  difference  of  wealth  or  position  to  influence 
them  against  their  would-be  son-in-law. 

But,  unfortunately,  few  among  either  parents  or  children  are 
educated  in  the  way  we  have  indicated.  They  neither  know 
themselves  nor  their  fellow-men ;  and,  groping  blindly,  are 
quite  as  apt  to  go  wrong  as  right.  Boys  and  girls  will  "  fall 
in  love  "  where  they  ought  not ;  or  if  they  are  properly  guid- 
ed, or  by  chance  choose  wisely,  their  parents,  having  no  cor- 
rect standard  by  which  to  judge  of  the  fitness  of  the  person 
chosen,  may  think  the  choice  a  bad  one,  and  dangeious  to 
their  son's  or  daughter's  happiness,  and  therefore  must  mani- 
fest their  disapproval.  So  the  question  recurs — Shall  they 
interfere  ?  Taking  men  and  women — parents  and  children— 
as  they  are,  what  is  it  best  to  do  ? 

The  Question  Answered. 

While  the  child  is  in  his  or  her  minority,  the  civil  law,  very 
properly,  as  we  think,  gives  the  parent  a  right  to  forbid  his  or 
her  marriasre.     It  assumes  that  the  father  is  wiser  or  more 


THE  DUTY  OF  PARENTS.  69 

capable  of  judging  correctly  in  the  matter  than  the  child. 
This  of  course  is  not  always  true,  but  it  is  the  safest  rule  that 
could  be  adopted  for  universal  application.  There  can,  then, 
be  no  question  about  the  legal  right  of  parents  to  interfere  in 
the  love  affairs  of  their  children.  Is  it  morally  right  and  jiir 
dicioKS  to  do  so?  Tfiat  depends  upon  circumstancesi.  In 
some  cases  it  is ;  in  others  it  is  not.     Let  us  illustrate : 

The  Case  of  Mary  Smith. 

Mary  Smith  is  a  young  lady  of  sixteen  summers,  living  in 
the  country.  She  has  a  predominance  of  the  vital  tempera- 
ment, average  intelligence  and  moral  sense,  moderate  Self- 
Esteem  and  Firmness,  and  pretty  strong  social  feelings.  She 
is  fashionably  rather  than  solidly  educated,  and  is  vivacious, 
affectionate,  amiable,  and  easily  influenced  by  stronger  and 
more  positive  natures — a  good  girl,  but  one  with  no  great 
strength  either  of  character  or  feeling.  Her  future  will  de- 
pend far  more  upon  others  than  upon  herself. 

Mary  goes  to  the  city  to  visit  some  relatives,  and  is  thrown 
into  the  society  of  a  number  of  young  men.  One  of  them — a 
dark-haired,  muscular  man,  with  a  predominating  motive  tem- 
perament and  a  strong,  positive,  imperious  character,  pays 
her  particular  attentions,  says  pleasant  things,  and  makes  him- 
self generally  agreeable.  He  dresses  well,  sings  delightful] v, 
and  has  all  the  external  polish  of  a  gentleman.  His  person 
and  manners  please  Mary's  Ideality,  and  his  attentions  (some- 
thing new  to  her)  gratify  her  Approbativeness ;  and  when  he 
i^ays  he  loves  her,  she  thinks  herself  very  much  in  love  Avitb 
him.  He  visits  her  in  the  country.  Mr.  Smith  don't  like 
him.  He  has  more  knowledge  of  men  than  his  daughter.  We 
will  not  suppose  him  to  be  either  a  phrenologist  or  a  physiog- 
nomist, but  he  has  an  intuitive  perception  of  character,  and  the 
yoiing  man's  looks  do  not  please  him.  He  makes  inquiries  m 
the  city,  and  learns  that  this  candidate  for  his  daughter's 
hand  is  a  "fast"  young  man  of  a  decidedly  dissolute  char- 
acter. 

Now  when  this  rone  "  proposes  "  and  is  referred  to  "  pa," 
what  shall  Mr.  Smith  do?     Shall  he  allow  his  dauditer  to 


70  WEDLOCK. 

throw  herself  away  upon  this  miserable  scamp,  whom  she 
thinks  she  loves,  but  whom  she  would  soon,  if  married  to  him, 
learn  to  despise  and  loath  ?  The  father  says  JVu,  very  em- 
phatically ;  and  he  does  right.  The  young  man  storms,  and 
Miss  Mary  cries  and  declares  in  the  most  positive  manner 
that  she  can  never  live  without  her  dear  Harry — that  all  her 
hopes  of  happiness  in  this  world  are  nipped  in  the  bud,  an'l 
much  more  of  the  same  sort,  in  all  of  which  she  is  perfectly 
sincere.  It  grieves  her  good  father  to  be  obliged  to  distress 
her,  but  he  knows  too  much  of  her  character  to  have  any  fears 
of  permanent  ill-effects  from  her  disappointment. 

Within  a  year  the  "dear  Harry"  has  eloped  Avith  a  Madi- 
son-Square heiress,  and  Mary  has  another  lover  and  is  as  smil- 
ing and  happy  as  ever.  She  has  long  since  thanked  her  father, 
with  tears  of  gratitude  in  her  eyes,  for  having  saved  her  from 
the  selfish  adventurer  whom  she  thought  she  loved. 

This  was  a  "  love  aftair,"  in  the  common  acceptation  of  the 
term,  but  there  was  really  no  true  love  concerned  in  it.  On 
one  side  it  was  a  heartless  and  selfish  piece  of  deception,  and 
on  the  other  a  mere  passing  fancy.  Similar  cases  are  con 
Btantly  occurring,  and  the  duty  of  parents  in  reference  to  them, 
it  seems  to  us,  is  plain.  Remember  Mr.  Smith,  and  go  and 
do  likewise. 

Now  let  us  look  at  a  case  of  another  kind : 

Ellen  Joxes'  "  Love  Affair." 

Ellen  Jones  is  in  many  respects  the  opposite  of  Mary  Smith. 
A  mental-motive  temperament;  a  good  degree  of  Selt-Esteera 
and  Firmness,  with  not  too  much  Approbativeness ;  consider 
able  Combativenessand  strong  affections  give  her  mental  con- 
stitution a  marked  and  decided  character.  She  is  not  easily 
led,  and  has  a  mind  and  a  will  of  her  own.  She,  moreover,  is 
nineteen;  has  been  a  good  deal  in  "society;"  has  had  suit- 
ors; and  is  accustomed  to  the  polite  attentions  of  gentlemen, 
which  she  knows  how  to  estimate  at  their  proper  value. 

At  last  Ellen  finds  herself  loved  by  one  whose  love  she  can 
return ;  and  she  loves  him  with  all  the  ardor  and  strength  of 
her  strong  positive  nature.     He  is  adapted  to  her  in  tempera- 


THE  DUTY   OF    PARENTS.  71 

ment  and  disposition,  and  loves  her  truly  ;  but  in  this  case,  as 
in  the  other,  the  fixther  does  not  approve  of  the  daughter's 
choice.  Nothing  can  be  said  against  the  young  man's  moral 
character;  but  he  is  poor;  is  not,  in  Mr.  Jones'  opinion,  cal- 
culated to  make  a  fortune. very  soon;  and  in  social  position  is 
not  Ellen's  equal.  Mr.  Jones  thinks  Ellen  might  do  better — 
a  great  deal  better. 

Will  Mr.  Jones  imitate  Mr.  Smith  and  put  his  veto  on  the 
engagement  ?  Not  if  he  be  wise  and  love  his  daughter.  lie 
has  no  soft,  pliable,  easy  nature  to  deal  with.  Whtin  Ellen 
says  she  loves,  she  knows  what  she  is  talking  about  and  means 
all  she  says;  and  if  she  declare  that  a  union  with  the  chosen 
one  is  absolutely  essential  to  her  happiness,  she  states  merely 
the  simple  fact.  To  love  once,  with  her,  is  to  love  forever. 
If  her  father  refuse  his  consent,  she  will  wait  till  of  age  and 
then  marry,  if  need  be,  without  his  consent;  or  if  he  succeed 
in  breaking  off  the  match  altogether,  he  will  have  blighted 
his  daughter's  life  and  destroyed  her  only  chance  for  happiness 
in  this  world.  He  should  yield  to  her  wishes  even  against  his 
own  judgment  in  regard  to  the  fitness  of  the  match. 

T Ms  is  also  a  sample  of  a  large  class  of  cases  in  w^hich  we 
think  the  duty  of  parents  is  equally  plain  as  in  the  other.  Any 
interference  that  shall  amount  to  a  prohibition  can  result  in 
nothing  but  evil.  It  is  best,  when  dealing  with  such  char- 
acters and  under  such  circumstances,  to  let  love  take  its, 
course  even  though  we  can  not  fully  approve  its  choice. 

There  are  cases,  no  doubt,  hardly  referable  to  either  of  these 
classes,  in  which  it  will  be  exceedingly  difficult  to  decide 
rightly  what  to  do — cases  to  which  no  general  rule  that  we 
can  lay  down  will  apply ;  but  a  knowledge  of  the  human  or- 
ganization, physical  and  mental,  a  conscientious  desire  to  do 
right,  and  a  humble  reliance  upon  Divine  guidance,  will  gen- 
erally make  plain  the  path  of  duty  in  this  as  in  other  matters 
involving  h  iman  feelings  and  human  welfare. 


IX. 

And  God  blessed  them,  and  God  said  unto  them.  Bo  Iniitful,  and  multiply,  and  r« 
pienieh  the  earth.— (?m.  i.  28. 

In  youth,  in  age  thine  own,  forever  thine.  —J..  A.  Watts. 

Defixitions. 


\RRIAGE  is  sometimes  definerl  as  "  the  legal 
g  w^/  \i  union  of  one  man  to  one  woman  for  life,"  and  this 
if  ¥)WlM  ^^  ^'^^  common  acceptation  of  the  term  in  this 
"*  country;  but  in  various  other  countries  marriage 

legally  exists  between  one  man  and  several  women,  or  be- 
tween one  woman  and  several  men.  It  is  then,  in  the  broad- 
est sense,  that  form  of  sexual  relation  sanctioned  by  law. 

3Ionogamy^  strictly  deJBned,  is  single  indissoluble  marriage 
—the  union  of  one  man  with  one  woman  for  life,  admitting 
neither  divorce  nor  second  marriage;  but  in  its  general  usage 
it  signifies  the  legal  union  of  one  man  with  one  woman,  sub- 
ject to  divorce  for  certain  causes,  and  admitting  second  mar- 
riages. 

Polygamy  is  the  marriage  of  many — of  one  man  to  sevei'al 
wives,  or  of  one  woman  to  several  husbands.  The  latter  re- 
lation is  sometimes  called  polyandrous. 

Payxtagamy  is  a  word  used  to  describe  that  condition  of 
communism  in  which  each  man  in  the  asisociation  is  held  to 
l;e  the  husband  of  every  woman,  and  each  woman  the  wife  of 
every  man. 

Divorce  is  the  legal  dissolution  of  the  bonds  of  marriage, 
or  the  separation  of  husband  and  wife  by  judicial  sentence. 
There  is  also  a  less  complete  divorce,  "from  be-l  and  board" 


MARRIAGE  CUSTOMS  AND   CEREMONIES.  73 

— a  separation  decreed  in  cases  where  the  law  will  not  pcniiit 
a  complete  divorce ;  and  in  such  cases  the  parties  caL  not  law- 
fully  contract  other  marriages. 

AxciENT  Marriage  Customs. 

In  the  earlier  and  better  days  of  ancient  Greece; — lier 
heroic  days — it  was  customary  to  celebrate  the  conjugal  union 
with  all  the  pomp  and  ceremony  of  religious  festivity.  "The 
hymeneal  song  was  sung  to  cheer  and  gladden  the  hearts  of 
the  happy  pair;  the  joyous  band  carried  the  nuptial  torches 
in  pride  and  ostentation  through  the  city  ;  the  lustral  waters 
were  drawn  from  the  consecrated  fountain  ;  and  many  revered 
ceremonies  conspired  to  render  the  union  of  husband  and  wife 
comparatively  sacred."  In  later  and  more  corrupt  times,  mar- 
riage in  Greece  became  a  mere  bond  of  abject  slavery  on  the 
Dart  of  the  woman,  and  courtesans  were  more  honored  than 
virtuous  wives. 

The  Romans  recos^nized  three  kinds  of  marriao^e — Conferra 
tion,  Coemption,  and  Use.  Conferration  was  the  august  cer 
emonial  used  in  the  marriage  of  pontiffs  and  priests;  in 
Coemption,  the  parties  formally  pledged  themselves  to  each 
other;  while  the  marriage  of  Use  was  a  simple  cohabitation, 
without  any  ceremonial. 

In  ancient  Assyria,  all  the  marriageable  girls  in  a  province 
were  assembled  once  a  year  at  a  fair,  where,  after  being  ex- 
hibited and  inspected  by  the  men  wishing  wives,  they  were 
put  up  at  public  auction.  The  most  beautiful  were  first  offer- 
ed, and  were  sold  to  the  rich,  Avho  could  afford  to  pay  high 
prices.  With  the  ugly  it  often  became  a  question,  not  how 
much  a  man  would  give,  but  vv^hat  he  would  be  willing  to 
take,  in  the  shape  of  a  dowry,  with  the  girl ;  and  the  extrav- 
agant prices  paid  for  the  beautiful  went  to  make  up  dowries 
for  the  plain. 

It  was  among  the  northern  nations  of  Europe  that  the  high- 
est existing  idea  of  marriage  and  the  rights  of  woman  in  that 
relation  had  their  origin.  From  the  earliest  antiquity  these 
nations  practiced  the  strictest  monogamy  The  father  gave 
away  his   daughter   with   these   words:    "I   give   tiiee   my 

4 


74  WEDLOCK. 

daughter  in  honorable  wedlock,  to  ha\e  the  half  of  thy  bed, 
the  keeping  of  the  keys  of  thy  house,  one  third  of  the  money 
thou  art  at  present  possessed  of,  or  shalt  have  hereafter,  and 
to  enjoy  the  other  rights  appointed  by  law." 

Modern  Marriage  Customs. 

In  China,  it  is  considered  a  duty  to  marry  and  have  children, 
And  a  bachelor  is  an  object  of  contempt.  Marriageable  girJs 
are  sold  by  their  parents  to  any  one  wishing  a  wife  and  able 
to  pay  the  price,  and  even  children  are  bartered  away  in  their 
infancy.  The  bride  is  sent  home  in  a  close  carriage,  of  which 
the  husband  has  the  key.  If  he  is  not  pleased  with  her,  he 
can  send  her  back,  but  he  forfeits  the  price  he  has  paid.  A 
beautiful  woman  of  the  upper  classes  costs  from  two  to  three 
thousand  dollars.  A  man  may  have  as  many  wives  as  he 
chooses  or  can  afford  to  buy.  The  first  wife  is  superior  to  all 
others,  and  is  mistress  of  the  family,  but  the  children  of  all 
are  equal.  Foreign  merchants  living  in  China  often  purchase 
wives,  and  sometimes  become  strongly  attached  to  them. 

In  Chinese  Tartary,  a  kind  of  male  polygamy  is  practiced, 
and  a  plurality  of  husbands  is  highly  respected.  In  Thibet, 
it  is  customary  for  the  brothers  of  a  family  to  have  a  wife  in 
common,  and  they  generally  live  in  harmony  and  comfort 
with  her. 

Among  the  Calmucks,  the  ceremony  of  marriage  is  per 
formed  on  horseback.  The  girl  is  first  mounted,  and  permit- 
ted to  ride  off  at  full  speed,  when  her  lover  takes  a  horse  and 
gallops  after  her.  If  he  overtake  the  fugitive  she  becomes 
his  wife,  and  the  marriage  is  consummated  on  the  spot.  It  is 
said  that  no  instance  is  known  of  a  Calmuck  mr\  ever  being 
overtaken  unless  she  is  really  fond  of  her  pursuer. 

In  Plindostan — a  tropical  country — marriage  is  considered 
a  religious  duty,  and  is  generally  consummated  at  the  age  of 
eleven  years,  or  as  soon  thereafter  as  the  parties  arrive  at 
puberty.  It  is  made  the  occasion  for  considerable  expense  and 
parade.  In  the  evening  the  bridegroom  shows  the  bride  the 
polar  star  as  an  emblem  of  stability  and  unchanging  fidelity. 
The  young  married  couple  remain  at  the  house  of  the  bride'a 


MARRIAGE  CUSTOMS  AND   CEREMONIES.  75 

father  for  three  clays,  when,  with  much  ceremony,  they  repair 
to  their  future  home.  Instead  of  receiving  a  dower  with  the 
wife,  the  liusband  bestows  presents  on  the  f\ither,  and  often 
very  liberal  ones.  Polygamy  is  permitted,  but  not  often 
practiced.  The  women  have  a  peculiar  veneration  for  mnr- 
riage,  as  it  is  a  popular  creed  that  those  women  who  die  vir- 
gins are  excluded  from  the  joys  of  paradise.  The  women 
begin  to  bear  children  at  about  the  age  of  twelve,  some  even 
at  eleven.  The  proximity  of  the  natives  of  India  to  the  burning 
sun,  which  ripens  men  as  well  as  plants  at  the  earliest  period 
in  these  latitudes,  is  assigned  as  the  cause.  The  distinguish- 
ing mark  of  the  Hindoo  wife  is  the  most  profound  fidelity, 
submission,  and  attachment  to  her  husband. 

"The  North  American  Indians,"  Mcintosh  says,  "are  gen- 
erally content  with  one  wife;  but  they  sometimes  take  two, 
and  less  frequently  three.  The  Avomen  ai-e  entirely  under  the 
direction  of  their  fathers  in  the  choice  of  a  husband,  and  sel- 
dom express  a  predilection  for  any  one  in  particular.  Their 
courtship  is  short  and  simple.  The  lover  makes  a  present, 
generally  of  game,  to  the  head  of  the  family  to  which  the 
woman  he  fancies  belongs.  Her  guardian's  approbation  being 
obtained — an  approbation  which  is  seldom  withheld,  if  the 
suitor  be  an  expert  hunter — he  next  makes  a  present  to  the 
woman,  and  her  acceptance  of  this  signifies  her  consent.  The 
contract  is  immediately  made,  and  the  match  concluded. 
There  is  no  marriage  ceremony.  The  husband  generally  car- 
ries the  wife  among  his  own  relations.  In  general,  marriage 
is  considered  permanent,  but  among  the  Hurons  the  parties 
might  separate  by  consent  and  marry  again  at  will." 

In  Ceylon,  the  mariiage  proposal  is  brought  about  by  the 
man  first  sending  to  her  whom  he  wishes  to  become  his  wife, 
to  purchase  her  clothes.  These  she  sells  for  a  stipulated  sum, 
generally  asking  as  much  as  she  thinks  requisite  for  them  to 
begin  the  world  with.  In  the  evening  he  calls  on  her,  with 
the  wardrobe,  at  her  father's  house,  and  they  pass  the  night 
in  each  other's  company.  Next  morning,  if  mutually  satis- 
fied, they  appoint  the  day  of  marriage.  They  are  permitted 
to  separate  whenever  they  please,   and  so  frequently  avail 


76  WEDLOCK. 

themselves  of  this  privilege,  that  they  sometimes  change  a 
dozen  times  before  their  inclinations  are  wholly  suitecl. 

We  are  told  of  the  Aleutian  islanders,  who  form  a  part  of 
our  new  Russian  American  acquisition,  that  they  marry  one, 
two,  or  three  wives,  as  they  have  the  means  of  supporting 
them.  The  bridegroom  takes  the  bride  upon  trial,  and  may 
return  her  to  lier  parents,  should  he  not  be  satisfied,  but  can 
not  demand  liis  presents  back  again.  No  man  is  allowed  to 
sell  his  wife  without  her  consent ;  but  he  may  (and  often  does) 
assign  her  over  to  another.  This  custom,  it  is  said,  is  availed 
of  by  tlie  Russian  hunters,  who  take  Aleutian  women  or  girls 
to  wife  for  a  time,  for  a  trifling  compensation. 

In  Africa,  when  a  young  Bushman  falls  in  love,  he  sends  hia 
sister  to  ask  permission  to  pay  his  addresses.  With  becom- 
ing modesty,  the  girl  holds  off  in  a  playful,  yet  not  scornful 
or  repulsive  manner,  if  she  likes  him.  The  young  man  next 
sends  his  sister  with  a  spear,  or  some  other  trifling  article, 
M'hich  she  leaves  at  the  door  of  the  girl's  home.  If  this  be 
not  returned  within  the  thi-ee  or  four  days  allowed  for  con- 
sideration, the  Bushman  takes  it  for  granted  that  he  is  ac- 
cepted, and,  gathering  a  number  of  his  friends,  he  makes  a 
grand  hunt,  generally  killing  an  elephant  or  some  other  large 
animal,  and  bringing  the  whole  of  the  flesh  to  his  intended 
father  in-law.  The  family  now  riot  in  the  abundant  supply, 
and  having  consumed  the  flesh  and  enjoyed  themselves  with 
dance  and  song,  send  an  empty  but  clean  bowl  to  the  young 
man's  friends,  who  each  put  in  their  mite,  either  an  ax  or 
sp<.'ar,  some  beads  or  trinkets.  After  this  the  couple  are  pro- 
claimed husband  and  wife. 

A  Greenlander  having  fixed  his  affections  upon  a  young 
woman,  acquaints  his  parents  with  the  state  of  his  heart. 
Th(!y  apply  to  the  parents  of  the  girl,  and  if  the  parties  thus 
far  are  agreed,  the  next  step  is  the  appointment  of  two  fe- 
male negotiators,  whose  duty  is  to  approach  the  young  lady 
on  the  subject.  As  the  girl  is  not  infrequently  strongly  oi> 
posed  to  the  arrangement,  great  delicacy  is  required  in  placing 
the  matter  in  its  most  favorable  light  before  her.  The  lady 
ambassadors  do  not  shock  thy  voung  lady  to  whom  they  are 


MARRIAGE   CUSTOMS  AND   CEREMOJSTIES.  77 

seivt  by  any  sudden  or  abrupt  avowal  of  the  awful  subject  of 
tlieir  mission.  Instead  of  doing  this,  they  launch  out  in  praises 
of  the  gentleman  who  seeks  her  hand.  They  speak  of  the 
f^plendor  of  his  house,  the  sumptuousness  of  his  furniture,  of 
his  courage  and  skill  in  fishing  and  catching  seals,  and  otlier 
iccomplishments. 

The  lady,  even  if  favorably  disposed,  pretends  to  be  affront-^ 
ed  even  at  these  remote  hints,  runs  away,  tearing  the  ringlets 
of  her  hair  as  she  retires,  w^hile  the  ambassadresses,  having 
got  the  consent  of  her  parents,  pursue  her,  drag  her  from  her 
concealment,  take  her  by  force  to  the  house  of  her  destined 
husband,  and  there  leave  her.  Compelled  to  remain  there, 
she  sits  for  days  with  disheveled  hair,  silent  and  dejected,  re- 
fusing every  kind  of  subsistence,  till  at  last,  if  kind  entreaties 
do  not  prevail,  she  is  compelled  by  force,  and  even  by  blows, 
to  submit  to  the  detested  union. 

Among  the  Armenians,  the  wedding  takes  place  on  some 
special  day,  generally  on  Sunday.  On  the  preceding  day, 
large  quantities  of  food  and  drink  are  prepared,  and  the 
women  congregate  at  the  house  of  the  bride  to  eat  and  drink. 
At  night  they  all  crowd  into  the  room  where  she  is  prepared 
for  her  husband.  She  laments  and  cries  incessantly,  keeping 
her  face  buried  in  her  hands.  When  they  withdraw  her  liands 
to  put  her  garments  on,  she  resists  till  she  is  in  a  perspiration. 
The  garments  are  as  fine  as  the  parties  can  aflibrd.  A  vail  of 
gauze  and  gold  spangles  covers  her  head  and  falls  below  her 
waist. 

About  midnight  the  bridegroom  comes  with  music  and  at- 
tendants, and  the  women  who  are  with  the  bride  set  up  a  wail- 
ing, and  begin  to  beat  the  musicians  till  they  keep  quiet.  The 
bride  is  mounted  on  a  horse  and  taken  to  the  church,  where 
the  ceremony  is  performed  by  the  priest.  Only  one  woman 
from  her  side  is  allowed  to  be  present,  who  acts  as  her  ad- 
viser, following  her  to  the  bridegroom's  house  and  giving  her 
counsel  all  nio'ht  in  reference  to  the  manasjement  of  her  house- 
hold  affairs.  All  the  rest  of  the  night,  the  following  Sunday, 
Sunday  night,  and  Monday  are  spent  by  the  bridegroom'i 
friends  at  Us  jiouse,  in  feasting,  often  in  drunkenness. 


78  WEDLOCK. 

In  Russia,  especially  among  the  lower  classec,  the  nuptial 
ceremonies,  all  and  singular,  are  based  upon  the  idea  of  the 
degradation  of  the  female.  When  the  parents  have  agreed 
upon  the  match,  the  bride  is  examined  by  a  number  of  women 
to  see  if  she  has  any  bodily  defect.  On  her  wedding-day  she 
is  crowned  with  a  garland  of  wormwood,  to  denote  the  bitter- 
ness of  the  marriage  state.  She  is  exhorted  to  be  obedient  to 
hijr  husband,  and  it  is  a  custom  in  some  districts  for  the  newly 
married  wife  to  present  the  bridegroom  with  a  whip,  in  token 
of  submission,  and  with  this  he  seldom  fails  to  show  his  au- 
thoiity. 

In  Italy,  young  virgins  are  systematically  bartered  and  sold 
by  their  parents,  and  young  people  are  married  every  day 
who  never  saw  one  another  before.  Concubinage  is  a  con- 
slant  remedy  for  these  ill-advised  and  deceitful  marriages, 
and  the  peculiarly  Italian  term  cicisbeo  indicates  the  indem- 
nity which  custom  presciibes  for  the  fair  sex  fettered  to  hus- 
bands unloved. 

In  France,  at  least  among  the  higher  classes,  marriage  is 
looked  upon  not  so  much  as  a  matter  of  affection  as  of  inter- 
est, and  the  sacredness  of  the  tie  is  proportionately  slender. 

As  for  the  actual  marriage,  it  is  well-known  this  is  perform- 
ed in  two  ceremonies — one  at  the  mairie  (mayor's  office),  the 
other  at  the  church.  Both  at  the  mairie  and  at  the  church 
marriages  are  performed  on  Tuesday,  Thursday,  and  Satur- 
day in  every  week :  at  the  mairie  from  nine  in  the  morning 
to  five  in  the  evening;  at  the  church  from  six  in  the  morning 
till  one  in  the  afternoon.  The  marriage  at  the  mairie  is  of  a 
f.trictly  civil  character,  and  is  often  performed  on  the  same 
lay  as  the  other,  but  sometimes  one  or  two  days  beforeliand. 
It  must,  however,  precede  the  other,  though  strict  Catholics 
look  on  it  as  a  mere  legal  formality,  and  as  no  marriage  at  all 
in  a  proper  sense.  The  maire  can,  if  he  pleases  to  honor  per- 
sons of  importance,  perform  the  marriage  in  his  drawing-room ; 
but  all  the  doors  of  the  house  must  be  open  down  to  the 
street,  so  that  all  the  Avorld  may  enter  if  they  please. 

In  England,  marriage  is  looked  upon  much  in  the  same  light 
as  with  us.    Though  not,  as  in  Catholic  countries,  a  sacrament 


MARRIAGE  CUSTOMS  AKD  CEREMONIES.  79 

of  the  Church,  but  merel}'  a  civil  contract,  it  is  generally  cele- 
brated as  a  religious  ceremony,  and  most  frequently,  even 
among  Dissenters,  by  a  clergyman  of  the  Established  Church. 

Maeeiage  IX  ITS  Legal  Aspects. 

In  England,  though  marriage  is  considered  as  merely  a  civil 
contract,  it  can  be  entered  into  only  in  certain  ways  and  after 
certain  preliminaries  have  been  gone  through  with. 

Persons  have  two  forms  of  contracting  marriage  from  which 
to  choose.  It  may  be  with  or  without  a  religious  ceremony ; 
and  if  with  a  religious  ceremony,  it  may  be  performed  either 
h\  the  Established  Church,  or  in  a  dissenting  chapel.  If  the 
narriage  is  to  take  place  in  the  church,  there  must  be  either 
the  publication  of  the  bans  of  marriage  for  three  preceding 
successive  Sundays,  or  a  certificate,  which  dispenses  with 
publication.  The  marriage  must  take  place  in  the  church,  the 
marriage  service  of  the  Church  of  England  being  read  over, 
and  this  must  be  done  in  canonical  hours — that  is,  between  eiirht 
and  twelve  o'clock  a.m. — in  the  presence  of  witnesses.  If  the 
marriage  take  place  in  a  dissenting  chapel,  the  minister  may 
use  his  own  or  any  form  of  service,  but  the  superintendent  re- 
gistrar of  the  district  must  be  present  as  one  of  the  witnesses. 
If  there  is  to  be  no  religious  ceremony,  the  marriage  must 
take  place  in  the  office  of  the  superintendent  registrar,  and  in 
the  presence  of  witnesses,  both  parties  exchanging  the  decla- 
ration that  they  take  each  other  for  husband  and  wife ;  and  in 
all  cases  the  marriage  must  be  registered. 

In  Scotland,  marriage  is  not  only  entirely  a  civil  contract, 
but  it  may  be  entered  into  with  the  same  freedom  as  any  other 
contract,  by  word  of  mouth  or  by  writing,  at  a  moment's  no- 
tice ;  no  preliminary  declaration,  and  no  form  or  ceremony 
being  necessary.  Marriages,  however,  generally  take  place 
after  the  publication  of  the  bans  in  the  parish  church,  somo 
religious  ceremony  being  performed  either  by  a  clergyman  of 
the  kirk  or  by  a  minister  of  some  other  denomination. 

MaiTiage  throughout  the  United  States  is  simply  a  civil 
contract,  the  basis  of  which  is  the  mutual  consent  of  the  par- 
ties, followed  by  the  act  of  living  together  as  husband  and 


80  WEDLOCK. 

wife.  It  is  therefore  legally  complete  on  the  declaration  of 
the  parties,  in  the  presence  of  witnesses,  that  they  take  each 
other  as  husband  and  wife,  or  words  to  that  effect,  and  sub- 
sequent cohabitation. 

Idiots ;  lunatics ;  and  persons  related  by  consanguinity  oi 
affinity,  within  the  degrees  prohibited  by  law  ;  infants  under 
the  age  of  consent  (in  most  of  the  States,  fourteen  for  males, 
and  twelve  for  females) ;  and  persons  already  married,  and 
not  legally  divorced,  are  incompetent  to  marry. 

No  particular  ceremony  is  requisite,  nor  is  it  generally  re- 
quired that  marriage  be  performed  by  any  particular  person  ; 
but  in  so7ne  States  it  must  be  performed  by  either  a  clergy- 
man or  a  magistrate.  In  some  States,  also,  a  registration  of 
intention  or  a  certificate  is  required.  In  practice,  marriages 
are  generally  performed  by  clergymen  or  by  magistrates. 

Marriage  Ceremony  of  the  Episcopal  Church. 

At  the  day  and  time  appointed  for  Solemnization  of  Matrimony,  the  Persons  to  be 
married  shall  come  into  the  body  of  the  Church,  or  shall  be  ready  in  some  proper 
honse,  with  their  friends  and  neighbours;  and  there  standing  together,  the  Man  on 
the  right  hand,  and  the  Woman  on  the  left,  the  Minister  shall  say, 

Dearly  beloved,  we  are  gathered  together  here  in  the  sight  of  God, 
and  in  the  face  of  this  company,  to  join  together  this  Man  and  this 
Woman  in  holy  Matrimony ;  which  is  commended  of  Saint  Paul  to  be 
honorable  among  all  men :  and  therefore  is  not  by  any  to  be  entered 
into  unadvisedly  or  lightly ;  but  reverently,  discreetly,  advisedly,  so- 
berly, and  in  the  fear  of  God.  Into  this  holy  estate  these  two  persons 
present  come  now  to  be  joined.  If  any  man  can  show  just  cause,  why 
they  may  not  lawfully  be  joined  together,  let  him  now  speak,  or  else 
hereafter  for  ever  hold  his  peace. 
And  also  speaking  unto  the  Persons  who  are  to  be  married,  he  bhall  say, 
I  require  and  charge  you  both,  as  ye  will  answer  at  the  dreadful  day 
of  judgment  when  the  secrets  of  all  hearts  shall  be  disclosed,  that  if 
either  of  you  know  any  impediment,  why  ye  may  not  be  lawfully 
joined  together  in  Matrimony,  ye  do  noAV  confess  it.  For  be  ye  well 
assured,  that  if  any  persons  are  joined  together  otherwise  than  as  God's 
Word  doth  allow,  their  marriage  is  not  lawful 

The  Minister,  if  he  shall  have  reason  to  doubt  of  the  lawfulness  of  the  proposed 
Marriage,  may  demand  sufficient  snr«>tyforhis  indemnification:  but  if  no  impediment 
Bhull  be  alleged,  or  suspected,  the  Mi)iister  shall  say  to  the  Man, 

M.,  wilt  thou  have  this  Woman  to  thy  wedded  wife,  to  live  together 
after  God's  ordinance  in  the  holy  estate  of  Matrimony?    Wilt  thou 


MARRIAGE   CUSTOMS  AND   CEIiEMONlES.  SI 

lOve  lier,  comfort  her,  honor,  and  keep  her  in  sickness  and  in  liealth 
and,  forsaking  all  others,  keep  thee  only  unto  her,  so  long  as  ye  both 
shall  live? 

The  Man  shall  answer, 

I  will. 

Then  shall  the  Minister  say  unto  the  Woman, 

N.,  wilt  thou  have  this  Man  to  thy  wedded  husband,  to  live  together 
after  God's  ordinance  in  the  holy  estate  of  Matrimony  ?  Wilt  thou 
3bey  him,  and  serve  him,  love,  honor,  and  keep  him  in  sickness  and  in 
health  :  and,  forsaking  all  others,  keep  thee  only  unto  him,  so  long  aa 
ye  both  shall  live  ? 

The  Woman  shall  answer, 

I  will. 

Then  shall  the  Minister  say. 

Who  giveth  this  Woman  to  be  married  to  this  Man  ? 

Then  shall  they  give  their  Troth  to  each  other  in  this  manner.  The  Minister,  re- 
ceiving the  Woman  at  her  father's  or  friend's  hands,  shall  cause  the  Man  with  hia 
right  hand  to  take  the  Woman  by  her  right  hand,  and  to  say  after  him  as  followeth, 

I,  M.,  take  thee  N.jto  my  wedded  wife,  to  have  and  to  hold  from  this 
day  forward,  for  better  for  w^orse,  for  richer  for  poorer,  in  sickness  and 
in  health,  to  love  and  to  cherish,  till  death  us  do  part,  according  to 
God's  holy  ordinance ;  and  thereto  I  plight  thee  my  troth. 

Then  shall  they  loose  their  hands;  and  the  Woman  with  her  right  hand  taking  the 
Man  by  his  right  hand,  shall  likewise  say  after  the  Minister : 

I,  ]Sr.,  take  thee  M.,  to  my  ^'cdded  husband,  to  have  and  to  hold  from 
this  day  forward,  for  better  for  worse,  for  riclier  for  poorer,  in  sickness 
and  in  health,  to  love,  cherish,  and  to  obey,  till  death  us  do  part,  ac 
cording  to  God's  holy  ordinance ;  and  thereto  I  give  thee  my  troth. 

Then  shall  they  again  loose  their  hands ;  and  the  Man  shall  give  unto  the  Woman  a 
Ring.  And  the  Minister  taking  the  Ring  shall  deliver  it  unto  the  Man,  to  put  it  upon 
the  fourth  finger  of  the  Woman's  left  hand.  And  the  Man  holding  the  Ring  there, 
and  taught  by  the  Minister,  shall  say. 

With  this  Ring  I  thee  wed,  and  with  all  my  worldly  goods  I  thee 
endow :  In  the  Name  of  the  Father,  and  of  the  Son,  and  of  the  Holy 
Gliost.    Amen, 

Then  the  Man  leaving  the  Ring  upon  the  fourth  finger  of  the  Woman's  left  hand,  th« 
Mioiister  shall  say, 

Let  US  pray. 

Our  Father,  who  art  in  heaven,  Hallowed  by  thy  Name.  Thy  king- 
dom come.  Thy  will  be  done  on  earth,  As  it  is  in  heaven.  Give  us 
this  day  our  daily  bread.  And  forgive  us  our  ti-espasses.  As  we  forgive 
those  who  trespass  against  us.  And  lead  us  not  into  temptation  ;  Bui 
deliver  us  from  evil.    Amen. 

O  Eternal  God,  Creator  and  Preserver  of  all  mankind.  Giver  of  all 
Bpii-itual  grace,  the  Author  of  everlasting  life;  Send  thy  blessing  upon 
these  thy  servants,  this  man  and  this  woman,  whom  we  bless  in  thy 

4* 


S2  WEDLOCK. 

Name;  that,  as  Isaac  and  Rebecca  '.ived  faithfully  together,  so  these 
persons  may  surely  perform  and  keep  the  vow  and  covenant  betwixt 
them  made,  (Avhereof  this  Ring  given  and  received  is  a  tolcen  and 
pledge,)  and  may  ever  remain  in  perfect  love  and  peace  together,  and 
live  according  to  thy  laws ;  through  Jesus  Christ  our  Lord.    Amen. 

Th(m  shall  the  Minister  join  their  right  hands  together,  and  say, 

Tliose  whom  God  hath  joined  together  let  no  man  put  asunder. 

Then  shall  the  Minister  speak  unto  the  company : 

Forasmuch  as  M.  and  IST.  have  consented  together  in  holy  wedlock, 
and  have  witnessed  the  same  before  God  and  this  company,  and  thereto 
have  given  and  pledged  their  troth,  each  to  the  other,  and  have  de- 
clared the  same  by  giving  and  receiving  a  Ring,  and  by  joining  hands ; 
I  pronounce  that  they  are  Man  and  Wife,  In  the  Name  of  the  Father, 
and  of  the  Son,  and  of  the  Holy  Ghost.     Amen. 

And  the  Minister  shall  add  this  Blessing: 

God  the  Father,  God  the  Son,  God  the  Holy  Ghost,  bless,  preserve, 
and  keep  }  ou ;  the  Lord  mercifully  with  his  favour  look  upon  you,  and 
Pll  you  with  all  spiritual  benediction  and  grace  ;  that  ye  may  so  live 
together  in  this  life,  that  in  the  world  to  come  ye  may  have  life  ever- 
lasting.   Amen. 

Marriage  Ceremony  of  the  Roman  Catholic  Church. 

In  the  Catholic  Church,  marriage  is  a  sacrament  "  confer- 
ring grace  to  sanctify  the  lawful  union  of  man  and  wife,  and 
to  enable  them  to  bring  up  their  offspring  piously."  It  can  be 
conferred  only  on  the  baptized.  Where  neither  party  is  bap- 
tized, the  man-iage  is  null.  "Where  one  party,  though  bap- 
tized, belongs  to  any  schism  or  heresy,  the  church  reluctantly 
consents  to  the  union,  and  in  the  ritual  withholds  her  blessing, 
says  no  mass,  and  does  not  permit  the  marriage  to  be  solem- 
nized in  the  church." 

Ritual  for  the  Celebration  of  Matrimony. 

The  Priest,  vested  in  a  surplice  and  white  stole,  accompanied  by  at  least  one  Aco- 
lyte, to  carry  the  book  and  vessel  of  holy  water,  and  by  two  or  three  witnesses,  asks 
tho  man  and  the  woman  separately,  as  follows,  in  their  own  tongue,  concerning  their 
consent.  And  first  he  asks  the  Bridegroom,  who  must  stand  at  the  right  hand  of  the 
woman : 

X.,  wilt  thou  take  K,  here  present,  for  thy  lawful  wife,  according  to 
the  rite  of  our  holv  Mother  the  Church  ? 

E.  I  will. 

Then  the  Priest  asks  the  Bride; 

IST.,  wilt  thou  take  K,  here  present,  for  thy  lawful  husband,  accord 
Ing  to  the  ri:e  of  our  holy  Mother  the  Church? 
i2.  I  wi'l 


MARRIAGE  CUSTOMS  AXD   CEREMONIES. 


83 


They  then  join  right  hand?-,  and  the  Priest  says  : 
Ego  conjungo  vos  in  matrimo-        I  join  you  together  in  marriage, 
aium,  in  nomine  Patris,  •{•  et  Filii,    in  the  name  of  tlie  Father,  »J«  and 
et  Spiritus  Sancti.    Amen.  of  the  Son,  and  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 

Amen. 
Then  he  sprinkles  them  with  holy  water. 
TtLs  done,  the  Bridegroom  places  upon  the  book  a  ring,  which  the  Priest  b.( 

gayiug: 

V.  Adjutorium  nostrum  in  no- 
mine Domine. 
i?.  Qui  fecit  coelum  et  terram. 

V.  Domine,    exaudi    orationem 
meam. 
jB.  Et  clamor  mens  ad  te  veniat. 

V.  Dominus  yobiscum. 

B.  Et  cum  spiritu  tuo. 
Oremus. 

Benedic,  4*  Domine,  annulum 
hunc,  quern  nos  in  tuo  nomine  be- 
nedicimus,  4<  ut  quae  eum  gesta- 
verit,  fidelitatem  iutegram  suo 
sponso  tenens,  in  pace  et  voluntate 
tua  permaneat,  atque  in  mutua 
charitate  semper  vivat.  Per  Chris- 
tum Dominum  nostrum. 

E.  Amen. 

Then  the  Priest  sprinkles  the  ring  with  holy  water,  in  the  form  of  a  Cross ;  and  the 
Bridegroom,  having  received  the  ring  from  the  hand  of  the  Priest,  places  it  on  the 
middle  finger  of  the  left  hand  of  the  Bride,  the  Priest  saying : 

In  nomine  Patris  •{•,  et  Filii,  et  In  the  name  of  the  Father  »J«,  and 
Spiritus  Sancti.    Amen.  of  the  Son,  and  of  the  Holy  Ghost. 

Amen. 
This  done,  the  Priest  adds : 


V.  Our  help  is  in  the  name  of 
the  Lord. 

H.  Who  hath  made  heaven  and 
earth. 

V.  0  Lord,  hear  my  prayer. 

B.  And  let  my  cry  come  unto 
thee. 

V.  The  Lord  be  with  you. 

B.  And  with  thy  spirit. 
Let  us  pray. 

Bless,  4<  O  Lord,  this  ring,  which 
we  bless  *{<  in  thy  name,  that  she 
who  shall  wear  it,  keeping  true 
faith  unto  her  spouse,  may  abide 
in  thy  peace  and  will,  and  ever 
live  in  mutual  charity.  Through 
Christ  our  Lord. 

B.  Amen. 


V  Confirma  hoc,  Deus,  quod 
)j')eratus  es  in  nobis. 

B.  A  templo  sancto  tuo  quod  est 
in  Jerusalem. 

Kyrie  eleison. 

Christe  eleison. 

Kyrie  eleison. 

Pater  noster,  etc. 

Et  ne  nos  inducas  in  tentationem. 

B.  Sed  libera  nos  a  malo. 

V.  Salvos  fac  servos  tuos. 


V.  Confirm,  O  God,  that  which 
thou  hast  wrought  in  us. 

B,  From  thy  holy  temple  which 
is  in  Jerusalem. 

Lord,  have  mercy. 

Christ,  have  mercy. 

Lord,  have  mercy. 

Our  Father,  etc. 

And  lead  us  not  into  temptation 

B.  But  deliver  us  from  eviL 

F.  Save  thy  servants. 


H-i 


wedlc>ck:. 


E.  Deus  mens,  sperantes  in  te. 

V.  Mitte  eis,  Domine,  aiixilium 
.1e  sancto. 

It  Et  cle  Sion  tuere  eos. 

V.  Esto  eis,  Domine,  turris  for- 
litudinis. 

Ji.  A  facie  inimici. 

V.  Domine,  exaudi  oratiouem 
tneam. 

B.  Et  clamor  mens  ad  te  veniat. 

Oremus. 
Respice,  quaesumus,  Domine,  su- 
per hos  famulos  tuos,  et  institutis 
tuis,  qnibus  propagationem  liuma- 
ni  generis  ordinasti,  benignus  as- 
Biste,  ut  qui  te  auctore  juuguntur, 
te  auxiliaute  serventur.  Per  Ctiris- 
tum  Dominum  nostrum.    Amen. 


B.  Who  liope  m  tliet,  O  my  God. 

V.  Send  them  help,  O  Lord,  from 
the  sanctuary'. 

B.  And  defend  them  out  of  Sion. 

V.  Be  unto  them,  O  Lord,  a  tow- 
er of  strength. 

B.  From  the  face  of  the  enemy. 

V.  0  Lord,  hear  my  prayer. 

B.  And  let  my  cry  come  untu 
thee. 

Let  us  pray. 

Look,  0  Lord,  we  beseech  thee, 
upon  these  ihy  servants,  and  gra- 
ciously assist  thine  own  institu- 
tions, whereby  thou  hast  ordained 
the  propagation  of  mankind,  that 
they  who  are  joined  together  by 
thy  authority  may  be  preserved  by 
thy  help.  Through  Christ  our 
Lord.    Amen. 

The  benediction,  which  is  withlielcl  in  case  of  tlie  parties  is 

a  heretic,  is  as  follows : 

Then  the  Priest,  returning  to  the  middle  of  the  Altar,  says :  Libera  nos,  etc.,  as 
usual ;  but  before  he  blesses  the  people,  he  turns  to  the  Bride  and  Bridegroom,  and 
Bays : 


Deus  Abraham,  Deus  Isaac,  et 
Deus  Jacob  sit  vobiscum,  et  ipse 
adimpleat  benedictionem  suam  in 
vobis:  ut  videatis  filios  filiorum 
v^strorum,  usque  ad  tertiam  et 
quartam  generationem ;  et  postea 
vitam  asternam  habeatis  sine  fine, 
adjuvante  Donuno  nostro  Jesu 
Christo :  qui  cum  Patre  et  Spiritu 
Sancto  vivit  et  regnat  Deus,  per 
omnia  saecula  saeculorum.    Amen. 

Then  he  sprinkles  them  with  holy  water 


May  the  God  of  Abraham,  the 
God  of  Isaac,  and  the  God  of  Ja- 
cob, be  with  you,  and  himself  fulfil 
his  blessing  upon  you ;  that  you 
may  see  your  children's  children 
unto  the  third  and  fourth  genera- 
tion: and  may  afterwards  have 
everlasting  life,  without  end,  by 
the  help  of  our  Lord  Jesus  Christ, 
who,  with  the  Father  and  the  Holy 
Ghost,  liveth  and  reigneth  God, 
world  without  end.  Amen. 
;  and  having  said  the  Placeat  tibi  sanctj 


Tfinitas,  etc.,  he  gives  the  Benediction,  and  reads  the  last  (xO?pel,  as  usual. 

Marhiage  in  the  Greek  Church. 

ThQ promts  (bridegroom),  when  arrived  at  church,  sends  to 
inform  of  it  \i\^  promise  (bride)  ;  and  the  moment  slie  entei-a 


MARRIAGE    CUSTOMS   AND   CEREMONIES.  S- 

the  church,  the  singing  of  a  psahn  begins.  When  that  is  over, 
ihep^re  (father)  of  the  young  man  takes  him  by  the  hand  and 
leads  him  toward  the  bride.  The  priest  gives  then  to  each  a 
randle,  to  serve  as  a  light  to  guide  their  path.  He  asks  them 
whether  they  are  willing  to  marry.  When  they  say  yes,  he 
gives  them  his  blessing ;  prayers  are  said ;  the  nuptial  rings 
are  exchanged  three  times,  and  put  on  the  fourth  finger  of  the 
right  hand.  Then  the  priest  joins  their  hands  and  leads  them 
forward  to  be  placed  on  a  piece  of  pink  satin  spread  on  the 
floor,  which  means  that  they  tread  on  the  same  ground. 
Prayers  are  again  offered  ;  they  then  give  the  oath  of  loving 
and  being  faithful  to  one  another  during  life.  The  moment 
the}'  step  on  the  satin,  two  young  men  advance  (generally  the 
nearest  relations  or  intimate  friends)  to  hold  crowns  over  the 
heads  of  the  bride  and  groom  ;  which  means  that  they  are 
crowned  upon  earth,  and  must  together  become  worthy  of  the 
eternal  crown  of  glory.  The  priest  again  joins  their  hands 
and  leads  them  three  times  round  an  altar  on  which  reposes 
the  gospel,  which  means  that  they  must  not  part  on  the  jour- 
ney of  life.  Afterward  they  drink  thrice  of  the  same  cup, 
which  signifes  that  they  must  during  life  drink  together  of 
pleasure  and  pain.  After  this  last  emblematic  sign,  the  Gospel 
is  read,  about  the  marriage  in  Cana ;  and  before  it,  the  Epistle 
where  it  is  mentioned  that  the  wife  must  fear  her  husband, 
and  they  always  take  care  to  proclaim  that  as  loud  as  possible. 
When  the  ceremony  is  over,  the  priest  permits  the  new  mar- 
ried pair  to  bestow  on  each  other  the  seal  of  love,  a  bacio  ; 
wliich  is,  however,  no  other  than  the  gentleman  kissing  the 
lady's  hand,  and  she  his  cheek. 

The  Jewish  Ceremony. 

Tne  Jews  have  a  regular  and  uniform  marriage  ceremony. 
The  contracting  parties  stand  up  under  a  canopy,  both  vailed, 
and  a  cup  of  wine  is  given  them  to  drink.  The  bridegroom 
places  a  ring  upon  the  finger  of  the  bride,  saying,  "  By  this 
i-ing  thou  art  my  spouse,  according  to  the  custom  of  Moses  and 
the  children  of  Israel."  The  marriasje  contract  is  then  read 
and  given  to  the  bride's  parents  or  nearest  relations ;  after 


S6  WEDLOCK. 

which  another  cup  of  wine  is  blessed  six  times  by  the  rabbi; 
and  the  bridegroom  and  bride  partake;  when  the  remainder 
is  emptied,  and  the  husband  dashes  the  cup  against  the  wall 
in  perpetual  remembrance  of  the  destruction  of  the  temple  at 
eTerusalem. 

Quaker  Marriage. 

The  regulations  of  the  Society  forbid  young  persons  asso- 
ciating together  Avith  a  view  to  matrimony  without  the  con- 
sent of  parents.  Before  marriage,  the  parties  ap^^ear  in  a 
meeting  and  state  that,  with  Divine  permission  and  the  ap- 
proval of  Friends,  they  intend  marriage  with  each  other.  The 
meeting  then  ai3points  a  committee  to  see  that  there  are  no 
similar  engagements  between  them  and  others,  and  about  a 
month  afterward,  if  i-eported  clear,  they  proceed.  In  a  public 
meeting  for  worship,  after  a  considerable  time  of  silence,  they 
rise,  and  taking  each  other  by  the  hand  the  man  solemnly 
says :  "  In  the  presence  of  the  Lord  and  this  assembly,  I  take 
to  be  my  wedded  wife,  promising,  with  Divine  as- 
sistance, to  be  unto  her  a  loving  and  faithful  husband  until 
death  shall  se])arate  ns." 

The  woman  then  repeats  the  same  form,  with  the  necessary, 
change  of  terms  to  adapt  it  to  her  case.  A  formal  certificate 
setting  forth  these  facts  is  then  produced  and  read,  and  the 
parties  sign  it,  and  as  many  of  the  company  as  desire  to  do 
fco,  subscribe  their  names  as  witnesses. 

The  Presbyterians,  Methodists,  Baptists,  and  other  de- 
nominations of  Christians  generally,  have  no  established  mar- 
riage ceremony,  but  in  all  cases  the  parties  give  their  verbal 
consent  to  the  act  of  taking  each  other  as  husband  and  wife, 
when  the  minister  pronounces  them  such,  and  asks  God's  bless- 
ing upon  the  union  in  a  brief  prayer. 

An  Exhortation. 
In  the  words  of  St.  Paul,  I  exhort  you,  who  are  a  husband, 
to  love  your  wife,  even  as  you  love  yourself.  Give  honor  to 
her,  as  the  more  delicate  vessel ;  respect  the  delicacy  of  her 
frame  and  the  delicacy  of  her  mind.  Continue  through  life 
the  same  attention,  the  same  manly  tenderness,  which  in  youth 


MARRIAGE  CUSTu.MS  AND    CEREMOiNIES.  87 

gained  her  affections.  Reflect,  that,  though  her  bodily  charma 
are  decayed  as  she  is  advanced  in  age,  yet  that  her  mental 
charms  are  increased ;  and  that,  though  novelty  is  worn  off, 
yet  that  habit  and  a  thousand  acts  of  kindness  have  strength- 
ened your  mutual  friendship.  Devote  yourself  to  her ;  and 
after  the  hours  of  business,  let  the  pleasures  which  you  most 
highly  prize  be  found  in  her  society. 

I  exhort  you,  who  are  a  wife,  to  be  gentle  and  condescend- 
ing to  your  husband.  Let  the  influence  which  you  possess 
over  him  arise  from  the  mildness  of  your  manners  and  the 
discretion  of  your  conduct.  While  you  are  careful  to  adorn 
your  person  with  neat  and  clean  apparel, — for  no  woman 
can  long  preserve  affection  if  she  is  negligent  on  this  point, — 
'^e  still  more  attentive  in  ornamenting  your  mind  with  meek- 
ness and  peace,  with  cheerfulness  and  good-humor.  Lighten 
the  cares  and  chase  away  the  vexations  to  which  men  in 
their  commerce  with  the  world  are  unavoidably  exposed,  by 
rendering  his  house  pleasant  to  your  husband.  Keep  at  home  ; 
let  your  employments  be  domestic,  and  your  pleasures  do- 
mestic. 

To  both  husband  and  wife  I  say  :  Preserve  a  strict  guard 
over  your  tongues,  that  you  never  utter  anything  which  is 
rude,  contemptuous,  or  severe ;  and  over  your  tempers,  that 
you  never  appear  sullen  and  morose.  Endeavor  to  be  perfect 
yourselves,  but  expect  not  too  much  from  each  other.  If  any 
oftense  arise,  forgive  it ;  and  think  not  that  a  human  being 
can  be  exempt  from  faults. — Dr.  Freeman. 

A  Marriage  Prayer. 

O  Lord,  we  thy  servants  haye  now  entered  into  a  new  re- 
lation to  each  other,  the  holy  estate  of  matrimony.  We 
humbly  implore  thy  blessing  upon  us,  that  we  may  faithfully 
perform  the  vow  and  covenant  betwixt  us,  and  may  for  ever 
remain,  as  long  as  we  live,  in  perfect  love  and  peace  together, 
always  living  according  to  thy  holy  law.  Teach  us  by  thy 
good  spirit  to  bear  with  each  other's  infirmities,  to  love  each 
otlier  with  a  pure,  fervent,  and  sincere  affection,  next  in  degree 
to  that  we  owe  thee.     Grant  us,  if  it  please  thee,  health  of 


8S  WEDLOCK. 

body  and  soundness  of  mind,  and  enable  us  to  promote  the 
joy  and  to  alleviate  the  sorrows  of  each  other;  to  love  our 
parents,  relatives,  and  friends  with  increased  affection;  and 
finally,  grant,  O  Holy  Father,  that  this  new  and  most  inti- 
mate connection,  by  thy  special  blessing,  may  minister  abund- 
antly to  our  comfort  and  happiness  here  on  earth,  and,  above 
all,  serve  the  better  to  prepare  us  for  a  happy  immortality  in 
tliy  kingdom  above.  Through  Jesus  Christ,  our  Lord. — Judge, 
Smith. 

Advice  to  the  Married. 
Should  erring  nature  casual  faults  disclose, 
"Wound  not  the  breast  that  harbors  your  repose ; 
For  every  grief  that  breast  from  you  shall  prove 
Is  one  link  broken  in  the  chain  of  love. 
Soon,  with  their  objects,  other  woes  are  past, 
But  pains  from  those  we  love  are  pains  that  last 
Though  faults  or  follies  from  reproach  may  fly, 
Yet  in  its  shade  tlie  tender  passions  die. 

Love,  like  the  flower  that  courts  the  sun's  kind  ray, 
Will  flourish  only  in  the  smiles  of  day ; 
Distrust's  cold  air  the  generous  plant  annoys, 
And  one  chill  blight  of  dire  contempt  destroys. 
O  shun,  my  friend,  avoid  that  dangerous  coast 
Where  peace  expires  and  fair  affection's  lostl 
By  wit,  by  grief,  by  anger  urged,  forbear 
The  speech  contemptuous  and  the  scornful  aii 

— Dr.  John  langhornA 

Marriage  Hymns. 
I. 

When  on  her  Maker's  bosom 

The  new-born  earth  was  laid, 
And  nature's  opening  blossom 

Its  fairest  bloom  displayed ; 
When  all  with  fruits  and  flowers 

The  laughing  soil  was  dressed, 
And  Eden's  fragrant  bowers 

Eeceived  their  human  guest, — 

No  sin  his  face  defiling, 

The  heir  of  nature  stood. 
And  God,  beuignlv  smiling, 

Beheld  that  all  was  good. 


MARRIAGE  CUSTOMS  AND  CEREMONIES.  89 

Yet  iu  that  hour  of  blessing 

A  single  want  was  known, — 
A  wish  the  heart  distressing, — 

For  Adam  was  alone. 

O  God  of  pure  affection, 

By  men  and  saints  adored, 
O  give  us  thy  protection 

Around  this  nuptial  board  I 
May  thy  rich  bounties  ever 

To  wedded  love  be  shown. 
And  no  rude  hand  dissever 

"Whom  thou  hast  linked  in  one  1 

—Bisliop  Ee^r. 

II. 

Not  for  the  summer's  liour  alone, 

When  skies  resplendent  shine. 
And  youth  and  pleasure  fill  the  throne, 

Our  hearts  and  hands  we  join ; 

But  for  those  stem  and  wintry  days 

Of  sorrow,  pain,  and  fear. 
When  Heaven's  wise  discipline  doth  make 

Our  earthly  journey  drear. 

Not  for  this  span  of  life  alone, 

Which  like  a  blast  doth  fly, 
And  as  the  transient  flowers  of  grass, 

Just  blossom,  droop,  and  die ; 

But  for  a  being  without  end, 

This  vow  of  love  we  take. 
Grant  us,  O  God,  one  home  at  last, 

For  thy  great  mercy's  sake  1 

— Mrs.  &g<mnwj. 


t\jjitB  oi  muttin^t 


Rejoice  with  the  wife  of  thy  youth,  and  he  thou  always  satisfied  with  her  love ;  toi 
she  is  thy  compauion  and  the  wife  of  thy  covenant. — Bible. 

The  kindest  and  the  happiest  pair 
Will  find  occasion  to  forhear, 
And  something,  every  day  they  live, 
To  pity,  and  perhaps  forgive. 

Love  as  a  Law. 

S  love  is  the  basis  of  marriage,  so  should  it  be  the 
law  of  married  life ;  and  if  love  guide  us  in  our 
relations  with  husband  or  wife,  need  we  rules  of 
conduct  or  lessons  in  domestic  etiquette?  Love 
seeks  the  good  of  the  beloved  object — desires  to  promote  the 
dear  one's  happiness,  and  avert  sorrow,  care,  and  pain.  We 
may  leave  love  to  find  out  the  ways  and  means  of  doing  this 
and  need  not  fetter  afiection  with  formulas.  It  will  do  the 
rio-ht  thing  at  the  right  time,  fall  short  in  nothing,  and  never 
transcend  its  bounds ;  being  ever,  as  the  poet  characterizes  it, 
An  angel  guest  in  earthly  home. 

This  is  our  highest  ideal — our  notion  of  that  perfect  love 
which  casteth  out  selfishness,  which  never  forgets  its  divine 
orio-in,  is  always  mindful  of  its  sacred  ofiice,  and  whose  azure 
wings  are  never  bedrabbled  in  the  mire  of  earthly  grossness ; 
but  lovers,  wives,  and  husbands  are  poor,  imperfect  mortals, 
after  all,  and  there  are  few  married  couples  who  may  not 
profit  by  some  well-considered  hints  in  regard  to  the  minor 
morals  of  matrimonial  and  domestic  life.     Truly — 

The  kindest  and  the  happiest  pair 
Will  find  occasion  to  forbear ; 
And  something,  every  day  they  live, 
To  pity,  and  perhaps  forgive. 


ETHICS  OF  MARRIAGE.  91 

Those  who  nave  no  need  of  the  following  kindly-meant 
suggestions  are  at  liberty  to  skip  over  them,  but  we  fear  that 
tew  of  us  can  say  we  are  always  guided  by  an  unselfish  love, 
and  are  therefore  "  a  law  unto  ourselves." 

Matrimonial  Fidelity. 

"The  first  duty  -which  married  persons  owe  to  each  other 
— a  duty  so  sacred  that  even  a  suspicion  breathed  upon  it  will 
blight  their  happiness  to  the  roots — is  to  maintain  that  sacred 
and  unalterable  fidelity  toward  each  other  to  which  they  are 
sworn  by  their  bridal  vows."  This  fidelity  implies  something 
more  than  the  avoidance  of  those  overt  acts  of  conjugal  trans- 
gression which  shock  the  moral  sense  of  community  and 
awaken  public  indignation.  There  may  be  folly  and  wrong 
where  there  is  no  actual  violation  of  the  law  of  the  land.  The 
moth  may  flit  about  the  lamp-flame  for  a  time  without  falling 
into  it;  and  a  flirtation  may  originate  in  vanity  or  pique, 
and  end  in  nothing  worse  than  a  brief  infatuation  on  one  side 
and  a  few  keen  pangs  of  jealousy  on  the  other;  but  the  danger 
of  more  serious  results  is  fearful.  Beware,  then,  of  the  slight- 
est approach  to  trifling  with  the  holy  bonds  you  have  as- 
sumed.    Let  there  be  no  cause  for  a  sinole  anxious  thouojht, 

O  Or 

for  one  hour  of  disquiet  or  doubt  on  the  part  of  the  one  you 
have  sworn  to  love  and  cherish.  That  one  must  be  first  in 
your  thoughts  always.  The  hopes,  the  plans,  the  happiness 
of  husband  and  wife  are  bound  up  together.  We  can  not  di- 
vide the  most  sacred  sympathies  of  our  nature  between  our 
lawful  mate  and  another  person. 

"  Thine  own,  forever  thine,"  is  the  language  of  the  true 
husband  or  wife.  We  may  have  father,  mother,  brothers, 
sisters,  friends — all  near  and  dear  to  us ;  but  before  all,  and 
above  all,  must  be  the  one  to  whom  we  have  given  the  hand 
and  the  heart  in  marriage.  Poverty  may  benumb  the  soul 
with  icy  hand ;  misfortunes  may  darken  our  pathway;  sick- 
ness may  lay  us  low ;  beauty  may  fade  and  strength  depart, 
but  love  and  constancy  are  but  a  nam?  if  they  live  not 
through  all 


92  WEDLOCK. 

Mutual  Confidence. 
Married  people  who  would  live  happily  together  must  treat 
each  other  with  perfect  confidence,  and  be  strictly  honest  and 
unreserved  in  their  intercourse.  Duplicity,  even  in  the  small- 
est matters,  must  be  carefully  avoided.  A  wife  must  not  de- 
ceive a  husband,  or  a  husband  his  wife,  in  anything.  Wlien 
one  gets  into  the  habit  of  doing  anything  of  which  he  or  she 
is  ashamed  to  speak  to  the  one  who  should  be  as  another 
self,  there  is  the  beginning  of  a  course  of  wrong-doing  of 
which  no  one  can  foresee  the  end.  With  the  first  detected 
deception — and  deception  seldom  remains  long  undetected — 
there  comes  a  loss  of  confidence,  w^hich  it  is  almost  impossible 
to  fully  restore ;  but  with  mutual  unreserved  honesty  of  pur 
pose  and  complete  openness,  there  will  come  a  faith  in  each 
other  which  nothing  can  shake.  Where  such  honesty,  frank- 
ness, and  confidence  exist,  there  can  be  no  room  for  jealousy, 
no  grounds  for  bitterness  and  strife. 

Charity  and  Forbearance. 

No  one  is  free  from  faults.  If  courtship  has  not  revealed 
them  to  the  lovers,  marriage  will  certainly  remove  the  vail, 
and  show  each  to  the  other  with  the  failings,  foibles,  and 
weaknesses  of  our  imperfect  humanity.  Love,  like  charity, 
may  cover  a  multitude  of  sins,  but  it  can  not  make  us  blind 
to  the  faults  of  character  and  the  errors  of  habit  which  we 
shall  inevitably  discover  in  the  beloved ;  but  the  discoveries 
we  may  make  should  not  alienate  us  in  any  degree  or  cool 
our  love ;  for  while  we  see  some  things  that  we  do  not  approve, 
we  should  bear  in  mind  the  fact,  that  we  probably  have  as 
many  and  as  great  faults  as  our  companion,  and  that  there 
will  be  need  of  constant  mutual  forbearance  and  charity. 

It  is  a  duty  we  ow^e  to  our  friends,  and  especially  to  our 
best  of  all  earthly  friends — our  wife  or  husband — to  remind 
them,  in  a  spirit  of  kindness  and  charity,  of  their  faults,  with 
a  view  to  their  correction.  We  must  not  do  this  in  a  censo- 
rious and  self-righteous  spirit,  but  considerately  and  tenderly, 
and  we  must  not  manifest  impatience  if  the  habits  of  years 
are  not  wholly  abandoned  in  a  week. 


ETHICS   OF  MARRIAGE.  93 

When  a  husband  and  wife  can  not  think  alike  on  any  par- 
ticular subject,  they  can  at  least  "agree  to  disagree,"  and  not 
rIIow  a  slight  difference  of  opinion  to  cause  unkind  feelings  or 
estrangement.  Be  tolerant  everywhere,  but  especially  at 
home. 

"  Tlie  great  want  in  fjimilies,"  says  some  one,  "  is  justice  ami 
reciprocity,  and  that  forbearance  which  it  is  necessai-y  fot 
mortals  always  to  exercise  toward  each  other.  We  willingly 
accept  it  from  others,  but  are  we  w^illing  to  give  it  in  return  *r 
We  establish  a  claim  on  some  incidental  circumstance,  or  tlte 
l)ai-e  fact  of  relationship,  and  impose  burdens  and  accept  kind- 
ness without  a  thought  of  obligation  on  oar  part." 

Matrimonial  Politeness. 

The  liusband  should  never  cease  to  be  a  love'i\  or  fail  in  any 
of  those  delicate  attentions  andtender  expressions  of  affection- 
ate solicitude  which  mai'ked  his  intercourse  before  marriage 
witli  his  heart's  queen.  All  the  respectful  deference;  every 
courteous  observance ;  all  the  self-sacrificing  devotion  that 
can  be  claimed  by  the  mistress  is  certainly  due  to  the  wife, 
and  he  is  no  true  husband  and  no  true  gentleman  who  habitu- 
ally withholds  them.  It  is  not  enough  that  you  honor,  respect, 
and  love  your  wife.  You  must  put  this  honor,  respect,  and 
love  into  the  forms  of  speech  and  action.  Let  no  unkind  word, 
no  seeming  indifference,  no  lack  of  the  little  attentions  due 
hei-,  remind  her  sadly  of  the  sweet  days  of  courtship  and  the 
honeymoon.  Surely  the  love  which  you  then  thought  would 
be  cheaply  purchased  at  the  price  of  a  world  is  worth  all  your 
care  to  preserve.  Is  not  the  wife  more,  better,  and  deai-er  than 
the  sweetheart  ?  It  is  probably  your  own  fault  if  she  be  not. 
The  chosen  companion  of  your  life,  the  mother  of  your  chil- 
dren, the  sharer  of  all  your  joys  and  sorrows,  as  she  possesses 
the  highest  place  in  your  affections,  should  have  the  best 
])lace  everywhere,  the  politest  attentions,  the  softest,  kindest 
words,  the  tenderest  care.  Love,  duty,  and  good  manners 
alike  require  it. 

And  has  the  wife  no  duties  ?  Have  the  courteous  observ- 
ances, the  tender  watchfulness,  the  pleasant  words,  the  never 


04  WEDLOCK. 

tiring  devotion  which  won  your  smiles,  your  spoken  thanks, 
your  ki«ises — your  very  self — in  days  gone  by,  now  lost  their 
value  ?  Does  not  the  husband  rightly  claim  as  mu(3h  as  the 
lover  ?  If  you  "find  him  less  observant  of  the  little  courtesies 
due  you,  may  not  this  be  owing  to  the  fact  that  you  sometinu's 
tail  to  reward  him  with  the  same  sweet  thanks  and  sweeter 
smiles  ?     Ask  your  own  heart. 

Have  the  comfort  and  happiness  of  your  husband  always  in 
view,  and  let  him  see  and  feel  that  you  still  look  up  to  liim 
with  trust  and  affection — that  the  love  of  other  days  has  not 
grown  cold.  Dress  for  his  eyes  more  scrupulously  than  for 
all  the  rest  of  the  world ;  make  yourself  and  your  home 
beautiful  for  his  sake ;  try  to  beguile  him  from  his  cares ;  re- 
tain his  affections  in  the  same  way  that  you  won  them.  Be 
polite  even  to  your  husband.* 

Let  there  be  a  place  at  home  sacred  from  all  ideas  of  toil — 
a  sanctum  of  domestic  love  and  sociability,  where  never  in- 
trude the  cross  word  and  sour  look.  With  a  pleasant  greeting 
and  smile  welcome  him  as  he  comes  from  the  sharp  conflict 
with  his  fellows.  You  say,  "  Are  we  always  to  wear  a  smiling 
face  to  chase  away  his  frown  ?  The  children  have  been  vexa- 
tious, can  we  always  bear  it  smilingly  ?"  Know  this,  wives, 
that  when  assured  of  an  habitually  pleasant  reception,  the 
frowm  will  be  left  at  the  oflice,  put  from  the  face,  closed  with 
the  ledger.  It  is  utterly  impossible  to  do  otherwise,  for  like 
begets  like,  as  surely  as  operate  nature's  law^s.  Become  to 
him  a  necessary  part  of  himself,  a  wife  in  every  respect,  and 
he  will  not  fail  to  respond. 

A  Lesson  fob  Well-Disposed  Wives. 

"  Why  is  it,"  asked  a  lady,  "  that  so  many  men  are  anxious 
to  get  rid  of  their  wives?"  "  Because,"  was  the  reply,  "  so 
few  women  exert  themselves  after  marriage  to  make  their 
presence  indispensable  to  the  happiness  of  their  husbands." 
When  husband  and  wife  have  become  thoroughly  accustomed 
to  each  other — when  all  the  little  battery  of  charms  which 

♦  See  "  How  to  Behave,"  a  Manual  of  Republican  Etiquette,  etc     New  York 
%.  R.  Wells.    Price,  75  cents. 


ETHICS   OF  MARRIAGE.  95 

each  played  off  so  skillfully  before  the  wedding-day  had  been 
exhausted — too  many  seem  to  think  that  nothing  remains  but 
the  clanking  of  the  legal  chains  which  bind  them  to  each  other. 
The  wife  seeks  to  develop  in  her  affections  no  new  attraction 
for  lier  husband  ;  and  the  latter,  perceiving  the  lapsus^  begins 
lo  brood  over  an  uncongeniality  which  docs  not  exist,  and  to 
magnify  the  ills  that  do  exist  into  insuperable  obstacles  in 
the  way  of  his  earthly  felicity.  This  is  the  true  secret.  The 
woman  wlio  charmed  before  marriage  can  charm  afterward, 
if  she  will,  though  not,  of  course,  by  the  same  means.  There 
.are  a  thousand  ways,  if  she  will  only  study  them  out,  in  whicli 
ehe  can  make  home  so  attractive  that  her  husband  will  un- 
consciously dislike  to  absent  himself  from  it,  and  so  she  can 
readily  make  herself  the  particular  deity  of  the  domestic  para- 
dise. This  done,  she  may  quietly  laugh  at  all  attempts  to 
alienate  her  husband's  inclinations ;  and  with  these  inclinations 
will  always  go,  in  such  cases,  his  active  judgment. 

The  Reneaval  of  Affectiox. 

"Were  ah  married  couples  perfectly  mated,  the  trying  hour 
here  so  feelingly  described  would  never  come,  and  the  good 
advice  which  follows  would  never  be  needed  ;  but  all  are  not 
perfectly  mated,  and  the  writer's  words  will  not  be  reprinted 
here  in  vain  : 

"  When  the  honeymoon  passes  away,  setting  behind  dull 
mountains,  or  dipping  silently  into  the  stormy  sea  of  life,  the 
trying  hour  of  married  life  has  come.  Between  the  parties 
there  are  no  more  illusions.  The  feverish  desire  of  possession 
has  gone,  and  all  excitement  receded.  Then  begins,  or  should, 
the  business  of  adaptation.  If  they  find  they  do  not  love 
one  another  as  they  thought  they  did,  they  should  double 
their  assiduous  attentions  to  one  another,  and  be  jealous  of 
everything  which  tends  in  the  slightest  way  to  separate  them. 
Life  is  too  precious  to  be  thrown  away  in  secret  regrets  or 
open  differences.  And  let  me  say  to  every  one  to  Avhom  the 
romance  of  life  has  fled,  and  who  are  discontented  in  the 
slightest  degree  with  their  conditions  and  relations,  begin  this 
reconciliation  at  once. 


90  WEDLOCK. 

"  Renew  the  attentions  of  earlier  clays.  Draw  your  hearts 
close  together.  Talk  the  thing  all  over.  Prayerfully — aye, 
prayerfully — acknowledge  your  faults  to  one  another,  and  de- 
le rniine  that  henceforth  you  will  be  all  in  all  to  each  other, 
and  my  word  for  it,  you  shall  find  in  your  relation  the  sweet- 
est joy  earth  lias  for  you.  There  is  no  other  way  for  you  to 
do.  If  you  are  not  happy  at  home  you  must  be  happy  abroad  ; 
the  man  or  woman  who  has  settled  down  upon  the  conviction 
that  he  or  she  is  attached  for  life  to  an  uncongenial  yoke-fellow, 
and  that  there  is  no  way  to  escape,  has  lost  life ;  there  is  no 
effort  too  costly  to  make  which  can  restore  to  its  settmg  upon, 
the  bosom  the  missing  pearl." 

We  may  add,  that  just  in  proportion  as  the  beginners  become 
agreed,  will  they  assimilate  and  become  as  one  in  spirit,  and 
to  resemble  each  other  in  body  as  well  as  in  mind. 

Again :  children  born  in  happy  and  loving  wedlock  will  be 
more  comely,  more  beautiful,  more  perfect.  Children  born  in 
unhappy  wedlock  are  less  favorably  organized,  less  happily 
disposed,  less  comely  and  beautiful.  Loving  parents,  loving 
children ;  quarreling  parents,  quarreling  children.  This  is  the 
rule.  Therefore,  for  the  sake  of  posterity,  we  are  in  duty 
bound  to  cultivate  the  more  amiable  qualities,  and  keep  the 
passions  in  subjection.  One  of  the  means  by  which  to  do  this 
is  to  "  know  ourselves ; "  and  another,  to  act  according  to 
the  precepts  of  the  Christian  religion.  Grace  comes  by 
seeking. 

A  Word  to  Husbands. 

Make  allowances  for  your  wife's  share  of  the  great  inheiit- 
ance  of  human  nature.  Do  not  expect  her  to  smile  in  unmoved 
serenity  when  children  are  ungovernable,  servants  are  in  high 
rebellion,  and  husband  comes  home  cross  and  hungry.  If  she 
is  a  little  petulant,  do  not  bang  doors  by  way  of  soothing  her 
temper.  Just  remember  that  a  pleasant  word  or  two,  the 
touch  of  a  kindly  hand,  or  the  light  of  a  pitying  eye  will  act 
like  oil  on  the  troubled  waters.  Even  men  are  known  to  get 
out  of  patience  sometimes,  tliercfore  be  not  as!onished  at 
woman's  occasional  lapse  of  self-control  j 


ETHICS    3F  .AIARRIAGE.  97 

Do  not  suppose  it  at  all  derogatory  to  your  dignity  to  re< 
member  the  small,  sweet  courtesies  of  life  where  your  wife  is 
concerned.  Why  should  a  man  be  ashamed  of  politeness  to 
his  own  wife,  when  he  Avould  step  forward  in  an  instant  to 
render  a  like  service  to  any  other  lady  ? 

Because  a  man  has  married  a  w^oman,  does  it  necessarily 
follow  that  thenceforward  he  is  exonerated  from  all  the  duties 
of  ordinary  civility  toward  her?  By  all  the  wedding  rings  in 
Christendom,  no  ! 

If  your  wife  pin  a  fresh  rosebud  in  your  button-hole  when 
you  go  foi'th  to  business  in  the  morning,  be  cai-eful  to  present 
her  with  heartsease  on  your  return  at  night.  Some  men  grow 
tftiddenly  ashamed  of  an  unassuming  pot  of  fragrant  migno- 
nette, if  a  wealthy  friend  happens  to  present  them  with  a  few 
flowers  from  his  conservatory,  and  hide  it  away  in  some  ol> 
dcure  corner  to  make  room  for  the  brilliant  but  scentless  exotics. 
Wives  are  not  unfrequently  treated  after  a  similar  fashion  ; 
and  perhaps  it  would  be  well  for  their  fastidious  "  lords  and 
masters  "  to  jot  down  the  following  lines  upon  the  tablets  of 
their  memories : 

"  As  the  myrtle,  whose  perfume  enriches  the  bower, 
Is  prized  far  beyond  e'en  the  gaudiest  flower ; 
So  a  wife,  who  a  household  can  skillfully  rule, 
Is  a  jewel  of  price  to  all  men — save  a  fool." 

Inordinate  Affection. 

Love  of  husband  or  wife  must  not  be  allowed  to  draw  our 
hearts  away  from  God.  Rev.  George  Jarvis  Geer,  D.D.,  of 
St.  Timothy's  church,  New  York,  in  one  of  his  sermons 
truly  and  beautifully  says^ 

"St.  Paul  draws  an  illustration  from  holy  connubial  love,  to 
•et  forth  more  clearly  the  love  of  Christ  for  the  Church.  Jle 
draws  a  parallel  between  them  :  '  So  ought  men  to  love  their 
wives  as  their  own  bodies;  he  that  loveth  his  wife  loveth 
himself.  For  no  man  ever  yet  hated  his  own  flesh,  but  nour- 
isheth  and  cherisheth  it,  even  as  the  Lord  the  Church.'  But 
the  love  of  God  is  to  be  sacred  above  every  other  affection. 
Without  Him,  no  other  objects  of  love  would  have  been  given 
to  us,  nor  would  they  be  preserved  to  us  a  single  moment,  nor 

5 


9S  WEDLOCK. 

would  we  have  any  capability  whatsoever  of  loving.  All 
things  in  the  kingdom  of  God,  in  the  universe,  are  beautiful 
only  as  proper  proportion  and  due  relation  are  maintained. 
An  inordinate  affection  is  an  affection  out  of  place — out  ot 
proportion — one  which  throws  its  betters  in  the  shade.  You 
may  hold  a  very  small  object  so  near  to  the  eye  as  to  shut  out 
the  light  of  the  sun ;  so  you  may  bring  a  trifling  object  so 
very  near  to  your  heart — you  may  make  so  much  of  it — you 
may  love  it  so  intensely  that  the  love  of  God  wall  be  impos 
Bible." 

SCEIPTURAL   IXJUXCTIONS. 

Plusbands,  love  your  wives,  and  be  not  bitter  against  them 

Let  every  one  of  you,  in  particular,  so  love  his  wife  even  as 
himself.  So  ought  men  to  love  their  wives  as  their  own 
bodies.  He  that  loveth  his  wife  loveth  himself;  for  no  man 
ever  yet  hated  his  own  flesh. 

Husbands,  love  your  wives,  even  as  Christ  also  loved  the 
Church,  and  gave  himself  for  it. 

Ye  husbands,  dwell  with  your  wives  according  to  knowl- 
edge, giving  honor  unto  the  wife,  as  unto  the  weaker  vessel, 
and  as  being  heirs  together  of  the  grace  of  life. 

Kejoice  with  the  wife  of  thy  youth,  and  be  thou  satisfied 
always  with  her  love ;  for  she  is  thy  companion  and  the  wdfe 
of  thy  covenant. 

Wives,  submit  j^ourselves  unto  your  own  husbands,  as  unto 
the  Lord ;  for  the  husband  is  the  head  of  the  wife,  even  as 
Clu'ist  is  the  head  of  the  Church. 

Let  the  wife  see  that  she  reverence  her  husband. 

Ye  wives,  be  in  subjection  to  your  own  husbands;  that  if 
any  obey  not  the  word,  they  also  may,  without  the  word,  be 
won  by  the  conversation  of  the  wives,  w^hile  they  behold 
your  chaste  conversation,  coupled  with  fear. 

For  after  this  manner,  in  the  old  time,  the  holy  women  also, 
who  trusted  in  God,  adorned  themselves,  being  in  subjection 
unto  their  own  husbands;  even  as  Sarah  obeyed  Abraham, 
calling  him  lord,  whose  daughters  ye  are,  as  long  as  ye  do 
well. 

^  virtuous  woman  is  a  crown  to  her  husband. 


ETHICS  uir  MARRIAGE.  99 

A  prudent  wife  is  from  the  Lord.  The  heart  of  her  hus- 
band doth  safely  trust  in  her;  she  will  do  him  good,  and  not 
evil,  all  the  days  of  her  life.  She  openeth  her  mouth  with 
wisdom,  and  in  her  tongue  is  the  law  of  kindness.  She  look- 
eth  well  to  the  ways  of  her  household,  and  eateth  not  the 
bread  of  idleness.  Her  children  arise  up  and  call  her  blessed : 
ler  husband  also,  and  he  praiseth  her. — The  Scriptures, 

Duties  at  Home. 

You  who  have  taken  a  wife  from  a  happy  home  of  kindred 
hearts  and  kind  companionship,  have  you  given  to  her  all  of 
your  time  which  you  could  spare,  have  you  endeavored  to 
make  amends  to  her  for  the  loss  of  these  friends?  Have  you 
joined  with  her  in  her  endeavors  to  open  the  minds  of  your 
children  and  give  them  good  moral  lessons?  Have  you 
strengthened  her  mind  with  advice,  kindness,  and  good  books  ? 
Have  you  spent  your  evenings  with  her  in  the  cultivation  of 
intellectual,  moral,  or  social  excellence  ?  Have  you  looked 
upon  her  as  an  immortal  being,  as  well  as  yourself?  Has  her 
improvement  been  as  much  your  aim  as  your  own  ?  Has 
your  desire  been  to  "  love  her,"  as  St.  Paul  commands  you, 
and  to  see  her  "  holy  and  without  blemish  ?  "  Has  your  kind 
word  soothed  the  irritation  of  her  brow  ?  Has  your  arm  sup- 
ported her  in  the  day  of  trial  and  trouble?  Have  you  truly 
been  a  helpmate  to  her  whom  you  have  sworn  before  God  to 
love  and  cherish  ?  Husband  !  husband  !  shut  not  your  heart 
against  these  words.  You  are  her  senior,  you  have  mixed 
more  in  the  world,  and  you  have  gained  knowledge  of  human 
nature,  and  thus  of  human  weakness.  Let  this  knowledge 
add  to  your  desire  to  serve,  to  assist,  and  to  cherish  her  in  all 
Christian  virtues.  Let  your  children  have  the  example  before 
them  of  parents  bound  by  one  tie,  one  hope,  united  here  and 
forever,  whom  no  cross  can  sever,  and  whose  pure  minds 
cast  a  bright  reflection  upon  all  around.  You  whose  married 
life  has  been  short,  aid  and  counsel  your  young  wives.  Let 
their  troubles  be  yours,  and  their  joys  also.  Rejoice  with 
them  in  their  happy  trifles,  soothe  them  in  their  sadness. 
Spare  them  all  the  hours  you  can  from  business,  for  it  is  their 


100  WEDLOCK. 

due.  And,  wives  !  thank  your  husbands  for  it,  and  feel  that 
your  lot  is  a  blessed  one. 

Tliere  is  a  picture,  bright  and  beautiful,  but  nevertheless 
^rue,  where  hearts  are  united  for  mutual  happiness  and  mutual 
improvement;  where  a  kind  voice  cheers  the  wife  in  her  hour 
of  tJ-ouble,  and  where  the  shade  of  anxiety  is  chased  from  the 
husband's  brow  as  he  enters  his  home ;  where  sickness  is 
soothed  by  watchful  love,  and  hope  and  faith  burn  brightly. 
For  such  there  is  a  great  reward,  both  here  and  hereafter,  in 
their  own  and  their  families'  spiritual  happiness  and  growth, 
and  in  the  blessed  scenes  of  the  world  of  spirits. 

And,  wives !  do  you  also  consult  the  tastes  and  dispositions 
of  your  husbands,  and  endeavor  to  give  to  them  high  and 
noble  thoughts,  lofty  aims,  and  temporal  comfort.  Be  ready 
to  welcome  them  to  their  homes;  gradually  draw  theii 
thoughts  while  with  you  from  business,  and  lead  them  to  the 
I'egions  of  the  beautiful  in  art  and  nature  and  the  true  and 
the  divine  in  sentiment.  Foster  a  love  of  the  elegant  and  re- 
JBned,  and  gradually  will  you  see  business,  literature,  and  high 
moral  culture  blending  in  "sweet  accord." 

Mutual  Help. 

It  was  thus,  surely,  that  intellectual  beings  of  different  sexes 
were  intended  by  their  great  Creator  to  go  through  the  world 
together:  thus  united,  not  only  in  hand  and  heart,  but  in 
principles,  in  intellect,  in  views,  and  in  dispositions ;  each 
pursuing  one  common  and  noble  end, — their  own  improve- 
ment, and  the  happiness  of  those  around  them, — by  the  differ- 
ent means  appropriate  to  their  situation ;  mutually  correcting, 
sustaining,  and  strengthening  each  other;  undegraded  by  all 
practices  of  tyranny  on  the  one  hand,  and  of  deceit  on  the 
other;  each  finding  a  candid  but  severe  judge  in  the  under- 
standing, and  a  warm  and  partial  advocate  in  the  heart  of 
their  companion  ;  secure  of  a  refuge  from  the  vexations,  the 
follies,  the  misunderstandings,  and  the  evils  of  the  world  in 
the  arms  of  each  other,  and  in  the  inestimable  enjoyments  of 
undisturbed  confidence  and  unrestained  intimacy. — Lady 
Raohel  Ru9seU. 


ETHICS  OF  MARRIAGE.  101 

Lei  us  Love  One  Another. 

Let  us  love  one  another ;  not  long  may  we  stay- 
in  this  bleak  world  of  mourning ;  some  droop  while  'tis  day ; 
Othei*s  fade  in  the  noon,  and  few  linger  till  eve; 
O,  there  breaks  not  a  heart  but  leaves  some  one  to  grieve  1 
The  fondest,  the  purest,  the  truest  that  met 
Have  still  found  the  need  to  forgive  and  forget; 
Then,  O,  though  the  hopes  that  we  nourished  decay, 
Let  us  love  one  another  as  long  as  we  stay ! 

Then  let's  love  one  another,  'midst  sorrows  the  worst. 
Unaltered  and  fond  as  we  loved  at  the  first ; 
Though  the  fals'e  wing  of  pleasure  may  change  and  forsake, 
And  the  bright  urn  of  wealth  into  particles  break. 
There  are  some  sweet  affections  that  wealth  can  not  buy, 
That  cling  but  still  closer  when  son-ow  draws  nigh, 
And  remain  with  us  yet,  though  all  else  pass  away ; 
Then  let's  love  one  another  as  long  as  we  stay ! 

— Charles  Swain. 

How  Conjugal  Harmony  is  Sometimes  Lost. 

In  true  marriage,  when  all  the  conditions  are  favorahle, 
and  husband  and  wife  spend  much  of  their  time  together, 
there  is  a  natural  tendency  to  assimilate.  Loving  each  other, 
and  admiring  eacli  other's  qualities,  they  insensibly  take  on 
each  other's  characteristics,  and  tinally  grow  into  a  strong  per- 
sonal resemblance  to  each  other.  Examples  of  this  conjugal 
resemblance,  in  couples  who  have  lived  long  in  happy  mar- 
riage relations,  may  be  pointed  out  in  almost  every  neighbor 
hood.  The  harmony  between  such  married  people,  instead 
of  being  lost  or  broken  up  by  constantly  recurring  discords, 
becomes,  year  by  year,  sweeter  and  more  complete ;  but  there 
are  cases  in  which  the  opposite  result  takes  place.  A  good 
degree  of  congeniality  may  exist  at  the  time  of  marriage,  but 
may  afterward  be  lost.  Instead  of  climbing  the  hill  of  life 
hand  in  hand,  as  they  should,  they  become  separated  in  the 
crowd,  and  one  is  left  far  behind.  They  no  longer  see  thinga 
from  the  same  point  of  view,  and  the  unity  of  thought  and 
feeling  which  existed  at  first  is  destroyed. 

Sometimes  the  wife,  confined  at  home  by  domestic  duties; 


102  WEDLOCK. 

debarred  by  maternity  and  the  care  of  her  children  from 
mingling  in  society ;  deprived,  mainly  by  lack  of  time  and 
opportunity,  of  the  advantages  of  lectures  and  books;  and 
finally,  perhaps,  losing  her  taste  for  intellectual  pursuits,  re- 
mains stationary,  or  rather  deteriorates,  intellectually,  while 
tlie  husband,  mingling  constantly  in  society  with  cultivated 
pec  pie,  brought  into  daily  contact  with  the  great  movements 
of  the  day,  reading,  thinking,  and  attending  lectures,  is  con- 
stantly advancing — gaining  new  ideas,  new  views  of  life,  new 
interests,  and  new  aspirations.  The  congeniality  which  drew 
them  together  in  the  beginning  no  longer  exists.  Harmony 
is  lost.  Instead  of  growing  toward  each  other,  they  have 
grown  far  apart — become  mentally  strangers  to  each  other. 

In  other  cases  it  is  the  husband  who  fjills  behind  in  the 
j(  arney  of  life.  Giving  himself  up  entirely  to  business ;  spend- 
ing his  days  in  his  counting-room ;  going  home  fatigued,  list- 
less, and  indisposed  to  study,  conversation,  or  thought,  he 
neglects  books,  loses  his  interest  in  the  new  ideas  and  move- 
ments of  the  age,  and  instead  of  leading  onward  and  upward 
the  mind  of  his  intelligent  and  perhaps  ambitious  wife,  leaves 
her  to  find  in  others  the  intellectual  companionship  she  craves. 
Relieved  mainly  from  household  cares  by  a  housekeeper  and 
servants,  she  reads,  thinks,  goes  into  society,  mingles  with 
cultivated  and  progressive  people,  and  is  constantly  advanc- 
ing in  the  path  of  mental  improvement.  There  is  the  same 
loss  of  harmony  as  in  the  other  case,  and  the  ^nal  results  are 
genei-ally  more  disastrous.  The  husband  can  tolerate  intel- 
lectual inferiority  on  the  part  of  the  wife,  though  it  may  cans*, 
him  to  seek  elsewhere  the  sympathy  he  needs  in  his  pursuits 
and  aspirations;  but  the  wife  is  in  danger  of  despising  the  in- 
ferior husband,  and  the  bonds  which  link  her  to  him  some- 
times become  intolei-nble,  and  are  perhaps  sundered,  to  the 
utter  ruin  of  the  happiness  of  both. 

Young  married  couples  should  think  of  this  in  time.  Re- 
member that  growth  is  a  law  of  nature.  But  if  the  conditions 
are  unfavorable  we  become  dwarfed  and  deteriorate,  instead 
of  improving.  You  sliould  strive  to  attain  the  conditions 
requisite  for  mental  progress,  and  to  equalize  them  so  as  tc 


ETHICS  OF  MARRIAGE.  103 

grow  up  together  in  mind,  as  it  were,  keeping  step  in  the  on- 
ward march  of  life.  There  can  be  no  solid  and  satisfactory 
happiness  in  the  conjugal  relation  without  a  close  sympathy 
in  thought  and  feeling.  To  secure  this,  you  must  marry  con- 
genial partners ;  and  to  retain  it,  you  must  perpetuate  the 
haraionious  conditions  existing  at  marriage  by  equal  advant- 
ages, so  far  as  possible,  for  mental  improvement  after  marriage. 
Be  together  as  much  as  possible ;  read  the  same  books  and 
periodicals ;  talk  about  what  you  read ;  attend  lectures ;  go 
together  into  society,  or  spend  your  evenings  together  at 
home ;  and  in  all  things  help  each  other  to  be  true  and  good, 
t<>  grow  in  grace,  and  in  that  knowledge  which  maketh  wise 
jDto  salvation. 

I  saw  two  clouds  at  morning, 

Tinged  with  the  rising  sun, 
And  in  the  dawn  they  floated  on. 

And  mingled  into  one : 
I  thought  that  morning  cloud  was  blest, 
It  moved  so  sweetly  to  the  west. 

I  saw  two  summer  currents 

Flow  smoothly  to  their  meeting, 
And  join  their  cc)urse,  with  silent  force, 

In  peace  each  other  greeting: 
Calm  was  their  course,  through  banks  of  green. 
While  dimpling  eddies  played  between. 

Such  be  your  gentle  motion. 

Till  life's  last  pulse  shall  beat ; 
Like  summer's  beam  and  summer's  stream 

Float  on,  in  joy,  to  meet 
A.  cala.er  sea,  where  storms  shall  cease,  - 
A.  pure  r  sky,  where  all  is  peace. 

—Brcdnoird. 


XI. 

ttcoxitt  Marriages. 

Bat  loved  he  never  after  ?  Came  there  none 
To  roll  the  stone  from  his  sepulchral  heart, 
And  sit  in  it  an  angel  ?—J5ai/ey. 

TlIEOllY    AND    PRACTICE. 

FIEKE  is  a  very  genei-al  theoretical  opposition  to 
secoiul  marriages  on  tlie  part  of  those  who  look 
upon  the  union  of  husband  and  wife  from  the  stand- 
point of  sentiment  alone.  "  It  is  a  union  of  souls," 
they  say,  "  as  well  as  of  bodies,  and  as  these  souls  are  im- 
mortal, death  can  not  dissolve  it.     We  can  love  but  once  • 

If  the  love  of  the  heart  be  blighted,  it  buddeth  not  again  ; 

If  that  pleasant  song  be  forgotten,  it  is  to  be  learned  no  more." 

Marriage  may  be  a  union  of  souls — we  believe  it  is  such  in 
its  highest  phase,  and  that  it  may,  in  a  certain  sense,  link  to 
each  other  in  heaven  those  M'hom  it  bound  on  earth  ;  but  as 
they  there  "  neither  marry  nor  are  given  in  marriage,"  we  in- 
fer that  the  spiritual  tie  which  Avill  there  unite  congenial  souls 
has  little  in  common  with  our  earthly  relations,  and  may  be 
entirely  consistent  with  several  mortal  loves  and  mariiages ; 
for  it  is  not  true,  as  experience  daily  proves,  that  men  and 
women  love  but  once;  and  a  second  love,  or  even  a  third  love, 
may  be  as  strong,  as  pure,  and  as  constant,  if  not  so  ardent,  as 
a  first  love. 

A  circumstance  which  tells  with  more  force,  perhaps,  than 
anv  aro-ument  we  can  urge  against  the  opponents  of  second 
marriao-es  is  the  f\ict  that  the  most  eminent  of  them  have  in- 
dorsed  such  unions  practically,  thus  re})udiating  their  own 
teachings ;  and  it  may  be  tHir  !<>  flaim  that  those  who,  rejoie- 


SECOND  MARRIAGES.  105 

ing  in  a  first  marriage  or  anticipating  one,  write  able  articles 
or  cutting  philippics  against  second  marriages,  utterly  neutral- 
ize their  own  writings,  not  to  say  repudiate  and  disapprove 
them,  when  they  enter  a  second  time  into  the  marriage  relation, 
especially  if  that  second  marriage  prove  a  happy  one. 

Historical  Facts. 

Among  the  ancient  Greeks  a  widow  seldom  contracted  a 
second  marriage,  although  not  expressly  forbidden  to  do  so. 
When  one  did  so,  she  waited  at  least  five  years  or  more  in 
widowhood.  It  is  possible  that  they  did  not  generally  iind 
matrimony  so  pleasant  a  state  as  to  be  anxious  to  return  to  it. 

In  India,  according  to  Madame  Ida  Pfeifter,  the  girls  of 
every  family  are  betrothed  when  they  are  only  a  few  months 
old  ;  and  should  the  bridegroom  that  is  to  be  die  immediately 
after,  the  child  is  considered  a  widow,  and  can  not  marry 
aojain.  The  estate  of  widowhood  is  considered  a  Gjreat  mis- 
fortune,  since  it  is  believed  that  only  those  women  are  placer' 
in  it  who  in  some  state  of  pre-existence  had  deserved  such 
punishment.  The  suttee^  or  immolation  of  the  widow  on  the 
funeral  pile  of  her  husband,  was  formerly  common,  but  has 
been  abolished  through  the  influence  of  the  British  Govern- 
ment. 

The  laws  of  Moses  encouraged  and  regulated  the  marriage 
of  widows.  If  a  man  died  childless,  his  brother  was  expected 
to  marry  his  widow,  and  thus  pei-petuate  the  family  name. 
The  Apostle  Paul,  too,  wdiile  he  exhorts  the  churches  to  honor 
them  who  are  "  widows  indeed,"  also  exhorts  the  younger 
widows  to  marry.     (1  Tim.  v.  4.) 

At  the  present  time,  among  civilized  nations,  second  mar- 
riages are  almost  universally  allowed,  if  not  always  approved ; 
60  that  tlie  verdict  of  the  world  is  certainly  in  their  favor. 

A  Case  Supposed. 

Suppose  a  man  and  a  woman  marry  for  companionship  and 
for  love  ;  if  they  have  ofl^spring,  they  generally  have  pleasure 
in  the  protection,  rearing,  maintenance,  and  education  of  that 
offspring,  for  the  parentive  pleasure  does  not  end  with  the 

5^ 


106  WEDLOCK. 

parental  act,  but  follows  the  offspring  through  all  its  develop- 
ment, culture,  establishment,  and  life.  If  by  some  accident 
or  disease  one  of  the  parties  be  removed  at  the  end  of  the  first 
month  of  the  first  year  of  the  marriage, — and  to  make  the  case 
strong,  we  will  suppose  that  no  fruit  of  the  marriage  has  re- 
Bulted, — what  shall  the  surviving  companion  do  ?  Let  us  still 
further  suppose  two  persons  widowed  in  the  same  manner, 
one  a  male,  tlie  other  a  female — shall  they  wander  solitary 
througli  life  ?  Who  will  they  serve  by  so  doing  ?  In  the  life 
to  come  "  they  neither  marry  nor  are  given  in  marriage,"  and 
the  one  who  has  gone  hence  will  have  no  occasion  to  com- 
plain ;  and  if  this  widowed  husband  and  widowed  wife  are 
adapted  to  each  other,  and  might  have  formed  an  appropriate 
Ar-st  marriage,  whom  do  they  wrong  by  being  married  ?  and 
if  by  marriage  each  can  be  rendered  happy  in  companionship 
and  in  the  parental  relation,  as  well  as  in  the  conjugal,  why 
hsall  they  not  marry  ?  Are  there  any  scientific  or  moral  ob- 
jections ?  We  do  not  see  any ;  and  it  is  not  complimentary  to 
the  institution  for  those  who  have  had  experience  in  it  to  re- 
fuse a  favorable  opportunity  to  re-enter  its  sacred  halls.  Such 
conduct  is  calculated  to  give  the  impression  that  they  have 
not  found  the  marriage  relation  a  pleasant  one. 

Second  Love. 

Who  shall  say  that  a  well-organized  man  or  woman  can 
not  love  a  second  time  ?  If  there  be  ^ny  such,  let  them  live 
singly.  There  are  some  who  marry  unwisely  at  first,  and, 
having  lost  their  yoke-fellow — we  can  not  say  mate — may  pos- 
sibly, yea,  probably,  marry  a  second  time  happily.  It  is  true 
that  some  marry  well  once,  but  make  a  bad  second  marriage ; 
but  this  7-esult  is  simply  incidental  to  human  or  finite  action. 
If  all  first  marriages  could  be  shown  to  be  happy,  and  all,  or 
nearly  all,  second  marriages  unhappy,  we  would  say  a  case 
was  made  against  second  marriages;  but  we  venture  an 
opinion,  and  have  better  reason  than  we  may  state  for  believ- 
ing the  opinion  to  be  true,  that  second  marriages,  arranged 
according  to  more  ma'ure  judgment,  are  quite  as  likely  to 
be  happy  as  the  first.     When  persons  marry  who  are  igno- 


SECOND  MARRIAGES.  107 

rant  of  the  organization  and  real  disposition  of  each  other, 
each  exj^ects  unalloyed  happiness ;  all  the  ills  of  life  are  m  be 
left  behind  at  the  altar.  In  time  they  awake  to  their  disap- 
pointment, find  themselves  mated  to  a  frail  mortal  like  them- 
solves,  with  ill-temper  and  perverse  tendencies;  and  this  fret? 
them.  Each  expects  more  from  the  other  than  is  reasonal>le 
under  the  circumstances,  and  not  receiving  it,  the  courtship, 
with  all  its  gentleness  and  self-sacrifice,  is  not  made  perennial, 
as  had  been  hoped.  Mutual  recrimination  is  the  result,  and 
sometimes  a  whole  lifetime  is  embittered  by  this  mutual  dis- 
appointment, mutual  ill-nature,  and  foolish  fault-finding. 

Profiting  by  Experience. 

Should  either  one  of  these  persons  be  left  in  widowhood  and 
re-marry,  no  sublime  expectations  of  unalloyed  bliss  are  enter- 
tained, and  the  person  resolves  to  avoid  the  errors  of  the  first 
marriage,  viz.,  the  first  sharp  word,  the  first  unkind  remark, 
the  first  ungenerous  inference  or  exaction.  Let  us  suppose  a 
widower  marries  a  widow,  and  each  enters  the  relation  with 
this  idea — "  I  will  not  fall  into  the  errors  of  my  first  marriage," 
and  for  ten,  twenty,  thirty,  or  forty  years  there  is  not  so  much 
disagreement  between  them  as  either  had  in  the  first  mar- 
riage in  a  single  year,  who  shall  say  that  the  last  marriage 
♦lid  not  bring  any  better  conditions  for  happiness  than  the 
first?  but  the  experience  of  the  first  taught  each  forbearance 
and  self-control.  Indeed,  many  persons  marry  a  worse  com- 
panion than  their  first,  and  live  ten  times  more  agreeably,  be- 
cause more  reasonable  in  their  own  conduct. 

Late  Second  Marriages. 

But  it  may  be  asked.  What  of  persons  who  have  lived  in 
one  marriage  until  a  family  has  been  raised  and  settled,  and 
when  the  ardor  of  youthful  love  and  the  promptings  of  nature 
to  obey  the  first  commandment,  to  "  replenish  the  earth,"  have 
passed?  In  regard  to  such  msivr'mges,  co?n2?cmionship  may 
be  a  sufficient  reason.  Why  should  a  man  and  his  wife  re 
main  together  in  the  marriage  relation  after  they  have  raised 
a  family  and  sent  it  forth  into  the  world  ?     It  would  be  an 


108  WEDLOCK. 

Bwered,  for  companionship.  If  raising  a  family  is  the  only  ob- 
ject served  by  marriage,  then,  when  the  family  is  raised,  why 
not  separate  ?  This  is  true  with  wolves, — their  mating  con- 
tinues until  the  whelps  can  take  care  of  themselves ;  -while  the 
lion  and  eagle,  nobler  than  the  wolf,  remain  through  life  con- 
stantly in  companionship. 

If  after  a  family  be  raised  one  of  the  companions  die,  and 
if  companionship  be  desirable,  why  may  not  the  surviving  one 
marry  for  the  sake  of  that  serene  companionship  which  be- 
longs to  marriage  in  middle  or  advanced  life  ?  We  can  see 
no  valid  objection. 

We  have  seen  very  many  second  and  even  third  marriages, 
men  and  women,  fifty-five  or  sixty  years  old,  living  ten  or 
twenty  years  together,  a  kind  of  happy  "  Indian  summer," 
and  seeming  to  enjoy  each  other's  society  quite  as  well  as 
they  who  have  "  clam  the  hill  thegither." 

The  Meddling  of  Relatives. 

It  will  generally  be  found  that  second  marriages  in  which 
there  is  difficulty,  disagreement,  or  disturbance,  owe  such 
disturbance  to  their  children,  who  feel  themselves  interested 
in  their  parent's  estate,  or  the  disagreement  is  fomented  by 
the  friends  of  the  children  outside  of  the  family  respecting 
property.  There  is  nothing  more  common  than  for  a  pert 
miss  of  fifteen  or  a  beardless  boy  of  eighteen,  who  have  been 
cradled  in  parental  affection,  setting  up  theii  raw  will  and 
judgment  against  a  father  in  the  prime  of  manhood,  who  is 
left  lonely,  because  he  chooses  to  marry  again.  Four  or  five 
yviivs  at  most  will  generally  send  the  daughter  to  a  home  of 
her  own ;  another  year  or  two  makes  a  man  of  the  boy,  when 
he  will  marry  as  he  chooses,  possibly  without  the  advice  of 
either  father  or  friends.  These  children  may  foar,  perchance, 
that  another  brood  of  children  will  divide  the  property,  no 
dollar  of  which  they  ever  earned,  while  the  father,  who  has 
strong  love  for  his  children,  has  carefully  educated,  reared, 
guided,  and  sustained  them  to  maturity.  Such  children  are 
much  to  blame  for  calling  in  question  such  a  father  in  refer- 
ence  to  any  honorable  course  of  liis ;  and  public  sentiment 


SECOND  MARRIAGES.  109 

created  to  hiS  disadvantage  by  children  or  the  friends  of  the 
first  wife  is,  we  think,  execrable. 

About  Step-Mothers. 

Step-mothers  are  spoken  against,  and  sometimes  they  de- 
Berve  it;  but  we  think  they  must  be  superhuman  to  escai>e 
criticism,  surrounded  as  they  generally  are  by  such  ungenei 
ous  critics.  Step-mothers,  we  repeat,  are  spoken  against,  and 
we  may  be  permitted  to  remark  that  we  know  not  a  few  in- 
stances in  which  a  second  mother  in  all  respects  was  a  bettei 
mother  to  the  step-children  than  their  own  would  have  been. 
Tlie  step-mother  had  a  better  temper,  a  better  judgment,  more 
affection,  more  wisdom,  and  more  everything  that  the  child 
needed ;  and  for  that  child  the  day  its  father  brought  a  step- 
mother into  his  house  was  the  dawn  of  light,  joy,  and  pros 
perity. 

We  approve  of  good  second  marriages — those  which  are 
properly  adjusted  by  a  wise  selection  of  partners — and  we  ap- 
prove of  no  other  kind  for  first  marriages.  We  think  there  is 
no  law  of  nature  against  second  marriages,  and  we  regard 
that  man  or  woman  as  supremely  narrow-minded  and  selfish 
who  exacts  a  promise  on  the  dying  bed  from  the  survivor 
never  again  to  marry.  There  are  quite  as  many  men  and 
women  who,  on  their  death-bed,  counsel  the  survivor  to  marry, 
and,  in  certain  instances,  even  kindly  suggest  to  one  to  take 
their  place. 

Those  who  inveigh  against  second  marriages  generally  have 
that  exclusiveness  of  love  and  that  element  of  jealousy  which 
teaches  them  that  in  case  <Sf  their  death  it  would  be  a  satis- 
factory reflection,  that  the  survivor  would  never  receive  the 
love  or  caresses  of  any  other  person.  We  think  an  hour  in 
the  other  life  would  obliterate  such  an  idea.  Widowers, 
especially,  often  show  great  folly  and  inconsistency  in  hastily 
or  inconsiderately  paying  addresses  and  marrying  again;  but 
such  folly  of  individuals  does  not  invalidate  the  great  law  of 
love,  and  can  not  be  properly  );rought  forward  as  an  argu 
ment  against  second  marriages. 


XI. 

[calousg— ^ts  ffiawst  anir  watt. 

Oh,  beware,  my  lord,  of  jealousy; 
It  is  the  green-eyed  monster  which  doth  mock 
The  meat  it  feeds  on.— Sliakspeare. 

It  is  jealousy's  peculiar  nature 
To  swell  small  things  to  great ;  nay,  out  of  naught  •■ 
To  conjure  much  ;  and  then  to  lose  its  reason 
Amid  the  hideous  phantoms  it  has  formed.— Towngr. 

Love  and  Jeai.ousy. 

HE  passion  of  love  gives  rise  to  the  feeling  most 
commonly  recognized  as  jealousy.  In  fact,  it  has 
passed  into  a  proverb,  "  that  true  love  and  jealousy 
are  near  akin,"  and  that  no  one  thoroughly  pos- 
sessed by  the  tender  passion  can  look  calmly  on  when  others 
seek  the  favor  and  society  of  the  person  beloved.  We  havo 
known  persons  of  superior  intellect  and  discrimination  exliibit 
extravagant  emotion,  and  say  and  do  improper  things,  when 
they  supposed  themselves  superseded,  or  likely  to  be,  in  the 
affections  of  those  for  whom  they  had  conceived  a  strong  at- 
tacliment. 

Shakspeare,  in  the  play  of  Othello,  has  wrought  out  in  all 
the  force  and  fire  of  heated  words  this  most  potent  sort  of 
ioalousy.     In  the  third  act,  lago  is  represented  as  sayir.g, 

"  But,  oh,  what  damned  minutes  tells  lie  o'er, 
Who  dotes,  yet  doubts  ;  suspects,  yet  fondly  loves." 

lit  love  affairs  it  is  probable  that  every  person  is  capable  of 
h^pressing  the  feeling.  Many  may  be  unconscious  of  it,  be- 
cause the  circumstances  for  calling  it  out  do  not  exist  in  their 
case.  They  love  but  once,  and  that  love  being  kindly  and 
cordially  reciprocated,  and  there  being  no  rivalry  before  the 


JEALOUSY— ITS  CAUSE  AND  CURE.      HI 

conjugal  union,  and  no  conduct  on  the  part  of  the  companion 
after  marriage  calculated  to  awaken  jealousy,  they  carry  the 
jealous  element  latent  through  life,  with  the  self-congratula- 
tion, "  I  have  no  jealousy  in  my  nature."  But  they  only  need 
11  word  or  a  look  on  the  part  of  the  companion  calculated  to 
Bhc/W  a  preference  for  another,  to  arouse  in  themselves  the 
sleeping  giant — jealousy. 

Terrible  Effects  of  Jealousy. 

IIow  many  happy  homes  have  been  broken  up  by  this  m- 
fluence !  The  suspicions  of  jealousy  once  entertained  by  one 
«  f  those  whom  the  rites  of  the  Church  linked  into  what  on 
\  heir  memorable  wedding-day  they  deemed  a  happy  union, 
( Dgender  feelings  wdiose  cold  impress  remains  in  the  heart 
long  after  they  have  been  found  altogether  baseless. 

The  deeply  enamored  maiden  eyes  with  keen  distrust  and 
pain  the  polite  attentions  given  by  the  lord  of  her  heart  to 
another ;  and  the  passionate  lover  raves  and  reproaches  the 
star  of  his  affections  if  she  carelessly  smile  on  a  gentleman 
acquaintance. 

An  honest  and  considerate  husband  or  wife  of  true  religious 
tendencies  will  give  no  occasion  for  jealousy.  The  low,  lewd, 
aad  weak  are  not  expected  to  regulate  themselves ;  and  hence 
the  jail,  the  prison,  and  the  asylum.  Is  the  reader  afflicted 
with  the  infirmity  of  jealousy?  Let  him  pray  God  to  be 
delivered.  Does  the  young  wife  feel  neglected,  and  is  she 
fearing  her  husband's  interests  and  attentions  are  being  im- 
properly shared  by  another  ?  Let  her  also  seek  consolation 
in  prayer,  and  together  let  them  pray  to  be  delivered  from 
temptation. 

The  more  intense  the  feeling  experienced  by  one,  the  greater 
the  number  of  faculties  employed  in  its  agitation ;  so  the 
greater  the  number  of  faculties  employed  in  forming  an  at- 
tachment, the  more  painful  the  feelings  when  that  attach- 
ment is  interrupted.  Hence,  also,  the  jealousy  among  human 
beings  in  consequence  of  real  or  imaginary  unfaithfulness,  or 
the  fear  of  rivalry  in  love  matters,  is  intense  and  powerful  in 
proportion  to  the  extent  of  the  mental  organization  unfortu- 


112  WEDLOCK. 

nately  affected  by  it.  An  animal  or  a  man  in  whom  ouly 
Amativeness  is  offended,  is  appeased  when  the  rival  is  van- 
quished or  so  removed  as  not  to  offer  farther  opposition. 
Moreover,  he  has  no  unkind  feeling  toward  his  mate.  With 
higher  natures,  in  whom  Conjugality,  or  Union  for  Life,  to- 
gether witli  Friendship,  the  intellectual,  the  moral,  and  esthetic 
faculties  take  part  in  the  make-up  of  the  love-emotion,  we  find 
the  jealousy  of  any  infidelity  or  disturbance  of  the  love-rela- 
tion quick,  sensitive,  intense,  and  powerful. 

Morbid  Jealousy, 

Shakspeare  says — 

"  Trifles  light  as  air 
Are  to  the  jealous  confirmations  strong 
As  proofs  of  holy  writ." 

This  is  when  jealousy  has  become  a  morbid  condition  of 
the  mind  which  distorts  appearances,  creates  its  own  occa- 
sions, and  would  suspect  vestal  purity.  This  is  a  selfish  and 
suspicious  action  of  the  love-feelings,  and  is  an  exceedingly 
unfortunate  mental  condition,  whether  it  come  by  inheritance 
in  whole  or  in  part  of  a  diseased  or  badly  constituted  organ- 
ization ;  whether  it  be  induced  by  ill  health,  or  provoked  by  im- 
proper social  culture  or  social  misadaptation.  Novel-reading 
and  the  drama  seem  to  excite  the  imaginative  elements  of 
human  nature,  especially  in  connection  wnth  the  social  feel- 
ings, thereby  tending  to  promote  in  mankind  the  spirit  of 
jealousy,  for  it  is  among  the  classes  most  devoted  to  these 
that  this  passion  in  some  of  its  varied  forms  seems  to  be  most 
frequently  and  painfully  manifested.  When  Amativeness, 
Conjugality,  and  Friendship  have  become  intensely  excited 
in  jealousy,  and  Combativeness  and  Destructiveness,  sympa- 
thizing as  they  do,  also  become  morbid,  there  sometimes  oc- 
curs a  species  of  madness  which  results  in  the  murder  of  the 
real  or  imaginary  offender,  followed  by  the  suicide  of  the  in- 
fatuated victim  of  jealousy. 

How  TO  Cure  Jealousy. 
In  all  these  forms  of  jealousy,  it  will  be  seen  that  the  moral 


jr.ALOUSY— ITS   CAUSE  AND   CJRE.  113 

and  religions  elements  of  our  nature  seem  to  have  taken  no 
part.  We  are  quite  certain  that  none  of  the  moral  ficulties 
enter  into  the  production  of  jealousy.  The  conduct  that 
awakens  jealousy  may  be,  and  is,  condemned  by  the  moral 
nature  of  the  victim  ;  but  that  conduct  is  alike  condemned  by 
the  moral  feelings  of  all  that  behold  it,  though  they  are  not 
made  jealous  or  otherwise  personally  affected  by  it.  It  would 
8eem,  then,  that  the  only  sure  remedy  for  jealousy  is  to  be 
found  in  the  strengjth  and  riajht  action  of  the  moral  and  re- 
ligious  nature. 

Those  who  are  inclined  to  give  occasion  for  jealousy  are 
certainly  under  the  domination  of  the  carnal  elements  of  their 
being  ;  and  those  also  who  are  prone  to  be  jealous — they  are 
idolaters,  and  "  love  the  creature  more  than  the  Creator  " — 
are  not  sufficiently  imbued  with  a  sense  of  God's  presence  and 
of  the  glory  and  reality  of  the  higher  life.  They  are  too  much; 
'•  of  the  earth,  earthy,"  and  should  seek  to  secure  the  subor 
dination  of  their  animal  and  selfish  feelings  by  temperate  and 
careful  living,  thus  mitigating  the  feverish  and  abnormal  state 
of  the  nervous  system.  They  should  endeavor  to  strengthen 
the  action  and  influence  of  the  moral  feelings  by  the  most 
diligent  religious  culture.  Few  persons  are  aware  what  a 
powerful  aid  to  the  subduing  of  animal  and  malign  passions  is 
the  sincere  and  earnest  use  of  the  devotional  part  of  our  na- 
ture. He  who  with  child-like  faith  can  look  up  to  his  Father 
in  heaven,  and  in  humble  trust  and  confidence  commit  his 
interests,  his  all,  in  this  life  and  the  next,  to  Him,  will  gain 
such  moral  strength,  and  such  clearness  of  spiritual  vision,  as 
to  see,  in  the  light  of  the  higher  life,  that  all  the  jealousies  of 
this  world,  whether  well  or  ill  founded,  are  but  the  fruit  of 
selfish  impulses,  in  most  cases  perverted,  and  that  they  are  aa 
nn christian  as  they  are  prod  active  of  unhappiness. 


XIII. 

Wliat,  tberefore,  God  hath  joined  together,  let  not  xnan  put  asunder.—  CTirUt, 

What  Christ  Taught. 

N  the  Gospel  according  to  St.  Matthew,  Jesus  says 
"  Ye  have  heard  that  it  hath  been  said  by  them  of 
old  time,  Thou  shalt  not  commit  adultery:  but  1 
say  unto  you,  That  whoever  looketh  on  a  woman  to 
lust  after  her  hath  committed  adulteiy  with  her  already  in  his 
heart. 

"  It  hath  been  said.  Whoever  shall  put  away  his  wife,  let 
him  give  her  a  writing  of  divorcement;  but  I  say  unto  you, 
That  whosoever  shall  put  away  his  wife,  saving  for  the  cause  of 
fornication,  causeth  her  to  commit  adultery ;  and  whosoever 
marrieth  her  who  is  divorced  comraitteth  adultery. 

"  The  Pharisees  came  unto  him,  tempting  him,  and  saying, 
'Is  it  lawful  for  a  man  to  put  away  his  wife  for  every  cause  ? ' 
and  he  answered  and  said  unto  them,  '  Have  ye  not  read  that 
He  which  made  them  in  the  beginning,  made  them  male  and 
female,  and  said.  For  this  cause  shall  a  man  leave  father  and 
mother  and  shall  cleave  unto  his  wife,  and  they  twain  shall 
be  one  flesh  ?  Wherefore  they  are  no  more  twain,  but  one 
flesh.  What,  therefore,  God  hath  joined  together,  let  not  man 
put  asunder.'  They  say  unto  him, '  Why  did  Moses  command 
to  give  her  a  writing  of  divorcement  and  put  her  away?'  He 
saith  unto  them,  '  Moses,  because  of  the  hardness  of  your 
hearts,  suffered  you  to  put  away  your  wives;  but  from  the 
beginning  it  was  not  so :  and  I  say  unto  you.  Whoever  shall 
put  away  his  wife,  except  it  shall  be  for  fornication,  and  shall 


SEPARATION  AKD  DIVORCE.  115 

marry  another,  coramitteth  adultei-y  ;  and  whosoever  marrieth 
her  that  is  put  away  committeth  adnltery.' " 

These  statements  are  too  explicit  to  need  comment  cr  ad- 
mit misunderstanding ;  and  they  must  settle  the  question  of 
divorce  in  the  minds  of  all  who  admit  the  absolute  authority 
of  our  Savioui-'s  teachings.  The  Church  of  Christ  in  all  ages 
has  therefore  taught  that  the  only  proper  ground  for  a  divorce 
is  connubial  infidelity,  which  wholly  subverts  the  moral  sig* 
nificance  of  the  marriage  relation. 

Legal  Aspects  of  Divorce. 

The  first  encroachment  upon  the  Bible  rule  of  divorce  in 
any  Christian  country  seems  to  have  been  made  early  in  the 
reign  of  James  I.,  when  the  absence  of  the  husband  for  a 
series  of  years,  without  being  heard  from,  was  made  a  sufti- 
cient  ground  for  the  contraction  of  a  new  marriage.  This 
was  not  designed  as  constituting  a  new  cause  for  divorce,  but 
simply  as  a  declaration  that  long  absence,  without  tidings 
being  received,  should  be  considered  a  good  reason  for  sup- 
posing the  husband  to  be  dead.  On  this  law  the  early  colo- 
nists began  to  base  their  enactments,  and  the  legislatures  of 
the  various  States,  reasoning  with  perfect  logical  correctness 
fi-om  its  letter,  have  proceeded  to  increase  the  causes  for  sepa- 
ration, until  in  some  States  there  is  really  nothing  to  prevent 
persons  who  have  become  dissatisfied  with  the  conjugal  yoke 
from  throw^ing  it  off  at  wall. 

Laws  of  the  Different  States. 

Divorces,  as  legal  decrees,  are  of  two  kinds — a  vinculo  ma- 
trimonii (absolute  divorce  or  a  dissolution  of  the  marriage 
tie)  and  a  mensa  et  thoro  (from  bed  and  board). 

A  divorce  from  bed  and  board  is  granted  in  the  following 
States : 

In  Delaware,  Maine,  Maryland,  Massachusetts,  New  York, 
Kentucky,  North  Carolina,  and  South  Carolina,  for  abandon- 
ment,  willful  desertion,  or  utter  desertion ;  in  Alabama,  Con- 
necticut, Delaware,  Maine,  Massachusetts,  New  Jersey,  Ken- 
tucky, North  Carolina,  South  Carolina,  and  New  York,  for 


116  WEDLOCK. 

crueltj  ,"  in  Georgia,  Kentucky,  North  Carolina,  and  South 
Carolina,  for  habitual  drunkenness;  in  Kentucky,  Rorth  Car- 
olina, and  South  Carolina,  for  gross  personal  indignities;  in 
Connecticut,  for  same,  rendering  life  burdensome;  in  Maine, 
Massachusetts,  New  Jersey,  and  Kentucky,  for  neglect  to 
provide  suitably  for  wife;  in  Geo.'gia,  for  incompatibility  of 
temper,  or  any  cause  deemed  sufficient  by  the  Court;  in 
North  Carolina,  for  extravagance  of  the  husband,  such  as  im- 
poverishes the  family ;  and  in  Wisconsin  and  Xew  York, 
when  the  conduct  of  either  party  renders  it  unsafe  for  the 
other  to  cohabit  with  him  or  her. 

A  divorce  from  the  bonds  of  matrimony  is  granted  in  the 
following  States  on  the  following  grounds: 

In  all  the  States  and  Territories  (except  Utah)  it  is  granted 
for  adultery. 

In  the  former  Slave  States  it  is  granted  for  marriages  be- 
tween a  white  and  negro  or  mulatto. 

In  all  the  States  (except  Alabama,  Connecticut,  New  Jersey, 
New  York,  and  Vermont)  it  is  granted  for  impotency. 

In  most  of  the  States  and  Territories  (except  Utah)  the  fol- 
lowing are  grounds  on  which  to  grant  it :  All  marriages  within 
the  forbidden  degrees ;  those  effected  by  force  or  fraud ;  where 
either  party  is  already  married ;  where  either  party  was,  at 
the  time  of  the  marriage,  under  the  age  of  consent;  where 
either  party,  at  the  time  of  the  marriage,  was  of  unsound 
mind  or  an  idiot.  In  some,  however,  among  which  is  New 
York,  a  decree,  declaring  null  and  void  the  marriage  contract, 
is  granted  instead. 

In  Arkansas,  Florida,  Indiana,  Iowa,  Minnesota,  Oregon,  and 
Wisconsin,  it  is  granted  for  abandonment  and  willful  desertion 
for  one  year;  in  Illinois,  Kentucky,  Missouri,  Pennsylvania, 
and  Tennessee,  for  the  same  for  two  years ;  in  California, 
Connecticut,  Geoi'gia,  Mississippi,  New  Hampshire,  Ohio, 
Texas,  and  Vermont,  for  the  same  for  three  years  ;  in  Louisi- 
ana, Michigan,  New  Jersey,  and  Rhode  Island,  for  the  same 
for  five  years. 

Conviction  for  an  infamous  crime  is  ground  for  such  a  divorce 
in  Arkansas,   Illinois,  Indiana,   Iowa,   Louisiana,  Minnesota, 


SEPARATION   AXD   DIVORCE.  117 

Missouri,  Xew  Hampshire,  Ohio,  Oregon,  and  Tennessee.  Im- 
prisonment for  t^vo  years  is  sufficient  cause  in  California  and 
Georgia;  for  three  years  in  Michigan,  Vermont,  and  Wis- 
consin; and  for  seven  years  in  Massachusetts  and  Viiginia. 

Extreme  cruelty  is  ground  for  such  a  divorce  in  New  Hamp- 
shire, Maryland,  Rhode  Island,  Pennsylvania,  Georgia,  Ken- 
tucky, Tennessee,  Ohio,  Louisiana,  Indiana,  Illinois,  Missouri, 
Arkansas,  Michigan,  Florida,  Texas,  Iowa,  Wisconsin,  Cali- 
fornia, Minnesota,  and  Oregon,  In  Florida,  it  must  have  con- 
tinued at  least  one  year,  and  includes  habitual  indulgence  of  vio- 
lent and  ungovernable  temper;  in  Illinois,  at  least  two  years. 

In  Arkansas,  Florida,  Indiana,  Iowa,  Louisiana,  Minnesota, 
Rhode  Island,  and  Wisconsin,  it  is  granted  on  the  ground  of 
habitual  drunkenness  for  one  year ;  in  Illinois  and  Missouri, 
the  same  for  two  years ;  in  New  Hampshire,  the  same  for 
three  years;  and  in  Oregon,  if  contracted  since  marriage. 

In  Arkansas,  Missouri,  Oregon,  Pennsylvania,  and  Texas, 
it  is  granted  for  personal  indignities,  outrages,  and  excesses 
which  render  life  burdensome ;  in  Indiana,  Michigan,  Rhode 
Island,  and  Vermont,  for  refusal  or  neglect  of  the  husband  to 
provide  for  the  wife ;  in  California  and  New  Hampshire,  for 
the  same  for  tiiree  years  ;  in  Oregon,  the  same  for  one  year , 
in  Ohio  and  Rhode  Island,  for  gross  neglect  of  duty  or  mis- 
behavior ;  in  Missouri  and  Pennsylvania,  for  endangering  or  at- 
tempting the  life  of  the  complainant;  in  Georgia,  for  pregnancy 
of  wife  at  time  of  marriage  without  husband's  knowledge;  in 
Tennessee,  for  same,  if  wife  is  white,  of  a  black  child  ;  in  Con- 
necticut, where  cither  party  has  been  unheard  of  for  seven 
years;  in  Vermont,  the  same  for  some  years;  in  Missouri,  for 
vagrancy  on  the  part  of  the  husband;  in  Indiana,  for  any 
cause  the  Court  may  deem  sufficient ;  in  Iowa,  when  it  ia 
evident  the  parties  can  not  live  in  peace  and  happiness  to- 
gether; and  in  New  Hampshire,  where  either  party  joins  a 
sect  believing  the  relation  of  husband  and  wife  unlawful,  and 
refuses  to  cohabit  with  the  othei*  for  three  years. 

In  New  York,  the  imprisonment  for  life  of  either  party  ren- 
ders them  civilly  dead,  and  leaves  the  other  at  liberty  to 
marry  again, 


118  WEDLOCK. 

In  a  divorce  on  the  ground  of  adultery,  the  guilty  party 
can  not  legally  marry  again  during  the  life  of  the  other ;  but 
the  innocent  party  is  free  to  marry  again  at  any  time. 

When  a  Divorce  will  be  Denied. 

Tlie  application  for  a  divorce  for  adultery  will  be  denied  in 
the  following  cases : 

In  Alabama,  x\rkansas,  California,  Connecticut,  Florida, 
Indiana,  Iowa,  Louisiana,  Michigan,  Mississippi,  INIissouri, 
Xew  York,  Pennsylvania,  Rhode  Island,  Texas,  Vermont,  and 
Wisconsin,  the  property  of  a  woman  at  marriage,  together 
with  all  she  acquires  after  marriage,  remains  her  own  and  may 
be  held  by  her  free  from  all  liability  for  her  husband's  debts. 

In  Alabama,  Florida,  Indiana,  Louisiana,  and  Michigan, 
her  personal  estate  (and  in  California,  Iowa,  Mississippi,  Mis- 
souri, Pennsylvania,  Texas,  and  Wisconsin,  her  separate  estate 
generally)  is  liable  for  her  debts  contracted  bef  u-e  marriage. 

In  North  Carolina  and  Maryland  (where  all  her  personal 
earnings  not  exceeding  one  thousand  dollars  are  also  in- 
cluded) the  property  exempt  from  her  husband's  debts  is  con 
fined  to  real  estate.  The  exemption  only  remains  for  her  life 
and  her  children's  in  Ohio  and  Connecticut,  ai^d  in  Tennessee 
and  Maryland  for  her  life  alone. 

In  Kentucky,  Maine,  New  Hampshire,  and  North  Carolina, 
it  is  confined  to  her  property  at  marriage. 

In  Wisconsin,  Texas,  Pennsylvania,  Ohio,  North  Carolina, 
Missouri,  Indiana,  Connecticut,  Arkansas,  and  Alabama,  the 
husband  can  not  sell  or  encumber  the  wife's  separate  property 
without  her  consent  and  signature;  in  Georgia,  he  can  not  sell 
the  real  estate  of  the  wife  brought  to  him  at  marriage  without 
it.  In  Florida,  no  part  of  the  wife's  estate  can  be  conveyed 
except  by  joint  deed  of  husband  and  wife;  and  in  Iowa,  no 
part  of  the  property  of  either. 

In  Arkansas,  Iowa,  Michigan,  Missouri,  and  Mississippi,  the 
wife  can  not  receive  property  from  the  husband  after  mar- 
riage. 

In  California  and  New  York  any  married  woman  may  cari*y 
on  business  in  her  own  name. 


SEPARATION  AND  DIVORCE.  119 

In  Massachusetts  a  married  woman  can  hold  property  grant- 
ed to  her  for  her  separate  use,  without  the  intervention  of  a 
trustee;  but  to  render  it  free  from  liability  for  the  husband's 
debts,  the  deed  or  will  conveying  or  devising  it  must  be  re- 
(iorded  in  the  manner  laid  down  by  the  statute. 

In  Michigan  and  Vermont  she  can  not  give,  grant,  or  sell 
any  part  of  her  individual  estate  without  her  husband's  con- 
sent. 

The  system  of  "Divorce  Made  Easy,"  which  prevails  in 
some  of  the  States,  and  especially  in  Connecticut  and  Indiana, 
has  produced  its  legitimate  results. 

"  Nothing  is  more  common,"  writes  a  gentleman  of  high 
standing  in  one  of  the  cities  of  Indiana,  "than  to  form  an  ac- 
quaintance with  some  respectably  appearing  gentleman  or 
lady,  who  has  come  a  stranger  to  our  city,  and 'learn  soon  after 
that  the  object  of  the  visit  is  to  remain  long  enough  to  apply 
for  a  divorce.  In  this  State  (fortunately  for  its  reputation)  no 
record  of  divorces  are  kept ;  but  it  is  asserted  that  the  annual 
number  obtained  here  is  nearly  two  thousand.  This  will 
make  its  ratio  to  the  population  greater  than  that  of  Connec- 
ticu^j  which  stands  the  lowest,  in  this  regard,  of  any  Christian 
State  from  which  trustworthy  statistics  may  be  gathered." 

In  Connecticut,  divorces  have  increased  in  proportion  as 
legislation  has  made  them  easy.  In  1864  there  were  five 
times  as  many  as  in  1849,  although  the  population  in  that 
time  had  increased  by  less  than  one  half,  and  this  increase  was 
largely  of  Roman  Catholics,  who  seldom  (or  never)  apply  for 
divorce.  The  ratio  of  divorce  to  marriage  in  Connecticut  is 
fourfold  that  of  Massachusetts. 

What  is  to  be  Done? 

In  the  first  place,  all  marriageable  persons  should  follow 
(he  advice  "we  have  given  in  this  book  on  the  subject  of  se- 
lection. Being  properly  mated,  neither  party  will  desire 
separation;  and  we  truly  believe  that  it  is  possible  fcrany 
intelligent  and  well-instructed  couple  to  satisfy  themselves  be- 
fore marriage  whether  they  are  fitted  to  make  each  othei 
happy  in  wedlock  or  not. 


120  WEDLOCK. 

But  we  can  not  expect  that  all  will  be  wise  enough  to  avail 
themselves  of  the  advantages  which  science  offers  them,  in 
malving  a  conjugal  selection.  Let  other  precautions  be  taken. 
3[ake  no  hasty  engagements.  Seek  the  advice  of  those  who 
are  older  and  w^iser.  Lay  the  matter  before  your  })arents. 
They  have  experience,  at  least,  and,  as  a  general  rule,  will 
e;ive  you  sound  advice.  Or  go  to  your  clergyman,  and  get 
his  advice,  oi  to  the  family  physician,  who  should  be  able  to 
instruct  you  in  regard  to  the  temperamental  fitness  of  your 
intended.  "  St.  John's  Manual,"  of  the  Catholic  Church,  han 
some  excellent  advice  on  this  subject  of  "choosing  a  partner," 
which  all  believers,  of  whatever  name,  will  do  well  to  read : 

"  Christians  should  never  act  in  this  matter  without  con- 
sulting God  by  prayer,  and  asking  the  counsel  of  wise  and 
virtuous  friends.  They  should  seek  to  ascertain  whether  they 
are  not  perhaps  called  to  a  higher  vocation ;  and  if  convinced 
before  God  that  they  are  not,  it  is  still  equally  necessary  to 
•appeal  to  Heaven  for  direction  in  the  choice  of  a  companion. 
There  can  be  no  doubt  that  when  God  calls  persons  to  the 
carried  life,  he  marks  out  for  each  one  a  particular  partner, 
\n  accordance  with  his  own  wise  and  holy  will.  So  God 
formed  Eve  for  our  first  flither  Adam,  Rebecca  was  prepared 
for  Isaac,  and  Sarah  was  reserved  for  Tobias.  In  the  Book 
of  Proverbs  we  read  :  '  Houses  and  riches  are  given  by  parents, 
but  a  prudent  wife  is  properly  from  the  Lord.'  Trust  not, 
young  Christian,  to  your  imagination  and  the  first  impulse 
of  your  heart,  for  it  is  easy  to  be  deceived.  Remember,  more- 
over, that  your  whole  future  happiness  will  depend  upon  the 
wisdom  of  your  choice;  that  you  are  choosing,  not  a  partner 
in  a  brief  amusement,  but  one  who  is  to  be  the  perpetual 
companion  of  your  life,  who  will  have  a  perpetual  right  over 
you,  as  you  over  her.  In  so  important  a  choice,  depend  not 
on  exterio)-  beauty,  accomplishments,  or  wealth,  but  let  virtue 
be  the  chief  merit  in  the  spouse  you  select. 

"Above  all,  children  should  consult  their  parents,  and  ask 
their  consent,  nor  marry  without  it,  unless  the  pastor,  with  a 
full  knowledge  of  the  circumstances,  deem  that  the  marriage 
may  take  place.     '  Christian  modes^ty  can  not  suffer,'  says  St 


SEPARATION  AND  DIVORCE.  121 

Ambrose,  *  that  children  marry  without  advice.  Let  them 
submit  to  the  judgment  of  their  parents.'  There  is,  besides, 
a  great  power  in  a  parent's  blessing,  which  should  never  be 
wanting  in  the  marriage  of  a  Christian  child." 

A  Woman's  Opinion. 

Mrs.  Gleason,  writing  on  the  subject  of  "  Domestic  Unhap- 
pmess,"  says : 

"A  larger  latitude  for  divorce  than  that  given  by  our  Lord, 
does  not  seem  to  me  to  promise  more  domestic  peace.  I  note 
often,  that  those  who  have  rushed  out  of  an  unhappy  union  on 
the  ground  of  *  incompatibility,'  are  just  as  ready  to  rush  into 
another  marriage,  seemingly  quite  as  injudicious  as  the  one 
they  have  escaped  from.  Wisdom,  strength,  peace,  do  not 
come  by  running  away  from  trial,  but  by  meeting  it  well. 
*  Bew^are  of  entrance  to  a  quarrel,  but,  being  in,  bear  it,'  says 
Shakspeare;  so  say  we  of  marriage. 

"  If,"  she  continues,  "  our  husbands  are  not  what  we  wish — 
and  very  few  are  in  every  respect — we  should  try  to  help 
them  to  become  so.  Look  at  the  faults  which  come  from  bad 
health,  bad  inheritance,  and  bad  training,  and  try  to  make  up 
in  our  own  persons  for  all  these  deficencies  as  far  as  we  can  ; 
at  least,  bear  with  a  good  spirit  what  we  can  not  cure.  The 
charity  that  Paul  defines  is  the  best  recipe  ever  given  a  wife 
to  make  home  happy:  'The  charity  that  suftereth  long  and  is 
kind.'  We  are  apt  to  expect  too  much  of  manhood  even,  and 
hence,  instead  of  a  pleasant  surprise,  experience  a  sad  disap- 
pointment. 

*  *  *  :ic  *  % 

"  Children,  when  they  get  into  a  quarrel,  excuse  themselves 
by  saying,  *  You  began  it.'  I  have  seen  many  a  wife,  present 
and  prospective,  exhibit  the  same  feeling,  and  so  would  not 
compromise  her  dignity  by  taking  the  first  step  toward  rec- 
onciliation. So  truly  should  we  study  for  those  things  which 
are  for  peace,  that  we  should  be  on  the  alert  to  apologize,  oi 
explain  in  case  of  a  misunderstanding,  even  though  we  did 
not  begin  it.  Li  short,  we  should  not  only  be  ready  to  con- 
fess our  own  faults,  but  also  to  help  others  to  confess  theirs. 

G 


123  WEDLOvJK. 

The  first  kindly  word  will  usually  loosen  the  tongue  and  mel 
the  heart  which  has  been  frozen  with  hate,  and  from  both  will 
flow  the  milk  of  human  kindness,  rich  with  the  cream  of  tender 
love. 

"  A  wife  once  said  to  me  in  her  days  of  darkness,  '  Is  it  po»- 
Bible  to  both  love  and  hate  a  person  at  the  same  time  ?  It 
Beems  to  me  that  is  just  the  way  I  feel  toward  my  husband. 
WLen  he  was  tired  he  was  rude  to  me.  I  know,  by  his  in- 
creased gentleness  of  manner,  that  he  is  sorry,  yet  he  don't 
Bay  so,  and  somehow  I  can  not  get  over  it,  and  am  so  wretched, 
f  he  would  only  say  he  was  sorry,  it  would  drive  away  the 
shadow  between  us.'  Yes,  a  pleasant  word  is  most  soothing 
to  all  women's  sensitive  points.  So  much  faith  have  I  in  con- 
fession, that  not  only  the  wife,  but  the  husband  also,  feels  more 
comfortable  after  it — at  least,  such  is  my  opinion.  So,  who- 
ever has  a  delicate  tact  at  helping  us  to  do  this  difficult  duty, 
does  good  to  both  parties.  Not  only  husbands,  but  children, 
need  this  help;  indeed,  so  do  all.  Our  Saviour  said  truly, 
*  Offences  will  come,'  and  gave  the  perpetual  prescription  for 
all  time,  '  Go  and  tell  it  between  thee  and  him  alone.'  By 
neglecting  to  do  so,  husbands,  lovers,  church  members,  and 
neighbors  are  often  permanently  estranged." 

The  Duty  of  the  State. 

In  so  far  as  marriage  is  a  legal  contract,  the  State  has  3 
right  to  deal  with  it,  and  should  so  legislate  as  to  conserve  in 
the  highest  possible  degree  the  happiness  and  morals  of  the 
community.  On  this  point  "  The  Ladies'  Repository,"  a  high 
authority  in  the  Methodist  Church,  has  the  following  iu- 
dicious  remarks.     It  says : 

Hasty  and  Secret  Marriages  Should  be  Prevented. 

"  The  State  should  aim  in  all  laws,  and  all  its  treatment  of 
this  great  interest,  to  preserve  the  solemnity  and  dignity  of 
the  estate  of  marriage.  To  this  end  the  statute  law  should, 
as  far  as  practicable,  prevent  all  hasty,  secret,  illegal,  and  ir- 
responsible marriages.  The  State  has  the  right  to  know  who 
and  how  many  entc  into  thi*^  relation,  the  age  and  legal 


BEPARATION  AND  DIVORCE.  123 

qualifications  of  the  parties.  All  marriages  should  take  place 
only  under  the  license  of  the  State.  And  yet  in  many  of  our 
States  there  is  almost  absolutely  no  law  on  the  subject  of 
entering  into  marriage.  In  many  places  men  and  women, 
known  and  unknown,  publicly  and  privately,  at  any  hour  of 
the  day  or  night,  without  signature,  without  witness,  without 
identification,  clandestinely  or  otherwise,  are  allowed  to  enter 
into  this  state  without  let  or  hinderance.  *  *  *  *  j^ 
treats  marriage  so  lightly  that  the  people  soon  learn  to  look 
upon  it  with  the  same  levity,  and  it  is  not  at  all  surprising  if 
the  parties  to  hasty  and  ill-assorted  unions,  after  their  plans 
are  accomplished,  easily  slide  into  the  current  of  divorce ; 
and  when,  as  is  so  widely  the  case,  the  divorce  itself  may  be 
easily  obtained,  no  wonder  that  in  time  we  have  an  increasing 
multitude  of  hasty  and  ill-assorted  unions. 

Some  Marriag-es  are  Null  and  Void. 

"  With  regard  to  divorce  itself,  there  are  three  aspects  in 
which  the  legislator  should  view  it.  First,  there  may  be  in- 
justice and  great  individual  wrong  in  the  marriage  itself. 
There  may  have  been  certain  obstacles  existing  at  the  time 
of  marriage,  fraudulently  kept  from  the  knowledge  of  one  of 
the  parties,  or  even  obstacles  unknown  to  either  party,  suffi- 
cient to  vitiate  the  contract. 

"For  frauds  or  vital  mistakes  in  the  marriage  itself,  the  State 
certainly  has  the  right  of  interference  for  the  protection  of  its 
subjects.  Hence  jurists  are  nearly  all  agreed  that  certain 
causes  invalidate  the  marriage  from  the  beginning,  and  several 
of  the  States  make  provisions  for  this." 

Legal  Separation. 

Even  when  adultery  is  not  charged,  there  may  undoubt- 
edly be  cases  where  the  law  should  interfere  for  the  protection 
of  oppressed  and  wronged  citizens. 

"  Certain  cases  of  intolerable  hardship,  of  violent  and  shame- 
ful treatment,  of  abuse  and  indignity,  of  habitual  drunkenness, 
of  convicted  crime  and  long  imprisonment,  of  willful  and  con- 
tinued desertion,  and  of  other  gross  conduct  which  ruins  all 


1*24  WEDLOCK. 

the  moral  purposes  of  mamage,  evidently  call  for  the  Inter- 
position of  th<>  civil  law.  And  in  such  cases  the  State,  by 
virtue  of  that  authority  by  which  she  protects  the  lives,  the 
property,  and  the  public  order  of  her  citizens,  may  justly 
separate  the  husband  and  wife,  and  deliver  the  oppressed  party 
from  all  legal  rights  and  claims  held  by  the  oppressor;  but 
tlie  State  is  not  hereby  justified  in  granting  absolute  divorce. 
It  may  and  should  decree  a  legal  separation,  because  the  mar- 
riage contract  is  a  legal  contract ;  but  it  is  more  than  a  legal 
contract,  it  is  a  divinely  appointed  joining  together  of  God, 
and  what  God  has  joined  together  let  not  man  put  asunder, 
except  as  God  himself  declares  the  union  annulled.  The  State 
may  declare  null  and  void  the  legal  claims  of  a  wrong-doer 
over  the  oppressed  party,  for  the  State  is  to  a  great  extent 
the  creator  and  preserver  of  these  legal  claims.  The  power 
of  the  State  in  these  cases  justly  extends  to  a  divorce  a  mensa 
et  thoro,  and  no  further.  Beyond  this  the  divine  law  prevails. 
The  State  goes  too  far  when  for  such  causes  it  declares  such  a 
dissolution  of  the  bond  as  permits  either  of  the  parties  to 
marry  again  during  the  lifetime  of  the  other. 

Absolute  Divorce. 

"There  remains  the  third  ground  for  interference  on  the  part 
of  the  State ;  namely,  the  right  of  the  State  to  annul  absolutely 
the  marriage,  when  its  whole  moral  significance  has  been 
subverted  by  connubial  infidelity.  On  this  ground  all  arc 
agreed,  and  the  laws  of  man  are  sanctioned  by  the  higher  laws 
of  God.  But  here  still  are  grave  questions,  which  we  have 
not  space  to  discuss,  and  on  which  we  can  only  affirm  our 
own  conviction  ;  first,  that  the  law  should  be  equally  emphatic 
in  condemning  connubial  infidelity  on  the  part  of  the  husband 
as  on  the  part  of  the  wife  ;  and  secondly,  that  a  divorce  a  vin- 
culo matrimonii,  by  which  the  marriage  is  utterly  dissolved, 
should  either  confer  the  right  of  remarriage  only  on  the  inno- 
cent person,  or  the  statute  law  should  make  provision  for  the 
punishment  of  the  crime  of  adultery ;  otherwise  it  is  not  dif- 
ficult to  see  the  danger  of  inducing  the  commission  of  adultery 


SEPARATION  AND  DI\ORCE.  li'o 

as  a  moans  of  dissolving  a  hated  marriage,  and  bringing  about 
a  union  with  a  new  and  preferred  partner." 

Legal  Rights  op  Married  Women. 

At  common  law,  the  husband  by  marriage  becomes  ]to8- 
sessed  of  tlie  wife's  entire  property,  and  from  thencefortli  it 
is  entirely  subject  to  his  control;  but  the  larger  number  ol 
the  States  of  our  Union  have  passed  acts  allowing  marriftl 
women  the  exclusive  use  and  enjoyment  of  all  property  owned 
by  them  at  marriage,  and  all  that  may  be  acquired  by  them 
afterward. 

Sir,  I  desire  you  to  do  me  right  and  justice, 
And  to  bestow  your  pity  on  me,  for 
I  am  a  most  poor  woman  and  a  stranger, 
Bom  not  of  your  dominions — having  here 
No  judge  indifferent,  nor  no  more  assurance 
Of  eqnal  friendship  and  proceeding. — Shakspeara 


XIV. 

It  is  not  good  for  man  to  be  aione.^Bible. 

Bachelorism  among  the  Ancients. 

HE  Spartans  caused  bachelors  to  be  whipped  by  the 
women,  and  considered  them  unworthy  to  serve  the 
republic  or  to  contribute  to  its  honor  or  progress ; 
Lycurgus  excluded  them  from  all  military  and 
civil  employments,  and  the  women  of  Lacedemon  took  them 
on  the  first  day  of  spring,  in  each  year,  to  the  temple  of  Juno, 
and  flogged  them  at  the  foot  of  the  statue  of  that  goddess. 
The  Romans  imposed  fines  on  bachelors,  and  sought  by  various 
restrictions  upon  celibacy  and  by  premiums  on  marriage  to 
discourage  bachelorism. 

It  is  only  in  modern  times  that  celibacy  has  been  deemed 
honorable  and  praiseworthy,  or  that  it  has  been  extensively 
adopted  as  a  matter  of  choice.  The  teachings  and  example 
of  St.  Paul,  who,  personally,  but  not  in  his  character  of  an  in- 
spired teacher,  discouraged  marriage,  have  no  doubt  had  their 
influence,  both  directly  and  through  the  celibate  priesthood, 
and  other  orders  bound  by  the  vow  of  chastity,  organized  by 
the  Roman  Catholic  Church. 

The  late  Prince  Albert  of  England  placed  the  evils  arising 
from  the  celibacy  of  ^he  priests  in  a  very  striking  light  in  the 
following  sententious  words,  uttered  a  short  time  before  his 
death :  "  When  our  ancestors  shook  ofiT  the  yoke  of  a  dom- 
ineering priesthood,  they  felt  that  the  keystone  of  that  won- 
derful fabric  which  has  grown  up  in  the  dark  times  of  the 
middle  ages  was  the  celibacy  of  the  clergy,  and  shrewdly 
foresaw  their  reformed  faith  and  newly  won  religious  liberty 


CELIBACY.  127 

TfTould,  on  the  contrary,  only  be  secure  in  the  hands  of  a  clergy 
united  with  the  people  by  every  sympathy,  national,  personal, 
tnd  domestic.  Great  Britain  has  enjoyed  for  300  years  the 
olessing  of  a  Church  Establishment  which  rests  upon  this 
basis,  and  can  not  be  too  grateful  for  the  advantages  afforded 
by  the  fact,  that  the  Christian  ministers  not  only  preach  the 
doctrines  of  Christianity,  but  live  among  their  congregations, 
an  example  for  the  discharge  of  every  Christian  duty,  as  hus- 
bands, fathers,  and  masters  of  families,  themselves  capable  of 
fathoming  the  whole  depth  of  human  feelings,  desires,  and  dif- 
ficulties." 

The  Shakers. 

It  is  well  known  that  we  have  among  us  a  sect  of  practical 
religionists  who  make  celibacy  one  of  the  main  points  of  their 
faith  and  practice.  The  Shakers  assume  the  existence  of  two 
orders — the  reproductive  and  the  non-reproductive ;  the  natu- 
ral and  the  spiritual,  each  having  its  own  laws,  the  latter  de- 
pendent upon,  and  supplemental  to,  the  former;  that  the 
human  mind,  under  the  laws  of  progress  and  improvement, 
tends  inevitably  toward  celibacy;  and  that  this  inherent  ten- 
dency is  a  perpetual  prophecy  of  the  coming  spiritual  order, 
of  which  Jesus  was  the  first  perfect  specimen  among  men,  and 
Ann  Lee  the  first  among  women.  The  former  inaugurated  a 
celibate  order  which  has  left  a  history  that  all  may  read. 
First,  Himself  and  twelve  other  men ;  second,  twelve  men  and 
their  8,000  converts  from  the  Jews  in  two  days ;  third,  Peter 
and  Paul  with  their  heathen  or  Gentile  proselytes,  accepting 
a  celibate  priesthood  as  being  all  they  would  attain  to. 

"  In  the  second  coming  of  the  Christ  Spirit,  Ann  Lee  inaugu- 
rated a  more  perfect  celibate  order,  for  the  males  and  females, 
instead  of  coming  under  vows  of  perpetual  chastity,  and  then 
being  kept  so  separate  that  they  could  not  infringe  them,  are 
all  together  as  are  brothers  and  sisters  in  a  natural  fiimily." 

For  the  purpose  of  propagating  the  species,  there  is  still  to 
exist,  for  a  time  at  least,  the  lower  or  reproductive  order — 
the  world's  people. 

"  When  a  husbandman  raises  a  crop  of  grain,"  a  Shaker 
writer  asks,  "  does  he  reserve  cdl  of  it  for  seed  or  only  a  small 


128  WEDLOCK. 

part  thereof?  Of  what  practical  use  to  the  farmer,  as  a  life 
sustaiiier,  is  the  portion  of  his  various  crops  which  he  reserves 
for  seed  ?  None  at  all !  Proved  from  the  fact,  that .  if  he 
continuously  sowed  and  planted  all  that  he  raised,  it  would 
come  to  the  same  point  as  if  he  planted  none  at  all — deaths 

They  neither  desire  nor  expect  all  men  and  women  to  be- 
come Shakers,  but  contend  that  if  "millions  of  human  beings 
should  cease  to  propagate  physically,  the  creative  power,  of 
which  they  are  but  the  medium,  would  expend  its  forces  in 
Bome  new  channel,  on  a  higher  plane,  nearer  its  divine  foun- 
tain, just  as  certainly  as  a  river  effectively  dammed  in  its 
channel  w^ould  form  a  new  one  nearer  its  course.  '  If  any  man 
be  in  Christ,'  fully,  '  he  is  a  new  creature,'  and  in  consequence 
belongs  to  a  new  creation  where  the  man  is  not  without  the 
woman,  nor  the  woman  without  the  man,  any  more  than  in 
the  old  creation.  Reproduction  in  the  one  is  physical — in  the 
other,  spiritual."  * 

The  Okubact  of  To-Dat. 

Celibacy  is  now  increasing  in  the  most  highly  civilizea 
communities  to  an  extent  which  is  truly  alarming ;  and  every- 
body is  asking  "  Why  don't  men  marry  ?  "  This  growing  evil 
is  most  prevalent  and  most  severely  felt  in  the  great  cities  of 
the  world,  and  especially  London,  Paris,  Vienna,  and  New 
York.     A  newspaper  correspondent,  writing  from  Paris,  says : 

"  In  former  times,  an  unmarried  man  was  obliged  to  exliaust 
his  ingenuity  in  framing  excuses  for  his  condition.  *  Alas,  I 
am  yet  the  victim  of  betrayed  affection.'  *Alas,  my  villain 
of  a  notary  has  made  away  with  all  my  fortune.'  *  Alas,  I  am 
like  Werther,  I  am  in  love  with  a  woman  who  is  already 
married.'  *  Alas,  I  have  suffered  much.'  *  Alas,  I  am  like  An- 
tony— ^I  dare  not  mention  the  name  of  her  I  love.'  But  no  one 
ever  dared  to  avow  his  final  impenitence ;  he  appealed  to  the 
compassion  of  his  friends  for  a  temporary  misfortune,  and  they, 
credulous,  were  willing  to  exclaim,  *  The  poor  fellow,  he  is  a 
bachelor  in  spite  of  himself! ' 

"But  all  this  is  changed  now,"  the  writer  adds,  "and  the 

•  E.  W.  Evans,  in  the  American  Phrenological  Journal. 


CELIBACY.  129 

bachelor  unblusliingly  asseverates  his  voluntary  celibacy,  and 
his  intention  of  remaining  unmarried  to  the  end  of  his  days. 
'I  will  not  marry,'  he  says,  ' because  I  wish  to  extend  my 
youth  to  my  last  days.'  '  I  'vill  not  marry,  because  it  costs 
too  much  to  dress  a  wife.'  '  I  will  not  marry,  because  I  want 
to  have  peace  at  home.'  'I  will  not  marry,  because  I  want 
to  be  able  to  spend  the  evening  where  I  please,  without  being 
obliged  to  give  an  account  of  myself.'  '  I  will  not  mairy,  be- 
cause I  dread  a  mother-in-law  more  than  hydrophobia  and 
eaithquake.' " 

Only  one  of  these  pretended  reasons  is  worthy  of  any  notice. 
The  rest  are  the  reasons  of  a  man  hi  whom  selhshness  of  tlie 
lowest  kind  governs  every  action,  and  whose  higher  natui-e 
has  been  stifled  and  suppressed.  It  is  fortunate  for  the  girls 
that  such  men  decline  to  marry.  But,  young  ladies,  there  are 
thousands  of  excellent  young  men  who  desire  to  marry,  and 
who  would  make  kind  and  loving  husbands,  but  dare  not  take 
upon  themselves  the  responsibilities  of  the  marriage  relation 
— "because  it  costs  so  much  to  dress  a  wife!"  The  extrav- 
agant habits  now  almost  universal  among  young  women  are 
really  preventing  many  of  our  best  young  men  from  marry- 
ing. Their  incomes,  though  sufficient  to  !>upport  a  family  in 
comfort,  are  utterly  inadequate  to  supply  the  artificial  wants 
of  a  fashionable  wife ;  and  we  venture  to  say  that  this  ex- 
travagance on  the  part  of  the  young  women  is  one  of  the 
most  formidable  obstacles  to  marriage  now  existing  in  this 
country,  esi)ecially  in  our  cities.  Let  sensible  young  womeu 
take  note  and  govern  themselves  accordingly. 

To  wed,  or  not  to  wed  ?    That  is  the  "  question," 
Whether  it's  as  well  for  a  bach,  to  sutler 
^hQ 'peculiarities  of  single  life, 
Or  take  a  loving  damsel  to  the  parson's 
And  stand  the  consequences  "i    To  eat,  to  sleep 
No  more  ? — Aye,  there  is  much  more  ! 
Even  a  thousand  unnatural  "  bonnets," 
Besides  all  tlie  ''  responsibilities" 
That  flesli  is  heir  to.    'Tis  a  consummation 
Which  won't  pay  expenses. — Celibate, 
6* 


IJ^O  WEDLOCK. 

Celibacy  and  Health. 

Men  and  women  are  celibates  in  violation  of  Nature's  laws. 
Every  function  of  body  and  every  faculty  of  mind  was  made 
to  be  exercised,  and  the  non-exercise  of  any  one  of  them  ia 
always  followed  by  evil  effects,  involving  not  only  the  organ 
or  function  immediately  concerned,  but  all  the  others.  The 
whole  system  participates  in  the  derangement  which  super- 
venes. Two  thousand  years  ago  Hippocrates  pointed  out  the 
dangers  of  celibacy,  and  many  others  since  his  time  have  reit- 
erated his  warnings.  Hufeland,  in  his  "Art  of  Prolongino; 
Life,"  says: 

"All  those  people  who  have  been  very  old  were  mariied 
more  than  once,  and  generally  at  a  very  late  period  of  life. 
There  is  not  one  instance  of  a  bachelor  having  attained  to  a 
great  age.  This  observation  is  as  applicable  to  the  female  sex 
as  to  the  male  sex,  and  hence  it  would  appear  that  a  certain 
abundance  in  the  power  of  generation  is  favorable  to  longevity. 
It  forms  an  addition  to  the  vital  power;  and  this  power  of 
procreation  seems  to  be  in  the  most  intimate  proportion  to 
that  of  regenerating  and  restoring  one's  self;  but  a  certain 
legularity  and  moderation  are  requisite  in  the  employment  of 
it,  and  marriage  is  the  only  means  by  which  this  can  be  pre 
served." 

Hufeland  then  gives  the  example  of  de  Longueville,  a 
Frenchman,  who  lived  to  the  age  of  110.  He  had  been  mar- 
ried to  ten  wives;  his  last  wife  he  married  when  in  his  ninety- 
ninth  year,  and  she  bore  him  a  son  when  he  was  in  his  hund- 
red and  first  year.  Thomas  Parr,  who  died  at  the  age  of 
152,  was  twice  married,  the  last  time  at  the  age  of  120.  When 
102  years  old  he  was  forced  to  do  penance  for  having  seduced 
a  young  woman  with  whom  he  had  fallen  in  love.  Easton, 
m  his  "Human  Longevity,"  records  the  case  of  Jonas  Suring- 
ton,  who  lived  to  the  advanced  age  of  159.  He  resided  in  a 
email  village  near  Bergen,  in  Norway,  and  retained  his  facul- 
ties to  the  last.  He  was  several  times  married,  and  left  a 
young  widow  and  several  children.  His  eldest  son  was  10,1, 
and  his  youngest  nine  years  old.  Among  women  he  gives  the 
Instances  of  Mrs.  Ecklesto;),  who  died  at  the  age  of  143,  and 


CELIBACY.  131 

the  Countess  of  Desmond,  who  was  145  years  old.  The  con- 
dition, as  to  marriage,  of  Henry  Jenkins,  aged  169,  and  Peter 
Tortun,  185,  is  not  given. 

Alexander  Meyer,  in  his  "Rapports  Conjugaux,"  gives  the 
results  of. careful  inquiries  in  respect  to  the  relative  mortality 
of  religious  celibates  as  compared  with  that  of  the  laity  of 
both  sexes.  He  ascertained  that,  during  the  period  of  ten 
years  comprised  between  sixteen  and  twenty-five  years  of 
age,  the  mc>rtality  among  those  of  both  sexes  who  have  taken 
the  vow  of  chastity  is  at  the  rate  of  2.68  per  100,  while  it  is 
only  1.48  per  100  among  the  laity  of  both  sexes.  During  the 
ten  years  from  thirty-one  to  forty  inclusive,  the  mortality  is 
4.40  per  100  among  the  former,  and  but  2.74  per  100  among 
the  laity. 

Dr.  Stark,  Registrar-General  of  Scotland,  finds,  according 
to  his  recently  published  memoir,  that,  in  that  country,  the 
death-rate  of  the  bachelors  between  the  ages  of  twenty  and 
twenty-five  years  is  double  that  of  the  married  men.  As  the 
age  increases  the  difference  between  the  death-rates  of  the 
married  and  unmarried  decreases;  but  it  still  shows  a  marked 
advantage  in  favor  of  the  married  men  at  each  quinquennia' 
period  of  life. 

Why  Married  People  Live  Longest. 

Dr.  Hall,  in  one  of  his  excellent  "  Health  Tracts,"  gives  the 
following  as  the  reasons  why  marriage  is  favorable  to  health: 

1st.  Bachelors  are  always  in  a  state  of  unrest ;  they  feel 
unsettled. 

2d.  If  indoors  after  supper  there  is  a  sense  of  solitariness, 
inducing  a  sadness,  not  actual  melancholy,  with  all  their  de- 
pressing influences ;  and  many,  many  hours  in  the  course  of 
tlie  year  are  spent  in  gloomy  inactivity,  which  is  adverse  to  a 
good  digestion  and  a  vigorous  and  healthful  circulation. 

3d.  His  own  chamber  or  house  being  so  uninviting,  the 
bachelor  is  inclined  to  seek  diversion  outside,  in  suppei-s  with 
fiionds,  in  clubs  which  are  introductories  to  intemiDcrance  and 
licentiousness,  or  to  those  more  unblushing  associations  wliich 
under  the  cover  of  darkness  lead  to  sj^eedy  ruin  of  health  and 


132  WEDLOCK. 

morals ;  and  when  these  are  gone,  the  way  downward  to  an 

untimely  grave  is  rapid  and  certain. 

On  the  other  hand,  marriage  lengthens  a  man's  life  : 

1st    By  its  making  home  inviting. 

2d.  By  the  softening  influences  which  it  has  upon  the 
character  and  the  afiections. 

3d.  By  the  cultivation  of  all  the  better  feelings  of  our  na- 
ture, and  in  that  proportion  saving  from  vice  and  crime. 

4th.  There  can  be  no  healthful  development  of  the  physical 
functions  of  our  nature  without  marriage ;  it  is  necessary  to 
the  perfect  man,  for  Divinity  has  announced  that  it  was  "  not 
good  for  a  man  to  be  alone." 

5th.  Marriage  gives  a  laudable  and  happifying  object  in 
life,  the  provision  for  wife  and  children,  their  present  comfort 
and  future  welfare,  the  enjoyment  in  witnessing  their  happi- 
ness, and  the  daily  and  hourly  participations  in  affectionate 
interchange  of  thought,  and  sentiment,  and  sympathy ;  these 
are  the  considerations  which  antagonize  sori'ow  and  lighten 
the  Inirdens  of  life,  thus  strewing  flowers  and  casting  sunshine 
all  along  its  pathway. 

Celibacy  and  Crime. 

Voltaire  said  :  "  The  more  married  men  you  have,  the  fewer 
crimes  there  will  be.  Marriage  renders  a  man  more  virtuous 
and  more  wise.  An  unmarried  man  is  but  half  of  a  perfect 
being,  and  it  requires  the  other  half  to  make  things  right ; 
and  it  can  not  be  expected  that  in  this  imperfect  state  he  can 
keep  the  straight  path  of  rectitude  anymore  than  a  boat  with 
one  oar,  or  a  bird  with  one  wing  can  keep  a  straight  course. 
In  nine  cases  out  of  ten,  where  married  men  become  drunk- 
ards, or  wiiere  they  commit  crimes  against  the  peace  of  the 
community,  the  foundation  of  these  acts  was  laid  while  in  a 
single  state,  or  where  the  wife  is,  as  is  sometimes  the  case,  an 
unsuitable  match.  Marriage  changes  the  current  of  a  man's 
feelings,  and  gives  him  a  center  for  his  thoughts,  his  affec- 
tions, and  his  acts.  Here  is  a  home  for  the  entire  man,  and 
the  counsel,  the  affections,  the  example,  and  the  interest  of 
his  *  better  half  keep  him  from  erratic  courses,  and  from  fall- 


CELIBACY.  133 

tog  into  a  thousand  temptations  to  which  he  would  otherwise 
be  exposed.  Therefore  the  friend  to  marriage  is  the  friend 
to  society  and  to  his  country." 

Whatever  may  be  said  of  Voltaire's  theology,  his  statement 
on  the  marriage  question  is  certainly  correct.  Statistics  prove 
that  a  large  majority  of  our  criminals,  State  prison  convicts, 
etc.,  are  unmarried.  Think  of  this,  young  men;  and  if  you 
wish  to  escape  all  that  is  bad,  try  to  form  a  partnership  with 
a  good  woman,  and  you  will  be  secure. 

Testimony  of  an  Old  Maid. 

Marriage  is  an  occasion  on  which  none  refuse  to  sympathize. 
Would  that  all  were  equally  able  and  willing  to  understand  1 
V>^ould  that  all  could  know  how,  from  the  first  flow  of  the  af 
fections  till  they  are  shed  abroad  in  all  their  plenitude,  the 
purposes  of  their  creation  become  fulfilled.  They  were  to  life 
like  a  sleeping  ocean  te  a  bright  but  barren  and  silent  shore. 
When  the  breeze  from  afar  awakened  it,  new  lights  began  to 
gleam,  and  echoes  to  be  heard ;  rich  and  unthought-of  treasures 
were  cast  up  from  the  depths ;  the  barriers  of  individuality 
were  broken  down  ;  and  from  henceforth  they  who  choose 
may  "hear  the  mighty  waters  rolling  evermore."  Would 
that  all  could  know  how,  by  this  mighty  impulse,  new  strength 
is  given  to  every  power, — how  the  intellect  is  vivified  and 
enlarged, — how  the  spirit  becomes  bold  to  explore  the  path 
of  life,  and  clear-sighted  to  discern  its  issues  !  Higher,  much 
higher  things  than  these  are  done  even  in  the  early  days  of 
this  second  life,  when  it  is  referred  to  its  Author,  and  held 
at  his  disposal.  Its  hopes  and  fears,  some  newly  created, 
some  only  magnified,  are  too  tumultuous  to  be  borne  unaided. 
There  is  no  rest  for  them  but  in  praise  or  in  resignation  ;  and 
thus  are  they  sanctified,  and  prayer  invigorated.  Thus  does 
human  love  deepen  the  divine;  thus  does  a  new  earthly  tie 
knit  closer  that  which  connects  us  wnth  Heaven ;  thus  does 
devotedness  teach  devotion.  Never  did  man  so  cling  to  God 
for  anything  which  concerns  himself,  as  for  the  sake  of  one 
he  loves  better  than  himself.  Never  is  his  trust  so  willing  as 
on  behalf  of  one  whom  he  can  protect  to  a  certain  extent,  but 


134  WEDLOCK. 

no  further.  Kjne  can  so  distinctly  trace  the  course  of  Prov- 
idence as  tliey  who  have  been  led  to  a  point  of  union  by 
difierent  paths ;  and  none  are  so  ardent  in  their  adoration  as 
thoy  who  rejoice  that  that  Providence  has  led  them  to  each 
other.  To  none  is  life  so  rich  as  to  those  who  gather  its 
treasures  only  to  shed  them  into  each  other's  bosom;  and  to 
none  is  heaven  so  bright  as  to  those  who  look  for  it  beyond 
the  blackness  and  tempest  which  overshadow  one  distant  por- 
tion of  their  path.  Thus  does  love  help  piety ;  and  as  for 
that  other  piety  which  has  humanity  for  its  object,  must  nol 
that  heart  feel  most  of  which  tenderness  has  become  the  ele- 
ment ?  Must  not  the  spirit  which  is  most  exercised  in  hope 
and  fear  be  most  familiar  with  hope  and  fear  wherever  found  ? 
How  distinctly  I  saw  all  this  in  those  who  are  now  sanctifying 
their  first  Sabbath  of  wedded  love  !  Yet  how  few  who  smiled 
and  wept  at  their  union  looked  in  it  for  all  that  might  be 
found ! — Miss  Martineau. 

Testimony  of  a  Bachelor. 

I  have  observed  that  a  mariied  man,  falling  into  misfor- 
tune, is  more  apt  to  retrieve  his  situation  in  the  world  than  a 
single  one,  chiefly  because  his  spirits  are  soothed  by  domestic 
endearments,  and  self-respect  kept  alive  by  finding  that,  al- 
though all  abroad  be  darkness  and  humiliation,  yet  there  is 
still  a  little  world  of  love  at  home  of  which  he  is  monarch; 
whereas  a  single  man  is  apt  to  run  to  waste  and  self-neglect, 
to  fall  to  ruins,  like  some  deserted  mansion  for  want  of  an 
inhabitant. —  Washmgton  Irviiig. 

Old  Maids. 

The  reader  of  the  preceding  pages  need  not  be  told  here 
that  we  consider  singleness  a  great  evil.  If  the  well-consti- 
tuted and  healthy  man  remain  single,  it  is  generally  his  own 
fault.  The  reasons  he  ofters  for  his  bachelorism  are,  with  few 
exceptions,  fallacious;  but  what  shall  the  poor  girl  do,  when 
"  nobody  comes  to  woo  ?  "  She  may  be  healthy,  well-develoj> 
ed,  warm-hearted,  loving,  and  in  every  way  fitted  for  wifely 
and  motherly  duties,  but  she  can  not  accept  till  she  is  asked, 


CELIBACY.  135 

an  J  wnile  so  many  young  men  decline  to  marry,  it  is  evident 
that,  at  least,  an  equal  number  of  young  women  must,  per- 
force, remain  single.  The  case  is  a  hard  one,  but  not  so  hard 
as  that  of  the  woman  who  is  mated  with  a  brute  in  human 
shape?,  or  even  with  a  worthy  man  who  is  unsuited  to  her  in 
organization,  habits,  and  notions  of  life.     A  late  writer  says : 

"To  be  the  mother  of  great  and  good  men  or  women  is  a 
fate  worthy  of  any  woman.  She  who  rears  a  child  fit  to  be 
a  citizen  of  this  great  republic  makes  a  noble  contribution  to 
the  glory  of  God  and  the  progress  of  humanity.  All  praise, 
then,  to  the  loving,  faithful  mothers  of  the  land  !  Their  mis 
sion  may  well  be  coveted  by  right-thinking,  earnest  souls. 

"  But  when  we  see  young  women  looking  forward  to  this 
(ihange  in  their  state  as  to  something  that  is  to  release  them 
from  all  responsibility,  when  they  regard  it  as  achieving  for 
them  entire  independence  of  the  labors  and  liabilities  of  life, 
and  when  we  see  them,  as  a  consequence,  eager  only  to  secure 
a  husband,  even  neglecting,  in  their  eagerness,  to  require  with 
him  a  truly  manly  character,  when  on  this  account  we  see  so 
many  lovely  girls  throwing  themselves  away  upon  miserable 
semblances  of  men,  imworthy  the  companionship  of  any  re- 
spectable woman — when  we  see  all  this,  we  can  not  help 
feeling  that  there  is  a  weakness  somewhere." 

Something  Worse  than  Singleness. 

Is  it  really  such  a  terrible  thing  to  go  through  the  world 
single?'  I  know  that  God  in  his  mercy,  as  well  as  in  his  wis- 
dom, has  made  the  heart  of  woman  to  abound  with  the  most 
unselfish  aifection.  But  surely  there  are  objects,  infinite  in 
number,  upon  which  this  affection  may  be  exercised,  so  that 
the  heart  need  not  remain  utterly  void.  Indeed,  we  may  say 
far  more  than  this.  Let  any  human  beins:  really  2:0  forth  in 
the  exercise  of  true  affection  for  God's  rational  creatures,  and 
there  will  rise  up  not  one,  but  hundreds  of  responding  hearts, 
worthy  of  the  affection  that  appeals  to  them.  Ah  !  old  maids 
are  not  the  most  withered  of  earth's  flowers.  The  emptiest, 
ghastliest  hearts  are  those  of  women  who  have  bartered  their 
love  for  some  unworthy  thing — for  an  establishment,  for  a 


136  AYEDLOCK. 

mustache,  and  a  coat  that  belongs  to  the  tailor,  or  for  the 
pliantom  that  promises  a  relief  from  the  doom  of  beii/g  an  old 
maid.     These  are  the  saddest  wrecks. 

A  Roll  of  Honor. 

*'  Let  us  then  call  over  the  names  of  a  few  of  tlie  women 
who  have  become  eminent  as  contributors  to  the  sum  of  human 
happiness,  or  the  cause  of  good  morals,  and  seeif  any  of  them 
were  members  of  the  sisterhood  of  Old  jNIaids.  Fif>m  the 
distant  past  we  have  the  name  of  the  gifted  ITypatia,  devoting 
her  powers  with  a  calm  earnestness  to  the  investigation  of 
Bcientific  truth,  and  finally  sacrificing  her  life  to  what  she 
cherished  as  true  and  i-ight.  And  Hypatia  died  at  forty-five, 
unmarried.  Next  is  the  multitude  of  noble  women  who,  in 
the  early  ages  of  Christianity,  and  down  through  the  terrible 
darkness  of  the  middle  ages,  amid  tlie  upheaval  of  the  Roman 
empire,  and  the  long,  bloody  anarchy  that  followed  it,  devoted 
the  best  energies  of  their  loving  souls  to  the  duty  of  nursing 
the  sick,  feeding  the  hungry,  clothing  the  naked,  and  in  gen- 
eral of  relieving  the  distresses  of  the  poor,  the  unfortunate, 
and  the  suffering — Sisters  of  Mercy  in  very  deed.  And  these 
were  wedded  only  to  their  divine  work.  In  our  own  times 
we  have  Mary  Lyon,  accomplishing  by  her  own  self-sacrificing, 
energy  the  beneficent  purpose,  conceived  by  herself,  which 
had  been  pronounced  impracticable  by  the  men  she  had  con- 
sulted, but  which  stands  to-day  an  honorable  testimony  to  thp 
Christian  benevolence  that  welled  up  in  the  lieart  of  an  olrl 
maid.  And  what  multitudes  of  the  poor,  the  insane,  and  the 
helpless,  in  our  country,  have  reason  to  invoke  blessings  upon 
that  noble  friend  of  theirs,  mighty  in  her  gentleness,  Dorothea 
Dix,  who  passed  from  State  to  State  like  an  angel  of  mercy, 
arousing  even  hardened  politicians  to  a  strange  appreciation 
of  their  duties  to  the  unfortunate,  and  leaving  in  her  wake 
substantial  tokens  of  her  regard  in  the  form  of  asylums  for  the 
lunatic,  the  orphan,  the  blind,  and  the  dumb?  And  Dorothea 
Dix  still  bears  her  maiden  name.  In  our  accounts  of  the  Cn- 
mean  war  w^e  have  read  of  the  good  deeds  of  Florence  ISTight- 
imxale,  until  we  have  endowed  her  '.n  our  own  minds  \^ith  ^ 


CELIBACY.  137 

Rort  of  angelic  excellence  and  loveliness,  as  she  flitte<l  from 
couch  to  couch  in  the  hospitals,  administering  a  kind  word 
licre,  and  a  cordial  there,  until  she  was  idolized  by  the  aimy, 
and  worn  out  by  her  labor  and  exposure  to  disease.  But  tliis 
'rl'^wing  heroine  is  an  unmarried  woman  of  fifty  years  of  a2;o, 
and  was  more  than  thirty  at  the  time  of  her  Eastern  work  of 
love." 

Surely  this  is  a  record  of  which  any  class  of  our  population 
might  well  be  proud.  We  need  not  always  pity,  and  shouhl 
never  despise  an  old  maid. 

Ix  THE  Singleness. 

In  singleness  I  walk  the  vale  of  life, 

Gathering  some  sweet-lipp'd  flowers  upon  my  way; 
Though  love  at  times  may  wake  its  tender  strife, 

Heart,  once  a  tyrant,  must  resign  its  sway. 

Whai  though  for  me  no  husband  smiles  at  morn, 
Showing  the  path  my  duteous  feet  should  tread, 

My  lot  is  freedom,  on  wliose  wings  I'm  borne, 
Uncheck'd  and  happy  as  the  lark  o'erhead. 

What  though  no  children  nestle  on  my  breast. 
Or  sport  around  me  'mong  tlie  garden  flowers, 

Making,  by  Nature's  law,  the  heart  most  blest, 
And  sandaling  with  gold  the  tripping  hours ; 

Methinks  I  may  escape  full  many  a  tear ; 

Those  we  love  best  and  cherish  oftest  die ;  i 

Sad,  too,  to  leave  on  earth  the  prized  and  dear:  : 

Then  for  a  mother's  joys  I  will  not  sigh. 

Fancies,  sweet  fancies  shall  my  children  be, 
And  birds,  and  flowers,  and  all  bright  things  arc  uiift— 

No  discord  reigns  in  Natiu-e's  family. 
Pleasure  ic  eac  i  fair  scene  and  soothing  sound. 


XV. 

fiolggamg  anb  Saniagamg. 

A  bishop  must  be  blameless,  the  hnsband  of  one  wife.— Si.  Paiu. 

In  history,  races  of  men  are  powerful  in  mind  and  body,  exactly  in  the  ratio  of 
Iheir  monogamic  life.— Michdet. 

Ancient  Polygamy. 

OLYGAMY,  practiced  by  the  patriarchs,  was  con- 
tinued among  the  Jews  as  long  as  they  continued 
to  be  an  independent  nation.  It  was  the  custom 
for  a  man  to  have  as  many  wives  as  he  pleased, 
provided  he  could  perform  toward  them  all  the  duties  of  a 
husband. 

Polygamy  has  been  allowed  and  practiced  in  China,  Hindo- 
Btan,  Persia,  Turkey,  Arabia,  and  nearly  all  Africa.  It  also 
prevailed  in  Mexico  and  Peru,  and  among  some  of  the  abo- 
riginal tribes  of  the  northern  portion  of  this  continent. 

The  ancient  Egyptians  and  Greeks,  though  not  generally 
or  extensively  polygamists,  allowed  concubinage.  Socrates 
had  two  wives.  Monogamy  became  the  law  of  Rome  from 
the  scarcity  of  women  in  its  early  stages,  when  wives  were 
obtained  with  difficulty,  and  even  violence  was  at  times  re- 
sorted to,  as  in  the  rape  of  the  Sabines;  still,  polygamy  was 
common  over  a  large  portion  of  Europe  till  within  a  compar- 
atively recent  period.  In  fact,  a  plurality  of  wives  was  allowed 
in  some  European  countries  as  late  as  the  sixteenth  century. 
It  was  permitted,  though  not  encouraged,  by  Martin  Luther 
and  the  prir  ripal  Reformers  of  his  day.  Polygamy  was 
finally,  at  a  later  date,  absolutely  interdicted  by  the  Church. 

The  Mormon  System. 
The  Mormon  system  of  a  plurality  of  wives  is  in  substance 


POLYGAMY  AND  PANTAGAMY.        139 

the  polygamy  of  the  ancient  patriarchs  engrafted  upon  the 
civilization  of  the  nineteenth  century.  It  is  not  made  a  binding 
iuty  of  the  Mormon  to  marry  a  plurality  of  wives,  but  is 
esteemed  a  right  and  a  privilege,  and  those  who  are  able  to 
support  a  large  family  generally  have  from  two  to  six  wives. 
These  wives  may  all  live  in  the  same  house,  or  in  separate 
houses,  as  the  husband  may  decree ;  for  his  authority  is  ab- 
solute and  unquestioned.  Each  takes  charge  of  her  own 
children,  and  assists  in  providing  for  the  comfort  of  her  hus- 
band. Adultery,  as  in  the  Jewish  dispensation,  is  punishable 
with  death. 

The  great  majority  of  the  Mormons  have  only  one  wife,  but 
to  marry  is  considered  one  of  the  most  sacred  of  man's  ob- 
ligations. 

Brigham  Y'oung,  the  chief  priest,  prophet,  and  president  of 
the  Mormon  Church,  is  said  to  have  not  less  than  a  dozen  wives, 
who  live  in  his  houses,  and  with  whom  he  associates  in  the 
matrimonial  relation ;  but  there  is  a  large  number  of  others 
who  are  "  sealed  "  to  him,  and  are  nominally  his  wives,  some 
of  whom  he  scarcely  ever  sees,  and  toward  whom  he  performs 
none  of  the  duties  of  a  husband,  as  such  duties  are  generally 
understood. 

The  Mormons  do  not  think  it  either  morally  or  physiologic- 
ally wrong  to  marry  cousins,  or  even  half-sisters — in  fact, 
incest  is  not  considered  a  crime  among  them.  A  saint  who 
has  married  a  half-sister  quotes  the  example  of  Abraham  and 
Sarai  as  a  precedent.  A  Mormon  may  also  marry  a  mother 
and  her  daughter,  or  several  sisters. 

"Sealing." 

In  his  "New  America,"  Mr.  Hep  worth  Dixon  says: 
"Much  confusion  comes  upon  us  by  the  use  of  this  word 
sealing  in  the  English  sense  of  marriage.  It  may  mean  mar- 
riage, or  it  may  mean  something  else.  A  woman  may  be 
gealed  to  a  man  without  becoming  his  wife,  as  in  the  case  of 
Eliza  Snow,  the  poetess,  who,  in  spite  of  being  sealed  to 
Brigham  Young,  is  called  Miss  Snow,  and  considered  a  spin- 
ster.    Consummation,  necessary  in  wedlock,  is  not  necessary 


140  WEDLOCK. 

in  sealing.  Marriage  is  secular ;  sealing  is  both  secular  and 
celestial.  Sealing  may  be  either  for  a  time  or  for  eternity. 
A  woman  who  has  been  sealed  to  one  man  for  time  may  be 
Bcaled  to  nnotlier  for  eternity.  This  sealing  must  be  done  on 
earth,  and  may  be  done  in  the  lifetime  of  her  earlier  lord. 

"Another  familiarity,  not  less  strange,  which  the  Mormons 
have  introduced  into  these  delicate  relations  of  husband  and 
wife,  is  that  of  sealing  a  living  person  to  the  dead.  The  mar- 
riage for  time  is  an  affair  of  earth,  and  must  be  contracted 
between  a  living  man  and  a  living  woman  ;  but  the  marriage 
for  eternity,  being  an  affair  of  heaven,  may  be  contracted,  say 
these  saints,  with  either  the  living  or  the  dead ;  provided  al- 
ways it  be  a  real  engagement  of  the  persons  sanctioned  by 
the  prophet — and  solemnized  in  proper  form,  which  requires 
a  living  substitute,  who  shall  take  on  earth  the  place  of  the 
heavenly  bridegroom." 

The  Great  Schism. 

The  doctrine  of  polygamy,  which  was  not  an  original  article 
of  the  Mormon  faith,  has  not  been  introduced  without  a  fierce 
struggle  in  the  bosom  of  the  church  and  a  violent  schism. 
Emma,  the  wife  of  Joseph  Smith,  and  her  four  sons,  oppose 
polygamy  as  an  invention  of  the  Messrs.  Young  and  Pratt,  and 
their  followers  now  form  a  strong  and  active  sect  or  pa.ty, 
generally  known  as  Josephites,  and  claiming  to  be  the  ),rue 
Church  of  the  Saints. 

Pantagamy,  or  Complex  Marriage. 

The  Perfectionists,  or  Bible  Communists,  whose  principal 
scat  is  at  Oneida  Creek,  New  York,  teach  and  practice  a  sys- 
tem of  complex  marriage  for  which  even  Webster's  great 
dictionary  furnishes  no  name,  but  which  may  be  called  pan- 
tagamy. The  social  system  of  these  people  being  a  Christian 
communism,  like  that  of  the  primitive  followers  of  our  Saviour, 
they  believe  that  it  should  include  the  love  relations  as  well 
as  those  of  property,  and  that  in  the  close  communioii  of 
Christian  fellowship  each  man  should  love  every  woman,  and 
each  woman  every  man,  constituting  a  loniversal  7narriage, 


POLYGAMY  AND  PANTAGAIMY.  141 

not  of  one  man  to  one  woman,  but  of  all  men  to  all  women; 
but  tills  is,  of  course,  confined  strictly  to  those  within  this 
church.  A  few  of  the  principal  points  in  this  system  are  thus 
stated  by  a  member  of  the  Oneida  Community : 

" In  the  fiist  place,  the  Communities  believe,  contrary  to 
the  theory  of  the  novelists  and  others,  that  the  aflfections  can 
be  controlled  and  guided,  and  that  they  will  produce  far  bet- 
ter results  when  rightly  controlled  and  rightly  guided  than 
if  left  to  take  care  of  themselves  without  restraint.  They 
entirely  reject  the  idea,  that  love  is  an  inevitable  and  uncon- 
trollable fatality,  which  must  have  its  own  course.  They  be- 
lieve the  whole  matter  of  love  and  its  expression  should  be 
subject  to  enlightened  self-control,  and  should  be  managed  for 
the  greatest  good.  In  the  Commimities,  it  is  under  the  special 
supervision  of  the  fathers  and  mothers, — or,  in  other  words,  of 
the  wisest  and  best  members,  and  is  often  under  discussion  in 
the  evening  meetings,  and  is  also  subordinate  to  the  institu- 
tion of  criticism. 

"  It  is  regarded  as  better  for  the  young  of  both  sexes  to  as- 
sociate in  love  with  persons  older  than  themselves,  and,  if 
possible,  with  those  who  are  spiritual  and  have  been  some 
time  in  the  school  of  self-control,  and  who  are  thus  able  to 
make  love  safe  and  edifying.  This  is  only  another  form  of 
the  popular  piinciple  of  contrasts.  It  is  well  understood  by 
physiologists,  that  it  is  undesirable  for  persons  of  similar  char- 
acters and  temperaments  to  mate  together.  Communists  have 
discovered  that  it  is  not  desirable  for  two  inexperienced  and 
unspiritual  persons  to  rush  into  fellowship  with  each  other ; 
that  it  is  far  better  for  both  to  associate  with  persons  of  ma- 
ture character  and  sound  sense. 

"Another  general  principle,  well  understood  in  the  Com- 
munities, is,  that  it  is  not  desirable  for  two  persons,  Avhatever 
may  be  their  standing,  to  become  exclusively  attached  to  each 
other — to  worship  and  idolize  each  other — however  popular 
this  experience  may  be  with  sentimental  people  generally. 
They  regard  exclusive,  idolatrous  attachment  as  unhealthy 
and  pernicious  wherever  it  may  exist.  The  Communities  in- 
sist that  the  heart  should  be  kept  free  to  love  all  the  true 


1  i2  WEDLOCK. 

and  worthy,  and  should  never  be  contracted  with  exclusive- 
ness  or  idolatry,  or  purely  selfish  love  in  any  form. 

"  Another  principle,  well  known  and  carried  out  in  the  Com- 
munities, is,  that  2^e7'so?is  shall  not  be  obliged  to  receive  under 
any  circumstances  the  attention  of  those  whom  they  do  not 
like.  They  abhor  rapes,  w^hether  committed  under  the  cover 
of  marriage  or  elsewhere.  The  Communities  are  pledge  1  to 
protect  all  their  members  from  disagreeable  social  approaches. 
Every  w^oman  is  free  to  refuse  every  man's  attentions. 

"Still  another  principle  is,  that  it  is  best  for  men,  in  their 
approaches  to  women,  to  invite  personal  interviews  through 
the  intervention  of  a  third  party,  for  two  important  reasons, 
viz.,  first,  that  the  matter  may  be  .brought  in  some  measure 
under  the  inspection  of  the  Community ;  and,  secondly,  that 
the  women  may  decline  proposals,  if  they  choose,  without  em- 
barrassment or  restraint. 

"Under  the  operation  of  these  general  principles,  but  little 
difl[iculty  attends  the  practical  carrying  out  of  the  social  theory 
of  the  Communities.  As  fast  as  the  members  become  enlight- 
ened, they  govern  themselves  by  these  very  principles.  The 
great  aim  is  to  teach  every  one  self-control.  This  leads  to  the 
greatest  happiness  in  love,  and  the  greatest  good  to  all." 

Believing  that  the  reasons  we  have  urged  in  preceding 
chapters  in  favor  of  monogamic  marriage,  backed  up,  as  they 
undoubtedly  are,  by  the  facts  of  physiology  and  phrenology, 
and  the  better  instincts  of  every  w^ell-constituted  man  and 
woman,  area  sufficient  defense  of  the  institution  as  it  now  ex- 
ists, by  the  authority  of  both  Church  and  State  in  all  Christian 
lands,  we  shall  leave  the  exceptional  phenomena  of  polygamy 
and  pantagamy  with  the  foregoing  brief  but  fair  statement  of 
their  true  character.  We  present  them  as  interesting  subjects 
for  study  and  investigation,  and  not  as  examples  worthy  of 
imitation.  Time  will  test  them,  and  history  record  their  rise, 
progress,  decline,  and  final  extinction. 


XVI 

iobt  Signs.* 

There's  language  in  her  eye,  her  cheek,  her  lip; 

Nay,  her  foot  speaks,  and  love  looks  out 

At  every  joint  and  motion  of  her  hody. —Shakspean, 

In  many  ways  does  the  full  heai:t  reveal 

The  presence  of  the  love  it  would  coucesil,— Coleridge. 

ITR  happiness  or  misery  in  this  world  depends  largely 
upon  the  state  of  our  affections.  To  love  and  to 
be  loved  is  the  normal  condition  and  destiny  of 
every  well-constituted  man  and  woman.  Failing 
to  attain  this  condition,  our  minds  are  apt  to  become  more 
or  I  }ss  morbid  or  warped,  and  we  generally  either  run  into 
dangerous  and  sinful  excesses  of  some  kind,  or,  "  the  milk  of 
human  kindness  "  getting  soured  in  our  breasts,  we  become 
unsocial  and  cynical,  if  not  misanthropic.  At  best,  our  earthly 
lives  are  to  a  greater  or  less  extent  irretrievably  marred. 

A  few  individuals  may  be  found  who  are  comparatively  in- 
different to  love.  A  few  others,  in  whom  its  manifestation  k 
not  naturally  wanting,  are  able,  when  its  object  fails  them,  to 
substitute  ambition  or  some  other  sentiment  or  passion  for  it; 
or  to  hold  the  whole  lower  nature  in  such  absolute  subjection 
to  the  spiritual  faculties,  that  the  ordinances  of  religion  and 
tne  duties  of  Christian  charity  stand  with  them  in  the  place 
of  wife  or  husband,  family  and  home ;  but  these  cases  con- 
stitute the  apparent  exceptions  which  prove  the  rule. 

While%ill  men  and  women,  not  mentally  or  physically  defi- 
cient to  the  extent  of  deformity  or  partial  idiocy,  may  be  said 

•  From  "New  Physiognomy,  or  Signs  of  Character."    By  Samuel  R.  "Wells.    New 
roik :  S.  R.  Wells,  1868.    Price,  $5. 


l-i4  WEDLOCK. 

to  be  "  born  to  love  and  be  beloved,"  there  are  wide  differ- 
ences in  the  degree  and  form  in  which  love  manifests  itself; 
and  in  seeking  its  fruition  in  marriage,  it  is  of  the  highest  im- 
portance that  these  differences  be  taken  into  account  and  har- 
monized. Much — everything  almost — depends  upon  adapta- 
tion. We  often  see  couples  united  in  marriage  where  both 
jKirties  are  amiable  and,  in  some  degree,  affectionate,  who 
nevertheless  only  make  each  other  miserable.  They  are 
affectionally  mis-mated.  They  do  not  appreciate  or  under- 
stand each  other.     Heart  does  not  respond  to  heart. 

Many  a  young  wife,  warm-hearted  and  overflowing  with 
afiection,  learns,  when  too  late,  with  pain  unutterable,  that  he 
on  whom  she  would  lavish  her  love,  kind,  considerate,  and 
thoughtful  of  lier  welfare  though  he  may  be,  only  repels  her 
outgushing  tenderness,  or,  at  best,  meets  it  with  a  cool  indif- 
ference which  turns  it  back  in  an  icy  torrent  upon  her  heart; 
and  many  a  husband  finds  in  the  wife  he  has  blindly  chosen, 
only  esteem  and  a  measured  and  dutiful  affection  instead  of 
the  ardor  and  impulsive  love  for  which  his  heart  yearns. 

One  wlio  can  read  character  by  means  of  its  physical  signs 
— its  indications  on  the  head  and  face,  in  the  glances  of  the 
eye,  in  the  voice^  in  the  laugh,  in  the  grasp  of  the  hand,  in 
the  walk,  in  the  dress — "  in  every  joint  and  motion  of  the 
body,"  as  Shakspeare  has  it — need  not  choose  amiss  (though 
a  Miss  may  be  his  choice).  We  will  here  bring  together  a  few 
useful  hints  to  those  who  would  avoid  the  fate 

"  Of  cue  that  loved  not  wisely,  but  too  well." 

We  wish  to  teach  our  young  readers  who  are  still  free  to 
love  where  they  will,  how  to  love  both  wisely  and  well ;  how 
to  know  who  can  love  them  in  return  as  they  desire  to  be 
loved,  satisfy  the  longings  of  their  hearts,  give  completeness 
to  their  lives,  and  make  them  as  great,  as  good,  and  as  happy 
as  they  are  capable  of  being,  and  who  can  not.  We  shall  try 
to  point  out  the  signs  of  love  so  clearly  that  "he  Avho  runs 
may  read,"  and  he  who  reads  may  have  no  excuse  %v  blun- 
dering into  an  unloving,  and  therefore  unhappy  marriage,  or 
falling  a  victim  of  "  unregulated  affections." 


LOVE  SIGNS.  145 

Phrenological  Organ  of  Love. 

It  has  been  demonstrated  beyond  a  reasonable  doubt  that 
the  cerebellum  or  little  brain,  whatever  additional  functions  it 
may  have,  is  the  organ  of  procreation  or  sexual  love,  and  we 
sliall  enter  into  no  argument  and  adduce  no  evidence  here  to 
prove  what  we  presume  our  readers  all  admit.  Sliould  any 
have  doubts  on- this  point,  they  are  referred  to  the  standard 
works  on  Phrenology,  and  especially  to  Spurzheim  on  the 
"  Functions  of  the  Cerebellum,"  and  "  Boardman's  Defense  of 
Phrenology,"  where  all  the  proofs  they  can  require  are  to  be 
found. 

To  find  the  organ  of  love,  take  the  middle  of  the  back  part 
of  the  ears  as  your  starting-point,  draw  a  line  honzontally 
backward  an  inch  and  a  half,  and  you  are  upon  the  organ. 
The  outer  portion,  next  to  the  ear,  is  believed  to  exercise  the 
more  gross  and  animal  function  of  the  faculty. 

Any  marked  prominence  or  deficiency  of  the  organ  of  love 
will  be  sufficiently  evident  in  a  side  view  of  the  head,  unless 
the  hair  be  so  disposed  as  to  deceive  the  observer.  There  can 
be  no  question  in  such  cases ;  but  where  there  is  about  an 
equal  development  of  this  and  the  neighboring  organs,  it  may 
be  necessary  to  place  the  hand  upon  the  part  to  determine  its 
relative  size.* 

Modifying  Conditions. 

The  size  of  the  cerebellum,  other  things  being  equal,  is  the 
measure  of  the  power  of  love ;  but  its  action  and  influence 
upon  the  character  are  modified  by  other  mental  and  physical 
developments  and  conditions,  the  signs  of  which  it  will  bo 
necessary  to  observe  before  forming  an  estimate. 

TEifPERAMENT   AND   LoVE. 

Prominent  among  the  modifying  conditions  just  referred  to 
18  that  of  temperament.  The  motive  temperament  gives  ac- 
tivity, energy,  strength,  intensity,  and  tenacity  to  love.  A 
person  with  this  temperament  and  a  full  development  of  Am- 

•  This  subject  is  more  fully  explained  and  illustrated  in  the  work  from  which  this 
chaptw  is  taken, 

7 


146  WEDLOCK. 

ativeness  loves  with  a  power  and  singleness  of  puipose  which 
nothing  can  turn  aside,  and  loving  once  loves  forever.  His 
love  is  as  constant  as  the  sun.  He  knows  no  change — no 
ficklone^s.  The  vital  temperament  gives  ardor  and  impulsive- 
ness to  love,  sometimes,  though  not  necessarily,  accompanied 
by  a  degree  of  fickleness.  Persons  in  whom  it  predominates 
iie  frequently  passionate  and  voluptuous,  but  as  easily  calmed 
as  e incited;  fond  of  pleasure,  genial,  vivacious,  and  amiable; 
hut  lack  that  depth,  strength,  and  persistence  of  feeling  which 
characterize  those  in  whom  tife  motive  temperament  is  in  the 
ascendant.  The  mental  temperament  imparts  sensitiveness 
and  impressibility  in  love  as  in  everything  else;  but  when 
largely  predominant  is  not,  especially  in  woman,  favorable  to 
either  ardor  or  strength  of  passion.  It  gives  refinement  and 
elevation  to  affection,  and  directs  the  choice  under  the  in- 
fluence of  Ideality  and  the  moral  sentiments. 

Love  on  the  Chin. 

The  size  of  the  cerebellum,  other  things  being  equal,  is,  as 
we  have  said,  the  measure  of  the  power  of  love;  but  this 
power  is  sometimes  to  a  greater  or  less  extent  latent,  and  its 
manifestation  does  not  correspond  with  the  development  of 
its  organ.  For  the  indications  of  its  voluntary  activity  or 
ability  to  act  at  will,  we  must  observe  its  facial  signs  in  the 
chin  and  lips. 

One  of  the  physiognomical  signs  of  love  is  the  anterior  pro- 
jection of  the  chin  proper  and  the  breadth  of  the  lower  jaw 
below  the  molar  teeth.  Both  this  sign  and  the  corresponding 
phrenological  organ  were  enormously  large  in  Aaron  Buit, 
and  his  character  is  well  known  to  have  corresponded  with 
these  developments. 

The  natural  language  of  love  as  expressed  in  the  chin  cou< 
eists  in  throwing  it  forward  or  sidewise,  the  former  movement 
being  the  more  natural  to  woman  and  the  latter  to  man. 

Loving  Lips. 

We  all  look  to  the  lips  to  make  the  loving  confession— to 
say  "yes,"  and  seal  the  avowal  with  a  kiss;   but  only  the 


LOVE  SIGNS.  147 

physiognomist  can  tell  what  lips  are  best  fitted  for  loving 
words  and  kisses. 

Love,  and  especially  in  its  more  ardent  forms,  is  indicated 
by  the  breadth  and  fullness  of  the  red  part  of  the  lips.  A 
bright,  clear,  and  beautiful  color  in  this  part  is  a  sign  of  health, 
a  good  circulation  of  tlie  blood,  and  ardent  desires. 

Love  is  an  active  impelling  force.  If  not  restrained  and 
controlled,  it  leads  to  excesses  the  most  destructive  to  health 
and  happiness.  We  must  obsei've,  then,  in  examining  any  in- 
dividual with  reference  to  the  conjugal  relation,  whether  he 
or  she  has  the  restraining  and  regulating  power  in  proportion 
to  the  impelling  force.  Is  there  sufficient  will  or  purpose,  in- 
dicated by  the  perpendicular  or  downward  projection  of  the 
chin  and  lower  jaw  ?  Are  Cautiousness  and  Secretiveness 
well  developed  ?  Is  there  intellectual  discrimination,  repre- 
sented by  the  reasoning  faculties?  and,  above  all,  are  the 
moral  or  spiritual  organs  in  the  coronal  region  full  and  active  ? 
If  Love  be  blind,  as  the  poets  say,  there  is  the  more  reason 
that  Intellect  should  guide  him  with  her  scientific  eyes  wide 
open. 

The  felicities  of  wedded  life  depend  largely  on  physiologi- 
cal or  temperamental  adaptation ;  and  the  infelicities  grow 
ont  of  a  neglect  of  these  conditions.  Is  the  one  warm  and 
ardent?  and  is  the  other  cool  and  indifferent?  There  will  be 
a  sad  lack  of  compatibility  here.  Is  the  one  low,  gross,  and 
ignorant  ?  and  is  the  other  refined  and  educated  ?  Is  the  one 
on  a  high,  and  the  other  on  a  low  plane  ?  Is  the  one  very  old, 
and  tlie  other  very  young  ?  In  short,  are  they,  or  are  they 
not,  arlqjted  to  eacli  other? 

These  brief  liints  will  put  the  reader  on  the  right  track.  lie 
has  only  to  pursue  it,  and  to  study  character  as  a  whole,  to 
tind  the  guide  he  needs  to  matrimonial  harmony  and  happiness. 


XVII. 
^0be  Setters. 

'Twas  Love,  no  doubt,  who  knows  all  arts 

By  which  to  reach  and  conquer  hearts, 

That  first  the  art  of  writing  taught 

To  captives  in  his  meshes  caught.— i?V(W»  the  Frendi, 

Let  the  Heart  Speak. 

0\^ERS  are  sometimes  prevented  by  distance  and 
other  circumstances  from  the  frequent  meeting 
which  their  hearts  desire,  and  are  necessitated  to  do 
their  "courting"  mainly  by  letter.  To  such,  our 
first  injunction  is,  "Let  the  heart  speak."  Permit  Love  to 
use  the  pen,  and  he  will  find  his  own  forms  of  expression.  In 
the  beloved  presence,  you  may  blush  and  stammer,  and  finally 
become  dumb ;  but  having  found  the  courage  to  write,  you 
will  be  able  to  say  all  that  need  be  said — to  tell  all  your 
love,  your  hopes,  your  fears,  with  fluency  and  eloquence. 
Having  found  the  courage,  we  say ;  for  it  requires  a  higher 
degree  of  '^his  quality,  we  opine,  to  write  or  reply  to  a  decla 
ration  of  love,  than  to  send  or  accept  a  challenge  to  mortal 
combat.     But  "  a  faint  heart  never  won  a  fair  lady,"  and 

"  He  either  fears  his  fate  too  much, 
Or  his  deserts  are  small, 
Who  dare  not  put  it  to  the  touch, 
To  win  or  lose  it  all." 

"  Let  the  heart  speak !  "  Be  sure,  now,  that  it  is  the  heart,  and 
not  a  mere  fancy  or  whim  of  the  head.  For  the  rest,  writing 
with  sincerity  and  earnestness,  and  without  flattery  or  verbal 
extravagance,  you  can  hardly  go  wrong.  "  Nauseous  notes 
of  compliment,"  as  Miss  Edgeworth  aptly  calls  them,  "  are 
degrading  to  those  who  write  them,  and  equally  degrading  to 


LOVE  LETTERS.  UO 

those  to  whom  tlioy  are  written."     Avoid  such  epistles,  and 
all  triflini^  and  insincerity. 

We  can  neither  write  your  letters  for  you,  nor  give  you  ex- 
act models  by  which  to  shape  them,  for  each  case  must  dictate 
its  own  peculiar  mode  of  treatment;  but,  as  in  the  matter  ol 
"  popping  the  question,"  we  can  offer  you  a  few  examples, 
showing  how  other  lovers  have  found  expression  for  their 
thoughts  and  feelings  on  similar  occasions.  The  following  are 
genuine  love  letters,  written  from  the  heart's  dictation  by  real 
lovers,  and  not  formal  epistles  made  to  order  or  as  a  matter 
of  business.* 

A  Sensible  Love  Letter,  f 

Mademoiselle — It  was  a  saying  of  the  celebrated  French- 
man Jean  Jacques  Rousseau,  whose  name  you  very  likely  can 
not  pronounce,  that,  to  write  a  good  love  letter,  you  ought  to 
begin  without  knowing  what  you  mean  to  say,  and  finish 
without  knowing  what  you  have  written.  Xow,  with  all  due 
deference  to  Rousseau's  talents  in  other  reflects,  I  may  say  T 
do  not  believe  this  saying  to  be  true,  and  I  shall  endeavor  to 
write  in  opposition  to  it.  T  mean  about  what  I  write  to  you, 
Mary,  that  I  may  guard  against  poisoning  your  mind  with 
flattery,  or  saying  anything  that  may  offend  you.  I  wish  you 
to  understand  that  what  I  say,  I  mean  ;  that  I  neitl.er  write 
for  writing's  sake  nor  to  please  my  own  fancy.  I  have,  I 
hope,  a  higher  aim  and  a  more  honest  and  more  noble  inten- 
tion. I  need  not  blush  to  own  that  my  only  object  is  to 
whisper  in  your  ear  a  pure  and  tender  tale  of  love.  I  entreat 
you  to  consider  it  as  a  symbol  of  the  honestness  and  truthful- 
ness of  the  writer,  as  a  proof  qf  his  affection  for  you,  and  as  a 
bond  which  shall  unite  us  forever.  Know,  then,  that  from  the 
moment  I  first  beheld  you,  I  have  felt  a  lively  interest  in  your 
welfare,  and  your  image  has  frequently  presented  itself  to  my 
mind.  This  will  account  for  what  passed  between  us  on  Sun- 
day c-yening.     "I  have  loved  you  for  your  beauty,  but  not  (1 

•  See  "How  to  Write,"  a  Pocket  Manual  of  Composition  and  Letter  Writing 
[price,  75  ota.]  for  further  examples, 

t  This  letter  was  read  eome  time  ago  in  a  coort  in  France,  pending  a  triai,  and  thui 
fnund  its  way  into  print. 


150  WEDLOCK. 

hope)  for  that  alone."  "  Beauty  is  but  skin  deep,"  although 
it  is  very  agreeable,  as  every  one  knows.  It  is  not  possible 
that  I  can  know  what  other  qualities  you  possess,  but  I  should 
wish  you  to  have  a  good  knowledge  of  household  matters. 
You  may  depend  upon  it  that  there  is  a  good  deal  of  domestic 
happiness  in  a  well-dressed  mutton-chop  or  a  tidy  beefsteak 
for  breakfast.  The  woman  who  can  cook  contributes  more 
to  the  happiness  of  society  than  the  twenty  who  can  not  cook. 

Henry  to  Fanny. 

New  York,  May  15, 1854. 

My  dear  Fanny — I  left  you,  two  days  ago,  with  th-e 
shadow  of  doubt  and  sadness  which  had  fallen  upon  my  spirit 
from  your  sweet,  sad  face  still  resting  upon  me ;  but  Hope 
whispered  that  your  promised  letter  would  dispel  it,  and  bring 
the  sunshine  back  to  my  heart.  The  letter  came,  at  last,  only 
to  deepen  the  shadow.  But  this  is  not  your  fault.  Feeling 
as  you  did,  you  could  not,  in  justice  to  yourself,  have  written 
otherwise ;  and  from  the  bottom  of  my  heart  I  thank  you  for 
the  frankly  spoken  words  which  have  given  me  so  much  pain. 

I  have  read  your  letter  many  times.  It  seems  a  little  con- 
fused and  contradictory  ;  but  I  think  I  comprehend  the  feel- 
ings which  dictated  it. 

You  have  learned  a  sad  lesson,  Fanny,  in  learning  "  to  dis- 
trust all  men;"  and  the  sooner  you  unlearn  it  the  better. 
You  shall  yet  trust  me,  though  you  may  not  love  me  ;  and  be- 
lieve me  when  I  tell  you  that,  bad  as  the  world  is— deceitful 
as  some  men  are  (and,  alas  !  some  loomen  too),  there  yet  exist 
many  true,  sincere,  ajid  loyal  hearts. 

Mus*  Z^  suffer,  Fanny,  because  some  men  have  proved  false? 

You  fear  that  I  would  "  grow  weary  of  you,  as  a  child  of 
a  pretty  toy."  If  you  were  only  a  doll,  I  undoubtedly  should ; 
bat  you  are  something  more.  You  have  intellect  and  affec- 
tions, both  of  which  will  continue  to  expand  in  beauty,  afford* 
ing  a  perpetual  charm. 

"  I  care  not,"  you  add,  "  so  long  as  I  am  sure  of  your  love." 
WTiat  dors  this  mean  ?     Is  the  real  doubt,  after  all,  whether 


LOVE  LETTERS.  151 

[  lore  you  ?  and  that,  too,  after  I  have  told  you  that  I  do,  in 
plain  words  ?  I  can  not  bear  to  be  distrusted^  ray  dear  Fanny. 
Vour  doubts  wrong  me  and  give  me  pain.  My  simple  word 
has  never  been  questioned,  that  I  am  aware  of,  in  all  my  in- 
tercourse with  the  world.  You  must  not  doubt  it.  When  1 
say,  as  I  do  now,  without  reservation  or  doubt,  Fanny,  Hove 
you!  these  simple  words  mean  all  that  my  rich  heart  can  give 
or  yours  can  ask;  and  I  can  not  do  myself  the  injustice  to 
reiterate  professions  and  asseverations.  ISTo  oath  could  add 
force  to  those  words. 

I  must  love  with  my  w^hole  heart,  or  not  at  all ;  and  I  can 
accept,  in  return,  nothing  short  of  the  complete  love  and  trust 
of  a  woman's  heart.  If  you  can  not  love  me  wholly  and  un- 
reservedly, pray  tell  me  so  w^ith  that  noble  frankness  wliich  I 
so  much  admire  in  you,  and  I  will  go  my  way.  If  I  have 
made  a  mistake  in  loving  you,  that  is  no  reason  why  you  should 
confirm  it,  and  thus  make  it  fatal  to  us  both. 

Is  not  the  whole  matter  summed  up  in  this  single  question, 
which  I  now  put  to  you  in  all  sincerity  and  earnestness: 
Fanny,  do  you  love  mef  Do  not  puzzle  your  brain  with 
anybody's  theories  or  experience — not  even  with  your  own  ; 
but  try  to  solve  this  one  problem.  This  solved,  all  will  be 
clear  before  you.  You  say  that  you  "  do  not  know  your  own 
heart."  Then  study  it.  I  can  give  you  little  assistance  in 
that  study;  besides,  I  think  you  will  hardly  need  a  teacher. 

If  you  love  me  not— if  your  heart  returns  that  answer  to 
your  questionings,  tell  me  so  ;  and  if  you  love  me  only  a  little, 
learn,  as  soon  as  possible,  to  love  me  none  at  all ;  but  whether 
you  love  me  or  not,  write  to  rae  once  more,  and  that  soon — 
very  soon. 

Still  believing,  dear  Fanny,  that  when  we  truly  understand 
each  other,  all  will  be  right,  I  remain, 

In  love  and  hope^  your  devoted  Heney. 

FANinr  TO  Henry. 

Maplefield,  May  17, 1854. 
My  dear   Henry — Your  letter  was   received  only   two 
h(mrs  ago,  but  I  can  not  rest  till  I  have  replied  to  it.     It  has 


152  WEDLOCK. 

made  me  sad,  but  happy  (though  perliaps  that's  a  little  par- 
adoxical), for  it  has  shown  me  two  things  which  affect  deeply 
my  feelings — that  I  have  given  you  pain,  and  that  you  do 
truly  love  me.  Pardon  me,  dear  Henry,  for  the  fii-st;  for  the 
last,  how  shall  I  find  words  to  thank  and  bless  you  ? 

The  foolish  doubts  which  so  wronged  you  did,  at  the  same 
time,  cruel  injustice  to  my  own  heart;  for  they  were  mostly 
the  doubts  of  others^  infused  into  my  mind,  rather  than  my 
own.     But  they  are  all  gone  now. 

I  do  not  wonder  that  you  think  my  letter  somewhat  con- 
fused and  contradictory.  In  that,  it  truly  represented  the 
state  of  mind  under  which  it  was  written.  How  could  I  ])ut 
clearly  on  paper  what  was  all  confusion  in  my  own  mind  ? 

But  my  head  is  clear  now,  and  my  heart  is  free  fi'om  doubt, 
distrust,  or  fear  (save  a  fear  that  I  am  not  worthy  of  the 
wealth  of  love  you  have  given  me),  and  what  I  now  write  is 
as  truthful  and  earnest  as  your  own  heart. 

I  am  afraid  that  you  will  think  me  naturally  distrustful,  but 
I  do  not  think  I  am.  Circumstances  (which  you  shall  know 
some  time)  have  taught  my  unwilling  heart  the  lesson  which 
it  will  gladly  unlearn. 

I  have  made  my  heart  a  study  since  I  last  wrote.  I  have 
read  it  through  and  through,  and  I  find  it  written  all  over 
with  love  for  you.  Yes,  Henry,  I  love  you  with  all  the 
strength  and  devotion  of  the  first  love  of  a  woman's  heart ; 
and  I  trust  you  as  unreservedly  as  you  can  desire.  Is  your 
heart  satisfied?  My  heart  was  really  yours  long  ago,  but 
they  had  succeeded  in  perplexing  it  with  doubts  and  fears, 
which  would  otherwise  never  have  found  a  place  in  it.  It 
needed  but  your  last  letter,  so  evidently  truthful  and  earnest, 
to  put  them  forever  to  rest. 

0  how  I  wish  I  could  see  you  to-night,  with  no  shadow  on 
your  brow  !     Look  into  my  eyes.     There  is  no  shadow  there — > 

"  Nothing  but  the  skies  and  thee." 

1  must  say  good-night.  Write  very  soon,  and,  in  the  meao 
time,  let  th    heart  rest  in  the  full  assurance  that  I  am 

Tlxine  own  Fanny. 


LOVE  LETTERS.  163 

Napoleon  to  Josephine. 

Marmirolo,  July,  17, 1796,  9  <?'cJ  ck  P.  M. 

T  have  received  your  letter,  my  adorable  friend.  It  has 
filled  my  heart  with  joy.  I  am  grateful  to  you  for  the  trouble 
you  have  taken  to  send  me  the  news.  I  hope  that  you  are 
better  to-day.  I  am  sure  that  you  have  recovered.  I  earn- 
estly desire  that  you  should  ride  on  horseback;  it  can  not 
tail  to  benefit  you. 

Since  I  left  you  I  have  been  constantly  depressed.  My  hap- 
piness is  to  be  near  you.  Incessantly  I  live  over  in  my  mem- 
ory your  caresses,  your  tears,  your  aifectionate  solicitude. 
The  charms  of  the  incomparable  Josephine  kindle  continually 
a  burning  and  a  glowing  flame  in  my  heart.  When,  iree 
from  all  solicitude,  all  harassing  care,  shall  I  be  able  to  pass 
all  my  time  with  you,  having  only  to  love  you,  and  to  think 
only  of  the  happiness  of  so  saying,  and  of  proving  it  to  y£)u  ? 

I  will  send  you  your  horse,  but  I  hope  you  wull  soon  join 
me.  I  thought  that  I  loved  you  months  ago,  but  since  my 
separation  from  you  I  feel  that  I  love  you  a  thousand-fold 
more.  Each  day  since  I  knew  you  have  I  adored  you  yet 
more  and  more.  This  proves  the  maxim  of  Bruyere,  that 
"  love  comes  all  of  a  sudden,"  to  be  false.  Everything  in 
nature  has  its  own  course,  and  different  degrees  of  growth. 

Ah !  I  entreat  you  to  permit  me  to  see  some  of  your  faults. 
Be  less  beautiful,  less  gracious,  less  affectionate,  less  good ; 
especially  be  not  over-anxious,  and  never  weep.  Your  tears 
rob  me  of  reason,  and  inflame  my  blood.  Believe  me,  it  is 
not  in  my  power  to  have  a  single  thought  which  is  not  of  thee, 
or  a  wish  I  could  not  reveal  to  thee. 

Seek  repose.  Quickly  re-establish  your  health.  Come  and 
join  me,  that  at  least,  before  death,  we  may  be  able  to  say, 
"We  were  many  days  happy."  A  thousand  kisses,  and  on€ 
even  to  Fortuna,  notwithstanding  his  spitefulness. 

BOXAPAKTE. 

Verona,  November  24,  1796. 
I  hope  T  ery  soon,  my  sweet  love,  to  be  in  your  arms.     1 
love  you  most  passionately.     I  write  to  Paris  by  this  courier. 
All  goes  well.     Wurmser  was  beaten  yesterday  under  Mantua. 


164  WEDLOCK. 

There  is  nothing  wanted  by  your  husband  but  tbe  love  of 
Josephine  in  order  to  be  happy.  Bonaparte. 

Edgar  to  Winnifred. 

Brooklyn,  May  28, 1854. 

Dearest — I  want  you  here  just  now,  my  beautiful  one,  O 
how  much  !  With  my  head  upon  your  bosom,  how  quietly 
bappy  I  Avould  be !  Well,  this  joy  the  future  reserves  for  me. 
I  can  wait ;  for  your  love  blesses  me,  even  now,  though  so 
many  weary  miles  stretch  between  us. 

Yes,  dear  girl,  my  love  shall  have  power  for  good  over  your 
life,  as  yours  has  over  mine.  We  need  not  mourn  over 
"  Ideals  "  not  quite  realized  in  each  other,  since  we  have  power 
to  make  each  other  ichat  ice  wish.  Do  you  not  know,  Winnie, 
that  Love  is  almost  omnipotent?  He  makes  his  true  votaries 
young  and  brave,  and  lovely  evermore !  Beneath  his  genial 
influence  soul  and  body  alike  expand.  Those  who  do  not  feel 
these  influences,  do  not  love,  though  they  may  think  they  do. 
You,  my  own  dear  love,  shall  develop,  expand,  blossom  like 
the  rose — grow  in  beauty  of  face,  and  form,  and  soul,  beneath 
my  loving  eyes !  Do  you  not  already  feel  new  powers  within 
you — undeveloped  capabilities,  higher  aspirations,  better  hopes 
of  life  ?  J  have  long  been  conscious  of  germs  of  power  hidden 
in  the  depths  of  my  being  which  no  influence,  save  the  warm 
rays  of  the  sun  of  love,  could  cause  to  spring  into  life.  You 
shall  see  that  I  am  right  in  this.  You  are  "  proud  of  me,"  as 
I  am,  you  say,  in  one  of  your  dear  letters.  You  shall  yet 
see  what  I  am^  lost  in  the  light  of  what  I  shall  be.  If 
you  bid  me  win  the  laurel  wreath  to  bind  upon  my  brow,  it 
shall  be  done ;  though  I  care  little  for  the  world's  applause, 
and  would  give  more  for  one  smile  of  proud  approval,  or  one 
warm  kiss  of  love  from  the  lips  of  her  I  love,  than  for  the 
highest  niche  in  the  temple  of  Fame. 

Can  we  find  the  place  on  the  woodland  hill-side  where  I 
first  said,  "I  love  thee?"  Certainly  we  can.  I  can  go  di- 
rectly to  it  with  my  eyes  blindfolded  !  I  can  find  again  any 
and  every  place  where  I  have  once  been  with  you.  Do  you 
not  think  there  is  some  love-magic  in  that  ?     O  those  dear  old 


LOYE  LETTERS.  156 

woodlands!  those  hill-pastures!  those  flowery  meadows! 
those  dear  brooklets  !  how  I  love  them,  and  all  for  your  sake! 

I  have  a  thousand  things  to  talk  about,  with  you,  dearest, 
but  I  see  plainly  that  I  must  postpone  them  till  another  day. 
Shall  I  get  that  long  letter  from  you  on  Tuesday?  Do  not 
fail  me.  Good  angels  keep  you,  my  own  Winnie,  and  bring 
rae  in  due  time  to  your  arms.     Ever  thine,  Edgar. 

P.  S.  A  pretty  little  ring,  with  settings  of  garnet  and  pearl, 
tempted  me  just  now  in  a  shop  window,  and  I  inclose  it. 
Will  my  dear  little  Winnie  accept  it  ? 

Rev.  John  Newton  to  his  Wife. 

Clapham,  2d  July,  1772. 

If  it  were  not  to  my  dearest  M.,  I  could  not  write  so  soor- 
after  dinner.  But  though  ray  belly  is  full  and  my  head  empty, 
I  must  tell  you  that  I  had  very  quiet,  agreeable  company  in 
the  coach,  and  a  pleasant  ride  to  Deptford,  where  I  mounted 

a  horse  my  dear  Mr.  T had  sent  for  me,  which  brought 

me  safely  hither. 

I  am  always  a  little  awkward  without  you,  and  every  room 
where  you  are  not  present  looks  unfurnished.  It  is  not  a 
"humble  servant"  who  says  this,  but  a  husband,  and  he  says 
it  not  in  what  is  called  the  honeymoon,  but  in  the  twenty-third 
year  after  marriage.  Nor  do  I  speak  it  to  my  own  praise, 
but  to  the  praise  of  our  good  Lord,  who,  by  his  blessing,  has 
endeared  us  to  each  other.  He  has  united  our  hearts,  and  I 
trust  the  union  will  subsist  to  eternity. 

A  Proposal. 

Qlenwood,  Se'pt.  17, 1856. 
Dear  Mildred — ^Tou  will  hardly  be  surprised  at  the  con- 
tents of  vhis  note,  since  you  must  have  long  been  aware  (though 
I  have  never  before  dared  to  put  the  thought  into  words)  that 
I  love  you  I  I  have  sometimes  ventured  to  hope  that  your 
own  heart  has  confessed,  in  secret,  a  kindred  feeling.  But  fear 
has  mingled  with  hope.  In  your  goodness  and  beauty,  you 
seem  so  far  above  me  that  I  hardly  dare  to  do  more  than  love 
you  secretly  and  in  silence. 


156  WEDLOCK. 

We  have  spent  many  happy  hours  together,  Mildred,  afl 
dear,  familiar  friends;  meanwhile  my  feelings  toward  ycu 
have  grown  to  be  something  more  than  friendship,  and  I  feel 
that  it  would  be  wrono:  to  conceal  them  lon<2:er  under  friend- 
ship's  guise. 

You  know  my  character,  my  life,  my  prospects,  my  love. 
What  says  your  own  warm,  pure  heart  to  the  earnest  ques- 
tionings of  mine  ?     May  I  hope  ? 

I  wait,  O  how  impatiently  !  your  answer.  Let  your  heart 
speak,  and  mine  shall  abide  by  its  decision.  In  mingled  hope 
and  fear,  Beeteand. 

How  THE  Lady  Said  Yes. 

Oakdale  Cottage,  Monday  Wight,  Sept.  19th. 

My  deae  Beeteand — I  have  indeed  long  known  that  your 
feelings  toward  me  were  something  more  than  mere  senti- 
ments of  friendship.  Your  actions  had  revealed  what  your 
lips  had  not  dared  to  utter.  1? amour  et  lafitmee  ne  peuvoit 
se  cacher*  Were  you  blind,  that  you  could  not  read  in  my 
eyes  the  response  you  sought?  Come,  dear  Bertrand,  and 
look  into  them  again,  and  tell  me  what  you  find  written  there. 

Yes,  I  know  you;  and  knowing,  how  could  I  help  loving 
you?  Can  I  make  myself  worthy  of  your  love,  my  noble 
Bertrand  ?  I  have  cherished  your  friendship  as  my  dearest 
social  privilege ;  how  shall  I  estimate,  dearest,  the  value  of 
your  love  ? 

Come  to  me  soon.  I  long  to  tell  you,  in  some  better  way 
than  by  mere  written  woids,  how  truly  and  lovingly  I  am 

Thine  own  Mildeed. 

Addeesses  Declined. 

Tuesday  Ecening. 
Sir — ^In  reply  to  your  polite  note  of  yesterday  morning,  I 
hasten  to  assure  you  that  I  am  highly  sensible  of  the  honor 
you  have  done  me,  in  the  proposals  you  have  so  handsomely 
made,  and  that  I  appreciate  the  frank  and  manly  tone  in  which 
you  have  spoken  of  yourself     Believing  that  you  are  sincere 

•  I^Dve  and  smoke  can  not  hide  themselves.. 


LOVE  LETTERS.  1-^7 

in  the  sentiments  which  you  express  towai'd  rae,  having  great 
respect  for  you  as  a  man  and  a  gentleman,  and  esteeming  you 
as  a  friend,  it  is  with  regret  that  I  am  compelled  to  give  you 
pain  by  declining  your  addresses,  and  informing  you  that 
circumstances  render  it  impossible  for  me  ever  to  be  more  to 
you  than,  as  I  am  now. 

Truly  your  friend,  Ellen •. 

Mr.  James . 

Love  Unchangeablb. 

Let  me  not  to  the  marriage  of  true  minds 

Admit  impediments.    Love  is  not  love 
Which  alters  when  it  alteration  finds, 

Or  bends  witli  the  remover  to  remove : 
Oh,  no !    It  is  an  ever  fixed  mark, 

That  looks  on  tempests,  and  is  never  shaken ; 
It  is  the  star  to  everj^  wandering  bark, 

Whose  worth's  unknown,  although  his  height  be  taken. 
Love 's  not  Time's  fool,  though  rosy  lips  and  cheeks 

Within  his  bending  sickle's  compass  come ; 
I<ove  alters  not  with  his  brief  hours  and  weeks, 

But  bears  it  out  e'en  to  the  edge  of  doom.     * 
If  this  be  error,  and  upon  me  proved 
I  never  writ,  and  no  man  ever  loved.  —Shakspeare. 


XS^III. 


In  thine  arms 
She  smiles,  appearing,  as  in  truth  she  is, 
Heaven-bom,  and  destined  to  the  skies  again.— Cotoptr, 

Letter  to  a  Friend. 


OU  ask  me,  friend,  to  tell  you  of  my  wife  1 
And  on  what  stair,  or  landing-place  of  life, 
I  met,  as  'twere,  God's  angel  coming  down, 
Or  mine  ascending  for  her  marriage  crown? 


I  say  you  sooth,  however  strange  it  seem, 
The  first  time  that  I  saw  her  was  in  dream : 
A  vision  of  the  night  did  clearly  glass 
Her  living  lineaments ;  I  saw  her  pass 
Smiling,  as  those  may  smile  who  feel  they  hold 
At  heart  safe-hidden,  secret  fold  on  fold. 
The  sweetest  love  that  ever  was  untold. 
And  as  it  passed,  the  vision  turned  on  me 
A  moment's  look,  a  lifetime's  memory. 
But  little  could  I  dream  that  this  should  prove 
The  whole  wide  world's  one  lady  of  my  love. 
I  had  never  seen  that  face  or  fonn,  and  yet 
I  knew  them  both  by  daylight  when  we  met. 

Blind  world !  to  pass  and  pass  my  darling  by, 
My  lily  of  the  vale,  where  she  did  lie 
Snug  in  her  own  green  leaves,  and  never  see 
The  wonder  ^-ailed  and  waiting  there  for  me, 
With  cloudy  fragrance  all  about  her  curled ; — 
And  yet  my  blessings  on  thee,  O  blind  world ! 
It  is  so  sweet  to  find  with  one's  own  eyes, 
Led  by  divine  good-hap,  to  her  surprise, 
Our  Perdita,  our  princess  in  disguise. 


THE  POET'S  WIFE.  159 

The  eye  that  finds  must  bring  the  power  to  see ; 
('Tis  Goethe's  doctrine — comforting  to  me  I) 
And  now  she's  found,  the  world  would  give  me  much 
Could  I  but  tell  it  of  another  such. 

Is  she  an  angel  f 

Let  us  not  forget, 
My  friend,  that  tee  are  scarcely  angels  yet 
At  least  my  modest  soul  would  not  be  pledsjed 
To  call  itself  an  angel  fully  fledged : 
Flesh  is  so  frail,  nor  am  I  very  sure 
Of  being  in  sph"it  altogether  pure: 
Snags  of  old  broken  sins  torment  me  still, 
With  pains  that  death  itself  will  hardly  Mil. 
If  not  an  angel,  let  the  truth  be  told, 
I  have  not  grasped  at  glitter — missed  the  goid; 
And  lucky  is  the  man  who  gets  the  gold : 
Refined  and  fitted  for  the  marriage  mold  I 
Still  happier,  who  can  keep  it  pure  to  bear 
The  finer  features  of  immortal  wear  ! 
She  is  of  angel-stufi";  but  I'm  afraid 
The  angels  are  not  given  us  ready-made; 
In  other  worlds  this  wife  of  mine  may  be 
The  perfect  public  angel  all  may  see ; 
At  present  she's  a  private  one  for  me, 
My  houseliold  deity  of  common  things, 
That  into  lowly  ways  a  beauty  brings, 
Just  as  the  grass  comes  creeping,  making  bright, 
And  blessed  with  its  ripples  of  delight 
And  quiet  smiles,  all  pathways  dim  and  bare. 

Js  she  a  heauty  ? 

Well,  I  will  not  swear 
A  thousand  graces  on  her  grace  attend, 
A  thousand  beauties  with  her  beauty  blend, 
Or  that  she  is  so  pitilessly  fair 
Each  passer-by  must  turn,  or  stop,  or  stare, 
And  he  on  whom  she  looks  feels  instantly 
As  one  that  springs  from  dust  to  deity. 
Nor  can  I  sing  of  outer  symbols  now — 
The  swan-white  stately  neck,  the  snow-white  brow. 
The  lip's  live  rose,  the  head  superbly  crowned, 
Eyes  that  when  fathomed  farthest  heaven  is  found  I 
I  choose  for  worth,  not  show,  nor  choose  for  them 
Whd  would  have  the  casket  richer  than  the  gem  I 


160  WEDLOCK. 

That  wife  is  poor,  wlinte'er  her  dower  may  be 
Who  hath  no  beauty  save  what  all  may  see ; 
:^o  mystery  of  the  Imnian  and  divine ; 
No  other  face  to  unvail  within  the  shrine 
Uplighted  only  for  one  worshiper. 
And  to  one  love  alone  familiar ; 
No  vail  to  lift  from  the  familiar  face 
Daily,  and  show  the  unfamiliar  grace. 
Eyes  shine  for  others,  but  divinely  dim 
And  dewy  do  they  grow  only  for  him  I 
And  her  dear  face  transformed  he  doth  find. 
All  mirror  to  the  beauty  in  his  mind. 

The  beauty  worn  by  bird  and  butterfly, 
Lives  on  the  outside,  lustrous  to  the  eye ; 
But  still  as  nobler  grow  hue,  f(^rm,  and  face, 
More  inward  is  shy  Beaut\''s  dwelling-place 
And  there's  a  beauty  fashioned  in  the  mold 
Transmitted  from  the  Beautiful  of  old, 
That  from  some  family-face  its  best  doth  win : 
But  my  love's  beauty  cometh  from  within, 
The  loveliness  of  love  made  visible, 
To  feature  which  the  Sculptor  Form  is  dull. 
Not  the  mere  charms  of  cheek,  or  chin,  or  lip, 
That  vanish  on  a  week's  acquaintanceship ; 
But  that  crown-beauty  which  we  can  not  clasp, 
The  beauty  that  eludes  even  Death's  grave-grasp. 

At  forty,  what  we  yearn  for  in  a  wife 
Is  a  calm  haven  'mid  the  seas  of  strife ; 
One  fresh,  green  summit  in  the  waste  of  life, 
That  gathers  dew  from  heaven,  and  tenderly 
Turns  it  to  drops  of  life  for  you  or  me ; 
A  spring  of  healing  in  the  desert  sand ; 
A  palm  for  shadow  in  a  weary  land ; 
A  mind  that  doth  not  dwell  so  far  apart 
That  we  can  find  no  entrance  save  at  heart; 
One  that  at  equal  step  with  us  may  walk. 
And  kiss  at  equal  stature  in  our  talk ; 
And  scale  the  loftiest  life  still  arm-in-arm, 
As  well  as  nestle  in  the  valleys  warm. 

And  here's  my  Rest,  where  sun  and  shadow  meet 
Green  leaves  above,  cool  f^rasses  at  mv  feet, 


THE  POET'S  WIFE.  161 

Bees  in  the  blossom,  gleams  of  woodland  grace  ; 

A  brooding  dove  the  spirit  of  the  place ; 

Twinkle  of  beams  that  bathe  in  hidden  dew; 

An  earthly  pleasauce,  with  heaven  smiling  through. 

My  darling  sitting  with  her  hand  in  mine, 

Here,  where  'mid  buttercups  the  crouching  kine 

Chewing,  with  ruminant  stateliness,  behold 

The  milky  plenty  and  the  meadow^y  gold. 

I  brought  her  here  some  happy  months  ago— 

Her  winter  prison  amid  miles  of  snow. 

Poor  bird !  she  felt  that  she  was  caged  at  last, 

Her  forest  far  away,  its  freedom  past ; 

Her  eyes  made  mournful  search,  mine  laughed  to  see 

She  would  have  flown,  and  kneAv  not  where  to  flee 

The  little  wedding-ring  had  growm  a  round 

Large  hoop  about  our  lives,  and  we  are  bound. 

Useless  was  all  petitionary  quest ; 

No  outlet !  so  she  nestled  in  my  breast. 

And  may  we  always  be  as  wise,  my  dear, 

When  things  look  dark  around  or  foes  are  near  I 

And  now  the  fragrant  summer-tide  hath  conie 
And  isled  us  in  a  sea  of  leaf  and  bloom ; 
And  now^  the  tremulous  sweetness,  restless  grace. 
Have  settled  down  to  brood  in  the  dear  face 
That  lightens  by  me  fair  and  privet-pale. 
Soft  in  the  shadow  of  the  bridal  vail : 
The  sunny  sparkle  of  Southern  radiance 
That  in  her  English  blood  doth  gaily  dance, 
Hath  steadied  to  the  still  and  sacred  glow 
Which  hath  more  inner  life  than  outward  show. 

So  many  are  the  mishaps  and  the  griefs 
In  marriage — like  Beau  Brummel's  neckerchiefe, 
Armfuls  of  failure  for  one  perfect  tie  ! 
And  have  ice  kit  it?  do  you  say  or  sigh  ? 

Time  Avas,  when  life  in  triumph  would  have  run. 
And  faster  than  the  fields  catch  Are  o'  the  sun. 
Or  light  takes  shape  and  feature  in  the  flovrers, 
My  answer  w'ould  have  blossomed  with  the  hours. 
I  should  have  felt  the  buds  begin  to  blow, 
With  my  love-w^armth  ;  another  dawn  to  glow; 
Heard  all  the  bells  in  heaven  ring  quite  plain, 
Because  young  blood  went  singing  through  my  brain. 


162  WEDLOCK. 

I  should  have  suug  that  we  had  reached  the  land 
Where  milk  and  honey  flow  o'er  golden  sand ; 
And  that  far  El  Dorado  we  had  found 
Where  nothing  less  than  nuggets  fill  the  ground. 
But  'tis  no  more  the  lyric  life  of  youth, 
When  fancy  seemed  truer  than  all  truth, 
And  standing  in  that  dawn,  the  sun  of  love 
Hung  dewy  rainbows  on  each  web  we  wove ; 
And  to  the  leap  of  the  blood  we  felt  it  given 
To  scale  the  tallest  battlements  of  heaven: 
Poor  was  the  prize  of  wisdom's  proudest  dower, 
Beside  that  glory  of  the  flesh  in  flower. 

And  now  I  can  not  sing  my  ladye's  praise 
Lark-like,  as  in  the  morning  of  those  days 
When  at  a  touch  the  song  would  upward  start 
And,  half  in  heaven,  empty  all  the  heart. 
'Tis  August  with  me  now,  and  harvest  heat, 
And  in  the  nest  the  silence  is  so  sweet : 
Moreover,  love  is  such  a  bosom-thing, 
Li  words  its  nestling  nearnesses  take  wing : 
Nor  flower  of  speech  could  ever  yet  express 
The  married  sweetness  or  the  homeliness : 
We  can  not  fable  the  inefiable ! 
The  tongue  is  tied  too,  with  the  heart  at  full 
Music  may  hint  it,  with  her  latest  breath, 
But  fails :  her  heaven  is  only  reached  through  deaUk 

The  stirring  of  the  sap  in  bole  and  bough — 
Mere  feeling — will  not  set  me  singing  now  1 
I  thank  my  God  for  all  that  He  hath  given, 
And  ope  the  windows  of  my  soul  to  heaven ; 
So  would  I  journey  to  the  land  above. 
Clothed  with  humility,  and  crown'd  with  loye. 

I  look  no  more  without,  and  think  to  win 
The  treasures  that  are  only  found  within ; 
And,  after  many  years,  have  grown  too  wise 
To  search  our  world  for  some  lost  paradise. 
Or  feel  unhappy  should  we  chance  to  miss 
The  next  life's  possibilities  in  this. 
'Tis  here  we  follow,  but  hereafter  find. 
The  goal  all  golden  miraged  in  the  mind. 
That  Age  of  Gold  behind  us,  and  the  isles 
Where  dwell  the  blessed,  are  but  as  the  smilea 


THE  POET'S  WIFE.  168 

Reflected  from  a  heaven  that  onward  lies ; 
The  gold  of  sundown  caught  in  orient  skies. 

And  yet  if  any  bit  of  Eden  bloom 
In  this  old  world,  'tis  in  the  wedded  home ; 
And  what  a  w^ouder- world  of  novel  life 
Do  these  two  range  through  hand-iu-hand  as  wife 
And  husband  ;  in  one  flesh  two  spirits  paired, 
Their  joys  all  doubled,  all  their  sorrows  shared; 
Two  spirits  blending  in  one  heavenward  spire, 
That  soars  up  from  a  fragrant  altar-fire ; 
Two  halves  in  one  perfection  wed,  to  prove 
The  shaped  idea  of  immortal  love ! 

We  can  not  see  love  with  our  mortal  sight, 
But  lo !  the  singing  angels  come  some  night 
To  bring  his  tiny  image  in  the  child. 
Wherewith  from  out  the  darkness  he  hath  smiled: 
The  tender  voice  whereby  the  All-loving  breaks 
His  silence,  and  in  human  fashion  speaks; 
The  gentle  hand  put  forth  to  draw  us  near 
The  heart  of  life  whose  pulse  is  beating  here  : 
Though  seldom  do  we  guess,  so  dim  our  eyes. 
That  God  comes  down  in  such  a  simple  guise, 
And  yet  of  such  the  kingdom  of  heaven  is ; 
Through  them,  the  next  world  is  revealed  in  thia 

And  how  they  come  to  us  to  give  us  back 
What  we  have  lost  along  the  dusty  track : 
The  sweetness  of  the  dawn,  the  early  dew, 
The  tender  green  and  heaven's  unclouded  blue; 
The  treasures  that  we  dropped  upon  the  ground, 
And  they  in  following  after  us  have  found  1 

Ah,  love !  my  life  is  not  so  bare  of  leaf 
But  we  can  find  a  nest  for  shelter,  if 
The  bounteous  heavens  should  bless  us  from  abore 
And  in  our  branches  cradle  some  wee  dove. 
Nor  will  my  darling  lack  a  touch  still  warm 
To  finish  that  fine  sculpture  of  her  form ; 
For  if  love  dwell  in  me,  the  Angel-Elf 
Shall  kiss  her  to  some  likeness  of  himself. 

At  the  hill-top  I  reach  my  resting-place 
To  find  clear  heaven— feel  it  face  to  face ; 


164  WEDLOCK. 

Firm  footing  after  all  the  weary  slips 
To  hold  the  cup  unshaken  at  the  lips. 
The  meaning  of  my  life  grows  clear  at  last, 
And  1  can  smile  at  all  the  troubles  past; 
The  clouds  put  on  a  glory  to  mine  eyes, 
My  sorrows  were  my  Saviour  in  disguise ; 
And  I  have  walked  with  angels  unawares, 
And  mounted  upward  climbing  over  cares, 
A  little  nearer  to  the  home  above : 
Here  let  me  rest  in  the  good  Father's  love, 
Embodied  in  these  arms  embracing  me, 
Serenely  as  the  sea-flowers  in  deep  sea. 

'Tis  true,  just  as  we  feel  our  foreheads  crowned 
And  all  so  glorious  grows  the  prospect  round, 
It  seems  one  stride  might  launch  us  on  heaven's  wave, 
Thenceforth  our  steps  go  downward  to  the  grave. 
What  then  ?    I  would  not  rest  till  spirit  rust 
And  I  am  undistinguishable  dust : 
And  if  love  bring  no  second  spring  to  me. 
This  is  the  fore-feel  of  a  spring  to  be ; 
If  no  new  dawn,  yet  in  the  evening  houi-s. 
Freshly  bedewed  more  sweetly  smell  the  flowers. 
And  Autumn  hath  its  glory  rich  and  warm, 
A  mellower  splendor,  a  maturer  charm ; 
And  round  my  path  the  glow  of  love  hath  made 
Gentle  illumination  for  the  shade. 


Something,  dear  Lord,  thou  hast  for  me  to  say, 
Or  wherefore  draw  me  toward  the  springs  of  day, 
And  make  my  face  with  happiness  to  shine, 
By  softly  placing  this  dear  hand  in  mine. 
Even  while  I  stretch'd  it  to  Thee  through  the  darkf 
A  something  that  shall  shine  aloft  and  mark 
Thy  goodness  and  my  gratitude  upon 
This  Mount  Transfiguration,  Miien  I'm  gone. 
If  Thou  hast  set  my  foot  on  firmer  ground, 
Lord,  let  me  show  what  helper  I  have  found. 
If  Thou  hast  touch'd  me  with  thy  loftier  light, 
Lord,  let  me  turn  to  those  that  walk  in  night, 
And  climb  with  more  at  heart  than  they  can  bear; 
Though  but  a  twinkle  through  their  cloud  of  care. 
I  ask  not  that  my  life  should  break  in  bloom. 
For  flowers  to  crown  my  love  or  wreathe  my  t  )mb; 


THE  POET'S  WIFE. 

Nor  do  I  ask  the  laurel  for  my  brow, 

But  on  y  that  above  my  grave  may  grow 

Some  sunny  grains  of  thine  immortal  seed 

For  Bread  of  Life  on  which  poor  souls  can  feed: 

Lord  !  let  me  have  my  one  supreme  desire — 

To  fill  some  earthl}^  facts  with  heavenly  fire  I 

Let  me  work  now,  for  all  eternity, 

With  its  large-seeming  leisure,  waiteth  mc! 


165 


XIX. 


Toxmg  men,  be  faithful  husbands  and  good  fathers  of  families.  Act  so  that  your 
wives  shall  esteem  and  love  you.  Read  the  Word  of  God  industriously ;  that  will  con- 
duct you  through  storm  and  calm,  and  safely  bilng  you  to  the  haven  at  last. — Fredei'ica 
Bremer. 

Love  and  Confidence. 

HE  first  duty  of  the  married  pair,  and  one  which 
may  be  said  to  comprehend  all  others,  is  to  love 
one  another.  This  the  true  and  faithful  husband 
makes  the  basis  of  his  intercourse  with  the  partner 
of  his  bosom.  Realizing  that  it  is  his  solemn  duty  to  make 
her  as  happy  as  possible,  and  knowing  that  confidence  in  his 
affection  is  the  chief  element  of  that  happiness,  he  fails  not  to 
give  constant  proof  of  this  afifection — an  affection  that  is  not 
lavish  in  caresses  only,  as  if  these  were  the  only  demonstra- 
tions of  love,  but  of  that  respect  which  distinguishes  love  as 
a  principle  from  that  brief  passion  which  assumes,  and  only 
assumes,  the  name — a  respect  which  consults  the  judgment 
as  well  as  the  wishes  of  the  beloved  object — which  considers 
her  as  one  who  is  wortly  of  being  admitted  into  all  the  coun- 
gels  of  the  heart. 

"  Considering  the  improvement  of  his  own  understanding, 
and  the  cultivation  of  his  own  taste,  as  a  duty,  and  one  of 
the  most  delightful  duties  of  an  intellectual  being,  he  docs 
not  consider  it  as  a  duty  or  a  delight  that  belongs  only  to 
man,  but  feels  it  more  delightful,  as  there  is  now  another  soul 
that  may  share  with  him  all  the  pleasure  of  the  progress.  To 
love  the  happiness  of  her  whose  happiness  is  in  his  aff*ection 
is,  of  course,  to  be  conjugally  faithful ;  but  it  is  more  than  to 
be  merely  faithful;  it  is  not  to  nllow  room  even  for  a  doubt 


THE  MODEL   HUSBAND.  167 

as  to  that  fidelity,  at  least  for  such  a  doubt  as  a  reasonable 
mind  might  form.  It  is  truly  to  love  her  best,  but  it  is  also 
to  show  that  love  which  is  truly  felt."  * 

Caeeful  Providing. 

A  very  important,  though  not  a  romantic,  aspect  in  which 
the  model  husband  looks  upon  his  duty  to  his  wife  is  that  of 
a  provider  for  her  material  wants  and  needs.  In  order  to 
supply  her  with  all  the  necessaries  and  comforts  of  life,  and  to 
spare  her  all  the  privations  and  hardships  possible,  he  dili- 
gently attends  to  his  business  and  economically  manages  his 
affairs.  He  is  willing  to  labor  to  the  utmost  of  his  power,  if 
need  be,  for  her  support.  Jacob,  we  are  told,  served  seven 
years  for  Rachel  before  marriage,  "  and  they  seemed  to  him 
but  a  few  days  for  the  love  he  had  for  her."  In  this  respect, 
at  least,  he  was  a  model  lover;  and  in  every  case  where  true 
love  exists,  it  will  be  easy  to  toil  for  the  support  of  the  loved 
object. 

The  model  husband  believes  there  should  be  no  separata 
possessions  or  clashing  interests  in  marriage.  One  in  heart 
and  mind,  the  wedded  pair  should,  he  thinks,  have  all  things 
in  common — a  common  purse,  a  common  store,  a  common 
estate — a  community  of  interests  in  everything. 

Chaeity. 

Recognizing  fully  his  own  faults  and  imperfections,  the 
model  husband  looks  with  charity  and  forbearance  upon 
those  that  he  may  discover  in  his  beloved  wife.  He  does  not 
expect  her  to  be  free  from  the  common  infirmities  of  human- 
ity. He  takes  care  never  to  speak  of  her  faults  in  the 
presence  of  any  other  person  ;  and  if  he  finds  it  necessary  to 
point  them  out  to  her,  with  a  view  to  an  effort  at  correction, 
he  does  it  in  a  kind,  considerate,  and  tender  way,  so  as  not 
to  give  her  pain. 

If  she  be  sometimes  fretful  and  ill-humored,  he  remembers 
her  cares,  her  tedious  round  of  household  duties,  the  mis- 

*  Charles  Brooks 


ICS  WEDLOCK. 

doings  of  servants,  and  the  perpetual  watchfulness  which  her 
children,  if  she  have  any,  require  at  her  hands ;  and  he  en- 
deavors, by  kind  and  loving  words,  to  soothe  and  cheer  her. 

Home  the  Dearest  Place. 

Tlie  model  husband  does  not  spend  his  evenings  in  bar- 
loonis,  billiard  saloons,  and  theaters,  nor  at  the  club.  He 
(inds  his  highest  happiness  in  the  society  of  his  wife  and 
children.  When  business  or  the  just  demands  of  society  call 
hiiu  away  from  home,  he  returns  as  speedily  as  possible. 
When  he  deems  it  proper  for  himself  to  attend  any  place  of 
amusement,  he  thinks  it  proper  for  his  wnfe  to  go  also,  as  she 
has  quite  as  much  need  as  himself  of  innocent  reci-eation. 

He  does  not  allow  the  cries  of  the  children,  nor  the  occa- 
sional disturbances  that  may  arise  in  the  family  circle,  to  deter 
him  from  remaining  at  home  after  the  hours  of  business  are 
over.  "  The  waywardness  and  folly,  the  boisterous  mirth,  and 
the  mischievousness  of  the  little  ones  may  disturb  his  equanim- 
ity for  a  while  and  occasionally  provoke  him  to  anger,  but  he 
will  regard  their  fretful n ess  and  peevishness  with  pity,  and  will- 
ingly bear  his  part  of  the  arduous  task  of  curbing  the  unruly 
tempers  of  the  children,  and  leading  his  sons  and  daughters 
into  the  paths  of  piety  and  peace.  Instead  of  making  tlie 
boisterous  merriment  of  the  children  a  pretext  for  absenting 
himself  from  home,  he  will  rejoice  in  it  as  an  indication  of 
their  health  and  happiness.  And  if  the  family  circle  should 
be  invaded  by  sickness,  or  affliction  of  any  kind,  the  presence 
of  the  husband  and  the  father  is  imperatively  demanded. 
Kindness  and  constant  attention  in  the  hour  of  affliction  arc, 
in  the  estimation  of  some  ladies,  the  strongest  proofs  of  affec- 
tion that  a  husband  can  give.  And  it  must  appear  evident  to 
the  most  careless  observer,  that  no  one  who  habitually  leaves 
his  wife  at  home,  and  seeks  for  happiness  in  other  places,  can 
perform  his  duty  in  this  respect.  There  is  a  great  difference 
between  the  inhabitants  of  towns  and  the  country  in  regard 
to  this  point ;  and  it  may  be  partly  owing  to  the  fact  that 
husbands  in  the  rural  districts  stay  much  more  at  home  with 
their  families  than  they  do  in  towns,  that  we  find  more  virtue 


THE  MODEL    HUSBAND.  169 

and  religion  in  the  country  than  we  do  in  the  town.  Cities 
and  towns,  especially  those  great  hives  of  sin  and  misery  in 
tlie  0:d  World,  are  proverbial  for  their  wickedness  of  every 
kind,  as  well  as  for  their  want  of  attention  to  the  dnties  of 
home.  But  in  town  and  country  some  good  husbands  in 
other  respects  are  sadly  delinquent  in  this  matter.  While 
they  provide  well  for  their  families,  their  leisure  hours  are 
devoted  to  places  of  amusemctit  and  to  the  society  of  their 
friends  and  associates,  while  the  wife  is  left  at  home,  fearing 
that  the  heart  of  her  husband  has  been  alienated  from  her, 
and  suffering  all  the  pangs  of  solitude  and  neglect.  It  may 
be  seen  occasionally,  too,  that  some  who  spend  much  of  their 
time  in  religious  meetings,  and  are  very  zealous  for  the  church 
generally,  go  to  the  house  of  God  alone,  and  sometimes  in  the 
company  of  other  ladies,  while  their  wives  are  left  at  home, 
as  though  they  had  no  part  nor  lot  in  the  matter."  * 

Little  Things. 

By  kind  words,  neatness  in  dress,  cleanliness  in  his  person, 
abstinence  from  all  indulgences  that  are  hurtful  to  himself  or 
offensive  to  his  wife,  and  a  thousand  other  things  too  numer- 
ous to  be  named,  the  model  husband  will  so  conduct  himself 
that  after  twenty,  or  even  fifty,  years  spent  in  wedlock  he 
will  be  still  more  the  lover  than  ever  before.  And  if  the 
happy  pair  should  be  allowed,  in  the  providence  of  God,  to 
spend  the  evening  of  their  lives  together,  they  will  cling 
more  and  more  closely  together,  and  show  the  world  the 
sublime  spectacle  of  a  love  that  bids  defiance  to  the  changes 
of  time. 

"  They  sin  who  tell  us  love  can  die. 
With  life  all  other  passions  fly, 
All  others  are  but  vanity. 
In  heaven  ambition  can  not  dwell, 
Nor  avarice  in  the  vaults  of  hell; 
Earthly  these  passions  as  of  earth, 
They  perish  wh  ere  they  had  their  birth ; 
But  love  "5  indestructible ! 

*  Rev.  John  Bayley. 
8 


iro 


WEDLOCK. 

Its  holy  flame  forever  bumeth, 

From  heaven  it  came,  to  heaven  retumeth; 

Too  oft  on  earth  a  troubled  guest, 

At  times  deceived,  at  times  oppressed ; 

It  here  is  tried  and  purified, 

Then  hath  in  heaven  its  perfect  rest. 

It  soweth  here  with  toil  and  care. 

But  the  harvest-time  of  love  is  there  1  "—Sauthfiy, 

John  Anderson  My  Jo. 

John  Anderson  my  jo,  John, 

When  we  were  first  acquent, 
Your  locks  were  like  the  raven, 

Your  bonnie  brow  was  brent ; 
But  now  your  brow  is  bald,  John, 

Your  locks  are  like  the  snaw ; 
But  blessings  on  your  frosty  pow, 

John  Anderson  my  jo. 

John  Anderson  my  jo,  John, 

We  clamb  the  hill  thegither; 
And  monie  a  canty  day,  John, 

We've  had  wi'  ane  anither : 
Now  we  maun  totter  down,  John, 

But  hand  in  hand  we'll  go. 
And  sleep  thegither  at  the  foot, 

John  Anderson  my  jo. — Bumn, 


XX. 


Bleseed  Is  the  mar  ,hat  hath  a  virtuous  wife,  for  the  number  of  his  days  s^all  l« 
aonble. 

A  virtuous  woman  .ejoiceth  her  husband,  and  he  shall  fulfill  She  years  of  his  Me  in 
peace. 

Children  and  the  building  of  a  city  continue  a  man's  name ;  but  a  blameless  wife  is 
counted  above  them  both. — Ecclesiasticus. 

Oh,  blest  with  temper  whose  unclouded  ray 
Can  make  to-morrow  cheerful  as  to-day ; 
She  who  ne'er  answers  till  her  husband  cools. 
Or  if  she  rules  him,  never  shows  she  rules; 
Charms  by  accepting,  by  submitting  sways ; 
Yet  has  her  humor  most  when  she  obeys.— Pop*. 

A  Husband's  Opinion. 

Ill  JAMES  MACKINTOSH,  in  a  letter  to  a  friend, 
thus  beautifully  describes  the  character  of  his  de- 
ceased wife.  A  finer  picture  of  the  true  woman,  as 
companion,  friend,  and  guardian  angel  in  human 
guise,  can  hardly  be  found  in  literature.  The  model  wife 
can  not  be  better  introduced  than  in  her  person. 

Fair  young  reader,  shou.d  you  have  the  good  fortune  to  be- 
come the  wife  of  a  worthy  man,  will  you  not  emulate  her 
example,  and  thus  become  a  perpetual  fountain  of  joy  and 
peace  to  your  husband,  and  a  blessing  inestimable  to  your 
children  ? 

''  Allow  me,  in  justice  to  her  memory,  to  tell  you  what  she 
was,  and  what  I  owed  her.  I  was  guided  in  my  choice  only 
by  the  blind  affection  of  my  youth.  I  found  an  intelligent 
companion  and  a  tender  friend,  a  prudent  monitress,  the  most 
faithful  of  wives,  and  a  mother  as  tender  as  children  ever  had 
the  misfortune  to  lose.  I  met  a  woman  who,  by  the  tender 
management  of  my  weaknesses,  gradually  corrected  the  most 


172  WEDLOCK. 

pernicious  of  them.  She  became  prudent  from  affection ;  and 
though  of  the  most  generous  nature,  she  was  taught  frugality 
and  economy  by  her  love  for  me.  During  the  most  critical 
period  of  my  life  she  preserved  order  in  ray  affairs,  from  the 
care  of  which  she  relieved  me.  She  gently  reclaimed  me  from 
dissipation  ;  she  propped  my  weak  and  irresolute  nature ;  she 
urged  my  indolence  to  all  the  exertions  that  have  been  useful 
or  creditable  to  me,  and  she  was  perpetually  at  hand  to  ad- 
monish my  heedlessness  and  improvidence.  To  her  I  owe 
whatever  I  am ;  to  her,  whatever  I  shall  be.  In  her  solicitude 
for  my  interest,  she  never  for  a  moment  forgot  my  feelings  or 
my  character.  Even  in  her  occasional  resentment,  for  which 
I  but  too  often  gave  her  cause  (would  to  God  I  could  recall 
those  moments!),  she  had  no  suUenness  nor  acrimony.  Her 
feelings  were  warm  and  impetuous,  but  she  was  placable, 
tender,  and  constant.  Such  was  she  whom  I  have  lost ;  and 
I  have  lost  her  when  her  excellent  natural  sense  was  rapidly 
improving,  and  after  eight  years  of  struggle  and  distress  had 
bound  us  fast  to  each  other, — when  a  knowledge  of  her  worth 
had  refined  my  youthful  love  into  friendship,  before  age  had 
deprived  it  of  much  of  its  original  ardor, — I  lost  her,  alas ! 
(the  choice  of  my  youth  and  the  partner  of  my  misfortunes) 
at  a  moment  when  I  had  a  prospect  of  her  sharing  my  better 
days. 

"The  philosophy  which  I  have  learned  only  teaches  me  that 
virtue  and  friendship  are  the  greatest  of  human  blessings,  and 
that  their  loss  is  irreparable.  It  aggravates  my  calamity,  iu- 
>tead  of  consoling  me  under  it.  My  wounded  heart  seeks 
another  consolation.  Governed  by  these  feelings,  which  have 
in  every  age  and  region  of  the  world  actuated  the  human 
mind,  I  seek  relief,  and  I  find  it  in  the  soothing  hope  and  con- 
Bolatory  opinion,  that  a  benevolent  wisdom  inflicts  the  chas- 
tisement, as  well  as  bestows  the  enjoyment,  of  human  life; 
that  superintending  goodness  will  one  day  enlighten  the  dark- 
ness which  surrounds  our  nature  and  hangs  over  our  prospects ; 
that  this  dreary  and  wretched  life  is  not  the  whole  of  man ; 
that  an  animal  so  sagacious  and  provident,  and  capable  of 
such  proficiency  in  science  and  virtue,  is  not  like  the  beasts 


THE  MODEL  WIFE.  178 

that  peiish;  that  there  is  a  dwelling-place  prepared  for  the 
spirits  of  the  just;  and  that  the  ways  of  God  will  yet  be  vin- 
dicated to  man.  The  sentiments  of  religion,  which  were  im- 
planted in  my  mind  in  my  early  youth,  and  which  wore  nv 
vived  by  the  awful  scenes  which  I  have  seen  passing  before 
ray  eyes  in  the  world,  are,  I  trust,  deeply  rooted  in  my  heart 
by  this  great  calamity." 

The  Wife's  Influence. 

Rev.  George  W.  Burnap  has  some  excellent  thoughts  on 
the  marriage  relation,  and  his  views  of  the  mission  and  in 
fluence  of  the  wife  are  so  true  and  so  happily  expressed  that 
we  can  not  forbear  to  quote  the  following  passages : 

"  The  good  wife  !  How  much  of  this  world's  happiness  and 
prosperity  is  contained  in  the  compass  of  these  two  short  words ! 
Her  influence  is  immense.  The  power  of  a  wife,  for  good  or 
for  evil,  is  altogether  irresistible.  Home  must  be  the  seat  of 
happiness,  or  it  must  be  forever  unknown.  A  good  wife  is 
to  a  ilian  wisdom,  and  courage,  and  strength,  and  hope,  and 
endurance.  A  bad  one  is  confusion,  weakness,  discomfiture, 
despair.  No  condition  is  hopeless  when  the  wife  possesses 
firmness,  decision,  energy,  economy.  There  is  no  outward 
prosperity  which  can  counteract  indolence,  folly,  and  extrav 
agance  at  home.  Ko  spirit  can  long  resist  bad  domestic  in- 
fluences. Man  is  strong,  but  his  heart  is  not  adamant.  He 
delights  in  enterprise  and  action,  but  to  sustain  him  he  needs 
a  tranquil  mind  and  a  whole  heart.  He  expends  his  whole 
moral  force  in  the  conflicts  of  the  world.  His  feelings  are 
daily  lacerated  to  the  utmost  point  of  endurance  by  perpetual 
collision,  irritation,  and  disappointment.  To  recover  hi^ 
equanimity  and  composure,  home  must  be  to  him  a  place  of 
repose,  of  peace,  of  cheerfulness,  of  comfort ;  and  his  soul 
renews  its  strength,  and  again  goes  forth  with  fresh  vigor  to 
encounter  the  labors  and  troubles  of  the  world.  But  if  at 
home  he  find  no  rest,  and  there  is  met  by  a  bad  temper,  sul- 
lenness,  or  gloom,  or  is  assailed  by  discontent,  complaint,  and 
reproaches,  the  heart  breaks,  the  spirits  are  crushed,  hope 
vanishes,  and  the  man  sinks  into  total  despair. 


174  WEDLOCK. 

"Let  women  know,  then,  that  she  ministers  at  the  very 
fountain  of  life  and  happiness.  It  is  her  hand  that  lades  out 
with  overflowing  cup  its  soul-refreshing  waters,  or  casts  in  the 
branch  of  bitterness  which  makes  them  poison  and  death. 
ITer  ardent  spirit  breathes  the  breath  of  life  into  all  enterprise. 
1  ler  patience  and  constancy  are  mainly  instrumental  in  carry- 
ing forward  k)  completion  the  best  human  designs.  Her 
more  delicate  moral  sensibility  is  the  unseen  power  which  is 
ever  at  work  to  purify  and  refine  society.  And  the  nearest 
glimpse  of  heaven  that  mortals  ever  get  on  earth  is  that  do- 
mestic circle  which  her  hands  have  trained  to  intelligence, 
virtue,  and  love,  which  her  gentle  influence  pervades,  and  of 
which  her  radiant  presence  is  the  center  and  the  sun." 

The  Ornament  of  a  Meek  and  Quiet  Spirit. 

Crates  was  a  heathen  philosopher;  but  many  professed 
Christians  may  well  blush  for  their  want  of  sense  and  religion 
in  view  of  such  sentiments  as  the  following,  ascribed  to  him 
by  Plutarch : 

"  Neither  gold,  nor  emeralds,  nor  pearls  grace  and  orna 
ment  a  woman,  but  all  those  things  which  cleaily  express  and 
set  ofi:'  her  gravity,  regularity,  and  modesty.  The  faithful 
wife  will  not  sufler  herself  to  be  led  astray  by  the  vain  and 
foolish  fashions  of  the  times,  nor  will  she  waste  the  substance 
of  her  husband  by  an  extravagant  expenditure  of  his  income 
in  dress,  equipage,  etc.,  but  she  will  strive  to  be  lovely  in  his 
sight,  and  in  the  estimation  of  all  by  whom  she  is  surrounded, 
by  wearing  the  ornament  of  a  meek  and  quiet  spirit." 

The  philosopher  does  not  condemn  a  proper  attention  to 
dress,  en  the  part  of  the  wife,  nor  do  we;  but  only  the  folly 
and  extravagance  of  pernicious  fashions,  which  many  allow  to 
usurp  the  place  of  neatness,  taste,  modesty,  and  good  sense — 
the  true  ornaments  of  the  soul. 

The  Duty  of  Cheerfulness. 
All  are  not  equally  endowed  with  the  element  of  hopeful- 
ness.    Some  are  naturally  buoyant  and  cheerful,  generally 
looking  on  the  bright  side  of  things,  while  others  see  life  in 
its  more  serious  and  somber  aspects ;  nor  can  even  the  mer^ 


THE  MODEL  WIFE.  175 

riest  heart  be  always  free  from  sadness  and  despondency. 
Affliction  and  sorrow  come  to  all.  There  is  a  time  to  weep, 
even  as  there  is  a  time  to  rejoice.  Still,  cheerfulness  is  a 
duty;  and  a  large  capacity  for  its  sunny  manifestations  is  of 
the  greatest  value  in  a  wife.  The  model  wife  cultivates  this 
disposition,  and  her  presence  is  hailed  with  delight  by  all. 
To  her  husband  she  is  like  sunshine — a  source  of  both  light 
and  warmth  in  his  home ;  and  though  her  countenance  may 
be  occasionally  overshadowed  with  gloom  (as  whose  is  not?) 
and  her  eyes  darkened  with  tears,  the  fit  of  sadness  is  brief 
as  an  April  shower.  Soon  she  gladdens  those  around  her 
with  her  cheerful  smiles,  and  drives  away  the  dark  clouds  of 
despondency  with  the  melody  of  song.  Who  shall  tell  the 
miportance  of  this  temper  in  a  wife  to  a  husband's  peace  and 
happiness?  In  the  midst  of  the  cares  and  pei-plexities  of 
life,  the  toils  of  business,  the  pangs  of  disappointment,  and 
all  the  ills  incident  to  humanity,  it  would  greatly  add  to  the 
sorrows  of  a  husband  if,  when  he  found  time  to  be  at  home, 
instead  of  being  soothed  and  encouraged  by  the  gentle  words 
and  cheerful  smiles  of  a  true-hearted,  loving  wife,  he  should 
be  constantly  annoyed  by  the  murmurings  and  complainhigs 
of  a  dissatisfied,  ill-tempered  woman. 

"  A  cheerful  heart  doeth  good  like  a  medicine." 
To  such  a  wife  as  we  have  described,  the  husband  in  his 
hours  of  despondency  may  address  himself  in  the  words  of  the 
"Bard  of  Avon:" 

"  When  in  disgrace  with  fortune  and  men's  eyes, 

I  all  alone  beweep  my  outcast  state, 
And  trouble  deaf  heaven  with  my  bootless  cries, 

And  look  upon  myself,  and  curse  my  fate, 
Wishing  me  like  to  one  more  rich  in  hope, 

Featured  like  him,  like  him  with  friends  possessed, 
Desiring  this  man's  art,  and  that  man's  scope, 

With  what  I  most  enjoy  contented  least; 
Yet  in  these  thoughts,  myself  almost  despising, 

Haply  I  think  on  thee,  and  then  my  state 
(Like  to  the  lark  at  break  of  day  arising 

From  sullen  eartli).  sings  hymns  at  heaven's  gate : 
For  thy  sweet  love  remembered  such  wealth  brings, 
That  then  I  scorn  to  change  my  state  with  kings." 


176  WEDLOCK. 

Purity  and  Modesty. 

The  molel  wife  does  not  throw  off  the  modest  reserve 
that  made  lier  so  charming  as  a  maiden.  She  feels  that  the 
wife  should  be  as  jjure  in  heart  and  as  free  from  every  ap- 
pearance of  boldness  or  forwardness  as  the  unmarried  woman, 
and  she  quickly  and  decidedly  rebukes  any  indelicate  allu- 
sions or  impure  conversation  that  may  be  attempted  in  her 
presence.  The  purity  of  her  heart  is  manifested  not  only  in 
her  conversation,  but  in  the  simplicity  and  modesty  of  her 
dress  and  the  propriety  of  her  general  deportment.  She  not 
only  avoids  all  intercourse  with  those  from  whom  she  appre- 
hends danger  in  this  respect,  but  she  does  not  suffer  her  mind 
And  heart  to  be  polluted  by  the  pernicious  literature  of  the 
day,  in  the  shape  of  sensational  novels  and  romances. 

In  the  midst  of  all  the  onerous  and  responsible  du- 
ties of  her  position,  it  is  given  her  to  be  clothed  in  a 
spotless  robe  of  innocence,  as  well  as  to  be  "  all  glorious 
within."  * 

Order  and  Neatness. 

Knowing  how  great  a  charm  neatness  and  good  order  give 
to  both  the  person  and  the  household  arrangements,  the 
model  wife  makes  it  a  matter  of  conscience  to  keep  herself, 
her  clothing,  and  lier  house  clean,  well  ordered,  and  modestly 
but  tastefully  adorned.  She  tries  to  be  more  attractive,  if 
possible,  after  marriage  than  before,  and  to  make  her  home 
pleasanter  to  her  husband  than  any  other  place.  A  minister, 
who  has  traveled  extensively,  and  had  ample  oppoilunities  to 
observe  the  great  difference  that  exists  in  this  respect  among 
the  people,  and  the  sad  effects  sometimes  produced  by  the 
culpable  neglect  of  these  apparently  small  but  really  very 
important  matters,  truly  says  : 

"  It  too  often  occurs  that  those  who  before  marriage  were 
scrupulously  neat  and  clean,  become  disgracefully  negligent 
in  a  very  short  time.  When  I  have  visited  some  places,  and 
have  looked  at  the  wife  and  children,  I  have  soon  understood 

♦  "  Marriage  as  it  Is,  and  as  it  Should  Be.' 


THE  MODEL  WIFE.  1T7 

why  the  husband  was  seldom  at  home  in  his  leisure  hours. 
Alas  for  him  !  he  had  been  captivated  by  youthfulness  and 
beauty,  and  he  thought  he  had  married  one  who  would  be  to 
him  a  pleasant  companion  ;  but  he  found  himself  permanently 
united  to  a  lazy,  slovenly  creature,  whose  want  of  cleanlinesa 
with  regard  to  herself;  her  children  and  her  habitation  was 
a  source  of  continual  mortification  and  sorrow\"  * 

Industry  and  Economy. 

Riches  do  net  furnish  any  valid  excuse  for  idleness  and  ex- 
travagance. Industry  and  economy  are  duties  incumbent  on 
all,  whatever  their  station  in  life.  The  world's  work  must  be 
done.  Each  should  do  his  or  her  share.  "  The  poor  we  have 
always  with  us."  If  we  need  not  to  be  saving  in  order  to  guard 
ourselves  against  future  want,  we  should  still  practice  econ- 
omy, for  the  purpose  of  having  the  more  to  spare  for  the 
worthy  children  of  poverty.  But  with  the  majority,  industry 
and  economy  are  essential  to  comfort  and  success  in  life;  and 
the  faithful  wife  of  the  poor  man,  or  the  man  of  moderate 
means,  considers  it  her  duty  to  help,  in  her  way,  "  to  make 
both  ends  meet"— to  keep  the  family  expenses  within  the 
income.  She  avoids  extravagance  in  dress  and  in  furniture, 
expensive  luxuries  in  food — often  as  hurtful  as  they  are 
costly — provides  economically,  but  healthfully,  for  her  table, 
and  strives  in  every  way  to  aid  her  husband  in  laying  by  a 
poilion  of  his  earnings  for  the  future.  No  wonder  he  esteems 
her  as  a  "treasure,"  in  every  sense.f  Her  opposite — the  ex- 
travagant, the  frivolous,  and  the  immodest  wife — is  thus 
sketched  by  the  poet : 

"  Her  women,  insolent,  and  self-caressed. 
By  vanity's  unwearied  finger  dressed, 

♦  Riyley. 

i  The  New  York  Times,  speaking  of  the  great  and  growing  evil  of  female  extrava- 
gance, says : 

"  It  is  hard  to  think  it— harder  to  write  it— but,  nevertheless,  it  is  plain,  honest 
triitU.  They  ai*e  the  money  maelstroms— they,  and  their  silks,  wines,  carpets,  hang- 
lugs,  and  eqtiipages— and  in  them  are  swallowed  up  the  millions  that  are  reported 
iu  our  financial  disasters.  Psalms  for  their  souls— liturgies  of  sorrow — requiems  of 
death- anything  iu  the  way  of  thunder  and  lightning  would  be,  just  now,  the  next 
thing  to  a  Gospel,  if  it  coulJ  arouse  our  women  to  arrest  the  enormous  drafts  tUey  an 
making  on  the  exchequer  of  the  world." 

8* 


178  WEDLOCK. 

Forget  the  blush  that  virgin  fears  impart 
To  modest  cheeks,  and  borrow  one  from  art; 
Curled,  scented,  furbelowed,  and  flounced  around, 
With  feet  too  delicate  to  touch  the  ground, 
They  stretch  the  neck  and  roll  the  wanton  eye, 
And  sigh  for  every  fool  that  passes  by." — Cowper. 

Health  aot)  Habits. 

The  faithful  wife  does  not  destroy  her  health  by  a  life  of 
luxurious  ease,  or  by  a  willful  neglect  of  the  laws  which  gov- 
ern her  being.  She  does  not  injure  her  constitution  by  ex- 
cessive indulgence  in  the  pleasures  of  the  table,  by  midnight 
revelingSj  neglect  of  exercise  in  the  open  air,  or  by  any 
sensual  indulgence  whatever.  She  regards  her  health  and 
strength  as  talents  committed  to  her  by  Heaven,  wdiich  she 
may  not  undervalue  or  heedlessly  cast  away  without  incurring 
the  displeasure  of  God. 

"  Instead  of  running,  night  after  night,  to  the  haunts  of 
fashionable  folly,  and  thus  laying  the  foundation  for  consump- 
tion and  a  host  of  fatal  diseases,  she  will  retire  early,  rise 
with  the  lark,  and  find  her  pleasures  in  the  face  of  day,  in 
those  healthful  employments  of  body  and  mind  which  are  in 
harmony  with  the  laws  of  her  being." — Bayley, 

The  Model  Wife  of  the  Olden  Time. 

"  Who  can  find  a  virtuous  woman  ?  for  her  price  is  above 
jubies.  The  heart  of  her  husband  doth  safely  trust  in  her,  so 
that  he  shall  have  no  need  of  spoil :  she  will  do  him  good, 
and  not  evil,  all  the  days  of  his  life.  She  seeketh  wool  and 
flax,  and  worketh  willingly  with  her  hands.  She  riseth  also 
while  it  is  yet  night,  and  giveth  meat  to  her  household,  and 
a  portion  to  her  maidens.  She  looketh  well  to  the  ways  of 
her  household,  and  eateth  not  the  bread  of  idleness.  Her 
children  arise  up  and  call  her  blessed :  her  husband  also,  and 
he  praisGth  her.  Favor  is  deceitful,  and  beauty  is  vain  ;  but 
a  "svoraan  that  feareth  the  Lord,  she  shall  be  praised." — 
Provierhs. 

With  this  admirable  picture  from  the  Good  Book  w€ 
close  our   delineation  of  the   model   wife — the  fitting^  conv 


THE  MODEL  WIFE.  179 

paiiion  of  the  true  and  faitliful  husband  sketched  in  a  previous 
chapter.  Cheerful,  industrious,  modest,  pure,  affectionate;, 
devoted,  faithful,  and  truly  religious,  she  moves  in  iht 
charmed  circle  of  home  with 

"  Grace  in  her  steps,  heaven  in  her  eye, 
In  every  gesture  dignity  and  love." 

Woman's  Constancy. 

She  loved  you  when  your  home  and  heart 

Of  fortune's  smile  could  boast ; 
She  saw  that  smile  decay, — depart, — 

And  then  she  loved  you  most. 

Oh,  such  the  generous  faith  that  glowB 

In  woman's  gentle  breast ; 
'Tis  like  that  star  that  stays  and  glows 

Alone  in  night's  dark  vest ; 

That  stays  because  each  other  ray 

Has  left  the  lonely  shore, 
A.ud  that  the  wanderer  on  his  way 

Then  wants  her  light  the  more. — L.  E  LawtOfK 


XXI. 

Though  fools  spurn  Hymen's  gentle  powers, 
We,  who  improve  his  golden  hours. 

By  sweet  experience  know 
That  maiTiage,  rightly  understood, 
Gives  to  the  tender  and  the  good 

A  Paradise  below.— Cotton. 

PLA.IN  Talk  with  a  Young  Man. 

^r^Sj'  GOOD  lady,  Mrs.  H.  T.  Stone,  who,  we  are  sure,  is 

/^O-  as  liberally  endowed  with  heart  as  she  evidently  is 
with  brain,  writes  as  follows  to  Cousin  Anna's 
young  "  beau." 

"  How  strangely  events  do  shape  themselves  !  When  I  first 
saw  you  at  your  father's  well-spread  table  nine  years  ago, 
neither  of  us  dreamed  that  we  would  ever  meet  in  Aunt  Je- 
mima's parlor.  Of  course  we  all  know  why  you  were  there: 
you  were  frank  enough  to  tell  me  that  you  admired  Anna, 
and  ever  had  since  you  first  saw  her.  Now  I  presume  you  and 
I  see  two  Annas,  or  one  Anna  in  different  lights,  for  be  assur- 
ed, my  friend  (and  I  hope  we  are  really  friends),  J  am  your 
senior  by  a  few  years,  and  believe  it  a  truth  that  Love  is 
blind. 

"That  Anna  is  pretty  and  intelligent  no  one  can  deny. 
"  Youth  is  always  beautiful,"  your  mother  once  remarked  to 
me  as  we  were  sewing  in  the  hall,  and  I  have  since  thought 
that  she  was  at  that  moment  recalling  the  lines — 'See how  on 
the  faltering  footsteps  of  decay  youth  presses,  ever  gay  and 
beautiful  youths 

*' But  however  lovely  the  spring,  it  is  human  nature  to  long 
for  the  fullness  of  summer,  then  to  desire  the  fruitful  autumn, 


MISCELLANEOUS  MATRIMONIAL  MATTERS.         181 

and  before  we  are  aware,  an  icy  breath  comes,  and  winter  is 
upon  us.  And  in  life  the  seasons  come  but  once;  so  let  me 
entreat  you  cherish  the  present,  and  prepare  that  summer  of 
yc'ir  life  which  will  yield  you  a  happiness  deep  and  lastin^^. 

*'  You  will  laugh,  I  know,  when  I  say  tliat  'tis  not  improbable 
that  you  do  not  fully  see  how  many  pleasant  circumstances 
.xmspire  to  make  life  look  bright  and  the  course  run  smoothly. 
We  do  not  know  how  sw^eet  sweetness  is  until  we  taste  the 
bitter,  and  bitterness  of  heart  never  is  forgotten.  In  a  home 
where  abundance  is  a  rule,  you  have  not  felt  a  tinge  of  real 
want ;  even  when  away  in  the  army,  you  knew  that  in  the 
pleasant  home  there  w^as  the  good  father  ready  to  help  you 
at  any  moment. 

Pleasures  of  Courtship. 

"  To-night  you  are  probably  sitting  in  Aunt  Jemima's  parlor 
again.  You  are  ^vell  dressed,  the  pretty  black  horse  at  the 
gate  is  shining  from  its  well-kept  stable,  the  new  buggy  is 
polished  and  trim,  Anna  is  neatly  dressed,  and  as  sweet  as 
a  Scotch  rose  (to  me  they  are  the  sweetest  of  all  roses),  and 
it  would  be  strange  if  you  did  not  enjoy  yourself. 

"  And  in  the  home  you  left  an  hour  ago,  how  is  it  ?  If  your 
sister  does  have  a  beau,  I  hope  he  is  as  near  perfection  as  a 
man  can  come,  for  she  is  a  rare  girl.  But  perhaps  she  is 
reading  some  good  book  of  which  the  table  is  always  full,  and 
your  sedate  brother  is  of  course  reading  something  deep  and 
wise,  he  always  does,  and  your  father  is  meditating.  Do  re- 
member, my  dear  friend,  it  is  autumn  with  him,  and  he  mourns 

*  For  the  tender  grace  of  a  day  that  is  dead, 
And  the  sound  of  a  voice  that  is  stilV 

"  You  w^ill  have  a  swift  ride  home,  at  a  late  hour,  a  short, 
happy  sleep,  which  will  begin  with  an  airy  dream  of  Anna, 
and  end  with  Anna  too.  The  farm- work  will  all  go  on  ;  sister 
will  have  a  nice  breakfast  and  later  a  good  diimer;  you  will 
work  briskly  all  the  forenoon,  running  up  to  your  room  before 
dinner  to  play  a  few  notes  on  the  flute,  and  build  another 
Bmall  castle  in  the  air  for  Anna,  and  so  the  days  go  on. 


182  WEDLOCK. 


Too  Young  to  Marri 

"While  you  are  there  to-night,  though,  A.unt  Jemima  is 
obliged  to  think  what  she  will  have  for  breakfast,  and  will 
wish  she  had  a  new  carpet  for  the  parlor,  and  wonder  in  her 
heart  whether  she  had  better  stop  your  coming  or  let  it  go  on — 
go  on  to  the  wedding-day,  you  see,  don't  you  ?  Anna  will  not 
be  fit  to  marry  for  three  years,  at  least.  True,  she  can  cook, 
and  bake,  and  sew  neatly,  but  she  is  too  young  to  take  the  many 
cares  of  married  life.  Only  a  few  days  after  I  left  you,  when 
Aunt  Jemima  had  gone  out  for  a  visit,  she  came  home  to  find 
Anna  had  entirely  forgotten  to  feed  the  pig  or  milk  the  cow ; 
and  the  cow  had  laid  down  in  the  darkness  and  couldn't  be 
found.  Aunt  Jemima  scolded,  and  Anna  could  only  say  she 
forgot,  I  half  believed  she  was  thinking  of  you,  foi  she  knew 
that  the  cow  needed  milking,  as  much  as  her  own  face  needs 
washing  every  morning.  I  could  forgive  it  all,  for  it  Is  surely 
spring  with  her,  and  she  is  too  tender  to  bear  the  sweat  and 
burden  of  the  summer. 

Good  Advice. 

"  Suppose,  after  a  reasonable  time,  you  are  married.  Doe^ 
the  thought  send  a  thrill  of  joy  to  your  heart  ?  I  hope  so,  for 
love  is  akin  to  Heaven,  and  true  love  bears  and  wears  long. 
Still,  if  you  should  ever  come  home  at  night,  after  leaving 
Anna  at  home  to  do  the  evening  work,  with  your  head  giddy, 
and  your  breath  smelling  of  cigars — and  something  more, 
what  would  she  think?  I  predict  there  would  be  a  sudden 
gush  of  tears,  and  then  a  reproach  in  a  toi>e  that  would  cut 
like  a  razor.  What  could  you  say?  Would  you  fire  up 
and  say,  *  What  the  d — 1  are  you  making  such  a  fuss  about  ? 
I  only  had  a  little  spree  with  some  of  the  boys  up  town.' 

"Anna  might  possibly  wish  herself  back  with  her  mother, 
for  very  few  husbands  are  as  tender  of  their  wives  as  mothers 
are  of  their  daughters,  and  you  would  ask  if  a  married  man 
could  not  have  a  little  fun  once  in  a  while.  I  answer  No. 
The  place  of  amusement  which  draws  a  man  away  from  his 
family  is  no  place  for  you.     Marriage  is  a  religion ;  there  arc 


MISCELLANEOUS   MATRIMONIAL  MATTERS.        183 

aaily  crosses  which  both  should  bear;  and  after  the  well-si)ent 
youth  comes  the  joy  of  middle  life,  and  with  the  joy  new 
cares  and  sorrows;  dear  ones  die,  dear  ones  grow  around  us ; 
by  and  by  comes  a  twinge  of  age,  and  we  remember  that  '  we 
all  do  fade  as  a  leaf.' 

"Do  you  see  any  meaning  in  all  this?  Be  not  hasty,  and  if 
you  ever  doubt  the  wisdom  of  any  step,  do  not  make  the  step. 
A-bove  all,  seek  true  wisdom,  till  you  find  it. 

**  It  is  not  for  Anna's  sake  that  I  write  thus,  it  is  for  the 
sake  of  yourself,  and  your  mother.  If  I  only  could  talk  to  you 
as  she  could.  I  went  to  see  her  grave  before  I  came  back 
here,  for  I  had  never  seen  where  they  laid  all  that  was  mortal 
of  her  who  was  so  excellent  a  friend,  and  daughter,  and  wife, 
and  a  mother.  Don't  seek  your  enjoyment  altogether  away 
from  home.  You  owe  it  to  them  all  to  be  a  confiding  brother 
and  son.  Love,  like  charity,  begins  at  home.  Go  to  see  Anna 
if  it  is  mutually  pleasant,  but  do  not  go  too  often.  And  act 
yourself  out  naturally ;  we  are  too  apt  to  wear  a  mask  in  love- 
making.  When  we  get  our  better  clothes  and  ride  away,  we 
are  apt  to  leave  some  of  our  naughty  self  at  home  with  the 
garments  of  sober  toil  and  vexation. 

"  Do  you  believe  that  ?  Now  tell  me  what  you  think  of  all 
I  have  said." 

A  Congratulatory  Letter. 

"My  dear  Friends — I  most  heartily  congratulate  you  on 
being  married.  But  in  your  joy  at  the  consummation  of  your 
wishes,  do  not  forget  that  your  happiness  both  here  and  here- 
after depends — O  how  much  ! — upon  each  other's  influence. 
An  unkind  word  or  look,  or  an  unintentional  neglect,  some- 
times leads  to  thoughts  which  ripen  into  the  ruin  of  body  and 
Boul.  A  spirit  of  forbearance,  patience,  and  kindness,  and  a 
determination  to  keep  the  chain  of  love  bright,  are  likely  to 
develop  corresponding  qualities,  and  to  make  the  rough 
places  of  life  smooth  and  pleasant.  Have  you  ever  reflected 
periously  that  it  is  in  the  power  of  either  of  you  to  make  the 
other  utterly  miserable?  And  when  the  storms  and  trials  of 
life  come,  for  come  they  will,  how  much  either  of  you  can  do 


184  WEDLOCK. 

to  calm,  to  elevate,  to  pni-ify  the  troubled  spirit  of  the  other 
and  substitute  sunshine  for  the  storm?  How  much  of  the 
happiness  or  unhappiness  of  home  depends  on  the  disposition  ? 
Home, — how  many  associations  Avith  it !  How  the  lonely  and 
l)ereaved  heart  yearns  for  it !  How  it  rises  in  remembrance 
when  the  sands  of  life  are  nearly  run,  and  the  sun  is  just  set- 
ting- ! 

"  I  can  not  look  upon  marriage  in  the  light  in  which  many 
seem  to  regard  it, — merely  as  a  convenient  arrangement  in 
society.  To  persons  of  benevolence,  intelligence,  and  refine- 
ment, it  must  be  something  more, — the  source  of  the  greatest 
possible  happiness  or  of  the  most  abject  misery, — no  half-way 
felicity.  In  your  case  the  prospect  appears  as  bright  as  can 
be  expected  under  any  circumstances.  You  have  not  had  the 
folly  to  discard  common  sense.  You  have  endeavored  to 
study  charitably  and  carefully  the  peculiarities  of  each  other's 
habits,  dispositions,  and  principles,  and  to  anticipate  somewhat 
the  inconveniences  to  which  they  may  lead.  And  as  you  are 
determined  to  outdo  each  other  in  making  personal  sacrifices, 
and  to  live  by  the  spirit  of  the  Saviour,  you  have  laid  a  foun- 
dation for  happiness  which  it  is  not  likely  will  be  shaken  by 
the  joys  or  sorrows,  the  prosperity  or  adversity,  the  riches 
or  poverty,  or  by  the  frowns  or  flattery,  of  the  world. 

"I  need  not  tell  you  how  many  or  how  warm  hearts  are  in- 
terested in  your  welfare,  nor  how  many  wishes  and  prayers 
are  uttered  for  your  happiness.  ISTow  do  not  be  so  selfish  in 
your  enjoyment  as  never  to  let  any  one  share  it  with  you,  but 
write  often,  that  all  of  us  may  be  partakers  also.  Farewell 
God  bless  you  I  May  the  rainbow  of  promise  never  set  on 
your  prospects  till  you  form  a  purer  union  with  angels ! " — 
John  L.  Sibley. 

Whom  do  Great  Men  Marry? 

Women,  of  course.  But  they  show  the  same  diversity  of 
taste  that  is  seen  in  the  lower  ranks,  and  on  the  whole  make 
worse  mistakes.  They,  however,  generally  show  the  same 
sense  in  choosing  wives  that  they  show  in  managing  other 
people's  affairs,  whether  it  be  good  or  bad. 


MISCELLANEOUS  MATRIMONLiL  MATTERS.        185 

John  Howard,  the  crreat  philanthropist,  married  his  nurse 
She  was  altogether  beneath  him  in  social  life  and  intellectual 
capacity,  and  besides  this,  was  fifty-two  years  old  while  ho 
was  but  tw^enty-five.  He  would  not  take  "  No  "  for  an  answer, 
and  they  were  married,  and  lived  happily  together  until  her 
death,  which  occurred  two  years  afterward. 

Peter  the  Great,  of  Russia,  married  a  peasant  girl.  She 
made  an  excellent  wife  and  a  sagacious  empress.  Humboldt 
married  a  poor  girl  because  he  loved  her.  Of  course  they 
were  happy. 

Shakspeare  loved  and  wed  a  farmer's  daughter.  She  was 
faithful  to  her  vows,  but  we  could  hardly  say  tlie  same  of  the 
gi-eat  bard  himself  Like  most  of  the  great  poets,  he  showed 
too  little  discrimination  in  bestowing  his  affection  on  the 
other  sex. 

Byron  married  Miss  Milbank  to  get  money  to  pay  his  debts. 
It  turned  out  a  bad  shift. 

Robert  Burns  married  a  farm  girl  with  whom  he  fell  in 
love  while  they  worked  together  in  the  plow-field.  He,  too, 
w^as  irregular  in  his  life,  and  committed  the  most  serious  mis- 
takes in  conducting  his  domestic  affairs. 

Milton  married  the  daughter  of  a  country  squire,  but  lived 
with  her  but  a  vshort  time.  He  was  an  austere,  exacting, 
literary  recluse ;  while  she  was  a  rosy,  romping  country  lass 
that  could  not  endure  the  restraint  imposed  upon  her,  and  so 
they  separated.  Subsequently,  however,  she  returned,  and 
they  lived  tolerably  happy. 

Queen  Victoria  and  Prince  Albert  were  cousins,  and  about 
the  only  example  in  the  long  line  of  English  monarchs  wherein 
the  marital  vows  were  sacredly  observed  and  sincere  affection 
existed. 

Washington  married  a  widow  with  two  children.  It  is 
enough  to  say  of  her  that  she  was  worthy  of  him,  and  that 
they  lived  as  married  folks  should,  in  perfect  harmony.  John 
Adams  married  the  daughter  of  a  Presbyterian  clergyman. 
Her  father  objected  on  account  of  John's  being  a  lawyer;  he 
had  a  bad  opinion  of  the  morals  of  the  profession. 

Thomas  Jefferson  married  Mrs.  Martha  Skelton,  a  childless 


186  WEDLOCK. 

widow,  but  she  brought  him  a  large  fortune  in  real  estate. 
After  the  ceremony  she  mounted  the  horse  bchijd  him  and 
they  rode  home  together.  It  was  late  in  the  evening,  and 
they  found  the  fire  out.  But  the  great  statesman  bustled 
around  and  rebuilt  it,  while  she  seized  the  broom  and  soon  put 
things  in  order.  It  is  needless  to  say  that  they  were  hajDpy, 
though  Jefferson  died  a  poor  man  on  account  of  his  extreme 
liberality  and  hospitality. 

Benjamin  Franklin  married  the  girl  who  stood  in  hor  father's 
door  and  lausjhed  at  him  as  he  wandered  throusfh  the  streets 
of  Philadelphia  with  rolls  of  bread  under  his  arms,  and  his 
pockets  filled  with  dirty  clothes  She  had  occasion  to  be 
happy  when  she  found  herself  the  v/ife  of  such  a  great  and 
good  man. 

It  is  not  generally  known  that  Andrew  Jackson  married  a 
lady  whose  husband  was  still  living.  She  was  an  educated 
but  amiable  woman,  and  was  most  devotedly  attached  to  the 
old  warrior  and  statesman,  who,  with  all  his  roughness  and 
Bternncss,  was  a  tender  and  faithful  husband. 

John  C.  Calhoun  married  his  cousin,  and  their  children 
were  neither  diseased  nor  idiotic,  but  they  do  not  evince  the 
talent  of  the  great  "States'  rights"  advocate. 

Edward  Lytton  Bulwer,  the  English  statesman  and  novelist, 
married  a  girl  much  his  inferior  in  position,  and  got  a  shrew 
for  a  wife.     She  is  now  insane. 

Gen.  Sam  Houston  lived  happily  with  a  squaw  wife.  Ed- 
win Forrest,  the  great  tragedian,  married  a  beautiful  actress, 
from  whom  he  was  divorced.  Gen.  Fremont  married  the 
daughter  of  Thomas  H.  Benton,  against  the  latter's  wish, 
which  obliged  him  to  elope  with  her  on  a  stormy  night.  The 
union  proved  a  happy  one  in  spite  of  the  squally  beginning. 
Horace  Greeley  married  a  schoolmistress  whose  sense  and 
goodness  satisfied  him. 

Gen.  Sherman  married  the  daughter  of  Thomas  Ewing,  of 
Ohio,  who  was  a  member  of  Gen.  Taylor's  cabinet.  This 
alone  would  have  been  a  good  start  in  life  for  any  young  man. 
Jeff.  Davis,  for  his  first  wife,  won  the  hand  of  Zachary  Tay- 
lor's daughter ;  and  Gen.  Grant  married  a  Miw*  Pent,  of  St, 


MISCELLANEOUS  MATRIMONIAL  MATTERS.        tST 

LoiLS.     She  apparently  has  more  sense  than  slow,  and  is 
therefore  fit  for  a  President's  wife. 

One  of  the  Girls  of  the  Period. 

*'  She  lies  abed  in  the  morning,  until  nearly  the  hour  of  noon, 
Then  comes  down  snapping  and  snarling  because  she  was  called  so 

soon. 
Her  hair  is  still  in  the  papers,  her  cheeks  all  dabbled  with  paint, 
Remains  of  her  last  night's  blushes  before  she  intended  to  faint. 
She  dotes  upon  men  unshaven,  and  men  with  the  '  flowing  hair ;' 
She's  eloquent  over  mustaches,  they  give  such  a  foreign  air. 
She  talks  of  Italian  music,  and  falls  in  love  with  the  moon. 
And  if  but  a  mouse  should  meet  her,  she  sinks  away  in  a  swoon. 

Her  feet  are  so  very  little,  her  hands  are  so  very  white, 
Her  jewels  so  very  heavy,  and  her  head  is  so  very  light. 
Her  color  is  made  of  cosmetics,  though  this  she  never  will  own ; 
Her  body's  made  mostly  of  cotton,  her  heart  is  made  wholly  of  stonft 
She  falls  in  love  with  a  fellow,  who  swells  with  a  foreign  air ; 
He  marries  her  for  her  money — she  marries  him  for  his  hair ; 
One  of  the  very  best  matches — both  are  well  suited  in  life, 
She's  got  a  fool  for  a  husband,  and  he's  got  a  fool  for  a  wife." 

Something  to  Do. 

In  America  we  have  no  idle  class.  Every  one  who  is  able 
to  do  anything  is  expected  to  have  a  business  of  some  kind — 
to  perform  some  useful  service.  Certain  families  become 
wealthy  either  through  their  own  exertions  or  by  inheritance, 
BO  that  their  own  necessities  do  not  compel  them  to  labor,  but 
custom  and  the  spirit  of  our  institutions  require  them  to  con 
tinue  in  their  business,  or  engage  in  some  pursuit  calculated 
to  benefit  society  and  their  country ;  and  the  Christian  relig- 
ion, as  well  as  the  fact  that  we  grow  in  bodily  strength, 
health,  and  in  mental  capacity  by  exercise,  demands  that  we 
be  constantly  and  fully  occupied.  We  should  wear  out  in 
action,  not  rust  out  in  indolence.  If  there  be  more  matri- 
monial felicity  in  this  than  in  monarchical  countries,  may  it 
not  be  attributed  to  the  fact  that  here  every  one  has  some- 
thing to  do,  while  there,  the  aristocracy  live  comparatively 
idle  lives.  Is  it  not  a  fact  that  the  Satan  of  our  unregulated 
nro Densities,  kent  under  control  by  the   active   and  indus- 


188  WEDLOCK. 

tiiotis,  gains  ready  ascendancy  over  the  indolent  and,  surely 

"  Finds  some  mischief  still 
For  idle  hands  to  do?" 

In  marriage,  as  in  single  life,  those  who  are  most  fully  oc- 
cupied are  always  happiest.  We  do  not  mean  constant 
drudgery — the  life  of  the  treadmill — but  healthful  and  useful 
activity  in  some  honorable  pursuit,  such  as  will  contiibute  to 
tlie  strength  of  the  body  and  the  clearness  and  vigor  of  the 
mind.  An  hour  among  the  flowers,  shrubbery,  and  fruits  of 
the  garden,  feeding  the  chickens,  the  birds,  the  lambs,  or 
looking  after  somebody's  poor  children — what  an  appetizer 
these  things  would  be  to  any  young  lady  of  wealth,  and  how 
much  more  healthful  than  yawning  in  bed  till  noon  !  Besides, 
when  thus  occupied,  there  is  no  time  to  nurse  seltish  jealousies, 
indulge  wild  fancies,  or  give  way  to  morbid  imaginations ; 
and  domestic  tranquillity  would  often  be  secured  where  it  is 
not  now,  simply  by  having  something  to  do. 
"  To  train  the  foliage  o'er  the  sunny  lawn ; 

To  guide  the  pencil,  turn  the  tuneful  page  ; 

To  lend  new  flavor  to  the  fruitful  year, 

And  heighten  nature's  dainties  ;  in  their  race 

To  rear  the  graces  into  second  life ; 

To  give  society  its  highest  taste ; 

Well-ordered  homes,  man's  best  delight,  to  make, 

With  every  care-eluding  art, 

And  by  submissive  wisdom,  modest  skill, 

To  raise  the  virtues,  animate  the  bliss, 

And  sweeten  afl  the  toils  of  human  life ; 

This  be  the  female  dignity  and  praise." 

Hotel  and  Club  Life. 
The  gregarious  life  of  our  great  hotels,  for  which  so  many 
abandon  the  quiet  and  comfort  of  home,  is  not  favorable  to 
matrimonial  happiness.  The  domestic  faculties  should  all 
have  the  necessary  facilities  to  work  together  harmoniously. 
Connubial  love  and  family  affections  imply  a  home  in  which 
they  are  to  be  exercised — a  domestic  altar  and  a  sacred 
hearth-stone.  The  semi-public  life  of  a  hotel  does  not  furnish 
these,  while  it  holds  out  a  thousand  temptations  to  fashion 
able  dissipation,  late  hours,  and  immoral  associations. 


MISCELLANEOUS   MAT1UM0XL\L  MATTERS.       lvS9 

Our  club-rooms  and  secret  societies,  open  to  men  alone,  are 
also  unfavorable  to  domestic  happiness  and  to  the  moi-als  of 
the  stronger  sex.  They  withdraw  husbands  from  the  re- 
straints of  home,  and  allow  their  perverted  appetites  to  get 
the  ascei/dency.  In  such  places  they  use  language  less  i-eiincc 
than  at  home;  they  indulge  their  appetites  more  grossly: 
they  smoke  and  drink,  and,  pei'haps,  gamble;  none  of  whitli 
would  be  thought  of  were  their  wives  and  daughters  presenu 
We  would  discountenance  all  such  assemblies  where  ladies 
may  not  also  be  present. 

Husbands  and  wives  go  to  church,  to  lecture-rooms,  to  con- 
cert-halls, and  to  other  places  together ;  why  not  every- 
where? If  husbands  would  secure  their  own  highest  enjoy- 
ment through  life,  let  them  continue  as  much  as  possible  in 
the  society  of  their  own  wives;  and  if  wives  would  keep  up 
in  the  march  of  intellect,  in  growth  of  mind,  and  become 
one  in  interest  with  their  husbands,  let  them  take  part  in 
their  labors  (through  sympathy,  at  least),  in  their  cares,  in 
their  pleasures,  in  their  hopes,  in  their  prayers,  and  in  theii 
faith  in  God,  and  the  realities  of  that  immortality  which  thej 
aspire  to  share  with  them. 

Conjugal  Resemblances. 

That  husbands  and  wives  who  have  lived  long  and  in  true 
love  relations  with  each  other  often  look  alike,  as  well  as  to 
assimilate  in  character,  has  often  been  remarked,  though  the 
spiritual  law  which  governs  this  gradual  but  certain  approxi- 
mation of  kindred  beings  to  each  other  has  seldom  been  ex- 
plained, or  even  thought  of,  in  coimection  with  the  phenctm- 
enon.  This  mysterious  conjugal  resemblance  is  admirably 
illustrated  in  the  following  sketch,  from  the  pen  of  Dr.  Dixon, 
of  this  city : 

"  Many  years  ago,  when  pursuing  our  thankless  task  of  visit- 
ing the  sick  in  the  highways  and  byways  of  the  city,  Ave  used 
to  meet  an  aged  couple  walking  arm-in-arm  down  one  of  our 
main  streets,  and  always  engaged  in  cheerful  conversation. 
ITiis  was  the  more  remarkable,  for  they  were  evidently  very 
old,  and  though   scrupulously  clean,   very   poor.     The   man 


190  WEDLOCK. 

was  over  eighty,  and  the  woman  at  leait  seventy,  and  he  was 
completely  blind.  The  corneal  or  pellucid  part  of  both  eyes 
liaving  become  opaque  from  violent  inflammation,  one  of 
tnem  protruded,  being  what  surgeons  call,  in  their  nomencla- 
ture, staphylomatous.  Notwithstanding  this,  the  old  man 
was  actually  handsome.  His  other  features  were  noble  and 
placid.  He  was  evidently  a  gentleman  and  a  Christian.  That 
face  could  not  deceive.  His  companion  resembled  him  in  so 
remarkable  a  degree,  excepting  the  poor  eyes  (hers  were  large 
and  blue,  and  very  expressive,  as  she  evidently  saw  well, 
wearing  no  glasses),  as  to  induce  me  to  conclude  they  were 
sister  and  brother.  This  evident  devotion  to  each  other 
struck  a  sympathetic  chord  that  compelled  me  involuntarily, 
after  several  months'  notice  of  them  every  morning,  to  raise 
my  hat  and  bid  them  good-morning.  This  being  kindly 
returned,  in  due  time  begot  a  passing  remark  about  the 
weather.  Finally,  my  curiosity  could  wait  no  longer,  and, 
with  an  apology  for  the  freedom,  I  begged  him  to  tell  me 
whether  their  close  resemblance  in  features  indicated  the 
relationship  of  sister  and  brother.  I  shall  never  forget  the 
reply,  and  I  hope  no  young  couple  who  may  find  the  demon 
of  domestic  life  darken  their  early  love  will  fail  to  remember 
it.  Casting  his  sightless  orbs  upon  his  companion,  while 
every  other  feature  showed  the  soul  that  welled  up  in  his 
breast,  he  replied :  '  Why,  my  dear  sir,  she  is  my  wife.  We 
have  lived  together  nearly  fifty  years,  but  I  have  not  seen  her 
for  thirty.'  Then,  musing  a  moment — for  I  w^as  sorry  I  had 
asked  the  question,  and  was  silent — he  continued :  '  Well,  I 
have  heard  it  so  often,  it  must  be  so;  yet,  how  strange  it  is! 
for  when  I  first  knew  her  she  was  a  beautiful  young  creature, 
and  her  eyes  were  very  bright.  Dear  Sue,  can  it  be?  Do  I 
resemble  you?' 

"  Several  years  after,  when  I  had  removed  from  that  part  of 
the  city,  I  was  requested  to  see  a  poor  old  woman,  ill  with 
cholera,  whose  husband  h  id  died  that  morning.  In  a  north- 
em  suburb  of  the  city,  in  a  little  frame  house,  I  found  the 
dead  body  of  my  old  blind  friend,  decently  laid  out  by  the 
hands  of  kind  neighbors.     He  had  expired  that  morning.     In 


miscella:>eous  matrimonial  matters.     191 

the  front  room  (they  had  but  two)  hxy  his  dear  old  com- 
panion, ah-eady  nearly  pulseless.  She  knew  me  instantly, 
and  smiled  when  I  took  her  hand.  On  inquiry,  she  said  she 
had  no  pain,  but  felt  very  weak.  She  had  taken  her  bed  only 
that  morning.  There  was  actually  no  symptom  of  cholera,  noi 
indeed  any  other  disease.  The  shock  of  her  husband's  death 
w  as  too  much  for  her,  and  she  was  about  to  die  from  pure 
exhaustion.  I  gave  some  wine  and  ammonia,  which  the  kind 
friends  had  provided,  and  looked  round  the  neat  room.  On 
a  clean  little  pine  table,  spread  w4th  a  snowy  cloth,  lay  a 
Bible,  a  pair  of  old  silver  spectacles,  and  several  pairs  of 
shoes,  some  unbound.  They  told  the  story — poA^erty  and 
love,  industry  and  faith  in  God.  She  read  my  thoughts: 
'  You  said  we  looked  alike,'  she  whispered,  '  and  he  often 
spoke  of  it.  I  could  never  understand  it,  unless  it  was  be- 
cause I  thought  of  him  so  much.  He  was  very  patient,  doctor. 
Although  he  suffered  dreadfully,  he  only  seemed  to  murmur 
because  he  couldn't  see  me;  but  he  will  soon  see  me  now — 
soon,  very  soon.  Don't  you  think  so,  doctor?'  I  told  her  I 
thought  she  would  die,  but  I  could  not  say  how  soon.  We 
would  keep  the  body  as  long  as  possible.  'Thank  you,  doc- 
tor,' she  replied,  '  you  know  what  I  want.  Don't  separate 
us.'  I  assured  her  it  should  be  as  she  wished.  I  called  again 
the  same  day.  She  was  dead.  They  brought  the  dead  body 
to  her  bedside,  and  she  held  the  hand  in  hers  till  all  was  still. 
I  have  not  a  doubt  he  has  seen  her.  Such  love  could  only 
originate  and  end  in  heaven." 

EXTEAVAGANT  HaBITS. 

"The  first  step  toward  curing  an  evil,"  the  New  York 
TrVmne  says,  "  is  the  indication  of  its  cause.  If  it  be  true, 
as  we  continually  hear  it  repeated,  that  the  marriage  institu- 
tion is  coming  into  disrepute,  that  young  men  avoid  it,  that 
an  increasing  number  of  those  who  do  not  avoid  it  cease  to 
respect  its  laws  and  purposes,  and  undermine  its  foundations 
while  they  support  its  superstructure,  it  is  worth  while  to  ask 
what  there  is  in  our  modern  views  and  practices  to  encourage 
Buch  a  state  of  things;  for  there  must  be  something,  and 


192  WEDLOCK 

something  that  is  neither  local  nor  incidental.  The  common 
explanation  is,  that  our  extravagant  habits  of  life  render  mar- 
riage impossible  at  the  period  when  it  is  most  attractive  and 
desirable,  namely,  in  youtli.  In  a  word,  young  people  can  not 
aftbrd  to  marry.  Well,  if  they  can  not  afford  it,  they  will  net 
ilo  it,  as  a  rule.  We  all  know  that  weddings  are  few  in  har  I 
limes,  and  it  is  better  that  they  should  be.  It  is  certainly  a 
foolishness,  and  it  comes  very  near  being  a  crime,  to  incur  ex- 
traordinary and  indefinite  expense  when  ordinary  expenses 
are  only  too  heavy.  But  they  who  are  in  this  predicament 
are  seldom  in  it  for  a  long  time ;  and  while  they  are  in  it 
they  cast  no  despite  on  marriage.  They  would  marry  if  they 
could,  and  the  prudence  that  forbids  their  marrying  forbids 
their  living  unregulated  lives.  Most  of  those  who  practice 
selibacy  on  the  pretext  of  economy  are  persons  who  could 
afford  very  well  to  marry  if  they  would  be  content  to  begin 
life  with  simple,  honest,  wholesome  comfort,  to  be  increased 
as  life  went  on.  But  they  must  have  everything  at  once. 
They  must  start  where  their  parents  left  off.  They  must  dash 
away  at  top  speed,  with  horns  blowing,  and  streamers  flying, 
and  the  eyes  of  their  fashionable  friends  looking  admiringly 
on.  It  is  not  prudence  that  restrains  these  people.  It  is  not 
thrift  or  foresight.  It  is  simply  vanity.  They  love  their 
pleasure  too  much  to  forego  any  portion  of  it  for  the  satisfac- 
tion of  matrimony.  Love  in  a  cottage,  or  on  a  flat,  or  ofl* 
the  Avenue,  is  not  to  their  taste.  They  must  have  love  and 
an  establishment.  Moderation  and  matrimony  are  seldom 
incompatible.     Magnificence  and  matrimony  commonly  are. 

"  Extravagance,  no  doubt,  is  the  grand  foe  of  wedlock. 
But  extravagance  has  its  cause,  and  that  cause  is  the  love  of 
pleasure.  This  is  a  predominant  feature  of  our  society — not 
of  ours  peculiarly,  but  of  ours  more  universally  than  of  any 
other.  Matrimony  stands  immediately  in  the  way  of  this 
passion.  It  restricts  freedom ;  it  limits  the  range  of  desire ; 
it  divides  the  purse  ;  it  diminishes  the  means  of  indulgence ; 
..t  involves  thought  for  others ;  it  implies  care ;  it  suggests 
self-restraint  and  denial ;  all  very  unpleasant  things  for  bi'ight 
young  hearts  to  contemplate.    There  are  delights  to  be  given 


MISCELLANEOUS  MATRLAIONLVL  MATTERS.        103 

up,  and  llnngs  undelightful  to  be  accepted.  In  our  'u 
munity,  pleasure  is  open  to  all.  Everybody  aspires  to  opu 
leiiee,  if  he  does  not  have  it,  and  thinks  luxury  his  right.  Im- 
aginations are  heated,  and  desires  are  glowing,  opportunit} 
is  various,  and  gratificatioi>*  are  close  at  hand,  and  brilliant 
livers  set  the  example  which  is  infectious.  Tl  rough  all 
classes  wedlock  pulls  in  these  gaudy  kites.  Childbirth  is 
painful.  It  mars  beauty ;  it  destroys  bloom  ;  it  takes  away 
the  softness  of  the  flesh ;  it  renders  the  wife  less  attractive  to 
the  eye  than  the  mistress  was.  ^  The  mother  must  stay  at 
liome  in  the  nursery  instead  of  going  to  the  opera,  thf» 
theater,  or  the  ball.  She  must  watch  her  children  when  she 
would  rather  drive  with  her  husband,  and  must  hear  thcni 
cry  when  she  would  infinitely  prefer  hearing  him  read  or  talk. 
Children  are  expensive,  too  ;  the  more  of  them  there  are,  the 
fewer  bronzes  and  pictures.  There  must  be  the  fewer  laces 
and  jewels,  the  fewer  cloaks  and  hats,  the  fewer  journeys, 
the  fewer  dinners,  and  suppers,  and  merry-makings.  And  so 
childbirth  is  avoided,  if  possible  by  honest  means,  but,  these 
failing,  by  means  dishonest.  The  poor  find  the  door-steps  of 
the  rich  a  convenient*  substitute  for  foundling  hospitals  Avhei'e 
these  do  not  exist.  The  rich  find  other  less  cruel  means  ot* 
delivering  tliemselves  from  an  incumbrance  which  interferes 
with  the  enjoyment  of  their  existence.  These  enjoyments 
may  not  be  coarse  or  low ;  they  may  be  refined  and  intel- 
lectual;  but  whetlier  they  be  one  or  the  other,  they  are  en 
joyments,  and  are  prized  as  enjoyments.  And  as  enjoynu-nls 
they  have  the  eflect  to  render  distasteful  the  duties  and  cares 
of  married  life.  They  prevent  young  people  from  entering  into 
wedlock,  and  they  tempt  them,  having  entered  in,  to  abuse  it 

The  Dictates  of  Passiox. 

"But  behind  this  passion  for  pleasure  is  another  feeling 
^vhich  we  are  deeply  convinced  is  woi-king  against  the  insti- 
tution of  marriage.  We  call  it  a  feeling,  for  with  most  it  is 
little  more  than  a  feeling,  though  with  many  it  is  a  faith  and 
a  philosoply.  Faith,  philosophy,  feeling,  whichever  it  be,  it 
amounts  to  an  assertion  of  the  claims,  not  to  say  the  prerog- 

9 


lyi  WEDLOCK. 

atives,  of  instinct,  or  of  equal  sanctity  with  those  of  con* 
Bcience.  The  element  of  passion  has  come  into  honor;  and 
as  the  law  of  the  passions  is  lawlessness,  it  is  not  strange  that 
it  sliould  inaugurate  its  new  dispensation  by  spoken  as 
^A'ell  as  unspoken  protest  against  an  institution  whose  de- 
sign and  efifect  is  to  submit  the  strongest  of  all  the  passions  to 
regulation  by  calling  in  the  authority  of  the  State  and  tbe 
decree  of  the  Church  to  sustain  its  pretensions.  All  institu- 
tions and  usages  are  assailed  by  these  powers  of  license  with 
vehemence  proportioned  to  their  antiquity  and  their  repress- 
ive character.  But  no  institution  confronts  instinct  so 
directly  and  so  imperiously  as  this  institution  of  matrimony. 
The  doctrine  of  elective  affinities  meets  with  no  mercy  ^t  its 
hands ;  and  the  disciples  of  the  doctrine  are  summarily  con- 
signed to  the  worst  perdition  it  has  at  its  disposal.  One 
wife,  and  absolute  fidelity  to  her,  '  in  sickness  and  in  health, 
in  sorrow  and  in  joy,  for  richer  for  poorer,  for  better  for 
worse,'  is  the  matrimonial  requirement,  and  a  very  hard  re- 
quirement it  is  for  eager,  craving,  restless,  fickle  human 
nature  to  acquiesce  in.  Attraction  does  not  pull  steadily  in 
such  long  and  narrow  ways.  The  charm  of  variety  makes 
itself  felt.  Stolen  delights  will  be  snatched  at  when  possible, 
and  quick-witted  imaginations  will  always  be  ready  with 
good  reasons  for  seizing  and  enjoying  them.  There  is  a  rush 
for  Indiana.  There  are  long  files  of  divorce  cases;  separa- 
tions are  frequent,  and  concubinage,  outside  of  wedlock  and 
inside  of  it,  is  so  common  that  it  is  rarely  mentioned.  There 
is  no  denying  or  concealing  the  fact  that,  under  our  principle 
of  liberty,  which  adopts  human  nature,  the  lower  elements  in 
it,  which  have  from  time  immemorial  been  repressed  by  ar- 
bitrary rule,  make  bold  to  arraign  the  rule  that  has  repressed 
them,  and  insist  on  their  right  to  obey  their  own  law  of 
impulse,  regardless  of  consequences.  Oneida  communities 
and  such  like  experiments  are  legitimate  outgrowths  from 
this  slimy  region  of  our  theory — and  they  have  their  genteel 
parallels  in  civilized  society — which  will  practice  what  it  will 
never  avow.  It  is  a  phase  of  our  social  experience  whicli  we 
»nust  pass  through,  very  disagreeable,  very  disgusting,  very 


MISCELLANEOUS  MATRIMONIAL  MATTERS.       195 

alarming,  but  incidental  after  all,  and  transient.  We  have 
no  fear  that  marriage  is  about  to  be  abolished.  It  has  too 
many  friends  among  the  wise  and  prudent  to  be  exposed  to  a 
dangerous  peril" 

A  Love  Story  with  a  Moral. 

I.  Asking  Pa. — "And  so  you  want  to  marry  my  daughter, 
young  man?"  said  farmer  Bilkins,  looking  at  the  young  fel- 
low sharply  from  head  to  toes. 

Despite  his  rather  indolent,  effeminate  air,  which  was  mainly 
the  result  of  his  education,  Luke  Jordan  was  a  fine-looking 
fellow,  and  not  easily  moved  from  his  self-possession ;  but  he 
colored  and  grew  confused  beneath  that  sharp,  scrutinizing 
gaze. 

"  Yes,  sir ;  I  spoke  to  Miss  Mary  last  night,  and  she  referred 
me  to  you." 

The  old  man's  face  softened. 

"  Molly  is  a  good  girl,  a  very  good  girl,"  he  said,  stroking 
his  chin  with  a  thoughful  air,  "and  she  deserves  a  good  hus- 
band.    What  can  you  do  ?  " 

The  young  man  looked  rather  blank  at  this  abrupt  inquiry. 

"  If  you  refer  to  my  abilities  to  support  a  wife,  I  can  aseurc 
you — " 

"  I  know  that  you  are  a  rich  man,  Luke  Jordan,  but  I  take  it 
for  granted  that  you  ask  my  girl  to  marry  yow,  not  your  prop- 
erty. What  guarantee  can  you  give  me,  in  case  it  should  be 
swept  away,  as  it  is  in  thousands  of  instances,  that  you  could 
provide  for  her  a  comfortable  home  ?  You  have  hands  and 
brains — do  you  know  how  to  use  them?    What  can  you  do?" 

This  was  a  style  of  catechism  for  which  Luke  was  quite  un- 
pre})ared,  and  he  stared  blandly  at  the  questioner  without 
gpeaking. 

"I  believe  you  managed  to  get  through  college — have  you 
any  profession  ?  " 

"  No,  sir  ;  I  thought — " 

"  Have  you  any  trade  ?  " 

"No,  sir;  my  father  thought  that  with  the  wealth  I  should 
inherit  I  should  not  need  any." 


190  WEDLOCK. 

"  Your  father  thought  like  a  fool,  then.  He'd  much  bettor 
have  given  you  some  honest  occupation  and  cut  you  off  with 
a  shilling — it  might  have  been  the  making  of  you.  As  it  is, 
what  are  you  fit  for?  Here  you  are,  a  strong,  able-bodied 
young  man,  twenty-four  years  old,  and  never  earned  a  dollar 
in  your  life  !  You  ought  to  be  ashamed  of  yourself.  And  you 
want  to  many  my  daughter.  Now,  I've  given  Molly  as  good 
advantages  for  learning  as  any  girl  in  town,  and  she  hasn't 
thrown  'em  away;  but  if  she  didn't  know  how  to  work,  she'd 
be  no  daughter  of  mine.  If  I  choose,  I  could  keep  more  than 
one  servant;  but  I  don't,  no  more  than  I  choose  that  my 
daughter  should  be  a  pale,  spiritless  creature,  full  of  dyspepsia, 
and  all  sorts  of  fine-lady  ailments,  instead  of  the  smiling, 
bi'ight-eyed,  rosy-checked  lass  she  is.  I  did  say  that  she 
should  not  marry  a  lad  that  had  been  cursed  with  a  rich  father ; 
but  she  has  taken  a  foolish  liking  for  you,  and  I'll  tell  you 
what  I'll  do ;  go  to  work,  and  prove  yourself  to  be  a  man  ; 
perfect  yourself  in  some  occupation — I  don't  care  what,  if  it 
be  honest — then  come  to  me,  and,  if  the  girl  be  willing,  she 
shall  be  yours." 

As  the  old  man  said  this  he  deliberately  rose  fi'ora  the  settle 
of  the  porch  and  went  into  the  house. 

II.  Maey  will  Wait. — Pretty  Mary  Bilkins  was  waiting 
to  see  her  lover  down  at  the  garden  gate,  their  usual  trysting- 
place.  The  smiling  light  faded  from  her  eyes  as  she  noticed 
his  sober,  discomfited  look. 

"Father  means  well,"  she  said,  as  Luke  told  her  the  result 
of  liis  application.  "And  I'm  not  sure  but  he's  about  right, 
for  it  seems  to  me  that  every  man,  rich  or  poor,  ough*  to  have 
«ome  occupation." 

Then,  as  she  noticed  her  lover's  grave  look,  she  said,  softly, — 

"  Never  mind, — I'll  wait  for  you,  Luke." 

Luke  Jordan  suddenly  disappeared  from  his  accustomed 
haunts,  much  to  the  surprise  of  his  gay  associates.  But  wher- 
ever he  went,  he  carried  with  him  those  words  which  were 
like  a  tower  of  strength  to  his  soul :  "  I'll  wait  for  you,  Luke." 

HI.  A  Trade. — One  pleasant,  sunshiny  morning,  late  in 
October,  as  farmer  Bilkins  was  propping  up  the  grapevine  in 


MISCELLANEOUS  MATRBIONIAL  LETTERS.        197 

his  front  yard,  that  tlireatened  to  break  down  with  the  weight 
of  its  liixurioi/s  burden,  a  neat-looking  cart  drove  up,  from 
uhich  Luke  Jordan  alighted  with  a  quick,  elastic  step,  quite 
in  contrast  with  his  formerly  easy,  leisurely  movements. 

"  Good -morning,  Mr.  Bilkins.  I  understood  that  you  wanted 
to  buy  some  butter  tubs  and  flour  barrels.  I  think  I  have 
some  that  will  just  suit  you." 

"Whose  make  are  they?"  asked  the  old  man,  as,  opening 
the  gate,  he  paused  by  the  wagon. 

"  Mine,"  replied  Luke,  with  an  air  of  pardonable  pride. 

Mr.  Bilkins  examined  them  one  by  one. 

"  They'll  do,"  he  said,  coolly,  as  he  set  down  the  last  of  the 
lot.     What  will  ye  take  for  them?" 

*'What  I  asked  you  for  six  months  ago  to-day — your 
daughter,  sir." 

The  roguish  twinkle  in  the  old  man's  eyes  broadened  into 
a  smile. 

"You've  got  the  right  metal  in  you,  after  all,"  he  cried, 
"  Come  in,  lad — come  in.  I  shouldn't  wonder  if  w^e  made  a 
trade  after  all." 

Nothing  loth,  Luke  obeyed. 

"  Molly  ! "  bawled  Mr.  Bilkins,  thrusting  his  head  into  the 
kitchen  door. 

lY.  EntePw  Molly. — Molly  tripped  out  into  the  entry. 
The  round  white  arms  were  bared  above  the  elbows  and  bore 
traces  of  the  flour  she  had  been  sifting.  Her  dress  was  a  neat 
gingham,  over  which  was  tied  a  blue  checked  apron ;  but  she 
looked  as  winning  and  lovely  as  she  always  did  wherever  she 
was  found. 

She  blushed  and  blushed  and  smiled  as  she  saw  Luke,  and 
tijcn,  turning  her  eyes  upon  her  father,  waited  dutifully  to  hear 
what  he  had  to  say. 

The  old  man  regarded  his  daughter  for  a  moment  with  a 
quizzical  look. 

"Moll,  this  young  man — mayhap  you've  seen  hira  before — 
has  brought  me  a  lot  of  tubs  and  barrels,  all  of  his  own  make 
—a  right  good  article,  too.  He  asks  a  pretty  steep  piice  for 
Vm,  but  if  you  are  willing  to  give  it,  well  and  good;  and 


1  3  ^  WEDLOCK. 

hark  yc,  my  girl,  whatever  bargain  you  make,  your  fathei 
will  latiry." 

As  Mr.  Bilkins  said  this  he  considerately  stepped  out  t 
the  room,  and  we  will  follow  his  example.     But  the  kind  of 
bargain  the  young  people  mnde  can  be  readily  conjectured  by 
the  speedy  wedding  that  followed. 

Luke  Jordan  turned  his  attention  to  the  study  of  medicine^ 
of  Avhich  profession  he  became  a  useful  and  influential  mem 
ber;  but  every  year,  on  the  anniversary  of  his  marriage,  li* 
delights  his  mother-in-law  by  some  specimens  of  the  ha\idi- 
craft  by  which  he  won  what  he  declares  to  be  the  bett  and 
dearest  wife  in  the  world. 

Growing  Old  Together — Beauit  of  Age 

"  The  most  beautiful  face  that  ever  was,"  Aloxandei  Smith 
Bays,  "  is  made  yet  more  beautiful  when  there  is  laid  upon  it 
the  reverence  of  silver  hairs.  Men  and  women  make  their 
own  beauty  or  their  own  ugliness.  Sir  Edward  Bulwer  Lyt- 
ton  speaks  in  one  of  his  novels  of  a  man  '  who  was  uglier  than 
he  had  any  business  to  be ; '  and,  if  we  could  but  read  it,  every 
human  being  carries  his  life  in  his  face,  and  is  good-looking, 
or  the  reverse,  as  that  life  has  been  good  or  evil.  On  our 
features  the  fine  chisels  of  thought  and  emotion  are  eternally 
at  work.  Beauty  is  not  the  monopoly  of  blooming  young 
men  and  white-and-pink  maids.  There  is  a  slow-growing 
beauty  which  only  comes  to  perfection  in  old  age.  Grace  be- 
longs to  no  period  of  life,  and  goodness  improves  the  longer 
it  exists.  I  have  seen  sweeter  smiles  on  a  lip  of  seventy  than 
I  ever  saw  on  a  lip  of  seventeen.  There  is  the  beauty  of 
youth,  and  there  is  also  the  beauty  of  holiness — a  beauty  much 
more  seldom  met ;  and  more  frequently  found  in  the  arm-chair 
by  the  fire,  with  grandchildren  around  his  knee,  than  in  the 
ball-room  or  the  promenade.  Husband  and  wife 'who  have 
fought  the  world  side  by  side,  who  have  made  common  stock 
of  j^y.  Of  sorrow,  and  aged  together,  are  not  unfrequently 
found  curiously  alike  in  personal  appearance  and  in  pitch  and 
tone  of  voice — just  as  twin  pebbles  on  the  beach,  exprsed  to 
the  same  tidal  influences,  are  each  other's  alier  ego.     He  baa 


MISCELLANEOUS  MATRIMONIAL   MATTERS.      1^9 

gained  a  feminine  something  which  brings  his  manhood  into 
full  relief.  She  has  gained  a  masculine  something  which  acts 
as  a  foil  to  her  womanhood.  Beautiful  are  they  in  life,  those 
pale  winter  roses,  and  in  death  they  will  not  be  divided. 
When  death  comes,  he  will  not  pluck  one,  but  both." 

Don't  Marry  a  Drunkard. 

There  is  no  more  important  problem  in  medical  science 
than  that  of  the  production  of  physical  degeneracy  in  children, 
by  the  intemperance  of  parents,  and  it  is  one  peculiarly  ap- 
propriate for  discussion  at  the  present  time.  The  London 
Lancet  says :  "  A  novel  point  in  the  consideration  of  this 
(Subject  was  lately  brought  under  the  notice  of  the  Patholog- 
ical Society,  by  Dr.  Langdon  Down.  This  gentleman  ex- 
hibited a  case  of  arrest  of  development  and  growth  in  a  child 
five  years  of  age,  who  had  only  the  intellectual  condition  of 
one  of  nine  months.  She  weighed  22  lbs.,  and  measured  2  ft 
3  in.  There  was  no  deformity,  but  the  child  preserved  its  in 
fantile  character.  Dr.  Down  called  attention  to  this  case  as  a 
typical  one  of  a  species  of  degeneracy  of  which  he  had  seen 
several  examples.  They  all  possessed  the  same  physical  and 
mental  peculiarities ;  they  formed,  in  fact,  a  natural  family. 
He  had  known  them  to  live  to  twenty-two  years,  still  remain- 
ing permanent  infants — symmetrical  in  form,  just  able  to  stand 
by  the  side  of  a  chair,  to  utter  a  few  monosyllabic  sounds,  and 
to  be  amused  with  childish  toys.  Dr.  Down  (who  naturally, 
from  lai-ge  and  rare  experience  gained  at  Earlsworth,  speaks 
with  peculiar  authority  on  such  a  matter)  had  found  so  close 
a  resemblance  between  the  instances,  even  to  the  extent  of 
facial  expression  and  contour,  that  he  had  been  led  to  regard 
this  variety  of  degeneracy  to  have  unity  of  cause.  In  several 
cases  he  had  had  strong  grounds  for  holding  the  opinion  that 
these  children  were  procreated  duiing  the  alcoholic  intoxica- 
tion of  one  or  both  progenitors.  In  the  case  presented  to  the 
Society,  there  were  no  antecedent  hereditary  causes  of  de- 
generacy to  be  discovered.  The  first  child  was  healthy;  then 
the  husband  became  an  habitual  drunkard,  and  there  is  reason 
to  believe  that  the  second  and  third  children  were  begotten 


200  WEDLOCK, 

during  intoxication,  and  they  were  both  cases  of  this  peculiar 
arrest  of  gro\vth  and  development.  The  husband  then  entered 
on  an  industrious  and  sober  career,  and  the  fourth  child,  no\V 
fifteen  months  old,  is  bright  and  normal  in  every  respect. 
Dr.  Down  pointed  out  that  these  cases  were  an  entirely  dif- 
feient  class  from  those  which  arise  from  being  the  ofFspiing 
of  parents  who  had  become  degenerate  from  chronic  alcohol- 
ism. The  question  here  broached  is  a  very  important  one  foi 
the  physician  and  the  philanthropist." 


A  YouxG  Lady's  Soliloquy. 

Uselessly,  aimlessly  drifting  through  life, 

What  was  I  born  for  ?    "  For  somebody's  wife," 

I  am  told  by  ray  mother.    Well,  that  being  true, 

"  Somebody"  keeps  himself  strangely  from  view. 

And  if  naught  but  marriage  will  settle  my  fate, 

/  believe  I  shall  die  in  an  unsettled'  state. 

For,  thougli  I'm  not  ugly — pray,  what  woman  is? — 

You  might  easily  find  a  more  beautiful  phiz ; 

And  then,  as  for  temper  and  manners,  'tis  plain 

He  who  seeks  for  perfection  will  seek  here  in  vain. 

Nay,  in  spite  of  these  drawbacks,  my  heart  is  perverse, 

And  I  should  not  feel  grateful,  "  for  better  or  worse," 

To  take  the  first  booby  that  graciously  came 

And  offered  those  treasures — his  home  and  his  name. 

I  think,  then,  my  chances  of  marriage  are  small; 

But  why  should  I  think  of  such  chances  at  all  ? 

My  brothers  are  all  of  them  younger  than  1,  ■ 

Yet  they  thrive  in  the  world — why  not  let  me  try? 

I  know  that  in  business  I'm  not  an  adept, 

Because  from  such  matters  most  strictly  I'm  kept 

But — this  is  the  question  that  puzzles  my  mind — 

Why  am  /not  trained  up  to  work  of  some  kind  ? 

Uselessly,  aimlessly  drifting  through  life. 

Why  should  I  wait  to  be  "  Somebody's  wife  ?  "  * 

•  This  young  lady's  question  is  a  pertinent  one ;  and  though  her  mother  is  qnlt« 
right,  no  doubt,  in  regard  to  her  proper  destiny,  there  is  no  good  reason  tvhy  she 
Bhonld  hi;  "  drifting  about"  in  the  way  described,  waiting  for  "somebody"  to  turn 
np.  She  shcnild  set  herself  resolutely  to  work  at  something.  Show  her  ability  to 
rake  care  ol  herself,  and,  ten  to  one.  "somebody"  will  very  kindly  "propose"  to 
pave  her  the  trouble,  by  "engaging"  her  to  take  care  of  Jiim!  We  advise  all  those 
fnir  ones  similarly  situated  to  try  it. 


JSnSCELLAA'EOUS  MATRIMONIAL  MATTERS.       201 

Burton's  Reasons  for  Maeriaoe. 

In  Burton's  "Anatomy  of  Melancholy  "  there  are  twelve 
reasons  in  favor  of  marriage,  of  which  the  tirst  six  are  as  fol- 
lows : — 

1.  Hast  thou  means  ?   Thou  hast  one  to  keep  and  increase  it. 

2.  Hast  none?    Thou  hast  one  to  help  to  get  it. 

3.  Art  in  prosperity?    Tliine  happiness  is  doubled. 

4.  Art  in  adversity?  She'll  comfort,  assist,  bear  a  part  of 
thy  burden,  to  make  it  more  tolerable. 

5.  Art  at  home?     She'll  drive  away  melancholy. 

6.  Art  abroad  ?  She  looks  after  thee  going  from  home, 
wishes  for  thee  in  thine  absence,  and  joyfully  avcI comes  thy 
return. 

At  avhat  Age  they  Married. 

Should  question  arise  about  the  right  age  for  marrying 
(though  the  devoted  pair  generally  fancy  they  know  all  about 
that  point  better  than  any  outsiders),  the  novelist  can  plead 
precedent  by  selecting  some  one  of  the  various  examples  here- 
to annexed : 

"People  about  to  marry,  who  wish  to  know  the  proper  age, 
are  referred  to  the  following  examples :  Adam  and  Eve,  0  ; 
Shakspeare,  18;  Ben  Jonson,  21 ;  Benj.  Fi-anklin  and  Mozart, 
24 ;  Kepler,  Fuller,  Johnson,  Burke,  Scott,  2G  ;  Tycho  Brahe, 
Byron,  Washington,  Bonaparte,  27;  Penn  and  Sterne,  28; 
Linnasus  and  Nelson,  29;  Burns,  30;  Chaucer,  Hogarth,  and 
Peele,  82;  Wordsworth  and  Davy,  33;  Aristotle,  36;  Sir 
William  Jones  and  Wellington,  37  ;  Wilberforce,  38;  Luther, 
42 ;  Addison,  44 ;  Wesley  and  Young,  47  ;  Swift,  49  ;  Buffon, 
55;  Old  Parr,  last  time,  120.  If  Adam  and  Eve  married  be- 
fore they  were  a  year  old,  and  the  veteran  Parr  buckled  with 
a  widow  at  120,  bachelors  and  spinsters  may  Aved  at  any  age 
they  like,  and  find  shelter  under  great  names  for  either  early 
or  late  unions." 

Too  Much  Marrying. 

*'  A  great  deal  has  been  said  and  written  of  late,"  the  editor 
of  the  Liberal  Christian  says,  "  about  the  alarming  increase 


202  WEDLOCK 

in  tlie  number  of  divorces  applied  for,  and  the  facility  \^'ith 
which  they  are  obtained.  This  unpleasant  symptom  betokens 
a  diseased  social  and  domestic  condition,  a  wrong  something 
either  in  the  habits  of  the  community,  or  in  the  hearts  of  our 
people,  or  in  the  atmosphere  of  our  time,  or  in  all  of  them.  A 
great  many  wise  suggestions  have  been  made  as  to  the  w^ay 
of  curing  the  disorder,  and  pairing  every  man  and  woman, 
and  tucking  them  snugly  away  in  a  domestic  berth  of  some 
sort  for  life,  if  they  will  only  have  the  good  sense  and  the 
manners  to  stay  thei-e. 

"  But  the  trouble  is,  they  won't  stay  there.  And  what  is 
worse,  in  many  instances  it  is  not  wise  nor  right  for  them  to 
stay  there.  The  seat  of  the  difficulty  lies  a  good  deal  deeper 
down  in  our  customs  and  ways  of  thinking  than  these  social 
Solomons  seem  to  imagine.  It  is  not  in  the  facility  with 
which  people  get  divorced,  but  in  the  facility  with  which  they 
get  married,  that  the  mischief  inheres.  It  is  not  the  unmar- 
rying,  but  the  marrying — the  marrying  without  proper  con- 
sideration, marrying  from  wrong  motives,  with  false  views 
and  unfounded  expectations,  marrying  without  knowing  w^ho 
or  what — that  causes  all  the  disturbance.  And  there  is  alto- 
gether too  much  of  such  marrying.  Marriage  is  a  thing  of 
quality  and  degree.  A  marriage  of  the  blood  is  usually  a 
short-lived  affair,  while  a  marriage  of  the  brain  or  of  the  heart 
is  life-long.  AVhen  man  and  woman  marry  all  over  and  clean 
through,  every  faculty  and  sentiment  of  each  finding  its  com- 
plement and  counterpart  in  the  other,  separation  is  impossible. 
But  when  they  are  only  half  married,  when  only  a  third  part 
of  them  is  married,  when  they  are  married  only  in  their  in 
Btincts,  or  their  imaginations,  or  their  fortunes,  the  unmarried 
part  of  both  of  them  is  very  apt  to  get  uneasy  and  rebel,  and 
they  find  a  Bedlam  w^here  they  look  for  Elysium. 

There  is  altogether  too  much  marrying  by  forms  of  law 
those  who,  at  the  most,  are  only  a  third  or  half  married  in 
other  ways.  And  there  is  altogether  too  much  urging,  and 
coaxing,  and  alluring  young  people  into  the  most  important 
and  sacred  of  all  human  relations,  before  they  are  prepa*ed 
for  its  responsibilities  or  moved  to  assume  its  burdens,  and  by 


MISCELLANEOUS^   MATRIMONIAL  MATTERS.        203 

those  who  ought  to  know  better  and  act  with  more  considera 
tion.  We  make  too  much  of  marrying  and  being  married, 
until  it  is  thought  by  many  people  somewhat  of  a  disgrace  for 
a  woman  to  pass  througli  life  alone ;  when,  in  fact,  the  life  of 
many  a  single  woman  is  poetry,  romance,  rapture  even,  in 
comparison  with  that  of  many  a  wife.  So  there  is  a  vast  deal 
of  marrying  with  very  little  real  marriage  ;  a  vast  deal  of  dis- 
content, heart-ache,  misery,  infidelity,  and  unmarrying  at  the 
last.  What  we  want  is  not  a  more  stringent  divorce  law,  but 
a  better  understanding  of  the  divine  law  which  forbids  the 
marrying  of  those  not  already  one;  not  less  unmarrying,  but 
less  marrying  where  there  is  no  real  marriage.  And,  above 
all,  let  there  be  no  inciting  or  bribing  those  to  marry  who  are 
not  drawn  to  each  other  and  held  inseparably  together  by 
qualities  of  mind  and  souk" 

Village  Wedding  in  Sweden. 

I  will  endeavor  to  describe  a  villasre  weddingr  jn  Sweden. 
It  shall  be  in  summer  time,  that  there  may  be  flowers;  and 
in  a  southern  province,  that  the  bride  maybe  fair.  The  early 
songs  of  the  lark  and  of  chanticleer  are  mingled  in  the  clear 
morning  air,  and  the  sun,  the  heavenly  bridegroom  with  yel- 
low hair,  arises  in  the  south.  In  the  yard  there  is  a  sound  of 
voices  and  trampling  of  hoofs;  horses  are  led  forth  and 
saddled. 

The  steed  that  is  to  bear  the  bridegroom  has  a  bunch  of 
flowers  on  his  forehead,  and  a  garland  of  corn  flowers  about 
his  neck.  Friends  from  the  neighboring  farms  come  riding 
in,  their  blue  cloaks  streaming  in  the  wind;  and  finally  the 
happy  bridegroom,  with  a  whip  in  his  hand,  and  a  monstrous 
nosegay  in  the  breast  of  his  blue  jacket,  comes  from  his  cham- 
ber; and  then  to  horse,  and  away  toward  the  village  where 
the  bride  always  sits  and  waits. 

Foremost  rides  the  spokesman,  followed  by  some  half-dozen 
village  musicians.  Xext  comes  the  bridegroom  between  his 
two  groomsmen,  and  then  forty  or  fifty  friends  and  wedding 
guests,  half  of  them,  perhaps,  with  j^istols  and  guns  in  their 
hands.     A  kind  of  baggage  wagon  brings  up  the  rear,  laden 


204  WEDLOCK. 

with  food  and  drink  for  these  merry  pilgrims.  At  the  en- 
trance of  every  village  stands  a  triumphal  arch,  laden  with 
flowers,  and  ribbons,  and  evergreens,  and  as  they  pass  beneath 
it,  the  wadding  guests  fire  a  salute,  and  the  whole  procession 
t;tops,  and  straight  from  every  pocket  flies  a  black-jack,  filled 
with  punch  or  brandy.  It  is  passed  from  hand  to  hand  among 
the  crowd;  provisions  are  brought  from  the  wagon,  and  after 
eating  and  drinking  and  hurrahing,  the  procession  moves  for- 
ward again,  and  at  length  di-aws  near  the  house  of  the  bride. 

Four  heralds  ride  forward  to  announce  that  a  knight  and 
his  attendants  are  in  the  neighboring  forest,  and  ask  for  hos- 
pitality. 

"  How  many  are  you  ?  "  asks  the  bride's  father. 

"  At  least  three  hundred,"  is  the  answer,  and  to  this  the 
last  replies,  "Yes,  w^ere  you  seven  times  as  many  you  should 
all  be  welcome,  and  in  token  thereof  receive  this  cup." 

Whereupon  each  herald  receives  a  can  of  ale;  and  soon 
after  the  whole  jovial  company  come  streaming  into  the  far- 
mer's yard,  and  riding  round  the  maypole  which  stands  in 
the  center,  alight  amid  a  grand  salute  and  flourish  of  music. 

In  the  hall  stands  the  bride  with  a  crown  upon  her  head 
and  a  tear  in  her  eye,  like  the  Virgin  Mary  in  old  church 
paintings.  She  is  dressed  in  a  red  boddice  and  kirtle,  with 
loose  linen  sleeves.  There  is  a  girded  belt  around  her  waist, 
and  around  her  neck  strings  of  golden  beads  and  a  golden 
chain.  On  the  crown  rests  a  wreath  of  wild  roses,  and  below 
it  another  of  cypress.  Loose  over  her  shoulders  falls  her 
tlaxen  hair,  and  her  blue  innocent  eyes  are  fixed  on  the  ground. 

"  Oh,  thou  good  soul !  thou  hast  hard  hands,  but  a  soft 
1m  art!  thou  art  poor;  the  very  ornaments  thou  wearest  arc 
not  thine  ;  the  blessings  of  Heaven  upon  thee  !  " 

vSo  thinks  the  parish  priest,  as  he  joins  together  the  hands 
of  the  bride  and  bridegroom,  saying  in  a  deep  and  solemn 
voice :  "  I  give  thee  in  marriage  this  damsel,  to  be  thy  wed- 
ded wife  in  all  honor,  to  share  the  half  of  thy  bed,  thy  lock 
and  key,  and  every  third  peimy  which  thou  mayest  possess, 
or  may  inherit,  all  the  rights  which  L^hland's  laws  provide^ 
and  holy  king  gives," 


MIS(;ELLANE0US  MATlUMO^ilAL  MATTERS.       205 

And  the  dinner  is  now  served,  and  the  bride  sits  between 
Lhe  bridegroom  and  the  priest.  The  spokesman  delivers  an 
oration,  after  the  ancient  custom  of  the  fathers.  He  inter- 
lards it  well  with  quotations  from  the  Bible,  and  invites  the 
Saviour  to  be  present,  as  at  the  marriage  feast  of  Cana  of 
Galilee.  The  table  is  not  sparingly  set  forth.  Each  makes 
a  long  arm,  and  the  feast  goes  cheerily  on.  Punch  and  brandy 
pass  around  between  the  courses,  and  here  and  there  a  pipe  is 
smoked,  while  waiting  for  the  next  dish. 

They  sit  long  at  the  table;  but  as  all  things  must  have  an 
end,  so  must  a  Swedish  dinner.  Then  the  dance  begins.  It 
is  led  off  by  the  bride  and  priest,  who  perform  a  solemn  min- 
uet toojether.  Not  until  midnit]fht  comes  the  last  dance. 
The  girls  form  a  circle  round  the  bride,  to  keep  her  from  the 
hands  of  the  married  women,  who  endeavor  to  break  through 
the  magic  circle  and  seize  their  new  sister.  After  a  long 
struggle  they  succeed,  and  the  crown  is  taken  from  her  head, 
and  the  jewels  from  her  neck,  and  her  boddice  is  unlaced,  and 
kirtle  taken  off;  and  like  a  vestal  virgin  clad  all  in  white  she 
goes,  but  it  is  to  her  bridal  chamber,  not  to  her  grave ;  and 
the  wedding  guests  follow  her  with  lighted  candles  in  their 
hands. 

Wedding  Gifts. 

The  custom  of  making  marriage  presents,  with  their  preten- 
tious display  before  the  wedding  guests,  is  generally  regarded 
as  a  nuisance,  though  the  custom  still  flourishes,  in  the  sheep- 
like disposition  of  people  to  follow  the  fashion.  The  New 
Church  Independent  has  these  good  words  on  the  subject: 

"  Once,  only  those  who  were  related  to  the  young  couple  b) 
ties  of  blood  or  affection  made  gifts;  now  a  false  ceremonial 
has  replaced  the  old,  honest  impulse  of  the  heart.  Very 
ot\en  those  who  are  not  sensitive  about  paying  actual  debts 
blush  the  deepest  red  at  the  bare  idea  of  entering  the  gny 
bridal-rooms  without  silver  or  plated  ware.     It  becomes  the 


ronsr, 


o» 


duty  of  those  who  are  truly  generous,  and  sincere,  and  st 
to  abstain  from  a  practice  which  weak  people  have  not  cour- 
age to  quit  without  the  example  of  nobler  characters.  Jf 
every  pair  contemplating  marriage  would  resolve  to  issue  on 


206  WEDLOCK. 

the  wedding  cards  '  No  presents  will  be  received/  a  l^iicficeLt 
reform  would  instantly  take  place ;  it  has  begun  already  in 
some  towns :  selfish  couples  and  grasping  parents  would  be- 
conicj  ashamed  to  angle  in  the  pockets  of  acquaintances  for 
valuables.  We  know  that  many  a  bride  would  feel  it  a  sacri- 
fice not  to  receive  beautiful  gifts.  God  pity  such  a  one,  for 
slie  will  be  poor  forever  unless  she  learns  to  value  royal  spir- 
itualities before  material  splendors  which  are  infiltrated  with 
social  falsehood  and  moral  degradation.  The  childish  little 
bride  should  remember  that  a  piano  laden  with  shining  silver 
is  not  so  great  a  gain  as  she  imagines,  for  she  must  pay  back 
wlien  the  time  comes,  or  be  considered  '  consumedly  mean.' 
A  wedding  may  take  place  in  the  family  of  an  acquaintance 
to  whom  she  is  indebted  at  a  time  of  pecuniary  embarrass- 
ment; if  such  a  time  never  comes,  the  money  might  still  be 
better  appropriated  in  relieving  actual  want.  A  conscientious 
deviation  from  custom,  when  it  is  injurious  to  the  public  good, 
is  genuine  charity  to  the  neighbor ;  it  is  genuine,  because  it 
requires  some  self-sacrifice  to  be  misjudged,  and  to  go  steadily 
onward  in  the  path  of  right,  upborne  by  no  enthusiasm." 

A  Marriage  Exhortation. 

My  brother!  remember  thou,  not  only  that  the  man  is  the 
head  of  the  woman  in  authority,  but,  also,  that  thou  art  for 
thy  wife  the  excellency  of  human  nature,  her  all, — all  that 
shall  ever  be  hers  of  that  fondness,  that  heroism,  that  unsus- 
pecting confidence,  that  noble  manner  of  thinking,  so  dear  to 
woman ;  and  of  which  virtues  she  has  this  day  been  believ- 
ingly  married  to  thyself  as  the  archetype. 

My  sister !  remember  thou  that  of  thy  husband  thou  art 
his  whole  possession  in  the  delicacy  and  tenderness  of  woman- 
kind,— his  all  of  female  worth.  Remember  that  in  gentle  en- 
durance thou  art  for  him  his  Griseldis  ;  in  trustworthiness,  his 
Lucretia ;  in  humble  beneficence,  his  Dorcas ;  his  Penelope  in 
faithfulness  ;  his  Laura  in  loveliness  of  character;  and  in  self- 
Bacrificing  live  his  Alcestis. 


MIfeCELLAKEOUS  MATRIMOlsIAL  MATTERS.       207 

Make  Home  Happy. 

It  is  a  duty  devolving  upon  every  member  of  a  family  tii 
endeavor  to  make  all  belonging  to  it  happ^.  This  may,  with 
a  very  little  pleasant  exertion,  be  done.  Let  every  one  con- 
tribute something  toward  improving  the  grounds  belonging 
to  their  house.  If  the  house  is  old  and  uncomfortable,  let 
each  exert  himself  to  render  it  better  and  more  pleasant.  If 
it  is  good  and  pleasant,  let  each  strive  still  further  to  adorn 
it.  Let  flowering  shrubs  and  trees  be  planted,  and  vines  and 
vroodbines  be  trailed  around  the  windows  and  doors;  add 
interesting  volumes  to  the  family  library ;  take  a  good  paper ; 
purchase  little  articles  of  furniture  to  replace  those  which  are 
fast  wearing  out;  wait  upon  and  anticipate  the  wants  of 
each ;  and  ever  have  a  pleasant  smile  for  all  and  each. 

Make  home  happy.  Parents  ought  to  teach  this  lesson  in 
the  nursery  and  by  the  fii-eside,  and  give  it  the  weight  of  their 
precept  and  example.  If  they  should,  ours  would  be  a  hap- 
pier and  a  more  virtuous  country.  Drunkenness,  profanity, 
and  other  disgusting  vices  would  die  away ;  they  could  not 
live  in  the  influence  of  a  lovely  and  refined  home. 

Does  any  one  think,  "  I  am  poor,  and  have  to  work  hard 
to  get  enough  to  sustain  life,  and  can  not  find  time  to  spend 
in  making^  our  old  house  more  attractive  ?  "  Think  again.  la 
there  not  some  time  every  day  which  you  spend  in  idleness, 
or  smoking,  or  mere  listlessness,  which  might  be  spent  about 
your  homes  ?  "  Flowers  are  God's  smiles,"  said  Wilberforce ; 
and  they  are  as  beautiful  beside  the  cottage  as  the  palace,  and 
may  be  enjoyed  by  the  inhabitants  of  the  one  as  well  as  the 
other.  There  are  few  homes  which  might  not  be  made  more 
beautiful  and  attractive.  Let  all  study  to  make  their  resi- 
dence so  pleasant  that  the  hearts  of  the  absent  ones  shall  go 
back  to  it  as  the  dove  did  to  the  ark  of  Noah. 

"The  pilgrim's  step  m  vain 
Seeks  Eden's  sacred  ground; 
But  in  home's  holy  joys  again 
An  Eden  may  be  found." 


208  WEDLOCK. 

The  Bride. 

AVc  now  (in  marriage)  see  woman  in  that  sphere  for  which 
she  was  originally  intended,  and  which  she  is  so  exactly  litted 
to  adorn  and  bless,  as  the  wafe,  the  mistress  of  a  home,  the 
eolace,  the  aid,  and  the  counselor  of  that  one  for  whose  sake 
alone  the  world  is  of  any  consequence  to  her.  She  is  to  gn 
from  a  home  that  she  has  known  and  loved,  where  she  has 
been  loved  and  cherished,  to  one  to  which  she  is  an  utter 
stranger.  Her  happiness  is  to  be  subjected  to  those  on  whose 
characters,  tempers,  principles  she  can  make  no  calculation. 
And  what  is  to  assure  her  of  the  faith  of  him  wdio  has  swom 
at  the  altar  to  cherish  and  protect  her  ?  She  may,  in  the 
blindness  of  affection,  have  given  her  heart  to  one  who  will 
wring  and  break  it;  and  she  may  be  going  to  martyrdom, 
where  pride  and  prudence  will  alike  deny  her  the  poor  solace 
of  complaint.     Yet  she  is  willing  to  venture  all. 

Morganatic  Marriages. 

Everybody  has  heard  the  term  "  morganatic  marriages," 
and  many  people  suppose  that  marriages  of  this  kind  are  a 
species  of  concubinage,  in  which  the  kings  and  princes  of 
Europe  are  fond  of  indulging.  This  is  not  the  case,  however. 
A  morganatic  marriage  is  just  as  binding  upon  the  parties  aa 
any  other  marriage.  The  term  is  derived  from  the  German 
Morgengahe^  w^hich  means  a  dowry.  It  signifies  a  matrimonial 
contract  in  which  one  of  the  parties  is  greatly  superior  in  i-ank 
to  the  other.  If  it  be  the  bride  who  is  of  inferior  rank,  she 
agrees  that  she  and  her  childreji  shall  be  entitled  neither  to 
tlie  rank  nor  th^  estate  of  Jier  husband,  and  that  the  dowry 
which  is  settled  upon  her  at  the  time  of  the  marriage  shall  be 
accepted  in  lieu  Vail  other  privileges.  If  the  man  be  the  in- 
ferior, he  gives  assent  to  similar  conditions.  In  the  bridal 
ceremony  the  party  of  superior  rank  gives  the  left  hand  in- 
stead of  the  right,  to  the  other — hence  these  marriages  are 
sometimes  styled  "  left-handed." 

Marriage  Maxims. 
A  good  Avife  is   the  greatest  earthly  blessing.     A  man  ia 


MISCELLANEOUS  MATRBIOXIAL  MATTERS.       '2o\) 

what  bis  wife  makes  him.  It  is  the  mother  wlio  molds  the 
cliaracter  and  destiny  of  the  child. 

Make  marriage  a  matter  of  moral  judgment.  jNEarry  in 
your  own  religion.  Marry  into  a  different  blood  and  temper- 
ament from  your  own.  Marry,  if  practicable,  into  a  family 
which  you  have  long  known. 

Xever  both  manifest  anger  at  once.  Never  speak  loud  to 
one  another,  unless  the  hause  is  on  fire.  Never  reflect  on 
a  past  action  which  was  done  with  the  best  judgment  at 
the  time.  Let  each  one  strive  to  yield  oftenest  to  the 
wishes  of  the  other.  Let  self-abnegation  be  the  daily  aim 
and  effort  of  each.  The  very  nearest  approach  to  domestic 
felicity  on  earth  is  in  the  mutual  cultivation  of  absolute 
unselfishness. 

Never  find  fault  unless  it  is  perfectly  certain  that  a  fault 
has  been  committed ;  and  even  then  prelude  it  with  a  kiss, 
and  lovingly.  Never  taunt  with  a  past  mistake.  Neglect 
tlie  whole  world  besides  rather  than  one  another.  Never 
allow  a  request  to  be  repeated.  "I  forgot,"  is  never  an  accept- 
able excuse.  Never  make  a  remark  at  the  expense  of  the 
other.     It  is  a  meanness. 

The  beautiful  in  heart  is  a  million  times  of  more  avail  in 
securing  domestic  enjoyment  than  the  beautiful  in  person  or 
manners. 

Do  not  herald  the  sacrifices  you  make  to  each  other's  tastes, 
habits,  or  preferences.  Let  all  your  mutual  accommodations 
be  spontaneous,  whole-souled,  and  free  as  air.  A  hesitating, 
tardy,  or  grum  yielding  to  the  wishes  of  the  other  always 
grates  upon  a  loving  heart,  like  Milton's  "gates  on  rusty 
LiuGjes  turning^." 

Whether  present  or  absent,  alone  or  in  company,  speak  up 
fjr  one  another  cordially,  earnestly,  lovingly.  If  one  is 
angry,  let  the  other  part  the  lips  only  to  give  a  kiss.  Never 
deceive,  for  the  heart  once  misled  can  never  wholly  trust 
again. 

Consult  one  another  in  all  that  comes  within  the  experience, 
and  observation,  and  sphere  of  the  other.  Give  your  warm- 
est sympathies  for  each  other's  trials.     Never  question  th« 


210  WEDLOCK. 

integrity,  truthfulness,  or  religiousness  of  one  another.  En- 
courage one  another  in  all  the  depressing  circumstances  under 
vvhich  3'ou  may  be  placed. 

By  all  that  can  actuate  a  good  citizen,  by  all  that  can  melt 
the  heart  to  pity,  by  all  that  can  move  a  parent's  bosom,  by 
every  claim  of  a  common  humanity,  see  to  it  that  at  least  one 
l)arty  shall  possess  strong,  robust,  vigorous  health  of  body 
and  brain  j  else  let  it  be  a  marriage  of  spirit ;  that  only,  and 
no  further.  , 

A  Novel  and  Beautiful  Marela.qe  Ceremony. 

Since  the  Chapter  on  Marriage  Customs  and  Ceremonies 
was  in  type,  the  following  somewhat  odd  but  singularly  ap- 
propriate and  beautiful  marriage  ceremony  has  fallen  under 
our  observation,  in  Mrs.  Elizabeth  Stuart  Phelps'  "Men, 
Women,  and  Ghosts,"  and  we  give  it  a  place  here : 

"  Appealing  to  your  Father,  who  is  in  heaA^en,  to  witness 
your  sincerity,  you  ....  do  now  take  this  woman, 
whose  hand  you  hold — choosing  her  alone  from  all  the  world 
—to  be  your  lawfully  wedded  wife.  You  trust  her  as  your 
best  earthly  friend.  You  promise  to  love,  to  cherish,  and  to 
protect  her ;  to  be  considerate  of  her  happiness  in  your  plans 
of  life ;  to  cultivate  for  her  sake  all  manly  virtues ;  and  in  all 
things  to  seek  her  welfare  as  you  seek  your  own.  You  pledge 
yourself  thus  honorably  to  her,  to  be  her  husband  in  good 
faith,  so  long  as  the  providence  of  God  shall  spare  you  to 
each  other. 

"  In  like  manner,  looking  to  your  heavenly  Father  for  his 
blessing-,  you  ....  do  now  receive  this  man,  whose 
hand  you  hold,  to  be  your  lawfully  w^edded  husband.  You 
choose  him  from  all  the  world  as  he  has  chosen  you.  You 
pledge  your  trust  to  him  as  your  best  earthly  friend.  You 
promise  to  love,  to  comfort,  and  to  honor  him ;  to  cultivate 
for  his  sake  a'.l  womanly  graces;  to  guard  his  reputation,  and 
assist  him  in  his  life  work;  and  in  all  things  to  esteem  his 
happiness  as  your  own.  You  give  yourself  thus  trustfully  to 
him,  to  be  his  wife  in  good  faith,  so  long  as  the  providence 
of  God  shall  spare  you  to  each  other." 


€lSOl!:LLS.Ni!:uCS  MATRIMONIAL  MATTERS.        211 

Wedlock. 

U  holy  powci-  of  pure,  devoted  love  I 
And  0,  thou  lioly,  sacred  name  of  home ! 
Prime  bliss  of  earth !    Behind  us  and  before, 
Our  guiding-star,  our  refuge !    When  we  plunge, 
Loose  from  the  safeguard  of  a  father's  roof, 
On  life's  uncertain  flood  exposed  and  driven, 
'Tis  the  mild  memory  of  thy  sacred  days 
That  keeps  the  young  man  pure.    A  father's  eye, 
A  mother's  smile,  a  sister's  gentle  love, 
The  table,  and  the  altar,  and  the  hearth, 
In  reverend  image,  keep  their  early  hold 
Upon  his  heart,  and  crowd  out  guilt  and  shame. 
Then,  too,  the  hope,  that  in  some  after  day 
These  consecrated  ties  shall  be  renewed 
Li  him,  the  founder  of  another  house. 
And  wife  and  children — earth's  so  precious  name*— 
Be  gathered  round  the  hearth  where  he  himself 
Shall  be  the  father — O,  this  glowing  hope. 
With  memory  coworking,  lightens  toil. 
And  renders  impotent  the  plots  of  earth 
To  waip  him  from  his  innocence  and  faith ! 

—Henry  Wa/re^  Jr 


XXII. 
lo^frg  of  f 0b^  mxi  Carriage, 


Ask  not  how  much  I  love  thee. 

Do  not  question  why ; 
I  have  told  thee  the  tale, 
In  the  evening  pale. 

With  a  tear  and  a  sigh. 

I  told  thee  when  love  was  hopeless. 

But  now  he  is  wild  and  sings 
That  the  stars  above 
Shine  ever  on  Love, 

Though  they  frown  on  the  fate  of  kings. 

—Barry  CormotA 

Love's  Seasons. 

OST  tliou  idly  ask  to  hear 

At  what  gentle  seasons 
Nymphs  relent,  when  lovei*s  near 

Press  the  tenderest  reasons  ? 
Ah !  they  give  their  faith  too  oft 

To  the  careless  wooer ; 
Maidens'  hearts  are  always  soft, — 

Would  that  men's  were  truer  I 

Woo  the  fair  one  when  around 

Early  birds  are  singing ; 
When,  o'er  all  the  fragrant  ground, 

Early  herbs  are  springing ; 
AVhen  the  brookside,  bank,  and  grove, 

All  with  blossoms  laden, 
Shine  with  beauty,  breathe  of  loye, — 

Woo  the  timid  maiden. 

Woo  her  when,  with  rosy  blush, 

Summer  eve  is  sinking ; 
When,  on  rills  that  softly  gush, 

Stars  are  softly  winking  • 
When,  through  boughs  that  knit  the  bower 

Moonlight  gleams  are  stealing; 
Woo  her,  till  the  gentle  hour 

Wake  a  geutler  feeling. 


POETRY   OF   LOVE  AND  MARRIAGE.  21J 

Woo  her  wlien  autumnal  dyes 

Tinge  the  woody  mountain ; 
When  the  dropping  fohage  lies 

In  the  weedy  fountain. 
Let  the  scene,  that  tells  how  fast 

Youth  is  passing  over. 
Warn  her,  ere  her  bloom  is  past, 

To  secure  her  lover. 

Woo  her  when  the  north- winds  call 

At  the  lattice  nightly ; 
When,  within  the  cheerful  hall, 

Blaze  the  fagots  brightly ; 
While  the  wintry  tempest  round 

Sweeps  the  landscape  hoary, 
Sweeter  in  her  ear  shall  sound 

Love's  delightful  story. 

— WiUiam  CuUen  Bryami, 


Juliet's  Conpession. 

Thou  know'st  the  mask  of  night  is  on  my  face ; 
Else  would  a  maiden  blush  bepaint  my  cheek, 
For  that  which  thou  hast  heard  me  speak  to-night. 
Fain  would  I  dwell  on  form,  fain,  fain  deny 
What  I  have  spoke ;  but  farewell  compliment  I 
Dost  love  me  ?  I  know  thou  wilt  say — Ay ; 
And  I  will  take  thy  word :  yet,  if  thou  swear'st 
Thou  mayst  prove  false ;  at  lovers'  perjuries, 
They  say,  Jove  laughs.    O,  gentle  Romeo, 
If  thou  dost  love,  pronounce  it  faithfully : 
Or  if  thou  think'st  I  am  too  quickly  won, 
I'll  frown  and  be  perverse,  and  say  thee  nay, 
So  thou  wilt  woo ;  but,  else,  not  for  the  world. 
In  truth,  fair  Montague,  I  am  too  fond ; 
And  therefore  thou  mayst  think  my  haviour  light ; 
But  trust  me,  gentleman,  I'll  prove  more  true 
Than  those  that  have  more  cunning  to  be  strange. 
I  should  have  been  more  strange,  I  must  confess, 
But  that  thou  overheard'st,  ere  I  was  ware, 
My  true  love's  passion :  therefore  pardon  me ; 
And  not  impute  this  yielding  to  light  love, 
Which  the  dark  night  hath  so  discovered. 

— 6hak»pewr§, 


214  WEDLOCK. 

One  Kiss  Before  We  Pabt 

One  Mss  before  we  part  I 

But  one !  for  love's  sweet  sake  I 
To  sweeten,  for  my  heart, 

The  pain  of  this  mistake. 
Your  hand  is  in  my  own, 

But  your  head  is  turned  away; 
For  the  first  time  and  the  last, 

One  little  kiss,  I  pray  I 

Nay ;  though  you  love  me  not, 

And  stab  me,  saying  "  Friend  I  "• 
Nay ;  though  I  be  forgot 

Before  a  fortnight's  end — 
Still,  let  me  kiss  the  lips 

That  traitors  are  to  love— 
What !  nothing  but  your  hand  I 

And  that  within  its  glove  ? 

Because  the  past  was  sweet; 

Because  you  are  so  dear; 
Because  no  more  we  meet 

In  any  future  year — 
Be  kind,  and  make  me  glad, 

Just  for  a  moment's  space- 
Think  I  I  shaU  be  so  sad, 

And  never  see  your  face ! 

One  kiss  before  we  part  I 

And  so  you  nothing  meant? 
Though  I  be  gone,  your  heart 

Will  keep  its  old  content 
Nay,  not  your  cheek — your  lip§— 

I  claim  them  as  my  right — 
Small  guerdon  for  great  love — 

Before  we  say  good-night 

Ah  1  shy,  uplooking  eyes  I 

Not  true— though  blue  and  ran*-* 
How  dare  you  feign  surprise 

To  know  I  hold  you  dear  ? 
What  coyness  will  not  yield. 

Yet  boldness,  sure,  may  take- 
Well,  then ;  if  not  for  Love's, 

One  kiss — for  Friendship's  sake 


POETRY  OF    LOVE  AXD  MARRIAGE.  215 

One  kiss  before  we  part  I 

One  little  kiss,  my  dear  1 
One  kiss — to  help  my  heart 

Its  utter  loss  to  bear. 
One  kiss — to  check  the  tears 

My  manhood  scarce  can  stay ; 
Or  thus— I  make  it  "  Yes  ! " 

While  you  are  saying  "  Nay  I " 

— Howa/rd  Olyiydon 

A  Home  in  the  Heart. 

O,  ask  not  a  home  in  the  mansions  of  pride, 

Where  marble  shines  out  in  the  pillars  and  walls  I 
Though  the  roof  be  of  gold,  it  is  brilliantly  cold. 

And  joy  may  not  be  found  in  its  torch-lighted  halls. 
But  seek  for  a  bosom  all  honest  and  true, 

Where  love,  once  awakened,  will  never  depart; 
Turn,  turn  to  that  breast,  like  the  dove  to  its  nest, 

And  you'll  find  there's  no  home  like  a  home  in  the  heart. 

O,  link  but  one  spirit  that's  warmly  sincere, 

That  will  heighten  your  pleasure,  and  solace  your  care,— 
Find  a  soul  you  may  trust,  as  the  kind  and  the  just, 

And  be  sure  the  wide  world  holds  no  treasure  so  rare  1 
Then  the  frowns  of  misfortune  may  shadow  our  lot, 

The  cheek-searing  tear-drops  of  sorrow  may  start, 
But  a  star  never  dim  sheds  a  halo  for  him 

Who  can  turn  for  repose  to  a  home  in  the  heart* 

—Eliza  Coo\ 

Move  Eastward,  Happy  Earth. 

Move  eastward,  happy  Earth,  and  leave 

Yon  orange  sunset  waning  slow ; 
From  fringes  of  the  faded  eve, 

O  happy  planet !  eastward  go ; 
Till  over  thy  dark  shoulder  glow 

Thy  silver  sister-world,  and  rise 

To  glass  herself  in  dewy  eyes 
That  watch  me  from  the  glen  below. 

Ah  I  bear  me  with  thee,  smoothly  borne ! 

Dip  forward  under  starry  light. 
And  move  me  to  my  marriage-mom. 

And  round  again  to  happy  night  I 

— Alfred  Tennyson 


iiit>  WEDLOCK 

True  Beauty. 

Let  other  bards  of  angels  sing, 

Bright  suns  without  a  spot ; 
But  thou  art  no  such  perfect  thing ; 

Rejoice  tliat  thou  art  not ! 

Heed  not  though  none  should  call  thee  fail— 

So,  Mary,  let  it  be, 
If  naught  in  loveliness  compare 
With  what  thou  art  to  me. 

True  beauty  dwells  in  deep  retreats, 

Whose  vail  is  unremoved 
'Jl  heart  with  heart  in  concord  beats, 

And  the  lover  is  beloved. 

^  William  Ward9*Dtrif\ 


Plain,  but  Plighted. 

and  Jill  are  pretty  girls, 

Plump  and  well  to  do — 
In  a  cloud  of  windy  curls ; 

Yet  I  know  who 
Loves  me  more  than  curls  or  pearls. 

I  am  not  pretty,  not  a  bit — 

Thin,  and  sallow-pale : 
When  I  trudge  along  the  street 

I  don't  need  a  vail ; 
Yet  I  h^ve  one  fancy  hit 

Jess  and  Jill  can  trill  and  sing 

With  a  flute-like  voice, 
Dance  as  light  as  bird  on  wing, 

Laugh  for  careless  joys; 
Yet  it's  I  who  wear  the  ring. 

Jess  and  Jill  will  mate  some  day, 

Surely,  surely — 
Ripen  on  to  June  through  May, 
While  the  sun  shines  make  their  hay. 

Slacken  steps  demurely ; 
Yet  even  there  I  lead  the  way. 

— Christina  Georffina  HoiMttK 


POETRi'   OF  LOVE  AND  MARRIAGE.  217 

This  Woeld. 

Let's  take  this  world  as  some  wide  scene, 

Through  which,  in  frail  but  buoyant  boat, 
With  skies  now  dark  and  now  serene, 

Together  thou  and  I  must  float. 
Beholding  oft,  on  either  shore, 

Bright  spots  where  we  should  love  to  stay; 
But  Time  plies  swift  his  flying  oar, 

And  on  we  speed,  far,  far  away. 

Should  chilling  winds  and  rains  come  on, 

We'll  raise  our  awning  'gainst  the  shower, 
Sit  closer  till  the  storm  is  gone, 

And,  smiling,  wait  a  sunnier  hour. 
And  if  that  sunnier  hour  should  shine, 

We'll  Imow  its  brightness  can  not  stay, 
But,  happy  while  'tis  thine  and  mine. 

Complain  not  when  it  fades  away. 

So  reach  we  both,  at  last,  that  fall, 

Down  which  life's  currents  all  must  go ; 
The  dark,  the  brilliant,  destined  all 

To  sink  into  the  void  below. 
Nor  even  that  hour  shall  want  its  charms, 

If,  side  by  side,  still  fond  we  keep. 
And  calmly,  in  each  other's  arms 

Together  linked,  go  down  the  steep. 

— ThorruM  Moon 


The  Doorstep. 

The  conference-meeting  through  at  last, 
We  boys  around  the  vestry  waited 

To  see  the  girls  come  tripping  past 
Like  snow-birds  willing  to  be  mated. 

Not  braver  he  that  leaps  the  wall 
By  level  musket-flashes  litten. 

Than  I,  who  stepped  before  them  all 
Who  longed  to  see  me  get  the  mitten. 

But  no,  she  blushed  and  took  my  arm  1 
We  let  the  old  folks  have  the  highway. 

And  started  toward  the  Maple  Farm 
Along  a  kind  of  lovers'  by-way. 
10 


218  WEDLOCK. 

I  can't  remember  what  we  said, 
*Twas  nothing  worth  a  song  or  story ; 

Yet  that  rude  path  by  which  we  sped 
Seemed  all  transformed  and  in  a  glory. 

The  snow  was  crisp  beneath  our  feet, 
The  m  >on  was  full,  the  fields  were  gleaming; 

By  hood  and  tippet  sheltered  sweet. 
Her  face  with  youth  and  health  was  beaming 

The  little  hand  outside  her  muff— 
O  sculptor,  if  you  could  but  mold  it  I 

So  lightly  touched  my  jacket-cuff. 
To  keep  it  warm  I  had  to  hold  it 

To  have  her  with  me  there  alone — 
'Twas  love  and  fear  and  triumph  blended. 

At  last  we  reached  the  foot- worn  stone 
Where  that  delicious  journey  ended. 

The  old  folks,  too,  were  almost  home ; 

Her  dimpled  hand  the  latches  fingered, 
We  heard  the  voices  nearer  come. 

Yet  on  the  doorstep  still  we  lingered. 

She  shook  her  ringlets  from  her  hood 
And  with  a  "  Thank  you,  Ned,"  dissembled. 

But  yet  I  knew  she  understood 
With  what  a  daring  wish  I  trembled. 

A  cloud  passed  kindly  overhead, 
The  moon  was  slyly  peeping  througli  It, 

Yet  hid  its  face,  as  if  it  said, 
"  Come,  now  or  never !  do  it  I  do  it  I** 

My  lips  till  then  had  only  known 

The  kiss  of  mother  and  of  sister. 
But  somehow,  full  upon  her  own 

Sweet,  rosy,  darling  mouth — I  kissed  her 

Perhaps  'twas  boyish  love,  yet  still 

O  listless  woman,  weary  lover  I 
To  feel  once  more  that  fresh,  wild  thrill 

Fd  give — but  who  can  live  youth  over  T 

— Edmwnd  Clarenes  Stedmem 


POETRY   OF  LOVE  ATO  MARRIAGE.  210 

IVIan's  Reqihrements. 

Love  me,  sweet,  with  all  thou  art- 
Feeling,  thinking,  seeing; 

Love  me  in  the  lightest  part, 
Love  me  in  full  being. 

Love  me  with  thine  open  youth. 

In  its  frank  surrender ; 
With  the  vowing  of  thy  mouth, 

"With  its  silence  tender. 

Love  me  with  thine  azure  eyes, 

Made  for  earnest  granting ; 
Taking  color  from  the  skies, 

Can  Heaven's  truth  be  wanting  ? 

Love  me  with  their  lids,  that  faU 

Snow-like  at  first  meeting; 
Love  me  with  thy  heart,  that  all 

The  neighbors  then  see  beatmg. 

Love  me  with  thy  hand,  stretched  on% 

j^eely— open-minded ; 
Love  me  with  thy  loitering  foot,— 

Hearing  one  behind  it. 

Love  me  with  thy  voice,  that  turns 

Sudden  faint  above  me ; 
Love  me  with  thy  blush,  that  burns 

When  I  murmur, " Lcyve  me/" 

Love  me  with  thy  thmking  soul- 
Break  it  to  love-sighmg ; 

Love  me  with  thy  thoughts,  that  roll 
On  through  living,  dying. 

Love  me  in  thy  gorgeous  airs. 
When  the  world  has  crowned  theei 

Love  me  kneelmg  at  thy  prayers, 
With  the  angels  round  thee. 

Love  me  pure,  as  musers  do, 

Up  the  woodlands  shady ; 
Love  me  gaj^ly,  fast  and  true. 

As  a  winsome  lady. 


220 


WEDLOCK. 

Through  all  hopes  that  keep  us  bravo. 

Further  off  or  nigher, 
Love  me  for  the  house  and  grave, — 

And  for  something  higher. 

Thus,  if  thou  wilt  prove  me,  dear 

Woman's  love  no  fable, 
/will  love  thee — half  a  year, — 

As  a  man  is  able. 

— Elizabeth  Barrett  Browning 

A  Woman's  Question. 

Before  I  trust  my  fate  to  thee, 

Or  place  my  hand  in  thine. 
Before  I  let  thy  future  give 

Color  and  form  to  mine. 
Before  I  peril  all  for  thee — 
Question  thy  soul  to-night  for  me. 

I  break  all  slighter  bonds,  nor  feel 

A  shadow  of  regret : 
Is  there  one  link  within  the  past 

That  holds  thy  spirit  yet? 
Or  is  thy  faith  as  clear  and  free 
As  that  which  I  can  pledge  to  thee  ? 

Does  there  within  thy  dimmest  dreams 

A  possible  future  shine. 
Wherein  thy  life  could  henceforth  breathe, 

Untouched,  unshared  by  mine  ? 
If  so,  at  any  pain  or  cost, 
O,  tell  me  before  all  is  lost  I 

Look  deeper  still :  if  thou  canst  feel. 

Within  thy  inmost  soul, 
That  thou  hast  kept  a  portion  back. 

While  I  have  staked  the  whole. 
Let  no  false  pity  spare  the  blow, 
But  in  true  mercy  tell  me  so. 

Is  there  within  thy  heart  a  need 

That  mine  can  not  fulfil  ? 
One  chord  that  any  other  hand 

Could  better  wake  or  still  ? 
Speak  now,  lest  at  some  future  day 
My  whole  life  v  ither  and  decay. 


POETRY   OF  LOVE  AND  MARRIAGE.  :^"2i 

Lives  there  within  thy  nature  hid 

The  demon-spirit,  change, 
Shedding  a  passing  glory  still 

On  all  things  new  and  strange  ? 
It  may  not  be  thy  fault  alone, — 
But  shield  my  heart  against  thine  own. 

Couldst  thou  withdraw  thy  hand  one  day 

And  answer  to  my  claim, 
That  fate,  and  that  to-day's  mistake — 

Not  thou — had  been  to  blame  ? 
Some  soothe  their  conscience  thus ;  but  thou 
Wilt  surely  warn  and  save  me  now. 

Nay,  answer  not, — I  dare  not  hear — 

The  words  would  come  too  late ; 
Yet  I  would  spare  thee  all  remorse, 

So,  comfort  thee,  my  fate : 
Whatever  on  my  heart  may  fall, 
Remember,  I  would  risk  it  all  I 

— Adelaide  Ji'*--  Prater 


Kiss  Me  Softly. 

Da  me  6a«ia.-~CATtJixu8. 

Kiss  me  softly  and  speak  to  me  low — 

Malice  has  ever  a  vigilant  ear : 

What  if  Malice  were  lurking  near? 
Kiss  me,  dear ! 
Kiss  me  softly  and  speak  to  me  low. 

Kiss  me  softly  and  speak  to  me  low- 
Envy,  too,  has  a  watchful  ear : 
What  if  Envy  should  chance  to  hear  f 
Kiss  me,  dear ! 

Kiss  me  softly  and  speak  to  me  low. 

Kiss  me  softly  and  speak  to  me  low : 
Trust  me,  darling,  the  time  is  near 
When  lovers  may  love  with  never  a  fear ; 
Kiss  me,  dear  1 
Kiss  me  softly  and  speak  to  me  low. 

— John  Qodfrey  Sura, 


222  WEDLOCK 

Deifting. 

Well,  summer  at  last  is  over, 
Gone  like  a  long,  sweet  dream, 

And  I  am  slowly  waking, 
As  I  drift  along  the  stream. 

This  dohe  far  niente 
Has  been  too  much  for  me . 

Nothing  done  on  my  picture, 
Except  that  doubtful  tree  I 

I  went  to  the  glen  with  Gervase, 
And  sketched  one  afternoon. 

And  would  have  made  sunset  studies 
But  for  the  witching  moon  I 

The  moon  did  all  the  mischief; 

The  moment  I  see  it  shine, 
With  a  pretty  woman  beside  me, 

My  heart's  no  longer  mine  I 

But  have  I  really  lost  it? 

Or  has  it  slipped  away, 
Like  a  child  beguiled  by  summer. 

Who  will  come  home  tired  with  p  ay  f 

I  wonder  if  I  am  feeling 

The  passion  of  my  life  ? 
Do  I  love  that  woman,  Alice, 

Enough  to  call  her  wife  f 

I  think  so,  but  I  know  not; 

I  only  know  'tis  sweet 
To  lie,  as  I  am  lying. 

In  sunset,  at  her  feet. 

Watching  her  face,  as,  thoughtfU, 
She  leans  upon  her  hand. 

(Is  it  herself  or  me^  now ; 
She  seeks  to  understand?) 

While  overhead  the  swallows 
Fly  home,  with  twittering  cries, 

And  througli  the  distant  tree-tops 

The  moon  begins  to  rise. 


POETRY  OF  LOVE  AND  MARRIAGE.  223 


If  we  could  only  stay  so, 

In  such  a  happy  dream, 
I  would  not  for  worlds  awaken, 

But  di-ift  along  with  the  stream  1 

—R  H.  Stoddard, 

Love  Song. 

Softly  day  fkints  and  dies, 

Smking  from  sight ; 
Up  through  the  dreamy  skies 

Climbeth  the  night. 
Shadows  begin  to  rove 
In  the  blue  halls  above ; 
Shut  out  the  world,  my  love— 

Thou  art  my  light. 

My  heart  was  like  a  barque 

Drifting  at  sea, 
Lost  in  the  mist  and  dark, 

Ere  I  loved  thee. 
Stars  that  ne'er  set  nor  rise, 
Constant  to  polar  skies, 
Such  are  thy  beacon  eyes, 

Shining  for  me. 

Sweetly  together,  love, 

Our  lives  are  twined ; 
I  am  thy  heart,  my  love, 

Thou  art  my  mind. 
I  can  but  see  through  thee, 
Thou  may'st  but  feel  through  me^ 
Perfect  in  one  are  we, 

As  God  designed. 

What  I  may  lack  thou  hast; 

Want  is  unknown 
Since  we  have  come  at  last, 

Each  to  our  own, 
Sceptered  and  crowned  thou  art. 
King  of  one  happy  heart ; 
Surely  no  power  shall  part 

Thee  from  thy  throne. 

'•^Annie  L.  Muzsejf, 


22i  WEDLOCK. 

Come,  Rest  in  this  Bosom. 

Come,  rest  in  this  bosom,  my  own  stricken  deer ! 
Thougli  the  herd  have  fled  irom  thee,  thy  home  is  still  here; 
Here  still  is  the  smile  that  no  cloud  can  o'ercast, 
And  a  heart  and  a  hand  all  thy  own  to  the  last 

O,  what  was  love  made  for,  if  'tis  not  the  same 

Through  joy  and  through  torment,  through  glory  and  shame? 

I  know  not,  I  ask  not,  if  guilt's  in  that  heart — 

I  but  know  that  I  love  thee,  whatever  thou  art. 

Thou  hast  called  me  thy  Angel  in  moments  of  bliss, 
And  thy  Angel  I'll  be,  'mid  the  horrors  of  this — 
Through  the  furnace,  unshiinking,  thy  steps  to  pursue, 
And  shield  thee,  and  save  thee,  or  perish  there  too. 

— Tlumias  Moin^ 

Were  I  but  his  Own  Wipe. 

Were  I  but  his  own  wife,  to  guard  and  to  guide  him, 

'Tis  little  of  sorrow  should  fall  on  my  dear ; 
I'd  chant  my  low  love-verses,  stealing  beside  him. 

So  faint  and  so  tender  his  heart  would  but  hear ; 
I'd  pull  the  wild  blossoms  from  valley  and  highland ; 

And  there  at  his  feet  I  would  lay  them  all  down ; 
I'd  sing  him  the  songs  of  our  poor  stricken  island, 

Till  his  heart  was  on  fire  with  a  love  like  my  own. 

There's  a  rose  by  his  dwelling, — I'd  tend  the  lone  treasure. 

That  he  might  have  flowers  when  the  summer  would  come ; 
There's  a  harp  in  his  hall, — I  would  wake  its  sweet  measure, 

For  he  must  have  music  to  brighten  his  home. 
Were  I  but  his  own  wife,  to  guide  and  to  guard  him, 

'Tis  little  of  sorrow  should  fall  on  my  dear; 
For  every  kind  glance  my  whole  life  would  award  him, — 

In  sickness  I'd  soothe  and  in  sadness  I'd  cheer. 

My  heart  is  a  fount  welling  upward  forever  1 

When  I  think  of  my  true  love,  by  night  or  by  day, 
That  heart  keeps  its  faith  like  a  fast-flowing  river, 

Which  gushes  forever  and  sings  on  its  way. 
I  have  thoughts  full  of  peace  for  his  soul  to  repose  in. 

Were  I  but  his  own  wife,  to  win  and  to  woo : 
O  sweet,  if  the  night  of  misfortune  were  closing, 

To  rise  like  the  morning  star,  darling,  for  you ! 

— Mary  Downtng. 


POETRY  OF  LOVE  AND  MARRIAGE.  225 

The  Maiden's  Choice. 

Genteel  in  personage, 
Conduct,  and  equipage ; 
Noble  by  heritage, 

Generous  and  free ; 

Brave,  not  romantic ; 
Learned,  not  pedantic; 
Frolic,  not  frantic, — 
This  must  he  be. 

•  Honor  maintaining, 
Meanness  disdaining, 
Still  entertaining. 

Engaging,  and  new ; 

Neat,  but  not  finical ; 
Sage,  but  not  C3Tiical ; 
Never  tyrannical. 
But  ever  true. 

—Henry  Fieldir^g, 


Love's  Philosophy. 

The  fountains  mingle  with  the  river, 

And  the  rivers  with  the  ocean; 
The  winds  of  heaven  mix  forever, 

With  a  sweet  emotion ; 
Nothing  in  the  world  is  single; 

All  things  by  a  law  divine 
In  one  another's  being  mingle ; — 

"Why  not  I  with  thme  ? 

See !  the  mountains  kiss  high  heaven, 

And  the  waves  clasp  one  another; 
No  sister  flower  would  be  forgiven 

If  it  disdained  its  brother; 
And  the  sun.iglit  clasps  the  earth, 

And  the  moonbeams  kiss  the  sea; — 
What  are  all  these  kissings  worth. 

If  thou  kiss  not  me  ? 

—Percy  Bysshe  SheUey. 

10* 


226  WEDLOCK. 

The  Wish. 

O,  could  I  one  dear  being  find, 

And  were  her  fate  to  mine  but  joined 

By  Hymen's  silken  tie, 
To  her  myself,  my  all,  I'd  give, 
For  her  alone  delighted  live, 

For  her  consent  to  die. 

Together  should  our  prayers  ascend, 
Together  humbly  would  we  bend, 

To  praise  the  Almighty's  name* 
And  when  I  saw  her  kindling  eye 
Beam  upward  to  her  native  sky, 

My  soul  should  catch  the  flame. 

Thus  nothing  should  our  hearts  divide, 
But  on  our  years  serenely  glide, 

And  all  to  love  be  given ; 
And,  when  life's  little  scene  was  o'er, 
We'd  part  to  meet  and  part  no  more, 

But  live  and  love  in  heaven. 

Beware  1 

(fbou  thb  oebkah.) 

I  know  a  maiden  fair  to  see : 

Take  care ! 
She  can  both  false  and  friendly  be : 

Beware  1    Beware  I 

Trust  her  not ; 
She  is  fooling  thee  1 

She  has  two  eyes  so  soft  and  brown ; 

Take  care ! 
She  gives  a  side-glance  and  looks  down 

Beware !    Beware  1 

Trust  her  not ; 
She  is  fooling  thee  I 

And  she  has  hair  of  a  golden  hue : 

Take  care ! 
And  what  she  says  it  is  not  true : 

Beware  1    Beware  I 

Trust  her  not ; 
She  is  fooling  thee  I 


POETRY   OF  LOVE  xVXD   MARRIAGE.  22^ 

She  lias  a  bosom  as  white  as  snow : 

Take  care  1 
She  knows  how  much  it  is  test  to  show : 

Reware  I    Beware  I 

Trust  her  not ; 
She  is  fooling  thee ! 

She  gives  thee  a  garland,  woven  fair 

Take  care  1 
It  is  a  fool's-cap  for  thee  to  wear: 
Beware !    Beware  I 
Trust  her  not ; 
She  is- fooling  thee  I 

— Henry  WadsiDorth  LongfdHc/iS 


Wife  and  L 

She  who  sleeps  upon  my  heart 

Was  the  first  to  win  it ; 
She  who  dreams  upon  my  breast, 

Ever  reigns  within  it ; 
She  who  kisses  oft  my  lips 

Wakes  the  warmest  blessing ; 
She  who  rests  within  my  arms 

Feels  their  closest  pressing. 

Other  days  than  these  shall  come, 

Days  that  may  be  dreary ; 
Other  hours  shall  greet  us  yet. 

Hours  that  may  be  weary ; 
Still  this  heart  shall  be  thy  home 

Still  this  breast  thy  pillow, 
Still  these  lips  meet  thine  as  oft 

Billow  meeteth  billow. 

Sleep,  then,  on  my  happy  heart, 

Since  thy  love  hath  won  it ; 
Dream,  then,  on  my  loyal  hearts 

"None  but  thou  bast  done  it ; 
And  when  age  our  bloom  shall  change, 

With  its  wintry  weather, 
May  we  in  the  sell-same  gravft 

Sleep  and  dream  together. 


228  WEDLOCI^. 

Laura,  my  Darling. 

Laura,  my  darling,  the  roses  have  blushed 
At  the  kiss  of  the  dew,  and  our  chamber  is  Imshed ; 
Our  murmuring  babe  to  your  bosom  has  clung, 
And  hears  in  his  slumber  the  song  that  you  sung ; 
I  watch  you  asleep  with  your  arms  round  him  thrown, 
Your  links  of  dark  tresses  wound  in  with  his  own, 
And  the  wife  is  as  dear  as  the  gentle  young  bride 
Of  the  hour  when  you  first,  darling,  came  to  my  side. 

Laura,  my  darling,  our  sail  down  the  stream 
Of  Youth's  summers  and  winters  has  been  like  a  dream; 
Years  have  but  rounded  your  womanly  grace, 
And  added  their  spell  to  the  light  of  your  face ; 
Your  soul  is  the  same  as  though  part  were  not  given 
To  the  two,  like  yourself,  sent  to  bless  me  from  heaven,— 
Dear  lives,  springing  forth  from  the  life  of  my  life, 
To  make  .you  more  near,  darling,  mother  and  wife  1 

Laura,  my  darling,  there's  hazel-eyed  Fred, 

Asleep  in  his  own  tiny  cot  by  the  bed. 

And  little  King  Arthur,  whose  curls  have  the  art 

Of  winding  then*  tendrils  so  close  round  my  heart, — 

Yet  fairer  than  either,  and  dearer  than  both. 

Is  the  true  one  who  gave  me  in  girlhood  her  troth : 

For  we,  when  we  mated  for  evil  and  good, — 

What  were  we,  darling,  but  babes  in  the  wood  ? 

Laura,  my  darling,  the  years  which  have  flown 
Brought  few  of  the  prizes  I  pledged  to  my  own. 
I  said  that  no  sorrow  should  roughen  her  way, — 
Her  life  should  be  cloudless,  a  long  summer's  day. 
Shadow  and  sunshine,  thistles  and  flowers, 
Which  of  the  tAvo,  darling,  most  have  been  ours? 
Yet  to-night,  by  the  smile  on  your  lips,  I  can  see 
You  are  dreaming  of  me,  darling,  dreaming  of  ma 

Laura,  my  darling,  the  stars,  that  we  knew 

In  our  youth,  are  still  shining  as  tender  and  true: 

The  midnight  is  sounding  its  slumberous  bell, 

And  I  come  to  the  one  who  has  loved  me  so  well. 

Wake,  darling,  wake,  for  my  vigil  is  done : 

What  shall  dissever  our  lives  which  are  one? 

Bay,  while  the  rose  listens  under  ner  breath, 

"  Naught  until  death,  darhug,  naught  until  death  1 " 

—Edmund  Clarence  Stedmcm. 


POETRY  OF  LOVE  AND  MARRIAGE.  ^29 

Kisses  and  Kissing. 

Mrst  time  he  kissed  me,  but  he  only  kissed 

The  fingers  of  this  hand  wherewith  I  write  : 

And  ever  since  it  grew  more  clear  and  white, 

Slow  to  tJie  world-greeting,  quick  with  its  *'  O  list " 

When  the  angels  speak.     The  second  passed  in  height 

The  first,  and  sought  the  forehead,  and  half  missed, 

Half  falling  on  the  hair.     0,  beyond  need  1 

That  was  the  chrism  of  love,  which  love's  own  crown 

With  sanctifying  sweetness  did  precede. 

The  third  upon  my  lips  was  folded  down 

In  perfect,  purple  state ;  since  when,  indeed, 

I  liave  been  proud  and  said,  "  My  love,  my  own." 

— Elizabeih  Barrett  Browning. 

The  Amulet. 

Your  picture  smiles  as  first  it  smiled ; 

The  ring  you  gave  is  still  the  same ; 
Your  letter  tells,  O  changing  child  1 

No  tidings  since  it  came. 

Give  me  an  amulet 

That  keeps  intelligence  with  you, — 
Red  when  you  love,  and  rosier  red ; 

And  when  you  love  not,  pale  and  blue. 

Alas !  that  neither  bonds  nor  vows 

Can  certify  possession ; 
Torments  me  still  the  fear  that  love 

Died  in  its  last  expression. 

— Balph  Waldo  Emeraotk 

Thee. 

The  violet  loves  a  sunny  bank, 

The  cowslip  loves  the  lea, 
The  scarlet  creeper  loves  the  elm  ; 

But  1  love — thee ! 

The  sunshine  kisses  mount  ar  d  vale, 

The  stars  they  kiss  the  sea. 
The  west  winds  kiss  tl  e  clover  blooms; 

But  I  kiss— thee  I 


230  WEDLOCK. 

The  oriole  weds  his  mottled  mate, 

The  lily's  bride  o'  the  bee, 
Heaven's  man-iage-ring  is  rcund  the  earth : 

Shall  I  wed— thee  ? 

— Janus  Bayard  Taylor. 

Too  Much  to  Do. 

(FROM  THE  GERMAN  OP  HEINB.) 

I  fain  would  linger  near  thee ; 

But  when  I  sought  to  woo, 
Thou  hadst  no  time  to  hear  me — 

Thou  hadst  "  too  much  to  do." 

I  told  thee,  shortly  after, 

That  all  thine  own  I'd  be; 
And  with  a  peal  of  laughter 

Thou  mad'st  a  courtesy. 

At  last  thou  didst  confuse  me 

More  utterly  than  this ; 
For  thou  didst  e'en  refuse  me 

A  trifling  parting  kiss. 

Fear  not  that  I  shall  languish, 

Or  shoot  myself, — oh,  no  1 
Tve  gone  through  all  this  anguish, 

My  dear,  long,  long  ago. 

— Charles  Godfrey  LdanA. 

Roses. 

I  have  placed  a  golden 
Ring  upon  the  hand 
Of  the  blithest  little 
Lady  in  the  land ! 

When  the  early  roses 
Scent  the  sunny  air 
She  shall  gather  white  ones 
To  tremble  in  her  hair  I 

Hasten,  happy  roses ! 
Come  to  me  by  May ! 
In  yoHir  folded  petals 
Lies  my  wedding-day. 

—Thomas  BaMtj  Aldrich. 


POETRY  OF  LOVE  AND  MARillAGE  2^1 

Fairer  than  Thee. 

Fairer  than  thee,  beloved, 

Fau-er  than  thee  I — 
There  is  one  thing,  beloved 

Fairer  than  thee. 

Not  the  glad  sun,  beloved, 

Bright  though  it  beams ; 
Not  the  gi-een  earth,  belovec 

Silver  with  sti-eams ; 

Not  the  gay  birds,  beloved, 

Happy  and  free : 
Yet  there's  one  thmg,  beloved 

Fairer  than  thee. 

Not  the  clear  day,  beloved. 

Glowing  with  light ; 
Not  (fairer  still,  beloved) 

Stax-crowned  night 

Truth  in  her  might,  beloved. 

Grand  in  her  sway ; 
Truth  with  her  eyes,  beloved 

Clearer  than  day. 

Holy  and  pure,  beloved, 

Spotless  and  free, 
Is  the  one  thing,  beloved. 

Fairer  than  thee. 

Guard  well  thy  soul,  beloved, 

Truth,  dwelling  there, 
^halfshadow  forth,  beloved. 

Her  image  rare. 

Then  shall  I  deem,  beloved. 

That  thou  art  she ; 
And  therVU  be  naught,  beloved. 

Fairer  than  thp^ 


2£J2  WEDLOCK. 

Marriage. 

I  hold  the  perfect  mating  of  two  souls, 
Through  wedded  love,  to  be  the  sum  of  uliss. 

When  Earth,  this  fruit  that  ripens  as  it  rolls 
In  sunlight,  grows  more  prime,  lives  will  not  miss 

Their  counterparts,  and  each  shall  find  its  own; 

But  now  with  what  blind  chance  the  lots  are  thrown  I 

Yet  bonds  of  gold,  linked  hands,  and  chancel  vows, 
Even  spousal  beds,  do  not  a  marriage  make. 

When  such  things  change  the  soul  that  never  knows 
Love's  mating,  little  vantage  shall  it  take, 

Wandering  with  alien  feet  throughout  the  wide. 

Hushed  temple,  over  those  who  pine  outside ! 

— Edmund  Clarence  Stedman 

Love-Letters  Made   of  Flowers. 

An  exquisite  invention  this, 

Worthy  of  Love's  most  honeyed  kiss — 

This  art  of  writing  billet-doux 

In  buds,  and  odors,  and  bright  hues  I 

In  saying  all  one  feels  and  thinks 

In  clever  daffodils  and  pinks ; 

In  puns  of  tulips ;  and  in  phrases, 

Charming  for  their  truth,  of  daisies; 

Uttering,  as  well  as  silence  may, 

The  sweetest  words  the  sweetest  way. 

How  fit,  too,  for  the  lady's  bosom ! 

The  place  where  billet-doux  repose  'em. 

What  delight  in  some  sweet  spot 
Combining  love  with  garden  plot. 
At  once  to  cultivate  one's  flowers 
And  one's  epistolary  powers ! 
Growing  one's  own  choice  words  and  fanciefl 
In  orange  tubs,  and  beds  of  pansies ; 
One's  sighs,  and  passionate  declarations, 
In  odorous  rhetoric  of  carnations ; 
Seeing  how  far  one's  stocks  will  reach, 
Taking  due  care  one's  flowers  of  speech 
To  guard  from  blight  as  well  as  bathos, 
And  watering  every  day  one's  pathos  I 
A  letter  comes,  just  gathered.    We 
Dote  on  its  tender  brilliancy. 


POETRY  OF  LOVE  AND  MARRIAGK  233 

Inhale  its  delicate  expressions 

Of  balm  and  pea,  and  its  confessions 

Made  witli  as  sweet  a  maiden's  blush 

Afc  ever  morn  bedewed  on  bush : 

CTis  in  reply  to  one  of  ours, 

Made  of  the  most  convincing  flowers.) 

Then,  after  we  have  kissed  its  wit, 

And  heart,  in  water  putting  it 

(To  keep  its  remarks  fresh),  go  round 

Our  little  eloquent  plot  of  grr  und, 

And  with  enchanted  hands  compose 

Our  answer, — all  of  lily  and  rose, 

Of  tuberose  and  of  violet, 

And  little  dcirling  (mignonette) ; 

Of  look  at  me  and  call  me  to  you 

(Words,  that  while  they  greet,  go  through  you)* 

Of  thongJdSj  o^  flames^  forget-me-not^ 

Biidewort, — in  short,  the  whole  blest  lot 

Of  vouchers  for  a  lifelong  kiss — 

And  literally,  breathing  bliss ! — Leigh  Hunt, 

The  Lady's  Yes. 

^  Yes ! "  I  answered  you  last  night; 

"  No ! "  this  morning,  sir,  I  say. 
Colors  seen  by  candle-light, 

Will  not  look  the  same  by  day. 

When  the  tabors  played  their  best- 
Lamps  above,  and  laughs  below— 

Love  me  sounded  like  a  jest, 
Fit  for  ges  or  fit  for  no. 

Call  me  false  or  call  me  free, — 

Vow,  w^hatever  light  may  shine, 
No  man  on  th}-  face  shall  see 

Any  grief  for  change  on  mine. 

Yet  the  sin  is  on  us  both : 

Time  to  dance  is  not  to  woo 
Wooer  light  makes  fickle  troth ; 

Scorn  of  me  recoils  on  you. 

Leani  to  win  a  lady's  faith 

Nobly,  as  the  thing  is  high ; 
Bravely,  as  foi  life  and  death,— 

With  8  loyal  gravity. 


234  WEDLOCK. 

Lead  her  from  the  festive  hoards, 

Point  her  to  the  starry  skies, 
Guard  her  by  your  faithful  words. 

Pure  from  courtship's  llatteries. 

By  your  truth  she  shall  be  true, — 

Ever  true,  as  wives  of  yore ; 
And  her  Yes,  once  said  to  you, 

Shall  be  Yes  forevermore. 

— Elizabeth  Barrett  Browning, 

Neatness. 

I  love  to  see  thy  gentle  hand 

Dispose,  witli  modest  grace, 
The  household  things  around  thy  home, 

And  "  each  thing  in  its  place." 

And  then  thy  own  trim,  modest  form 

Is  always  neatly  clad ; 
Thou  sure  wilt  make  the  tidiest  wife 

That  ever  husband  had. 

No  costly  splendors  needest  thou, 

To  make  thy  home  look  bright ; 
For  neatness  on  the  humblest  spot 

Can  shed  a  sunny  light. 

The  Lakgess  of  Thy   Lovh 

The  lark  that  nestles  nearest  earth 

To  heaven's  gate  nighest  sings ; 
And,  loving  thee,  my  lowly  life 

Doth  mount  on  lark-hke  wings. 
Thine  eyes  are  starry  promises ; 

And  affluent  above 
All  measure,  in  its  blessing,  is 

The  largess  of  thy  love. 

Merry  as  laughter  'mong  the  hills, 

Spring  dances  at  my  heart ; 
And  at  my  wooing,  Nature's  soul 

Into  her  face  will  start. 
The  queen-moon,  in  her  starry  bowcp, 

Looks  happier  for  cur  love ; 
A  dewier  splendor  fills  the  flower, 

And  mellower  coos  the  dove, 


POETRY   OF  LOVE  AND  MARRIAGE.  235 

My  heart  may  sometimes  blind  mine  eyes 

With  utterance  of  tears — 
Yet  feels  no  pang  for  thee,  beloved, 

But  all  the  more  endears ; 
And  if  life  comes  with  cross  and  care, 

Unkno%ATi  in  years  of  yore, 
I  know  thou'lt  half  the  burden  bear, 

And  I  am  strong  once  more. 

-Gerald  Massey. 

Lucy. 

Lucy  is  a  golden  girl ; 

But  a  man,  a  wiaTi,  should  woo  her! 
They  who  seek  her  shrink  aback, 

"When  they  should,  like  storms,  pursue  her. 

All  her  smiles  are  hid  in  light ; 

All  her  hair  is  lost  in  splendor ; 
But  she  hath  the  eyes  of  Night, 

And  a  heart  that's  over-tender. 

Tet,  the  foolish  suitors  fly 

(Is't  excess  of  dread  or  duty?) 
From  the  starlight  of  her  eye. 

Leaving  to  neglect  her  beauty ! 

Men  by  fifty  seasons  taught 

Leave  her  to  a  young  beginner, 
Who,  without  a  second  thought, 

Whispers,  woos,  and  straight  must  win  her. 

Lucy  is  a  golden  girl  I 

Toast  her  in  a  goblet  brimming  I 
May  the  man  that  wins  her  wear 

On  his  heart  the  rose  of  women ! 


— Barry  Cornwall 


Cheery   Ripe. 


Cherry  ripe,  ripe,  ripe !  I  cry. 
Full  and  fair  ones — come  and  buy ! 
If  so  be  you  ask  me  where 
They  do  gn)w  ? — I  answer.  There, 
Where  my  Julia's  lips  do  smile : 
There's  the  land,  or  cherry-isle, 
Whose  plantations  fully  show 
All  the  year  where  cherries  grow. 

— Rob&rt  H&rmk. 


236  WEDLOCK. 

Alexis   Calls  Me  Ceuki, 

(trots.  THB  SPANISH  OP  lOLESIAS.) 

Alexis  calls  me  cruel : 
The  rifted  crags  that  hold 

The  gathered  ice  of  winter, 
He  says,  are  not  more  cold ; 

When  even  the  very  blossoms 
Around  the  fountain's  brim, 

And  forest  walks,  can  witness 
The  love  I  bear  to  him. 

I  would  that  I  could  utter 
My  feelings  without  shame, 

And  tell  him  how  I  love  him  I 
Nor  wrong  my  virgin  fame. 

Alas !  to  seize  the  moment 
When  heart  inclines  to  keart, 

And  press  a  suit  with  passion, 
Is  not  a  woman's  part. 


If  man  come  not  to  gather 

The  roses  where  they  stand. 
They  fade  among  their  foliage, — 

They  can  not  seek  his  hand. 

^William  OuUen  B^iiJL 


INDEX. 


PAGE 

Affections.  The  Social 9 

A-ffeci  ion,  Renewal  of 95 

Inordinate       97 

Adhesiveness 10 

Amatlveness 11, 145 

Age  to  Marry 22 

"    Difiercnce  in 25 

''    Beantyof 198 

Attentions,  Particnlar. 55 

Admiration  not  Love 57 

Addresses  Declined 156 

Aiesis  Calls  Me  Cruel 23G 

Bible,  The.  on  Marriage 7 

Bargains,  Matrimonial 30 

Brepding  In  and  In. 36 

Bcecher.  H.  W.,  on  Marriage 50 

Beauty,  True 216 

Beware 226 


Conjugality 

Celibacy  24, 

"       and  Health 

"       and  Crime 

Child.  Mrs.,  on  Marrying  for  Money.. 

Cousins,  MaiTiage  of 

Consanguineous  Marriage,  Singular 
Case  of 

"  "       Facts  in  Relation  to 

"  "  When  Pei-missible. . 
Conjugal  Selection,  Law  of. 

"        Harmony 

"        Resemblances  

Congeniality,  Mental 

Courtship 

"         Pleasures  of 

Courting  Visits . 

Charitjj 92, 

Confidence  in  Love 

Cheerfulness.  Duty  of 

Constancy,  Woman's 

Cherry  Ripe 


Divorce 114 

"       Laws  of   115 

Remedy  for 119,201 

"        A  Woman's  Opinion  of 121 

Drunkard.  Don't  Marry  a 198 

Doorstep,  The    217 

Diifting 222 

Education  as  a  Matrimonial  Qualifica- 
tion         15 

"  Should  he  S  milar  in  Both  48 

Bconomy 17 


PAQE 

Engagements ...  .  64 

"  1-ong 65 

"  Ktiquette  of 65 

Ellen  Jones'  Love  Afiair 70 

Friendship  (Adhesiveness) 10 

Falling  in  Love 51 

Forbearance 92 

Fairer  than  Thee 231 

Gleason,  Mrs.,  on  Divorce 121 

Great  Men,  Whom  they  Marry 184 

Girls  of  the  Period 187 

Health  as  a  Matrimonial  Qualifica- 
tion   14,178 

Housekeeping 16 

Habits,  Good  Essential 19 

"        Extravagant 191 

How  to  Fall  in  Love 52 

"     "  Win  Love 54 

Hone\Tnoon 95 

Husband,  The  Model 166 

Husbands.  A  Word  to 96 

Home  Duties 99 

"      Love  of 168 

"      How  to  Make  it  Happy 207 

"      in  the  Heart 215 

Help,  Mutual    100 

Harmonv.  Conjugal 101 

Honor,  Roll  of   136 

Hotel  and  Club  Life 188 

Inhabitiveness 12 

Industry  as  a  Matrimonial  Qu-tl  iica- 

tibn ..17,177 

Jenny,  How  She  was  Won 61 

Jealousy 110 

Terrible  Efl"ects  of    Ill 

Morbid    112 

"       Cause  an  i  Cure  of 112 

John  Anderson  m  y  Joe 1  iO 

Juliet" 8  Coufessioi 113 

Kate's  Proposal 03 

Kiss  Me  Softly  221 

Kisses 229 

Love,  Parental 11 

"     and  Fate 52 

•'      How  to  Win  it      54 

"     Art  of 54 

'*     May  be  Controlled 53 

"     not  10  be  Aehamed  of &> 


238 


IISTDEX. 


PAGE 

Love,  Declarations  of 60 

"     Romantic 62 

"     as  a  Law 90 

"     Second  106 

"     Signs  of 143 

"     Unchangeable 157 

Love- Aflairs— Should  Parents  Interfere  67 

Love-Letters 148,  232 

Love  Story 195 

Lo ve  Sonor 223 

Lottei-.  Congratulatory 18.3 

Little  Things 169 

Love's  Seasons 212 

•'      Philosophy 225 

Laura  My  Darling 228 

Lucy 235 

Marriage  among  the  Ancients 

"        Early 

"        Motives  for 

"        of  Consanguinity 

"        Unhappy 

"        International 

"        Religious 

"        Customs 

"        Defined 

"        Legal  Aspects  of 

"        Ceremonies 80, 

♦*        in  the  Episcopal  Church 

"  "  Roman  Catholic  Church 

"  "  Greek  Church 

"        Jewish 

•'         Quaker 

"        Exhortation 86, 

"        Prayer 

"        Hymns. 

"        Ethicsof 

"        and  Health 

"        Maxims 

Marriages,  Hasty 

•      "         Morganatic 

Marrying  for  a  Home 

"         "  Money 

"         '■'•  Love 

"         "  Beauty 

"       Right  Motive  for 

"       Too  Much.. 

Carried.  Advice  to  

Man  and  Woman  Contrasted 

Moral  Principles 

.Mary  Smith.  Case  of   

Monogamy  Defined 

Matrimonial  Fidelity 

Politeness 

Married  Women.  Legal  Rights  of 

Life.  Poetry  of 

Mormon  System         

Mackintosh,  Sir  James 


Modesty 

Man's  Requirements . . 
Maiden's  Choice,  The. 


131 
208 
122 
208 

27 

28 

29 

31 

32  ! 
201 

88 
9 

20 

69 

79 

91 

93 
125 
212 
138 
171 
176 
219 
225 


PAOB 

Parental  Love 11 

Physiology,  Knowledge  of.  Essential.    15 

Physiologists,  Opinions  of 35 

Position,  Social 4S 

Popping  the  Question 59 

"         •■'         "       W^hen  to  Do  it .    61 

"         **         "       Ludicrous 63 

Parents,  Duty  of 67 

Parental  Interference 68 

Polygamy  Defined 79 

Ancient 138 

Perfectionists,  The 140 

Proposal,  A 155 

Passion,  Dictates  of 193 

Pantagamy  Defined    79 

at  Oneida  Creek 140 

Poet's  Wife,  The 158 

Plain,  but  Plighted   216 

Right  Age  to  Marrv 22,  201 

Relatives,  Meddling 108 

Roll  of  Honor 136 

Resemblances,  Conjugal 189 

Roses 230 

Soundness,  Physical  and  Mental 13 

Social  Endowments 14 

Selection.  Conjugal 44 

Social  Position 49 

Swedenborg  im  Love 56 

Scriptural  Injunctions 98 

Second  Marriages 104 

Facts  About 105 

"       Love 106 

Step-Mothers 103 

Separation,  Legal 123 

Shakers,  The 127 

Singleness 135.  137 

Sealing 139 

Stone.  Mrs.  H.  T.,  to  Cousin  Anna's 

Beau 180 

Somethiiig  to  Do 187 

Sweden,  Village  Wedding  in 5103 

Temptations  of  the  Unmarried 24 

Taints,  Hereditary 39 

Temperament 41 

Trifling 55 

Thee 229 

Too  Much  to  Do 230 

The  Largess  of  Thy  Love 231 

Women,  May  they  Make  Love 3,  56 

Woman's  Question,  A ^  .  220 

Wives.  Lesson  for 94 

Wife,  The  Poet's    158 

"   Model       171 

Influence  of 173 


W^edding  Gifts. 

Wedlock 

World.  This 

Were  I  but  His  Own  Wife. 

Wish.  The 

Wife  and  I 


205 
211 
217 
221 
226 
22^. 


NapoUon.  Letters  of  153 

Newton.  Rev.  John,  to  his  Wife 155 

Neatness 176,  234 

Old  Maid,  Testimony  of 133    Yes,  How  a  Lady  Said  It 15f 

OldMaids IM        "    The  Lady's 2:33 

Old  Bachelor,  Testimony  of 134    Young  Man.  Plain  Talk  with 180 

One  Kiss  Before  We  Part =  .  214  ,  Young  Lady,  Soliloquy  of 20U 


THE 

Science  of  a  New  Life. 

A  Handsome  8vo  volume,  containing  over  400  pag;es 
and  300  illustrations. 

A  BOOK  WELL  WORTH  POSSESSING  BY  EVERY 
THOUGHTFUL  MAN  AND  WOMAN. 

"  This  book  is  remarkable  for  the  fund  of  physiological  information  contained  be- 
Iween  its  covers,  nowhere  else  attainable  in  its  entirety  except  by  those  familiar  witb 
the  French  books  on  physiology." — The  Christian  at  Work. 

"  It  seems  to  us  to  be  one  of  the  wisest  and  purest  and  most  helpful  of  those  liookj 
which  have  been  written  in  recent  years,  with  the  intention  of  teaching  men  and 
women  the  truths  about  their  bodies,  which  are  of  peculiar  importance  to  the  morals 

of  society No  one  can  begin  to  imagine  the  misery  that  has  come  upon  the 

human  family  solely  through  ignorance  upon  this  subject." — The  Christian  Union. 

"The  Science  of  a  Ne77  Life"  has  received  the  highest  testimonials  and  com- 
mendations from  the  leading  medical  and  religious  critics  ;  has  been  heartily  endorsed 
bj  all  the  leading  philanthropists,  and  recommended  to  every  well-wisher  of  the  hn* 
man  race. 

To   All   MSTno   Are   Married 

or  are  contemplating  marriage,  it  will  give  information  worth  hundreds  of  dol- 
lars, besides  conferring  a  lasting  benefit  not  only  upon  them,  but  ujjon  th.eir  children. 
Every  thinking  man  and  woman  should  study  this  work.    The  following  is  from  the 

Marriage  and  its  Advantages ;  Age  at  which  to  Marry ;  The  Law  of  Cb  oice  ;  Love 
Analyzed  ;  Qualities  the  Man  Should  Avoid  in  Choosing  ;  Qualities  the  Wor  lan  Should 
Avoid  in  Choosing ;  the  Anatomy  and  Physiology  of  Generation  in  Woman ;  The 
Anatomy  and  Physiology  of  Generation  in  Man  ;  Amativeness — its  Use  and  Abuse ; 
The  Law  of  Continence ;  Children  :  their  Desirability  ;  The  Law  of  Genius ;  The 
Conception  of  a  New  Life ;  The  Physiology  of  Inira-Uterine  Growth  ;  Period  of 
Gestative  Influence  ;  Pregnancy  :  its  Signs  and  Duration  ;  Disorders  of  Pregnancy ; 
Confinement ;  Management  of  Mother  and  Child  after  Delivpjy  ;  Period  of  Nursing 
Influence  ;  Foeticide  ;  Diseases  Peculiar  to  Women  ;  Diseases  Peculiar  to  Men  ;  Mas- 
turbation ;  Sterility  and  Impotence ;  Subjects  of  which  More  Might  be  Said ;  A  Happy 
Married  Life ;  How  Secured. 

Price,  bound  m  heavy  extra  Enghsh  cloth,  beveled  boards,  $3.00 ;  sheep,  $3.30 
naif  morocco,  $4.00.  Sent  by  mail,  post-paid,  on  receipt  of  price.  Agknts  WahtbOi 
K  large  circular  giving  Table  of  Contents  and  full  particulars  sent  free.    Addre« 

FOWLER  &  WELLS  CO..  Publishers,  753  Broadway,  N.  ^ 


HEADS^FACES:  HOW  TO  STUDY  THEM 

A  Complete  Manual  of 
Phrenology  and  Physiognomy  for  the  People. 

By  PKOF.  NELSON  5IZER,  and  H.  S.  DRAYTON,  M.  D. 

Fully  Illustrated.    Octavo,   extra   cloth,    Sl.OO ;   paper   edition,    40    centD. 


All  c'aim  to  know  something  of  JIjw  t^  READ  Character,  but  very 
few  understand  all  the  Signs  cf  Character  as  shown  in  the  Head 
and  Face,  The  subject  is  one  of  great  importance,  and  in  this  work 
the  authors,  Prof.  Nelson  Sizer,  the  phrenological  examiner  at  the  rooms  of 
Towler  &  Wells  Co.,  and  Dr.  H.  S.  Drayton,  the  editor  of  the  Phrenological 
Journal,  have  considered  it  from  a  practical  standpoint,  and  the  subject  is 
so  simplified  as  to  be  of  great  interest  and  easily  understood. 

The  demand  for  standard  publications  cf  low  price  has  increased  greatly 
with  the  tendency  of  many  bookmakers  to  meet  it.  Popular  editions  of  the 
poets,  historians,  scientists  have  fallen  in  line  with  the  hundreds  and  thous- 
ands of  cheap  editions  of  the  better  classes  of  novels  ;  and  now,  in  response  to 
the  often-expressed  want  of  the  studious  and  curious,  we  have  this  voluminous 
yet  very  low-priced  treatise  on  *' Heads  and  Faces  "  from  the  point  of  view  c  t 
Phrenology,  Physiognomy,  and  Physiology.  Although  so  low-priced,  as  we 
have  noted  above,  it  is  no  flimsy,  patched-up  volume,  but  a  careful,  honest 
work,  replete  with  instruction,  fresh  in  thought,  suggestive  and  inspiring. 
There  are  nearly  two  hundred  illustrations,  exhibiting  a  great  variety  cf  faces, 
human  and  animal,  and  many  other  interesting  features  cf  the  much-sided 
subject  that  is  considered.  Taken  at  length  it  is  one  of  the  most  complete 
books  on  face-study  that  has  been  issued  by  its  publishers,  and  is  a  bock 
that  must  create  a  demand  wherever  it  is  seen.  The  style  in  which  it  has 
been  produced,  the  excellent  paper,  good  presswork,  numerous  illustrations, 
and  elegant,  engaging  cover,  make  it  a  phenomenon  even  in  this  cheap  bock 
day.      Sent  by  mail,  post-paid,  on  receipt  of  price,  40  cts.      Agents  Wanted. 

Address,  FOWLER  L  V/ELLS  CO.,  Publishers,  i7b  Uroadway,   N:v/  York. 


University  of 
Connecticut 

Libraries 


ll 


